Frost's Laws and By-Laws of American Society Part 11

A gentleman, in waltzing with a young lady, must never encircle her waist until the dance actually commences, and drop his arm from around her as soon as the music ceases. American gentlemen would do well to study the waltz with a German teacher, as they understand more perfectly than any others the most delicate way of dancing this objectionable dance, and, above all, how to hold a lady lightly and firmly without embracing her.

When a lady expresses a desire to sit down before the close of a dance, it is exceedingly rude for a gentlemen to insist upon a continuation of the dance. He must escort her to a seat at once, and then express his regret at the interrupted pleasure. She may with propriety release him to seek another partner, but it is a poor compliment for him to accept the proposal.

A gentleman should never invite a lady to be his partner in a dance with which he is not perfectly familiar. It is tiresome in the extreme to guide a partner through a dance, and the ballroom is not a dancing-school for practice.

If a gentleman takes a lady's seat during a dance, he must rise from it as soon as the dance is over, not waiting for her to actually return to it, as she may hesitate to do if she sees that it is occupied.

No lady must enter or cross a ball-room unescorted.

No lady may refuse to be introduced to a gentleman at a private ball; but at a public ball she may with perfect propriety refuse any introduction made by the master of ceremonies, or by mere acquaintances.

Confidential conversation in a ball-room is in extreme bad taste.

Do not be too particular about dancing. Taking steps in a quadrille is out of date, all the figures being executed to a graceful walk.

To remain too late at a ball is not well-bred, and seems to imply that you are unaccustomed to such pleasures. Do not engage yourself, therefore, for the last two or three dances.

No gentleman should take the vacant seat next to a lady unless he is acquainted with her, and not then without first asking permission.

A gentleman must offer his arm, never his hand, to lead a lady to and from the dance.

A lady must be very careful not to engage herself to two gentlemen for the same dance, unless, for a round dance, she states: "I am engaged for the first half of the waltz, but will dance the second part with you." In that case, she must tell her first partner of her second engagement, that she may not offend him when she takes another partner after leaving him.

If a lady wishes to decline dancing, whether from dislike to the gentleman who invites her, or from whatever cause, she must make some excuse; but she must never refuse point blank, nor must she, after having refused to dance with one gentleman, consent to dance with another.

When introduced, it is sufficient for a gentleman to say to a lady, "May I have the pleasure of dancing this waltz with you, Miss C---?" or if the lady be engaged for the first dance following the introduction, he may request the favor of putting his name upon her engagement card for another.

A young lady should not dance more than twice with the same gentleman, unless she wants to be noticed, or is indifferent whether she be so or not.

A lady may consult her own pleasure about recognizing a ballroom acquaintance at a future meeting.

Every gentleman must make a point of inviting the ladies of the house to dance; and if he be kind, he will certainly devote himself--for a portion of the evening, at least--to those ladies for whom the May of life has bloomed and pa.s.sed away, and who generally sit round the room looking wistfully disconsolate.

After every dance following the announcement of supper, offer your partner your arm, and invite her to the supper-room (at a ball, refreshments are never handed round). Should she decline going, or has already been there, take her back to her chaperon, or party, and, procuring a seat for her, thank her for the pleasure the dance has afforded you.

No lady should detain her partner long in the supper-room; she may be thus forcing him to be guilty of the rudeness of breaking an engagement with another lady for the following dance.

No gentleman should linger round the supper-table. Your hostess invites you to a ball to dance, and be agreeable, not to haunt her supper-room, as if you were starving.

Avoid all absence of mind, staring, listlessness, and other eccentricities.

Never swing your arms about, and try to avoid being conspicuous in any way.

Take the partner with whom you may happen to be dancing when supper is announced to the supper-table, unless she has come with a gentleman, in which case you must not usurp his privilege. If she is disengaged, escort her to a seat in the supper-room, if possible, and see that she is served with the dishes she selects.

Do not take your own supper at the same time; wait till the lady has finished; then take her back to the ball-room, and repeat the process, if necessary, with some other lonely damsel. When all the ladies have been once to the supper-room, the gentlemen may think of their own supper.

Gloves of white kid must be worn during the entire evening, and it is well to have a fresh pair in readiness to put on after supper.

On quitting a ball, it is not necessary to take a formal leave of the hostess. Indeed, it is preferable to make your departure as quietly as possible, in order to prevent the others from thinking it later than perhaps it is, and so breaking up the ball at an earlier hour than the hostess may desire.

If a gentleman escorts a lady home from a ball, she is not obliged to invite him to enter, and if she does so, he must decline the invitation. He must, however, request permission to call the following day or evening, and he must make that call.

A gentleman in a ball-room cannot be too careful not to injure the delicate fabric worn by the ladies around him. Spurs are in bad taste, even if a cavalry officer is otherwise in full uniform.

While one dance is in progress, it is not in good taste to make arrangements for another.

It is a gross breach of etiquette on the part of either a lady or a gentleman to forget a ball-room engagement.

It is not according, to etiquette for married people to dance together at either a private or a public ball.

MORNING AND EVENING PARTIES.

PARTIES in the city comprise conversaziones, private concerts, private theatricals, soirees, dramatic readings, tea-parties, matinees--fact, almost any in-door gathering together of people, exclusive of b.a.l.l.s and dinner companies. In the country, small dancing-parties, tea-parties, and conversaziones are also comprised under the head of parties; but the outdoor occasions are of much greater number and variety: croquet parties, sailing parties, boating parties, pic-nics, private fetes, berrying parties, nutting parties, May festivals, Fourth of July festivals --in fact, anything that will give an excuse for a day spent in out-door frolicking.

For a conversazione, under which head are included "Receptions"

and "At Homes," invitations should be sent out a week beforehand.

Conversation is, as the name implies, the princ.i.p.al occupation for the time, and where literary people are gathered together, or those engrossed in scientific matters, the sole one. For parties of young people, however, the conversazione admits of music and impromptu dances.

For all small evening parties, the host and hostess remain near the door during the early part of the evening, to receive their guests. Late comers, however, must not expect to find them still nailed to this one spot, as, after the majority of the guests are a.s.sembled, their duty is to circulate round the room and entertain them. They should, however, be quick to observe any late arrivals, and advance to welcome them as soon as possible. As the guests enter the room, the hostess should advance a step or two towards them, speaking a few words of cordial welcome, to the elder ladies first, then to the younger ones, and finally to the gentlemen. If the new comers are strangers to the rest of the guests, she must introduce them at once to those present; if, however, there are mutual friends present, it is their duty to leave the hostess after a few minutes, that she may be free to receive her other friends.

The hostess must remain constantly amongst her guests. For her to fidget in and out constantly, as if cooking the supper, or training the waiters, is a mark of low breeding. The most perfectly well-bred hostess is the one who seems to have no thought beyond the circle of her guests.

As many rooms as possible should be thrown open and supplied with objects of interest in the arts and sciences. People of some public note, whether for travel, art, learning, science, or any attainment, are often placed upon exhibition at the conversazione.

If such a lion is invited, it is well to have others, even if of lesser magnitude, to prevent too much attention being concentrated upon one guest.

If a hostess sees that a _tete-a-tete_ conversation is becoming dull, she must make it a trio by the introduction of some sprightly third, or change the duet by subst.i.tuting another partner and carrying off one to introduce elsewhere. If, however, any conversation seems to be animated and giving pleasure, neither of the parties so engaged will thank the hostess for interruption.

If dancing is introduced, the etiquette of the ball-room is also the etiquette for the evening party. It is best for the hostess to provide a pianist, if she does not herself preside at the piano, as it is excessively ill-bred to expect part of the guests to play for the remainder to dance. Many good-natured people find themselves thus victimized--invited "because they are always so willing to play for dancing." It is a good plan in a dancing party to have ices alone handed round once or even twice during the evening, and a hot supper later, if at all. Ices, lemonade, cake, confectionery, and fruits are, however, quite sufficient refreshment for small parties.

If the evening of a party is stormy, the hostess should have a waiter at the door, with a _large_ umbrella, to escort the guests from the carriages to the house, or, better still, have an awning stretched across the sidewalk.

If a party is mixed-conversation, music, and dancing, all forming a portion of the evening's entertainment-it is the part of the hostess to invite guests to sing and play, and she must be careful not to overlook any amateurs in her invitations. If a guest declines, it is in bad taste to urge the performance. If the lady of the house is herself a good performer, she must play or sing but once, and then after all others have been first invited. A guest should only be invited to play once, unless at a generally expressed desire of the remainder of the company.

It is best for amateur performers to learn a few pieces of music without depending upon their notes, as, if they send or carry notes, it is a hint that they expect to be invited to play; if they do not, they are obliged to decline when invited.

It is excessively rude to converse loudly when any one is playing or singing. If your companion does not cease talking, to listen, converse in a very low tone, and withdraw from the immediate vicinity of the performer. On the other hand, if you are invited to play, do not wait for quiet in the room, nor exhibit any annoyance if your most exquisite pa.s.sages are drowned in the buzz of conversation.

A gentleman who is a good pianist may, with perfect propriety, offer his services to the hostess as orchestra for impromptu dancing, or may offer to relieve any lady so engaged, to allow her to dance. If, however, there are more ladies than gentlemen, and he is needed to fill up a set, he must not insist upon playing, but go where he is most needed.

Never offer to turn the leaves for any one playing unless you can read music rapidly; otherwise you may confuse the performer by turning too soon or too late.

Never offer to sing a second unless invited by the lady who is to sing also. The hostess may wish her friends to hear a duet, which will be disagreeable to the performers.

Members of the same family, cousins or other relatives, should not keep together in general society. They can see each other on other occasions, and the object of parties is to promote sociality, not exclusiveness.

If you are asked to play an accompaniment, do not seek to display your own talent, but play so as to afford the best support possible for the voice singing. The same rule applies to a second in any instrumental duet, which is never intended to drown the sound of the leading instrument.