Friends Or Lovers Part 30

"Yes we are. By the way, John, how is Sally?"

"Sally?" asked Dave, as John proceeded to respond.

"Oh shes great. Were enjoying ourselves - I wish I could stay longer but Im needed back at home."

"Sally at work? Do you know Sally?"

"Yes known her for years," answered John.

"She never mentioned you to me," replied Dave.

"John is staying at Sallys while he works for us. Didnt you know?" I said.

"No," said Dave. "Small world, isnt it?" he added, totally engaged by this discovery.

"By the way, Penny," asked John. "Do you and Mike want to come over for dinner on Sunday night?"

My blood ran cold. By asking John about Sally it invited John to ask me about Mike. Before I could answer, Dave intervened.

"You and Mike?" he asked.

"Yes."

"And when did this happen?" he asked, piecing things together in his head.

"Just recently hardly got used to the idea myself!" I said pretending joy while my mind was turning to clay.

"Before or after you arranged the flat for him?" Dave asked with disdain.

John looked at me, slightly embarra.s.sed and mouthed the word 'sorry.

"After!" I said firmly.

"Just as well," said Dave cynically.

John made another intervention.

"Well!" he started. "Perhaps the two of you could explain to me what the f.u.c.k is going on?"

Both Dave and I looked at John with a start.

"What?" said Dave.

"Its a simple question," responded John. "The two of you are antagonising each other. Why?"

"Its complicated," I said, trying to diffuse the situation.

"Not complicated at all," said Dave. "Im fed up working with this tart."

Dave turned and left before I could answer. I was about to go after him and make him apologise but John stopped me.

"Id like to fry his a.r.s.e!" I shouted. A few people near us picked up my tone and turned to look.

"There are better ways to do it, Penny!" said John trying to calm me down.

"That.....that.....pig is going to do my appraisal in three weeks!"

"Then youve got to use this," he said pointing at my head, "as well as this," he said with his hand on his heart.

"f.u.c.k him! w.a.n.ker!"

"I hope so," quipped John, "because if hes not we really have a problem."

It took me a moment to get the joke.

"Why dont we circulate for a bit and then slip out? If Dave comes anywhere near you, then find me."

"My knight in shining armour?" I queried.

"No. If he starts a fight with you, I want to be there to watch you beat the s.h.i.t out of him!"

"And you the mediator?" I asked, my sense of humour returning.

"Only as a first resort!" he responded.

John moved closer and whispered in my ear.

"Be careful. Youve not been employed for a year yet."

"s.h.i.t! Youre right."

"Youll need friends for this one, Penny. Hows Mike going to take this?" he asked.

"Ill call him later. I want to go home."

"Id take you but Ive been drinking gin all evening....." he joked.

"d.a.m.n," I said before I saw his grin.

"Im probably the only sober person in the room," he corrected. I never drink before a talk so if you want to go home, I can take you."

"Thank you. Youre a sweetie."

The rest of the evening pa.s.sed off without any more incidents. About an hour later, John and I took a cab to a quiet pub and I told him about Daves wife, the launch evening, Daves e-mail and my conversations with Mike. I could see the concern growing on his face. He called Elaine and Sam, invited them for dinner then insisted that I come with Mike. He said that he wanted to talk "strategy". When I asked why, he cryptically replied that 'every good soldier needed the support of his unit. I told him of my wish to marry Mike. When he heard this, he grabbed me and hugged me for what seemed like an age. When he let go, I noticed that his eyes were filled with tears. I told him not be such a soppy idiot.

As days go, today had not been a good one. When I set out this morning I was full of the joys of spring, but now I was battling to save my job.

Chapter 42.

I was glad to get home to Mike. When I told him what had happened, he was matter of fact and kept rea.s.suring me that I had truth on my side. Given what Id learnt from the conflict between Mike and Elona, however, I was less confident. If, as John had suggested, we can only see what we are looking for, then I was up s.h.i.t creek without a paddle. Dave would not be looking for evidence of my innocence, only evidence of my guilt. And what was it that I was guilty of? Most of his attacks were about my flirting. Hard as it was to admit, I was now experiencing things from the other side.

Two months earlier, I had been judgemental about Mikes motives. Now it was Dave who was being judgemental about me. I began to wonder whether perhaps I might have done things differently, or left Mike and Elona to sort out their own problems. The law required me to investigate, however. In the past, I had been convinced that s.e.xual hara.s.sment laws were progressive, but now I was not so sure. It was bad enough that I had intruded into a number of delicate personal relationships, but now it was the other way around I started to experience how the intrusions feel on the receiving end, and the frustration of having to deal with others unstated agendas. How could others possibly know or understand what had gone on? How could I possibly explain the complexity of this situation so that another person could understand it?

The world not only looked more complex but it also made more sense. Not only had I misjudged Mike, but I now realised that my att.i.tude had been coloured both by the hurt I felt in the past and my attraction to him. It may not only have been my judgement that was at fault, but perhaps my values as well. I had created an imaginary world in which men and women should behave one way at work and another way outside work. Not everybody saw the distinctions as I did, or felt they should be enforced.

I remember once seeing the film About a Boy. The main character Will tried to live an 'island existence but gave in to the attention of a lonely 12-year-old boy. I started to see myself as a female version of Will. I had my island existence at work, rather than at home. I protected myself with professional ethics and personal boundaries to create a haven for corporate values. I was 'independent and 'efficient. I was also emotionally disconnected and dysfunctional.

Just like Will, however, others intruded into my world. Firstly, John pierced my armour. Later, Mike did the same, and most recently Elaine. Elona has, to some extent, and Phil has also made some inroads. I was coming to a realisation that these bonds not only reached deep into my personal life, but were also contributing to better decisions about people in the workplace.

Mike and I had a quiet day. Unlike John, he had no wish to talk "strategy". Instead he just savoured the conversation we had. Mike and John were different. John was the pragmatic politician, Mike the stubborn idealist. Together they were a formidable combination, searching for "truth" and "justice" and then working out how to make it happen. They rarely saw eye-to-eye, but every conversation made me question my life a little bit more.

On Sunday we went for a walk. I retraced the route I took with John around Warwick castle and we ended up at the same Italian restaurant. In my mind, I did this not only to share treasured memories with Mike, but as a tribute to John. When I look back, my change of heart, my coming out of myself started on that day, from the moment I faced-down my fear and shared my most private feelings.

"I brought John here a couple of months ago," I said.

"Nice for him," responded Mike.

He never used five words where three would do.

"And for me," I said.

"And now for me," he replied with a straight face.

That was another difference between them. With John, his emotions always came out as he spoke, but with Mike you had to dig for them.

"Do you have any special places? Places you went with your wife?" I asked.

"A few," he said.

"Would you take me to them?"

"Id rather find new places," he answered.

I smiled and said that would be nice.

"You dont talk about the past, Mike," I commented.

"What would be solved by talking about it?" he responded.

"Im just interested."

"What would you like to know?"

I suddenly realised that it was not so much his past that I was interested in, but any remaining attachments that might affect our future together.

"You," I said.

"You have me. Lock, stock and barrel."

"Yes, in body. But I also want to know the person in here!" I said, pointing to his head.

"You might be disappointed," he replied.

"Havent been so far," I said with a grin.

"Thats because youve only microscopically examined my body!" he joked.

There was little point holding back now I had started.

"I guess Im curious how you feel about your marriage."

He stopped and turned to me, then held me in his arms and kissed me. While it was nice to have his attention, he had also evaded the question.

"You were very committed to her......"

Suddenly I stopped. His silence on the issue of his wife troubled me. While we had made plans and I kept telling myself that I should take comfort from them it worried me that he may not truly be over her.

"I prefer not to think about it," he replied.

"I guess," I responded.

Even though I did not push him, I realised that I was starting to have doubts about his commitment. Strangely, I felt unconcerned. No matter what happened in the future, nothing could take away the bliss that I was enjoying right now. I would have these memories forever.

Chapter 43.

"Hes not going to bring that up!" a.s.serted John, getting quite heated.

"But thats what p.i.s.ses him off surely h.e.l.l raise it?" I argued.

We had been discussing my situation at work for nearly half an hour over after-dinner coffee. John was trying to persuade everyone that Dave was going to block my appointment, but most of the others would not believe him.

"But Penny is brilliant at her job arent you, Penny?" said Sam, who probably knew the least about all the c.o.c.k ups I had made.