Frank Merriwell's Chums Part 59

CHAPTER XLIV.

A COMEDY DUEL.

Both Hans and Ephraim were ghastly pale. The Dutch lad's teeth were chattering, and the Yankee boy's knees shook beneath him. But both tried to put on a bold front.

"Are ye ready, jintlemin?" demanded Barney Mulloy, who had been chosen to give the word.

"Vait a moment," commanded Hans, waving his hand frantically at Barney.

"I vos goin' to gif dot feller a shance to safe his life. Uf he vants to abologize now I vont shood him drough der heart mit a pullet."

"Hurry up this business!" bl.u.s.tered Ephraim, waving the big pistol.

"If ye fool around here all night it will git so thunderin' dark I can't see ter hit ther middle b.u.t.ton on the Dutchman's coat."

"Vos you goin' to abologize?" shouted Hans.

"Be you goin' to run away?" demanded Ephraim.

"Uf you don'd abologize, I voss a dead man," cried the Dutch lad, threateningly.

"Ef you don't run away, you're a dead man," declared the Vermonter.

Now it happened that Sammy Smiles had brought along some stale eggs which he had been keeping for some festive occasion, and he had given one of them to Frank, while they had come to a perfect understanding as to the proper manner and the right moment to use them. With the eggs concealed in their hands, they were waiting for Barney to give the word.

"Come, come, jintlemin," called the Irish lad, sharply. "Take yer positions, fer Oi'm goin' t' give th' worrud."

"This is your last chance to run away, Dutchy," faltered Ephraim, who seemed to be losing confidence.

"Dis vos your lasd obbortunity to abologize, Yankee," said Hans, rather weakly.

"Ready to foire at th' worrud," called Barney.

Hans' teeth were plainly heard to rattle together like dice.

"One!" counted Barney.

"Uf he don'd run avay, I vas reaty to hear him abologize," murmured the Dutch lad.

"Say!" Ephraim hoa.r.s.ely whispered to Sammy. "Git a rope an' tie me, quick! Hang me ef I don't believe my legs is goin' to run the best I kin do."

"Two!" counted Barney.

"Shimminy Gristmas! vere vas someding I can hide pehind?"

"Great thutteration! I'm a goner!"

"Three--fire!"

Both of the bold duelists turned their heads away, pointed the pistols at something, and fired.

Bang! bang!

Frank and Sammy Smiles let the eggs fly, and the aim of both was accurate.

Sammy's egg struck Hans behind the right ear, and spattered all over the side of the Dutch lad's head, while Frank's egg landed on Ephraim's neck.

"I vos a deadt man!" squawked the Dutch lad, as he went over in a heap.

"I'm shot, by gum!" squealed the Yankee, as his knees collapsed and he measured his long length upon the ground.

"Smoke!" cried Barney Mulloy, grasping his nose with both hands. "It smells loike ye'd both been corpuses fer a long toime!"

"By Jove!" gasped Frank. "That odor is strong enough to lift a safe!"

The other witnesses of the duel roared with laughter, but Hans was bellowing and Ephraim was groaning so loudly that neither of them heard the sounds of mirth.

"I can feel mein prains runnin' all ofer der side uf mein headt!"

howled Hans.

"Send for a doctor!" shrieked Ephraim. "I'm covered with blood! My jubilee vein is cut clean in two, an' ther blood is runnin' down my neck!"

"I vos dyin'!"

"I'll be dead in a minute!"

Sammy Smiles held fast to his nose, and made haste to bend over his princ.i.p.al, whom he pretended to examine.

"Bring bandages!" he shouted. "Help me to stop him from bleeding to death."

"It's nary a bit of use," groaned the Vermonter. "No feller ever lived with his jubilee vein cut in two!"

"Merciful goodness!" cried Frank, in pretended horror, as he hovered over Hans, also taking care to cling to his nose. "The whole top of his head is shot away!"

The Dutch boy gave a wild, despairing wail.

"Und you said dot feller vos goin' to run avay! Dunder und blitsens!

I vos a fool dot I don'd run avay meinseluf pefore mein prains he shot oudt!"

"Never mind," said Frank. "You will die like a hero, and we'll bury you with all the honors of war."

"Yah!" snorted Hans. "Dot vos nice--I don'd pelieve! I don'd care apout dot honors uf var! Oh, Shimminy Gristmas! vot a fool a blamed fool vos!"

"I am surprised at you," said Frank, sternly. "You should be proud to perish in such a heroic manner."

"Oh, yaw! I peen tickled to death--mit a pullet. Id vos fun!"

"I am afraid you are not a success as a hero."

"Vell, I dudder peen a success as a coward und kept avay from dot pullet."