Forbidden Lessons Part 18

She hoped he might leave her a note but he didn't. Tuesday came, and then Wednesday, and she was getting frantic looking out for him at lunch and around the school, hoping and hoping that they might manage to speak to one another.

The others were worried about her because she was barely eating or sleeping. In the end it was surprisingly Margery who decided they had to do something.

"He's looking even worse than you. I'm sure he thinks he's doing the right thing but I can tell he's desperate to speak to you. He's going to give the game away if he doesn't stop glancing at you all the time." It was always Margery who had noticed the way he looked at Laura, more than the others did.

"But what can I do? Teresa is always there, always the last to leave," Laura said. "And he's clearly not risking ever b.u.mping into me alone around school any more."

"You need a chaperone," Margery said. "Charlotte and I will come up with some excuse to speak with him after cla.s.s. If there's three of us then Teresa can't be so suspicious. We'll hang back in a corner and you two can have a quick chat together."

Laura hugged Margery. "You're the kindest friend ever. And I don't deserve it, given how I ditched you on both exeats."

"It's ok, I've got over it. Seeing you like this has made me realise how much it all means to you," Margery said. It had also made Margery realise that there was more to life than schoolwork. She didn't think she ever wanted to experience the desperate intensity of what Laura was going through, but at the same time she hoped she might one day get a sense of it for herself. Charlotte's relationship with Julian was so laid-back by comparison, Margery often wondered if Charlotte's heart was really in it.

But Laura and Mr Rydell: if there was such a thing as true love, perhaps this was it. As inappropriate and misguided and wrong as Margery thought it was she recognised it as more sincere than Charlotte's affair.

All went to plan. Mr Rydell was initially confused by Charlotte and Margery approaching him with some questions about German poetry translations.

But with Teresa finally gone, leaving only him and the three girls in the cla.s.sroom, he realised the opportunity they were giving him.

It was still awkward talking because Charlotte and Margery would clearly be able to hear, though they tried to talk amongst themselves at the back of the room.

"How have you been?" he asked Laura. The answer was pretty obvious given how pale she was.

He also looked like he hadn't slept in weeks even though it had only been a few days since the near disaster. His hair was tousled at the front and she longed to brush it back off his face and have him kiss her, make everything okay.

"Not great. But probably no worse than you," she said.

"I'm losing sleep because of you. But we've got no other options except patience and caution."

"I know. It's so hard though. I feel like I can't even be normal around you in cla.s.s, like Teresa would notice the tiniest thing," Laura said.

"We just have to get through these weeks, and look forward to the holidays." Susie had invited Laura to stay with her for the final week of the Christmas holidays. The plan was for Laura to split the time between Susie and Mr Rydell.

"I was worried you might have changed your mind about everything," she said.

"Never." He paused. "There is one thing though, it's not definite but it's probable. An old friend has offered me a job in the New Year and if they're able to replace me here I'm going to take it."

Laura was shocked, devastated. She felt like the world was collapsing around her. She stared at him, too distraught to respond.

"This makes no difference to us. If anything it's better." He tried to rea.s.sure her. "For me to stay here, it's going to be like this permanently otherwise. No more risking being with you, constantly having to suppress how I feel about you, constantly watching our backs. This way I'll be free to write to you and even phone you."

"But it won't be the same. At least here I get to see you every day." She couldn't believe he would do this to her, to them.

"Not properly though. This way we can still see each other when you're out of school. If anything we can make it more official. There are no rules, after all, about you having a relationship with someone outside school. Though we don't want to push our luck, and there are your parents to consider."

The thought of being official with him made her heart leap for a moment, but the prospect of losing him from the school was still awful. She imagined the vast, empty loneliness of the playing fields knowing that he was no longer in the groundsman's cottages. No longer anywhere there, accessible to her. No more daily glances. No more greetings when she pa.s.sed him in the courtyard, knowing that he was smiling specifically at her, thinking of her.

"It will be awful without you here."

"It's awful now, being so near you and not being able to spend a second alone with you," he said. He dropped his voice. "If it wasn't for the others I would take you in my arms now. I miss holding you. You're mine, Laura, I love you and none of this changes that."

28. Risky rendezvous.

Susie turned on the sugar in their next English lesson with Mr Peters. Not that he needed much encouragement. She made sure to ask him a couple of questions that flattered him to bestow his knowledge upon the cla.s.s. He lapped it up.

"Why's she sucking up to that creep?" Charlotte whispered to Laura.

"No idea." They were both aware of Mr Peters' fondness for Susie and had no idea why she suddenly appeared to be reciprocating.

Susie had deliberately kept her own counsel in her affairs with Mrs Ayers and Mr Peters. She saw no need to involve the others and potentially compromise them. After all, they didn't even do Geography.

She had to stop herself laughing when she gave Mr Peters a couple of flirtatious looks and saw his reaction. He was almost beside himself. He had pursued her for so long, building her up into this unattainable object of desire, that reciprocation was overwhelming.

Not that Susie intended to ever actually reciprocate. There were certain depths to which even she, in the pursuit of victory, would not stoop.

It was break time after English, but Laura and Susie had to dash off to a rehearsal for the poetry recital. Margery and Charlotte were left on the courtyard wall, discussing plans for the Christmas holidays.

"What would your father do if he found out about your staying with Julian?" Margery asked.

"Probably explode, ground me for a thousand years and send me to a convent," Charlotte said.

"And force you to break up."

"That too. It's not like we're going to get married though. I mean I like seeing him but I can't imagine it lasting once he goes to university," Charlotte said.

Margery had been correct in her suspicion that Charlotte wasn't as into Julian as she might have been. The dalliance with the St Duncan's rugby captain was a thrill for Charlotte and a score, but more than anything it had helped her focus on what she did want and did not want for herself at that point in her life.

Charlotte liked Julian but she wasn't in love with him. If anything he represented the first in a whole world of male conquests that awaited her in future. Right now hockey was the most important thing in her life. Everything else could wait. Charlotte now knew what was out there in terms of boys but her real route to freedom would be through her own achievements.

After a lifetime of putting up with her father's rules and strictures she didn't want to get straight into the confines of another serious male relationship. She thought Julian should go on to university unenc.u.mbered, as eventually should she.

Confessing this to Margery got their friendship back on track.

"It's not that I don't like him, Margie, I really do. It's just not everything, you know?"

"Not like Laura and Mr Rydell?"

"G.o.d no. What's happening with those two terrifies me. It's all consuming, they're both practically prepared to risk their entire futures over it. I mean maybe they've both found The One and we'll all be bridesmaids in a few years, but I wouldn't want to settle for one guy forever right now, would you?" Charlotte said.

Margery didn't honestly know. She thought if it was the right person it might be quite nice. Unlike Charlotte she didn't antic.i.p.ate endless future adventures for herself with a long series of exotic and exciting men. In fact Margery thought it would be less of a distraction to meet the right person early on, as Laura perhaps had. With that achieved and settled, one could then concentrate on other things. Certainly Laura was topping English by a mile now, despite Mr Peters' amorous yearnings towards Susie and subsequently generous marking of her work.

Lunch was particularly revolting that day: something described as curry that appeared to consist of fat and gristle in an oily, orange-brown sauce. As usual Charlotte wolfed everything down barely noticing what it was, but even Margery baulked at today's fare.

For Laura it was egg-day again. As Charlotte had warned her, the vegetarian options basically alternated hard boiled eggs with grated cheddar. Laura had been sick of both long before half-term, but not enough to rescind her new diet and return to the threat of liver.

"I bet you can't wait until the holidays and actually eating some steak and chicken," Charlotte said.

"And bacon," Laura said. School bacon was awful, flabby and undercooked, but at least it tasted of something.

With a hiatus on her affair with Mr Rydell, at least in terms of the physical side, she had thrown herself into her work. Most of her energy went into the subjects she liked, particularly History and English.

They were being kept so busy with all the rehearsals for the various end of term activities that it helped distract her from wanting to look out for him all the time. The school was a whirl of preparations for the Sixth Form play with St Duncan's, the carol service, the poetry recital plus end of term exams and the house hockey cup.

Michaelmas House had high hopes of victory. They had several school squad members in house but most of all they had Charlotte Bevan, now pretty much the star player of Francis Hall despite still being in the Lower School. "Amazing to see progress like that," Miss Partridge remarked to Miss Vine. "The natural talent has always been there, but it's the focus and enthusiasm that has brought it all together." She was planning on approaching Charlotte's parents about national junior trials.

"Do you want to play in the Junior house team?" Charlotte asked Laura. She herself was captain that year.

"We'll win, won't we, with you on the side?" The house tournament was always divided between the Lower and the Upper school, so Charlotte wouldn't be playing on the Sixth Form team despite her ability.

"We'd better not lose. There are some keen fourth formers but there's still a place for you if you want it," Charlotte said.

"Is Teresa Hubert playing?"

"No, she should be, but she was so p.i.s.sed off about me getting into the Firsts that I think she's turned her back on it all entirely. I even heard her ask Miss Vine if she could switch to cross-country next term."

Next term. When Mr Rydell probably wouldn't be there any longer. It was horrifying to think of, the school would be empty for her without him. Laura needed to distract herself. "I'll play then, if you need me."

Susie hit pay dirt when Mr Peters handed their English exercise books back after marking their latest essays.

Tucked inside hers, on personalised lavender notepaper that reeked of his cologne, was an invitation. "Come to my flat at 5pm today. Urgent." Mr Peters had signed it with his initials in his usual florid hand.

It opened up a world of possibilities. But there was one that Susie easily fixed upon.

Finding a pen with ink that matched as closely as possible, Susie took an envelope and copied the Head of English's capital P to write "Pat" on it. It looked convincingly like his writing. She slipped the note inside and sealed it. Then she grabbed Mary Rudge who was pa.s.sing by.

"Can you do me a huge favour and drop this in Mrs Ayers' pigeonhole by the staff room? Thanks a million!"

Mary was happy to oblige since she was going near that way anyway. Susie felt content. The chips were cast: in good time she would see how they would fall.

Lessons had finished for the day and it was games again: hockey for Charlotte and Susie, and cross country for Laura and Margery. They set off together but Margery was much slower than usual due to a sore ankle. They ended up right at the back but in the end Margery decided she couldn't even jog.

So they walked along falling further and further behind everyone else, Margery hobbling uncomfortably. Eventually Miss Vine caught up with them on her bicycle - not fit enough herself to run, she cycled around the pitches to keep an eye on the runners - and asked what was wrong.

"Something with my ankle," Margery said.

"We'd better get you to the school nurse."

"I can take her," Laura offered.

"No that's fine, you run along and catch up with the others." If truth be told Miss Vine was as glad of the excuse to escape the cold and windy pitches as any of them. She left with Margery limping along, and Laura resumed a gentle jog. It was nice being by herself, she didn't particularly want to catch up with the others.

As the path took her past the wasteland area, which was a hedge and some bushes that sloped down to the brook, she heard her name called. It was Mr Rydell.

"The coast is clear, come and join me."

She pushed through a gap in the hedge after checking no one was observing her. "What are you doing here?" She was thrilled and bewildered to see him.

"I saw you coming from a distance, and Margery leave with Miss Vine. I wanted to see you." He had her in his arms within seconds and they were kissing pa.s.sionately, desperately.

She broke off. "We'll get caught."

"Not here we won't, it's completely concealed." He was right. She looked around and saw that the shrubbery and the angle of the bank screened them completely from any sight of the school grounds.

"They'll notice I'm gone though."

He silenced her with another kiss and she let him crush her against his body as she breathed in his scent and his warmth, longing for his heat all the more in the chill of the air.

There was a tree trunk with ivy growing up it and he turned her and pushed her against it, facing away from him.

"What are you doing?"

"I need you, Laura. I've missed you like h.e.l.l these past couple of weeks."

"We can't, not here..." she broke off as he slid his hands beneath her underwear, roughly tugging her tracksuit down. One finger slid between her legs and he started playing with her c.l.i.t. She gasped and held onto the tree, her fingers twining in the thick ivy.

His fingers were firm, forceful. He was getting her so wet that she couldn't resist, that she would take him inside her here, in the open air, despite all the risk and everything they had been through.

Helpless, her face pressed against the bark and leaves, she felt him grasp her hips and angle them towards his hardness.

"Oh G.o.d we can't..." she made a last attempt to move away from him but he was unyielding. He gripped her firmly and pulled her towards him.

"I need this Laura. And so do you."

He was as hard as a rock. It made him easy for him to slide inside her despite the unusual angle and her initial resistance. She did want him - as much as he wanted her. It felt amazing as he entered her, she could feel every inch of his hardness, deep, deep inside her.

"We fit so well." He groaned as he spoke, pulling back and then thrusting hard into her, pushing her against the tree. Unyielding, it allowed him to slam into her with force, as hard as he wanted, as long as he wanted.

She was a ma.s.s of raw sensation: the roughness of the tree, her body forced against it, the cold air, the wonderful huge hardness that he was possessing her with. All her nerves were on edge on fire. She didn't even care if Jenkins showed up with Mrs Grayson, though she tried not to cry out too much.

She wanted him to touch her c.l.i.t again and she tried to change the angle to get pressure there but he denied her.

"No, you're going to come from this alone. Me inside you." Once again he was commanding her, driving her closer to the edge.