Forbidden Lessons Part 13

"Charlotte's got us working insanely hard at Latin but I can't make out any of these inscriptions," she said.

He had done Latin A-level and couldn't manage much more than her. "It was a while ago," he said in his defence.

"Last year I couldn't imagine in a million years wanting to do Latin in the Sixth Form, but recently I've been wondering." She had to pick three subjects to focus on next year. Two would definitely be English and History and she had thought of French for the third, but now the idea of doing Latin had come to her.

Thinking about it reminded her of what a long road she had ahead of her still to get to university. Once she was there she would be more his equal, they wouldn't have to hide. But it was a very long way off.

"I would encourage you to do German but I don't suspect I'll be there next year," he said.

She was horrified. "Why not?"

"Because of you. Because of us. It's playing with fire, someone will find out eventually. And I'm not convinced I can trust myself to stop taking risks. I don't want to leave you but for your sake I think it will be safer if I'm not right there."

"You don't want us to see each other anymore? Ever?"

"G.o.d no!" he took her hands as they sat on a bench in the Museum. "No as in I definitely do want to see you, all the time in fact. But for the next couple of years it's going to be hard. At least until we can tell your parents about us."

Her initial shock was replaced by a momentary thrill that he wanted to meet her parents. And then the stomach churning reality of how they would react. More in sorrow than anger, she thought. But they would still be furious with him and desperately worried about her.

She wondered if there ever would be a time when she could tell her parents exactly when they had met and when it started. Certainly not for many years. She started imagining the official story she would have to create for them, how she had "b.u.mped into" an old school teacher at university and they had struck up a friendship. He would be well into his thirties then, they might still freak out.

"I was trying to think how I might break it to them. But it can't be now, they wouldn't understand."

"Nor would I in their shoes. If I was your father I would be getting a shotgun."

Knowing it would be their last night together for a while made them both want to draw it out as long as possible.

He had never made love to her with such tenderness. He moved in and out of her more slowly than usual, staring into her eyes in the semi-darkness.

Streetlights seeped past the edges of the curtain, illuminating the walls. It was impossible to find true darkness in the city.

Afterwards they lay together not wanting to sleep. He ran his finger over her lips, down her throat, over her b.r.e.a.s.t.s. "I am learning, studying the shape of your lovely b.r.e.a.s.t.s," he said.

"Don't you know them by now?"

"It's Goethe," he told her. "Probably not a text we'll be doing in cla.s.s."

They had talked in tentative terms about the future, or at least as far as the Christmas holidays. There was one more exeat that term which she could probably spend with him. He also thought they should stop seeing one another during the school week to lower the risk.

"I need to have more self-control when we go back. Otherwise we will get caught."

Probably by Mr Lanaway, Laura thought. It was only a matter of time before he appeared in the art room and the whole game would be up.

Except it wasn't a game. It was the most serious thing she had ever done. It was a choice.

The thought of seeing him nearly every day at school and not being able to talk with him and touch him was agony.

"We'll have to find other distractions. Seeing you in my cla.s.sroom is not going to be easy."

"I'll miss you if we can't even speak."

"I'll miss you even more but it will be worth the wait. It's only a few weeks to exeat, then the holidays. Imagine just how much I am going to want you after having to wait," he said.

Given how much they craved one another already she could barely imagine it getting any more intense.

PART III.

Flying.

quare, dum licet, inter nos laetemur amantes: non satis est ullo tempore longus amor.

Let's enjoy being lovers while we can:.

Love is never long enough.

s.e.xtus Propertius.

21. Secret words.

Charlotte was bursting to tell them her news: she had managed to sneak out during half term and spend time with Julian. Even more, she had lost her virginity to him. In his car, on the hillside at night, but she was still thrilled about it.

"Three out of four of us now. We'll have to put a harlot warning sign on the dorm door," Susie said.

Julian had even asked Charlotte to stay after Christmas. "Apparently his parents are cool with girlfriends visiting, though we'll have to have separate rooms," she said.

Laura felt envious. It wouldn't be that easy for Mr Rydell and her to stay with one another openly for ages, years even. "How will you get your father to let you go?" she asked.

"I was going to use one of you guys as an excuse. Julian's older brother can pretend to be your dad if my dad rings. His voice is really deep."

"Fine with me," Susie said. "I'll even forge you a letter from my parents if you like, confirming your stay. Don't forget to give me your postal address."

Susie was an adept forger of handwriting though it was of limited use in a boarding school. In a day school you could bring in fake parental notes nearly every day to get out of PE and other disliked activities. At Francis Hall such notes came from Matron or Grace Grant, who would rapidly find out in the staffroom if their authority was being forged.

Margery felt even more lost with Charlotte now joining the ranks of the fallen. She had had a very quiet half term and mainly spent the time doing homework.

"It's my birthday next weekend," Susie announced. "Let's have a midnight feast."

"Just us or the rest of the House?"

"G.o.d it would be boring with just the four of us, I was thinking of something a bit less Enid Blyton and ginger beer after lights out. No, we'll get some of the Dunks boys together and kick our heels up. Booze of course, I plan to celebrate in style."

How any part of this was to be achieved was beyond the others. But Susie had it all worked out. Darius had a cousin with a car who would drive them over and the boys would bring the alcohol. "Darius is always sneaking out. His cousin picks him up, they go out on the town and then he sleeps in the car and walks in as normal with the day boys the next day." St Duncan's had day pupils as well as boarders.

"We'll need a venue of course," Susie said. "I was thinking of that pavilion that's not being used."

It was where Laura had first touched Mr Rydell's hand albeit by accident. When she had first really known deep down that she wasn't imagining it all.

"We would all get expelled instantly if anyone found out," Charlotte said.

"It's the thrill isn't it? We'll be fine though."

"Would it just be Julian and Darius?" Laura asked. She was suddenly worried about Jonathan coming. He'd written her an apologetic letter after having to leave her on the night of the sixth form dance, and she'd realised that he still had no idea that it was over between them.

"Have you still not dumped Jonathan?" Susie asked. "He'll be proposing marriage and kids at this rate, blissfully ignorant that you're in love with your German teacher."

Margery had decided she wanted no part of the escapade. The risk it involved made her feel physically sick.

Both Charlotte and Laura also wanted to back out, but they both knew they owed Susie. They would also continue to need her help. Maybe there was some way her plan could be tamed.

German was agony and ecstasy. Mr Rydell smiled and caught her eye but beyond that had to play things with caution.

She loved being in his presence. Hearing his voice, looking at him. Knowing he was hers, and she was his. Even when she saw Teresa Hubert making her stupid eyes at him she didn't care. She knew he felt the same.

Her fingers found the jewel he had given her through her blouse. She rarely took it off. When she had shown it to the others Susie had informed her it was a diamond. "Look at the box. Shops like that don't sell cubic zirconias."

Laura who loved it regardless had then worried about its value but didn't dare ask. Fortunately Charlotte did so.

"I don't know, probably a grand or so," Susie said. Laura was horrified but Susie seemed quite blithe about the cost.

Charlotte and Laura sat together in the cold Courtyard at break time, the November day grey and chilly. Margery was elsewhere and Susie appeared to have been held back after cla.s.s by Mrs Ayers again.

"So do you feel different?" Laura asked Charlotte.

"Yes and no. I thought it would seem bigger, like crossing a really major line, but it's just something that's done, isn't it?"

Laura thought about her own situation. She had been changed long before she ever slept with Mr Rydell. Falling in love with him, those early glances, the wondering, that was when her world had changed.

"Are you in love with him? Has he said it?" Laura asked.

"I don't know, and yes. He might have just said it to persuade me though. He didn't need to."

"But you're glad? No regrets?"

Charlotte shook her head. "Why, did you regret it?"

Not for a moment. It had opened up the world for her. "No. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. And that he took care of things, you know."

"Yeah, he did. He was well prepared. I'm going to go on the Pill though. Oh G.o.d, there's the Axe. Hide me."

The Geography teacher walked through the Courtyard, freezing everyone in her path. "Imagine how much happier this place would be if she were gone," Charlotte said. "She's a blight."

Laura was still hanging back to keep pace with Margery in cross country which helped sustain their friendship. Susie had made it into the squad so it was just the two of them which Margery was glad for. She didn't dislike Susie but she found her hard to relate to.

Laura and Margery had also grown closer due to all the extra time Charlotte was spending playing hockey. The combination of hockey and Julian had also quite wiped out Charlotte's good intentions where Latin was concerned. Margery had been dismayed to find out that Charlotte's original zeal was largely due to one of her Welsh Romeos reading Cla.s.sics.

"Perhaps it doesn't matter what the motive is if it still leads to a good result," Laura said.

She herself had persisted with putting in extra study for the ancient language. It had made an enormous difference to her grasp and enjoyment of the subject and was the reason she was giving it serious consideration for A-level.

"Will you stay with Mr Rydell for the final exeat?" Margery asked as they pa.s.sed the groundsman's cottages.

"Probably, if he asks me," Laura said.

"Aren't you worried about getting caught? What if one of the staff dropped round to speak with him?"

"I'd hide upstairs I suppose." Laura hoped it wouldn't happen but it would be kind of exciting if it did.

"Doesn't it bother you always having to sneak around?"

Laura thought about the day in London where she was able to walk around with Mr Rydell openly. "Sometimes."

But it was also thrilling to have a secret that hardly anyone knew about.

Mr Rydell did manage to communicate with her. When she got her homework back, there was a folded piece of paper inside it.

"I love you and I want you all over again."

He hadn't signed it which meant she could more safely keep it. She tucked it into her journal, its pages left blank since before half term.

Laura wondered if she could send him something back. Then it came to her that she could write something in German in her exercise book. In the unlikely event anyone else ever found it, it would look like homework.

To be on the safe side she decided to choose a quotation. She went to the school library where she found Miss Vine on duty. It had the usual hush that hung thickly in the air over the smell of hardback books.

She found the Modern Languages shelves and pulled out a book of Goethe. This would be tricky as there was no way she could translate it since her German was still too basic a level. So she hunted down an English translation to pick a couple of lines that she could then cross reference in the original German.

Selecting the text was harder than she thought. She didn't want it to be too soppy. Most of the poems were also written from the point of view of a man to a woman. Eventually she found a couplet that she liked, and wrote the German down.

"What bliss it is! We exchange safe kisses, "Without worry we draw in one another's breath and life."

Instead of "safe" - she wrote gefhrliche - dangerous.