Five Flavors Of Dumb Part 20

"No. I know it's short notice, but I think you could do it. The set is forty-five minutes max. You could get away with forty, maybe even thirty-five if you're willing to smash an instrument or two at the end."

I rolled my eyes. "Did you see what happened yesterday?"

"Yeah. Pretty hard core too. I knew you wanted to get away from the soft rock label, but I was impressed by your commitment to faking a meltdown."

"We weren't faking."

"Oh." Baz paused, thought about this. "Look, Piper, bands fall out. But at the end of the day, they're like family. You get back together because you have to, because you're stronger together than you are apart."

"I seriously doubt that."

He nodded solemnly. "Too bad. This would've been a sweet gig for an aspiring band. Great exposure. Good money too."

I finally sat down. "How good?"

"Not so fast. Before he negotiates, the manager needs to know you're still going to be together on Sat.u.r.day, and that you'll promise to behave."

"Not sure, and not sure."

"If you can make that yes and yes, you might make yourselves two hundred dollars each."

My pulse quickened. "Okay, then. Yes and yes."

Baz threw up his hands in frustration. "Is that a real real yes, or a yes, or a maybe maybe yes?" yes?"

"Baz," I choked, pretending to be offended. "Would I lie to you?"

He leaned forward and ma.s.saged his temples in slow circles.

"So what's with the late notice?" I asked.

"They had an opening act lined up, but the band had a, uh . . . falling out. They're not technically together anymore."

"I hear that's happening a lot these days."

"Yes." Baz pursed his lips disapprovingly, but it looked kind of cute on him. "So here's the deal. If Dumb is still together, he wants to meet with you. Five p.m. at my studio."

I shook my head. "No can do. I'm grounded. It'd have to be at school. Say, straight after final bell at two fifteen."

Baz laughed. "You can't really expect me to bring the manager of GBH to a high school for a business meeting."

"Yup. And we'll need to keep it hush-hush. Otherwise I'll probably spend the rest of senior year in suspension."

"Good grief." Baz pulled himself up and grabbed his jacket. "Okay. Two fifteen, by the main doors. But don't be surprised if he's late. He has to come here from Portland."

"If he's late, I'll be gone."

"Oh, for G.o.d's sake-"

"I'm not being difficult, Baz! I'm grounded. I couldn't stay late even if I wanted to."

"Okay, I'll make sure he's here at two fifteen," he groaned, like he was guilty of having conceded too much ground. And, truth be told, he absolutely had.

I stole a moment to text Finn, begging him to meet me by the main doors at 2:15. I got the feeling I could benefit from a personal a.s.sistant, and Finn was uniquely qualified for the position.

Once we left the room, Baz flounced through the office toward the exit without so much as a good-bye. He was almost gone when the secretary looked up.

"h.e.l.lo!" she shouted to get my attention. (A gentle wave would have been infinitely preferable.) "Aren't you going to give your father a hug?" she asked indignantly.

Baz stopped and turned around. "Oh, good idea."

My jaw fell open. "No way!"

"What has happened happened to you, Piper?" cried the secretary. "You used to be such a good girl." to you, Piper?" cried the secretary. "You used to be such a good girl."

"Yeah, Piper," Baz echoed. "What has happened happened to you?" The wicked glimmer in his eye had returned, and suddenly I had to keep from laughing. to you?" The wicked glimmer in his eye had returned, and suddenly I had to keep from laughing.

I bit my lip. "Come on, then, you dirty old man."

I stepped forward and smacked a kiss on Baz's lips. He looked petrified. The secretary looked horrified. I felt vindicated.

"Run along now, Daddy," I said.

Baz stumbled against a table on his way out, and tried pushing the door marked "pull" several times before correcting himself. He left without looking back.

I turned around in time to catch the secretary shaking her head. I could see her staring at my hair, weighing up my odd behavior, and realizing, at last, that maybe she'd been wrong about me all these years.

You and me both, I thought as I ambled back to suspension.

CHAPTER 43.

I didn't get out of suspension until 2:23. The princ.i.p.al wanted to read us the riot act one last time, and slowed down when he noticed how agitated I was. In an attempt to ram his point home with the utmost force, he even started lecturing directly to my hair. I let it go on for almost a minute, then began running my hands through my hair seductively, like an actress in a shampoo commercial. Almost immediately he turned bright red, and seconds later we'd been excused. I sprinted along the corridors and almost knocked Finn over as I turned toward the main entrance.

What's the emergency? he signed. he signed.

We have a meeting with the manager of GBH.

Finn's eyes grew wide. GBH? The band? GBH? The band?

I nodded.

Can I get their autographs?

I'd rather you didn't ask that until the negotiations are finished.

Negotiations?

They want Dumb to open for them on Sat.u.r.day.

Finn looked as though he might pa.s.s out. So why am I here? So why am I here?

You're my interpreter.

No! You can do this without me. Finn began to turn away, but I pulled him back around. Finn began to turn away, but I pulled him back around.

I need you, Finn. Not as an interpreter, but to buy me time. Please trust me. You're my trump card.

Finn rolled his eyes, but when I took his hand he didn't pull away. Together we walked outside and greeted Baz, who was loitering on the sidewalk. The manager for GBH stood beside him, shifting his weight from one foot to the other impatiently. He was older than I'd imagined, heavyset and balding, with a Bluetooth earpiece flashing neon and an ugly brown sports jacket with leather patches over the elbows. I couldn't help thinking that as managers went, I looked much cooler than him.

"I'm Mike, and you're late," he barked.

I turned to Finn, who pa.s.sed along the message in sign language.

"What's this?" Mike asked, with curled upper lip.

"Piper's deaf," explained Baz. "I told you that."

I smiled ambivalently, like I had no idea what was going on.

"Jesus Christ." Mike rolled his eyes. "I thought you were joking."

I already hated Mike, so once I'd pointed in the direction of a nearby picnic table, I walked unnecessarily quickly. I figured I'd at least get him sweating.

I sat down next to Finn and pulled my jacket collar tightly around my neck. The sky was blanketed in gray, one of those days when it feels like the previous night never completely ended. Mike and Baz sat down across from us and Mike removed his coat, beads of perspiration dotting his forehead.

"So you're her translator?" Mike asked, pointing a stubby finger at Finn.

"Her interpreter."

"Same difference. Well, start by telling her that I need to be sure Dumb is still together. I don't need any more stunts like that c.r.a.p they pulled yesterday. This is a serious business."

Finn nodded decisively, then turned to me. Did you get that? Did you get that?

Yes.

This guy is an utter p.r.i.c.k.

Yes.

I want to say something obscene.

Behave!

Finn was in the process of a.s.suring Mike that Dumb was still together when Mike brandished a contract and shoved it toward me. "Tell her to sign here and here."

I glanced at the contract-a single page with details of the location and time of the performance, and a stipulation that all five members of the band attend. The last line had been added by hand, but I couldn't exactly blame him in light of recent events. The contract specified $100 per band member, for a total of $500.

Finn c.o.c.ked an eyebrow. Wow. That was easy. I'm good at this. Wow. That was easy. I'm good at this.

I smiled. Yes, but we're not done yet. Yes, but we're not done yet.

What do you mean?

Things are about to get interesting. Are you ready to play some poker?

Finn narrowed his eyes, the hint of a smile teasing his mouth. What do you have in mind? What do you have in mind?

I think we have a full house. Three boys, two girls, and I'm playing with house money. I felt my heart racing, the memory of all those poker games I played with my dad suddenly fresh in my mind again. I felt my heart racing, the memory of all those poker games I played with my dad suddenly fresh in my mind again. Take a look at hotshot over there and tell me what he's got. Take a look at hotshot over there and tell me what he's got.

In less than a second, Finn glanced across the table and made his decision. I could tell he was looking for more chips. He's fl.u.s.tered. Could be because he's annoyed about being here, but I think he's actually nervous. He blinks every time you sign, by the way . . . a real giveaway. He's fl.u.s.tered. Could be because he's annoyed about being here, but I think he's actually nervous. He blinks every time you sign, by the way . . . a real giveaway.

I wanted to hug Finn, but we needed to stay cool. Good. Now keep signing to me. Good. Now keep signing to me.

Sign what?

Anything. Doesn't matter. Just keep going until he interrupts.

How can you be sure he's going to- "What's going on here?" shouted Mike, presumably for my benefit. "Are you going to sign the contract or not?"

Is he angry, anxious, or both? I asked. I asked.

Finn rubbed his chin. Definitely both. He wants you to fold real bad. Definitely both. He wants you to fold real bad.

Then he's going to be disappointed.

"h.e.l.lo!" Mike pawed at my arm-so obnoxious. I just kept ignoring him.

Okay, this is how I see it, I signed. I signed. Rude dude isn't here just to see if we're interested. The gig is three days away, and I think he's desperate. He definitely didn't drive all this way to get turned down. Rude dude isn't here just to see if we're interested. The gig is three days away, and I think he's desperate. He definitely didn't drive all this way to get turned down.

Sounds reasonable, agreed Finn. agreed Finn.

And that's why you're going to ask for $500 per person, for a total of $3,000.

Finn's jaw slackened. You've got to be kidding. You've got to be kidding.

Yes and no. I want you to ask for it, but he's going to refuse. The important thing is what he counters with.

While Finn took a moment to compose himself, I pulled my laptop from my bag and refreshed our YouTube page, which was already onscreen. Thankfully the school's wireless network reached outdoors. I glanced up in time to see Baz choke and Mike turn an inhuman shade of purple. He slammed his fist against the table and stood up.

Before he could leave, I turned the computer screen around and pointed to the view count. It was up to 223,747. I c.o.c.ked an eyebrow expectantly, and tried to suppress a smile as Mike plopped back down. He turned to Finn.

"Two hundred dollars each. A thousand dollars total."