Fearless: Love Part 8

"I'm not being a martyr, Ed," she barked angrily. "I'm just doing what I should have done in the first place. I'm not going to let your life be affected by this. I'm not going put you in danger, like I did Sam. And you are in danger, Ed. I'm sure they traced that download and are on their way up here right now. That's how Loki operates: quick and to the point. And when he comes, I'm going to go with him."

Ed shook his head. He opened his mouth, but no words would come.

"We're out of options, Ed," she stated. "Not that we ever had any options to begin with-"

Pounding at the door silenced her.

Blood drained from Ed's face. The noise filled the apartment: hard and insistent. Ed looked at Gaia. Their gazes locked. She shrugged, as if to say: What did I tell you? He turned toward the bedroom door. How could she be so freaking calm? He experienced a quick irrational hope that maybe whoever was on the other side of the door would just go away. Maybe the pounding would simply stop. But it didn't. It grew louder, quicker. Like his own G.o.dd.a.m.ned pulse. Maybe he would just have a heart attack before anything happened. There were worse ways to go.

"I'll get it," Gaia whispered, pushing herself from the chair.

"No way." He found himself planting his body firmly between Gaia and the door. He felt as if he were watching somebody else: a much less cowardly (and probably much more idiotic) version of Ed Fargo. "I'll get it. They still don't know you're here for sure. I can get rid of them."

Gaia folded her arms across her chest. "I want to deal with this now."

Well, there was no point in arguing. It was decision time. He flung out an arm and shoved her back into the chair, then spun and crutched out into the hall, striding for the front door as quickly as possible.

"Jesus, Ed-"

"Shhh!" he hissed.

Miraculously, she didn't follow. Not that this was any kind of triumph. The booming knocks echoed toward him. He was beginning to lose all the feeling in his face and hands. The door loomed before him, rattling in its hinges. Ed forced himself to take that last crucial step. He drew in his breath. If they shot him, Gaia would hear it-and then she could make an escape. He could buy her some time. It wasn't a possibility that filled him with the warm fuzzies, but it was all he had. So. Time to make a move. His life hadn't been a total waste. Better to go out a hero than a chump. Or, at least, a little of both. He peered through the peephole.

What the- There, in the fish-eye gla.s.s, was a distorted Heather Gannis. Her face was twisted in an ugly scowl. She slammed her fist into the door again.

Ed exhaled, shaking off his dizziness. Well, today was certainly a day of exploring new emotional territory. In this case, it was a bizarre and extreme mix of relief and annoyance. Not an enjoyable combo. Was it his imagination, or had Heather chosen today of all days to become his stalker? Didn't she know that hara.s.sment was against the law? And talk about a disappointment. He couldn't believe he'd practically watched his whole life flash before his eyes because she was at the door.

"Ed!" she barked, her voice m.u.f.fled.

"Chill out," he groaned. He unlatched the door and swung it open. "Why don't you just get yourself a battering ram?"

"I prefer the axe," she mumbled, stepping into Ed's apartment uninvited. "Now, do you want to tell me what the h.e.l.l is going on with you?"

"Why don't you come in?" Ed asked sarcastically. He slammed the door shut.

"Stop avoiding the question, Ed."

"I'm sorry, do you know what trespa.s.sing is?"

"Just tell me what is going on with Gaia and her father, all right? Why didn't you come back to school?"

Ed stared at her in disbelief. "Heather. Why aren't you at school right now? Actually, wait. Don't answer. Just leave. Because I think it is safe to say that this is the last possible thing I can deal with right now-"

"Ed, don't patronize me," she grumbled, heading for the living room. "I hate it when you patronize me. I'm not leaving until I understand what is happening here."

Ed shot a quick glance back down the hall. "Don't p.i.s.s me off right now," he warned. "I'm trying to be nice. A lot nicer than you deserve."

Heather whirled and glared at him. "Thanks. That makes me feel wonderful."

"I don't really care, all right?" Ed shouted, exasperated. "I don't know what else to say to you. Now get the h.e.l.l out!"

"I want to know what's going on," she whined.

For the second time in his life (and in the same day, ironically), Ed felt like punching her in the face. "Why?" he spat.

"Because I want to help," Heather muttered, lowering her eyes.

His jaw dropped. His anger suddenly evaporated. Whoa. That was about the last thing he would have expected Heather Gannis to say. He wasn't even aware the word "help" was part of her vocabulary.

"I've been trying to tell you, Ed," she went on. "I don't want to be a selfish b.i.t.c.h anymore. My selfishness has totally screwed up your life. I want to make it up to you. I want to do something for you. If something is wrong, will you just let me help you if I can? Please? What can I do to help?"

As was becoming the norm, Ed found that he was speechless. Incredible. Heather really was trying to change. The problem was, she couldn't have picked a worse time to do it. What could anybody do to help? No matter how sincere Heather's question might have been, the answer was still a resounding nothing. There was nothing anybody could do. If Heather wanted to help, she should just save herself and not get involved. Otherwise, she would just add to the body count. "Ed?" she prodded.

"Nothing, Heather," he murmured. He shook his head. "I'm sorry-"

"I think maybe there is."

Ed flinched. Gaia was standing at the entrance of the hallway. He hadn't even heard her emerge from the bedroom. Ed's eyes flashed from Gaia to Heather, watching as Heather's face shriveled with resentment. Uh-oh. He could feel a catfight coming on. Just what they needed.

"What are you doing here?" Heather demanded. "Aren't you supposed to be missing or something? Or do you just live here now?"

"She's in real trouble," Ed piped up before Gaia could answer. "And so is Sam. And I'm trying to help. And if you're serious about this 'new leaf' you're turning over, if you really want to do something for me, then you'll do something for her." The words tumbled out in a rush. But he had to say them.

Heather's lips tightened. The seconds ticked by in silence as she stared at Ed. There was no way she would ever stick around. Not now. Not when she knew who was involved. But that was fine with him. She didn't deserve to get hurt anymore than they did.

He didn't get it, though. She wasn't budging.

Slowly, her features relaxed. Her gaze shifted back to Gaia.

"What can I do?" she asked simply.

Ed gasped. Of all the unbelievable things he'd witnessed today, in a way, this was the most far-fetched. Heather's offering to help Gaia? Maybe there had been an a.s.sa.s.sin at the door. Maybe he was already dead, and this was the after life-a freakish dream world where everybody morphed into the person they always should have been.

Gaia just smiled. "I have a plan. But we're going to need the FOHs."

Heather grimaced. "The whats?"

"Your friends. The Friends of Heather. We'll need them now. All of them."

To: L From: J Date: March 8 File: 776244 Subject: Gaia Moore Download of file was completed. ISP trace confirms Ed Fargo's ISP address. The subject is in that building.

To: J From: L Date: March 8 File: 776244 Subject: Gaia Moore Confirmed. Proceed as planned.

clones

The secret that had been festering inside him was finally out, whether it meant anything to her or not.

IT WAS AN IMAGE GAIA HAD ONLY seen in horrid fantasies: an all-star team of perfectly-primped FOHs, standing in a kind of pyramid formation in the hallway outside Ed's door. Heather was in front, flanked on one side by Carrie and Megan, on the other by Melanie and Laura. Each girl held a plastic shopping bag in her hands, and they were staring down Gaia with a look she could not even begin to decipher. They'd gazed at her with pure disgust so many times before-scanning her daily wardrobe from top to bottom, whispering hare-brained insults that were inevitably followed by piercing high-pitched giggles. But now they were silent. What were they even thinking?

"Well, we're here," Heather said. She didn't sound very happy.

Instinct screamed at Gaia to slam the door in their faces, but she knew that this instinct was the foundation for the subtle beauty of this plan. If Loki had been watching Gaia as carefully as he seemed to have been, then he knew full well that she had no female friends. He would never suspect the help of girls. Never.

"Come on in," Gaia said, stepping aside.

Without a word, they marched in single file-all of them eyeing Gaia curiously as they pa.s.sed. She had no idea how Heather had managed to do it... but Gaia really had to take her hat off to the girl. Unless they'd taken practical jokes and cruelty to a new low, it seemed as though they were committed. Why else would they have come? It was nothing short of a miracle.

"Where should we change?" Carrie asked. She didn't sound sn.o.bbish or bored, as per usual. In fact, she sounded eager.

"Follow me," Ed said. He led them to his bedroom.

Heather must have told them some lie, Gaia realized, watching them leave. She and Heather were left standing alone in the front hall. She must have told them that something glamorous or exciting was going to happen. Then again, she doesn't know much of the truth herself.

Heather glanced at her, then quickly looked away.

"Why are you doing this?" Gaia suddenly demanded. The question was meant to sound grateful, but there was a harsh undertone to her words. The bitterness was too deeply ingrained. Months of resentment were hard to erase, even under these circ.u.mstances.

"Because Ed asked me to," Heather answered. She paused for a moment, then looked Gaia straight in the eye. "And because I'm sick of myself. It's time to flush my past down the toilet. Especially the painful stuff. You know?"

Gaia nodded. Her heart contracteed with guilt. She couldn't help but wonder if "the painful stuff" was a veiled reference to that lonely fall night all those months ago, when Gaia had allowed Heather to wander into Washington Square Park-right into the arms of an attacker. Perhaps Heather was forgiving her for that. Or perhaps Heather was asking for Gaia's forgiveness for all the s.h.i.t she'd put her though. Either way, Gaia glimpsed something in that moment: a warmth in Heather's eyes she'd never realized existed. For the first time in her entire life, she thought she could understand why Sam and Ed had both fallen for her. But now was not the time for some corny confession.

"Why are your friends doing it?" Gaia asked.

"Because I told them to," Heather said, and her tone was cold again. "If you want to know the truth, I've been falling out of touch with them a little. This is a good excuse to get back in the loop. That's all." She hesitated, smirking. "And because they're all secretly dying to look like you."

Gaia's eyes narrowed. That statement wasn't just bizarre; it was offensive. Those girls had been ripping her to shreds for almost a year. Heather was obviously making fun of her. So much for the warmth. Whatever. People didn't become angels overnight. Gaia included. Heather could be allowed a couple of cheap shots. This was hard enough for both of them. Gaia would let it pa.s.s.

Heather sighed. "I'm going to go change. Here are your clothes." She handed Gaia a shopping bag, then vanished down the hall."You can pay me back whenever."

Gaia nodded. Yes. She would be sure to pay Heather back for this, and very soon. Not just for the expense. She owed Heather more than she could even articulate. Which would be terribly frightening in its own right-if she had any clue was to what "frightening" meant.

HEATHER GAPED AT HER REFLECTION in Ed's mirror. She wasn't sure what she was going through. Maybe it was horror. Definitely confusion. Her body tingled with an extremely unpleasant, p.r.i.c.kly sensation-as if she'd just been poked with thousands of ice-cold needles. And then she realized what it was. She was giving herself the creeps. Which was very fitting.

Twins So this is what it feels like. This is what it feels like to be Gaia Moore.

Her fingers trembled slightly as she ran her hand through the long blond wig she'd just put on. Then she tugged on the tank top and army pants she'd bought at the army-navy store on Bleecker. She grinned. Pretty d.a.m.n close, she had to admit. Except for the eyes. And face. Besides, Heather knew she couldn't begin to understand what it really felt like to be Gaia. Nor did she care to, quite frankly. But dressing in this freakish way was, well... empowering. She could almost imagine what was like not to give a s.h.i.t about anything or anyone.

Almost.

Heather leaned forward toward the mirror. Her lips curled in an approximation of that disinterested sneer Gaia always seemed to affect at school. Now that was power. She almost laughed. What would it be like to beat a bunch of testosterone-soaked jocks to a pulp the next time they leered at her? It must feel pretty d.a.m.n good- "Heather?" There was knock on the door. It was Gaia.

"One sec!" Blood rushed to Heather's face. She straightened and dropped the sneer. Jesus. What if Gaia had seen that little display? She wouldn't have been able to explain it. She barely knew what it meant herself.

The door opened, and Gaia stepped silently into the bathroom.

Heather gave her a quick glance from head to toe. The p.r.i.c.kly sensation returned. They were twins. The hair, the tank top, the army pants ... all of it matched perfectly. Their gazes met for a moment, then shifted to the mirror at the exact same time.

There was no telling them apart-at least, not for a few seconds.

"Holy s.h.i.t," Gaia breathed, as if she'd just discovered a particularly disgusting alien life form. "Look at us. What's the world coming to?"

"Good question," Heather muttered. She didn't really want to answer it, either. But now that Gaia was standing right beside her, she noticed that their faces were actually more alike than she'd previously suspected. Their cheekbones were similar: high and defined. As were their small noses. Only the eyes truly gave Heather's ident.i.ty away.

Gaia grabbed a comb from the side of the sink and began carefully flattening her hair to better match the wig.

"Look, I'm sorry I let you walk into the park that night," she abruptly announced.

Heather turned with a start. Where the h.e.l.l had that come from? But Gaia just kept combing her hair, as if she had merely commented on the weather or something equally as stupid. Apparently, the thought had just popped into her head. Unfortunately, it produced some very sudden, and very horrifying flashbacks for Heather. The glimmer of a blade. The searing pain as the knife punctured her body.

She shivered with the memory. Anger crept up on her. The wounds may have healed, but the scars remained. Particularly the mental ones. Why had Gaia let her walk into the park that night, knowing there were skinheads in there with knives? She'd warned some of Heather's friends to steer clear of the park. But she hadn't bothered to warn Heather. So either Gaia hated her that much, or cared that little.

"I never meant for that night to go down like that," Gaia said quietly, as if answering an unspoken accusation. She placed the comb back on the sink counter and turned to Heather. "It was a total misunderstanding. A screwup. And I've hated myself for it ever since."

Heather couldn't meet her gaze. She stared down at the floor, totally unprepared to have this conversation, totally caught off guard. Still, despite the swirl of conflicting emotion, she knew what she wanted to say. Yes... after everything she'd been through with Ed-after almost having gotten Ed killed with that stupid skating dare, she knew exactly what she wanted to say.

"Well, I can't forgive you," she breathed. "But I know what it's like to do something totally unforgivable, and to wish to more than anything in the world you could take back." The words stuck in her throat. "I know what that's like."

Gaia nodded. "It sucks," she said simply.

Heather laughed and glanced up. "Yeah." She sniffed. "You know-"

The door burst open. Jesus. Ed leaned into the bathroom on his crutches. His eyes darted between the two of them. "Man," he said. "This is so weird."

Heather rolled her eyes.

"We know," Gaia groaned."Can we move on, please?"

"Right," Ed said. He turned to Gaia. "I really need to talk to you before you go. I mean, now. I need to talk to you now."

Gaia frowned at him, then nodded. She followed him out of the bathroom. Ed turned back to Heather.

"You doing okay?" he asked.

Heather braved a smile. There was concern in his question, genuine concern-but no hint of the old connection between them. Maybe she'd wanted to see it so badly that she'd been projecting it on him all day. But she believed that they could start by building a real friendship, a new foundation- Give it up. It was pathetic. She was just deluding herself. She wanted Ed. And she would never have him. She'd blown it. Case closed.

"I'm fine," she lied. "You go ahead."

"Cool," Ed said. He barely looked at her as he slammed the bathroom door.

Heather turned back to the mirror. She blinked twice. Tears began to fall into the sink. She turned on the water and scrubbed her face harshly with soap. If Heather wanted to help Ed and complete her transformation into Gaia Moore, then she would have to wash her mask away. The problem was that she didn't know what lay beneath it anymore.