Fantasyland: Midnight Soul Part 37

"You're all simply being kind," I declared.

"Yeah, we girls do that for each other," Cora stated. "But, Franka, what you're dealing with, we would not blow sunshine. No way. If I didn't agree with Brikitta, I'd keep my mouth shut."

"Me too," Circe added.

"It also could be that you're denying what's growing between you and Master Noc, what we all can see quite vividly, because you wish to punish yourself as your parents have done for decades, not believing you deserve to be happy," Brikitta put in.

"I wish to cause no offense, but that's absurd," I told her, truly not wishing to cause offense, believing it was absurd. "Lest I remind you, I committed treason for Antoine."

"Nothing we're saying negates your feelings for him, Franka," Brikitta returned. "I know as fact you love your brother, and if he were to be taken by those witches, you would have done the same. Love makes us behave in a variety of manners we never would expect. You honored Antoine greatly with your action."

I blinked in utter shock at this declaration but my sister-in-law was not done.

"What I wish to make clear to you is that you don't dishonor him by living your life, feeling your feelings, thinking the thoughts you've had now that he's gone. They're natural. And you shouldn't punish yourself for them. And it should be noted that no relationship, no matter how much love there is or how strong it may be, is perfect. I've no doubt you wish to think back on Antoine and what you had with him only with a rosy hue." Her face softened. "But I think, my sister, that it's also a natural progression in the process of grief to come to the realization that what you had was strong and beautiful, but it was not what nothing ever can be...perfect."

She was not incorrect about that either.

It would seem for years I'd missed not only the fact my sister-in-law was quite pretty in her own way and gave my brother many precious things, but she was also quite wise.

"Not to mention, you put your life on the line to rectify that." Circe did her own reminding.

My eyes moved to her.

"And I put my brother and his family's lives on the line while committing the treason I committed," I continued my own reminding.

"Babe, you're churning through history," Cora noted. "History is history. Break free."

"You think it's that easy?" I asked her.

"I think it would be harder than h.e.l.l," she answered instantly. "But I also think Brikitta's right. Your parents," she shook her head, "not good people. I don't know what they made you believe about yourself but I was there in that jail. I heard what you said to them. I heard how they taught you to be. And I heard that you want to be something different. Don't let them hold you back. Okay, you were how you were. You did what you did. But that's over. Let that go. Let them go. And be who you want to be."

I looked away from all of them, lifted my forgotten teacup and took a sip of the now-cool contents.

"Just be his friend," Cora advised, reaching out a hand and wrapping her fingers around my thigh to give me a squeeze that I found quite bolstering. "He wants that. You need that. Don't fight that. And whatever happens from here..."

She trailed off and I looked at her and saw her compa.s.sionate smile and slight shrug.

Staring in her eyes, allowing all their words to penetrate, I realized in some ways I was still agitated.

An uncertain future had a way of causing that.

But in more important ways, I was far less.

They did not think my thoughts shameful. They didn't think any less of me after sharing them.

They were caring. And supportive.

And it couldn't be escaped.

It felt nice.

And d.a.m.n it all, I had to thank them for it.

"I appreciate you listening," I murmured, leaning forward to put my cup in its saucer.

"Anytime," Circe said.

"Definitely," Cora said.

"With pleasure, sister," Brikitta said.

I looked at them in turn, my lips tipped slightly up.

"Right, I want my babies. Naptime should be over. Should we pull the cord and have the nannies bring in the kids?" Circe asked, deftly changing the subject.

"I'd love that," Brikitta declared.

"I'm on it," Cora stated, jumping up and moving to the cord.

Now this was something to look forward to. The last several days, I'd spent some time with Timofei and in that time I'd been proved irrevocably correct. He was an almost unbearably handsome child, would most certainly grow up tall and straight like his father, and he was exceptionally intelligent.

I'd not seen him that day.

His arrival would take my mind from my troubles, much more than watching Noc excel with a bow.

Or at least I told myself that.

Prior to going down to avant-dinner drinks that evening, I stood in my dressing room with my brother, the doors to the locked wardrobe open, the chests also open, the furs folded, stacked and on display.

And my brother was speaking.

"Out of the question."

I'd just offered him his share.

"Kristian-"

He turned a severe look to me and I closed my mouth.

"You went before the evil she-G.o.d Minerva, your life most definitely on the line, she could have cut you low in a snap," he lifted his hand and did just that, "as penance for what you did. For my penance, I cowered in very well-appointed accommodations that, it's true, I was not at liberty to leave, but there was no danger to life and limb."

"You did what you did because of me," I reminded him.

"Stop that," he clipped.

I blinked in utter shock at his angry tone.

"You asked my a.s.sistance. I gave it to you," he stated sharply. "I was under no duress to do so. You didn't threaten me or my family. It was my choice, Franka, to help my sister who was in distress and I wanted to do something to alter that. I committed treason and I did it knowingly because I care about you. You bear no responsibility for that and I don't wish to upset you, love, but it's offensive you think me that weak that you feel you need to shoulder it for me."

"I didn't mean to offend," I replied in a feeble voice I'd not heard pa.s.s my lips, not ever, not even when my father was doling out his punishments.

"I know you didn't," Kristian responded, his tone now gentle. "But, sister, you did it all the same so I'm asking you to stop."

I tried a different tack.

"I certainly don't need all this, Kristian," I flicked a hand to the wardrobe, "and you know it's true. I could give you but a quarter of it and you and Brikitta would want for nothing for the rest of your lives."

"We did not earn that treasure," he retorted.

"Fine, if you believe I did, then it's mine to do with as I wish and I wish to share it with you. And," I said my last word tersely, "if you refuse it again, then I'll bestow it on Timofei, then, when he or she arrives, I'll bestow more on your unborn child. That you cannot refuse."

He scowled into my face for a long moment before he muttered, "You're very stubborn."

"Do not say this as if you haven't known it about me the extent of your life," I returned.

He looked to the treasure displayed.

I waited.

My brother said nothing.

I grew impatient.

"I've just decided to visit a goldsmith and have him immediately begin work on a set for Brikitta, earrings, necklace, bracelets, rings, at least one hundred Sjofn ice diamonds, with perhaps a few Korwahkian gems thrown in," I declared.

Kristian looked to me, grinning and shaking his head.

"You've always been impossible," he declared.

I tossed my head. "A trait of which I'm most proud."

His next came abruptly, with no warning.

Though, even warned, it was one thing all my life I knew I could never endure without breaking.

"You know I love you."

I took a small step back.

My brother did not take this nonverbal cue.

"From the first memory I have of you, I fell in love with you. As a child, you were so beautiful, dazzling, and that never changed. And even then, I felt your strength."

"Please, Kristian," I whispered.

"I would not be here without you."

"That's not true."

"You know it is. My mind would have broken. They'd have driven me literally mad."

I shook my head. "Kristian, don't."

He ignored my plea.

"I will love you until my dying breath. And I will tell my children stories of your courage and strength and the depth of love you had for me so often they will love you until their dying breath. And they will share this with their children in a way that the name Franka Drakkar will never die, but will be spoken with devotion and reverence until my line ceases to exist."

I felt them, cold and wet, hovering on my cheekbones. The burn in my throat threatened to consume me as I fought to keep them back, but I failed.

They fell down my cheeks.

"Please go to this other world and find happiness, sister," Kristian whispered.

I nodded, swallowed, and more tears fell.

He opened his arms and continued whispering.

"Now please come here so I can hold you."

My feet moved me directly to him, right into his arms.

They closed around me.

The instant they did, the sob wracked through me.

It was painful, pain so deep, there was no cure.

And it was cleansing, a clean so thorough, I'd never, not once in my life, felt so pure.

"I wish I had magic like you do," he said into the top of my hair. "I'd wipe away the scars that mar your beauty with ugly memories and remind you that you were never allowed to be happy. Doing this making you believe you have that right and you should reach for it."

"Y-you...m-must...stop," I stammered through my weeping.

"For you, Franka, I will stop."

And he did as promised, holding me as the wet poured forth. Years of tears I was not allowed to shed, I did so, letting them leak into my brother's shirt, dousing it, giving him the privilege for once, of returning the favor and absorbing my pain.

When I quieted to unladylike hiccoughs I didn't have the energy to feel mortification over, his arms tightened and he said quietly, "You give Brikitta and I what you wish to give from your treasure, love, and we'll accept it with glad hearts."

I nodded.

One of his arms left me so he could put a fist light to the underside of my chin. He leaned back as he lifted it and looked down at me.

"I shall call Josette to see to you. Would you like me to share with the others that you'll need to miss drinks and will join us at the dinner table?"

This meant I looked a fright.