Everyday I Get Up To See The Villain Stealing The Show Chapter 1

Han Changsheng arrogantly sat cross-legged in the hall of Yanluo1. At the end of the hall sat the sinister judge, at his sides stood the Black and White Impermanence2.

The judge bitterly declared: “Villain, you know your sin!”

Han Changsheng laughed coldly: “I don't know.”

The judge's expression grew darker. This guy was giving him a headache. He ordered the two deities to punish the man with a hundred lashes. The mortal wielded his extraordinary worldly martial arts, still futilely trying to resist only to be knocked down by the Black Impermanence's staff. It struck him to the point where his flesh tore open. Yet he clenched his teeth, still enduring, refusing to bow his head to Death.

To begin explaining how this all came to be, it all started at the beginning of a very long story.

It was said that in the Heavens there existed a world of immortals and in this world of immortals, there was an immortal lord. His name was Lord An Yuan. Lord An Yuan was an upright and proper immortal. During his time as lord, he took it upon himself to rid the world of monsters and demons through any means necessary. At the end of his long immortal life, it was required of him to descend to the world of mortals and conquer it3. After returning to Heaven, he would be capable of ascending into a higher immortal.

Lord An Yuan descended to gain experience, and the Overseer of Fates4 wrote him a fate that read as such: he was born into an ordinary household and joined the famous Yuehua Sect, the most revered and respected sect in the underground world of martial arts. As a youth, he took on the great responsibility of eradicating demonic cults. After encountering a string of misfortunes, he was helped by a capable person and obtained rich and resonant internal power5 throughout his whole body. Then once again due to coincidence, he picked up a rare long-lost martial arts book. After training diligently, he became the top master in the world of martial arts, defeating the heads of Tianning Cult6, and triumphing over their leader Han Changsheng. With these virtuous achievements coming to their successful conclusions, he returned to the position of an immortal.

In fact, this was a fate of excellent standard. In order to advance one must first struggle, through his efforts Lord An Yuan's will would be sharpened and the conditions in the world of martial arts and cultivation would be amended. However, if things had truly been that simple, then Han Changsheng would not be here at this moment.

Pa! The judge slammed his hand onto the table angrily. Bitter and hateful, he said: “Lord An Yuan was walking on the right path. He did not provoke or anger you. Why did you kick him down the cliff and obstruct his fate?! A month after he would have gone to find the mysterious old man who would be able to pa.s.s on internal power to him. The turning point of his fate was soon to arrive–” The more he spoke, the more ardent he felt. Suddenly he took a deep breath and pointed at Han Changsheng's nose, spitting. “You! Speak, why did you kick Lord An Yuan off a cliff to his death!”

—— Demonic Head Han Changsheng had committed the first mistake in the ways of acting as a villain: Getting rid of the protagonist before he could become powerful.

It is reasonable to say that this Han Changsheng is merely a mortal. He couldn't have known what was known only to heaven. It was even more unlikely that he would know that he'd be defeated by Lord An Yuan just a few years later. Then why had he kicked the innocent Lord An Yuan off a cliff without any rhyme or reason?! Lord An Yuan had yet to obtain what would have been his internal power, yet was made to die, hanging on a branch as soon as he'd descended. His excellent fate had been completely ruined by the Demonic Cult cultivator! His Heavenly Punishment7 had yet to be completed meaning he could not return. When Yanluo collected Lord An Yuan's soul, he hadn't the faintest idea of how to deal with it, but he couldn't guide him to Heaven for debriefing. In his rage, he commanded the spirits of the deceased to take hold of Han Changsheng's spirit for punishment.

Han Changsheng confidently spoke: “Serves him right! Who told him to let lao zi8 hear him slander Tianning Cult's teachings!”

The judge gave a look of disdain, almost crossing to heaven. Resisting his temper, he grit his teeth and said: "Mortal, I will give you one more chance. I can help you return together with An Yuan to the moment when you encountered him on the mountain road. You must not kick him again. Then you must take charge of his fate and follow it in accordance with the proper example and change it. a.s.sist Lord An Yuan with his Heavenly Punishment!"

Han Changsheng coldly stated: “Don't even consider it!”

“You!” The judge said angrily: “You defy fate, you! You!”

The Black Impermanence took a step forward and spoke: “You seem to be determined to go against fate. In that case, we shall cast you down to the 18th layer of h.e.l.l9 where you will be left to suffer!” With the wave of his hand, the bitter scene of the 18th layer of h.e.l.l appeared in front of Han Changsheng. A pair of scissors cut a spirit's fingers, a spirit was skinned and forced to climb a sago palm10 only to fall after reaching the top, scalding copper pillars were cast to brand a spirit…

Han Changsheng's face remained unchanged: “I am the grand head of Tianning Cult. You think I fear these misfortunes? Never!”

The White Impermanence took a step forward and said: “Hmph, inappropriate.” He waved his hand, and the bitter scenes disappeared. He took out a book from his bosom and leisurely said: “This mortal is not a timid person, furthermore, he is very rebellious and egotistic. The more we force him, the more he will go against it. These methods of dread are unable to scare him. Come, examine my book. It has a record of all the characteristics that this man has.”

The White Impermanence read aloud: “Han Changsheng pays the utmost attention to his image. He spends a generous amount of time looking in the mirror daily. No one is allowed to be more handsome than he.” Having said that, he closed the book and with a wave of his hand, another scene appeared in front of Han Changsheng: indeed it was a three-inch Ding valley bark11 of a man and his face was covered with red marks and black sores. His image was wretched, unbearable to look at.

Han Changsheng immediately revealed an expression of disgust.

The White Impermanence said: “This person is the one you'll be reborn as in your next life."

Han Changsheng's round eyes widened as if struck by lightning: “What?!”

The White Impermanence sized up his expression and smoothly spoke: “You defy fate and do various evils, certainly in your next life you'll taste the bitter fruit12. This is your next life; without an inch to hold onto, begging for the rest of your life, disdained by all. You'll live to the ripe age of 99 - and before you reincarnate you won't even be given a chance to drink Meng Po Tang13.”

Han Changsheng's face was already white. In other words, he would have to endure 99 years of a dreadful life with the memory of these insane evil spirits?!

The Black Impermanence smiled and said: “You also like beauties, moreover, good-looking men.”

Han Changsheng suddenly had an even worse premonition.

The White Impermanence waved his hand and in front of Han Changsheng appeared a bunch of hideous men: “These are the people who will be by your side in the next life. They will accompany you closely every day, eating and living together.”

Han Changsheng took in a breath of cold air.

The Black Impermanence and the judge quietly whispered amongst themselves: “Will this work? He doesn't even fear the 18th level of h.e.l.l, doesn't begging seem like nothing?”

Han Changsheng grit his teeth saying: "You think you can threaten me relying on these kinds of means?”

The judge sighed: “Seems its useless.”

Han Changsheng suddenly stood up, his expression changed and his face became upright and his whole body was overcome by an air of righteousness: “In that case, you'll let me go back now! From now on, I 'll start providing disaster relief provisions, practice medicine to aid the world, teach the principles of truth, and help the good! Surely, grasping the world of cultivation and martial arts and managing it justly will be refreshing! I, Han Changsheng, will torment the lives of whosoever dares harbour evil and disturb the air in the community of martial artists!"

The eyes of the judge and Black Impermanence also changed and they stared at the White Impermanence with adoration.

The White Impermanence smiled, taking the book and returning to the judge's side.

“Cough.” The judge cleared his throat and said: “Actually that won't do either. If you mend your ways, what would you have Lord An Yuan do? He is the hero, you are the major villain, you can't steal the show. I'll let you go back, you'll still act as the head of the demonic cult and continue as before with your evil deeds. However, you can no longer disrupt Lord An Yuan's life and from the shadows, you'll even aid him until ultimately meeting the edge of his blade!”

Han Changsheng angrily grit his teeth. He still had to help that bulls.h.i.t Immortal Lord to personally murder him? Was there really anything worse than this? However, recalling what the White Impermanence had said, he was forced to swallow his resentment.

The judge spoke: “Since you already understand the fundamentals, I'll let you go back. Using my mana14, you can turn back time in the mortal realm and return to the moment before you kicked the Immortal Lord off the mountain. Quickly go back and correct your mistake. How you should act afterwards, the Black and White Impermanence will give you a proper explanation. You must do your best to aid the Lord in traversing the mortal world.”

Han Changsheng shouted: “Lao zi does not fear death! You let the dog Lord kill lao zi and lao zi will recognize it, but lao zi will definitely not help the dog Lord ascend!”

The judge spoke coldly: “As of now, because of you, his earthly fate has already changed and you must correct it.”

Han Changsheng responded: “In that case, what does lao zi have to live for!”

The White Impermanence's tone softened and he smiled: “So you'll help Lord An Yuan succeed as soon as possible and promptly end your dull and tedious life.” With a wave of his sleeve, those ugly faces flashed before Han Changsheng's eyes once more.

Han Changsheng violently clenched his fists and he forcibly restrained himself. After being at a loss for a while, he asked: “Then my next life…?”

The judge replied: “If you're capable of accomplishing this smoothly, aiding Lord An Yuan in returning to his position, it will be regarded as a great achievement and virtue and will make up for the sins of your previous life. I'll help you pick out a good sh.e.l.l of a handsome ruthless mad tyrant for you to reincarnate as.”

Han Changsheng continued: “Then by my side…?”

The judge struck the table: “Beautiful men are abundant! Even more so I can pull a few strings, and bring your favourite beauties to your side when you reincarnate, and you can continue to lead with them as before!”

Han Changsheng closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Clenching his teeth he said: “Deal!”

The author has something to say:

Teasing the demonic cult's leader again~~ Have you ever seen a novel where the protagonist has been killed by the villain before he has even appeared?!

Requesting comments, requesting flowers15, requesting bookmarks!

Thanks to the local tyrants who haven't dug a pit yet and started throwing landmines16!

This one has a lot of folklore in it and I'm loving it! I hope you guys like it. We had so much research to do but Cherry really went above and beyond with the footnotes

｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Cherry literally is dead asleep right now from staying up but I woke her up for a short message before posting this, it's right below. – Bean

This was fun.

1Yanluo: In East Asian and Buddhist mythology, Yanluo (sometimes known as the King of h.e.l.l, King Yan or Yama) is a wrathful G.o.d said to judge the dead and preside over the Narakas (“h.e.l.ls” or “Purgatories”) and the cycle of the afterlife.

2The Heibai Wuchang, literally “Black and White Impermanence”, are two deities in Chinese folk religion in charge of escorting the spirits of the dead to the Underworld. As their names suggest, they are dressed in black and white respectively.

3Basically, heavenly punishment is where a tao G.o.d sends the person down from heaven for trying to cultivate an immortal in a mortal body.

4Literally an immortal who writes fates, there wasn't really a word for it that I could find so I had to come up with something close. Sounds pretty cool in my opinion.

5Internal Energy, also called Internal Strength / Internal Power / Internal Force, is cultivated energy within a martial artist's body. Utilizing it, a martial artist can accomplish superhuman feats of speed, agility, strength, endurance, etc.… It can even be used to heal wounds and nullify poisons.

6The original word was 教 jiào, which is a religious sect, rather than (宗 zōng) (派 pài) which is sect. But since it teaches demonic teachings, it was suggested that I used cult rather than religious sect. Same thing amirite? Please don't come for me, that was a joke.

7Refer to footnote 3.

8Arrogant way of referring to oneself. It's in under case cause apparently, it's also the name of an ancient Chinese philosopher and writer. He is the reputed author of the Tao Te Ching, the founder of philosophical Taoism, and a deity in religious Taoism and traditional Chinese religions. So I felt that treating it like a noun and capitalizing would be weird. But eh that's probs just me.

9In the Eighteen Levels of h.e.l.l, sinners feel pain and agony just like living humans when they are subjected to different types of torture. They cannot “die” from the torture because when the ordeal is over, their bodies will be restored to their original states for the torture to be repeated. Here's a link if you're curious about how bad the tortures are. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diyu#Eighteen_Levels_of_h.e.l.l)

10Sago Palms are symmetrical plants that support a crown of shiny, dark green leaves on a thick s.h.a.ggy trunk. It can grow into very old specimens with 6-7 m (over 20 feet) of trunk.

11Three-inch Ding valley bark essentially means short but a full explanation goes that Three-inch Ding refers to a useless/short man while the valley bark came from a mistake where it originally referred to the bark of a tree that could only be used to make paper thus even more so weak/useless. This was a short lesson in weird Chinese terms brought to you by Bean.

12Taste bitter fruit: Chinese figure of speech for experience painful consequences.

13Meng Po Tang is a kind of tea soup in Chinese folklore that allows one to forget all their troubles and all that they loved and hated. Legend has it that Meng Po Tang it made through the combination of human spirits with the medicinal materials of the secular world.

14Mana: Magic power

15Its like a "Like" on the original website don't think too much about it. ;P

16Anyone more familiar with Chinese Web Novel slang, if you can explain this to me I will be grateful forever.