Every Man out of His Humour Part 36

PUNT. Sirrah, close your lips, or I will drop it in thine eyes, by heaven.

CAR. O! O!

CONS. [WITHIN] Open the door, or I will break it open.

MACI. Nay, good constable, have patience a little; you shall come in presently; we have almost done.

[PUNTARVOLO SEALS UP CARLO'S LIPS.

PUNT. So, now, are you Out of your Humour, sir? Shift, gentlemen [THEY ALL DRAW, AND RUN OUT, EXCEPT FUNGOSO, WHO CONCEALS HIMSELF BENEATH THE TABLE.

ENTER CONSTABLE AND OFFICERS, AND SEIZE FASTIDIOUS AS HE IS RUSHING BY.

CONS. Lay hold upon this gallant, and pursue the rest.

FAST. Lay hold on me, sir, for what?

CONS. Marry, for your riot here, sir, with the rest of your companions.

FAST. My riot! master constable, take heed what you do. Carlo, did I offer any violence?

CONS. O, sir, you see he is not in case to answer you, and that makes you so peremptory.

RE-ENTER GEORGE AND DRAWER.

FAST. Peremptory! 'Slife, I appeal to the drawers, if I did him any hard measure.

GEORGE. They are all gone, there's none of them will be laid any hold on.

CONS. Well, sir, you are like to answer till the rest can be found out.

FAST. 'Slid, I appeal to George here.

CONS. Tut, George was not here: away with him to the Counter, sirs. -- Come, sir, you were best get yourself drest somewhere.

[EXEUNT CONST. AND OFFICERS, WITH FAST. AND CAR.

GEORGE. Good lord, that master Carlo could not take heed, and knowing what a gentleman the knight is, if he be angry.

DRAWER. A pox on 'em, they have left all the meat on our hands; would they were choaked with it for me!

RE-ENTER MACILENTE.

MACI. What, are they gone, sirs?

GEORGE. O, here's master Macilente.

MACI. [POINTING TO FUNGOSO.] Sirrah, George, do you see that concealment there, that napkin under the table?

GEORGE. 'Ods so, signior Fungoso!

MACI. He's good p.a.w.n for the reckoning; be sure you keep him here, and let him not go away till I come again, though he offer to discharge all; I'll return presently.

GEORGE. Sirrah, we have a p.a.w.n for the reckoning.

DRAW. What, of Macilente?

GEORGE. No; look under the table.

FUNG. [CREEPING OUT.] I hope all be quiet now; if I can get but forth of this street, I care not: masters, I pray you tell me, is the constable gone?

GEORGE. What, master Fungoso!

FUNG. Was't not a good device this same of me, sirs?

GEORGE. Yes, faith; have you been here all this while?

FUNG. O lord, ay; good sir, look an the coast be clear, I'd fain be going.

GEORGE. All's clear, sir, but the reckoning; and that you must clear and pay before you go, I a.s.sure you.

FUNG. I pay! 'Slight, I eat not a bit since I came into the house, yet.

DRAW. Why, you may when you please, 'tis all ready below that was bespoken.

FUNG. Bespoken! not by me, I hope?

GEORGE. By you, sir! I know not that; but 'twas for you and your company, I am sure.

FUNG. My company! 'Slid, I was an invited guest, so I was.

DRAW. Faith we have nothing to do with that, sir: they are all gone but you, and we must be answered; that's the short and the long on't.

FUNG. Nay, if you will grow to extremities, my masters, then would this pot, cup, and all were in my belly, if I have a cross about me.

GEORGE. What, and have such apparel! do not say so, signior; that mightily discredits your clothes.

FUNG. As I am an honest man, my tailor had all my money this morning, and yet I must be fain to alter my suit too. Good sirs, let me go, 'tis Friday night, and in good truth I have no stomach in the world to eat any thing.

DRAW. That's no matter, so you pay, sir.

FUNG. 'Slight, with what conscience can you ask me to pay that I never drank for?

GEORGE. Yes, sir, I did see you drink once.

FUNG. By this cup, which is silver, but you did not; you do me infinite wrong: I looked in the pot once, indeed, but I did not drink.

DRAW. Well, sir, if you can satisfy our master, it shall be all one to us.

WITHIN. George!

GEORGE. By and by.

[EXEUNT.