Every Man out of His Humour Part 30

MIT. Ay, marry, sir, this is that, on which my expectation has dwelt all this while; for I must tell you, signior, though I was loth to interrupt the scene, yet I made it a question in mine own private discourse, how he should properly call it "Every Man out of his Humour", when I saw all his actors so strongly pursue, and continue their humours?

COR. Why, therein his art appears most full of l.u.s.tre, and approacheth nearest the life; especially when in the flame and height of their humours, they are laid flat, it fills the eye better, and with more contentment.

How tedious a sight were it to behold a proud exalted tree kept and cut down by degrees, when it might be fell'd in a moment! and to set the axe to it before it came to that pride and fulness, were, as not to have it grow.

MIT. Well, I shall long till I see this fall, you talk of.

COR. To help your longing, signior, let your imagination be swifter than a pair of oars: and by this, suppose Puntarvolo, Brisk, Fungoso, and the dog, arrived at the court-gate, and going up to the great chamber.

Macilente and Sogliardo, we'll leave them on the water, till possibility and natural means may land them. Here come the gallants, now prepare your expectations.

ACT V

SCENE I. -- THE PALACE STAIRS.

ENTER PUNTARVOLO, WITH HIS DOG, FOLLOWED BY FASTIDIOUS BRISK AND FUNGOSO.

PUNT. Come, gentles, Signior, you are sufficiently instructed.

FAST. Who, I, sir?

PUNT. No, this gentleman. But stay, I take thought how to bestow my dog; he is no competent attendant for the presence.

FAST. Ma.s.s, that's true, indeed, knight; you must not carry him into the presence.

PUNT. I know it, and I, like a dull beast, forgot to bring one of my cormorants to attend me.

FAST. Why, you were best leave him at the porter's lodge.

PUNT. Not so; his worth is too well known amongst them, to be forth-coming.

FAST. 'Slight, how will you do then?

PUNT. I must leave him with one that is ignorant of his quality, if I will have him to be safe. And see! here comes one that will carry coals, ergo, will hold my dog.

ENTER A GROOM, WITH A BASKET.

My honest friend, may I commit the tuition of this dog to thy prudent care?

GROOM. You may, if you please, sir.

PUNT. Pray thee let me find thee here at my return; it shall not be long, till I will ease thee of thy employment, and please thee. Forth, gentles.

FAST. Why, but will you leave him with so slight command, and infuse no more charge upon the fellow?

PUNT. Charge! no; there were no policy in that; that were to let him know the value of the gem he holds, and so to tempt frail nature against her disposition. No, pray thee let thy honesty be sweet, as it shall be short.

GROOM. Yes, sir.

PUNT. But hark you, gallants, and chiefly monsieur Brisk: when we come in eye-shot, or presence of this lady, let not other matters carry us from our project; but, if we can, single her forth to some place --

FAST. I warrant you.

PUNT. And be not too sudden, but let the device induce itself with good circ.u.mstance. On.

FUNG. Is this the way? good truth, here be fine hangings.

[EXEUNT PUNT., FAST., AND FUNGOSO.

GROOM. Honesty! sweet, and short! Marry, it shall, sir, doubt you not; for even at this instant if one would give me twenty pounds, I would not deliver him; there's for the sweet: but now, if any man come offer me but two-pence, he shall have him; there's for the short now. 'Slid, what a mad humorous gentleman is this to leave his dog with me! I could run away with him now, an he were worth any thing.

ENTER MACILENTE AND SOGLIARDO.

MACI. Come on, signior, now prepare to court this all-witted lady, most naturally, and like yourself.

SOG. Faith, an you say the word, I'll begin to her in tobacco.

MACI. O, fie on't! no; you shall begin with, "How does my sweet lady", or, "Why are you so melancholy, madam?" though she be very merry, it's all one. Be sure to kiss your hand often enough; pray for her health, and tell her, how "More than most fair she is". Screw your face at one side thus, and protest: let her fleer, and look askance, and hide her teeth with her fan, when she laughs a fit, to bring her into more matter, that's nothing: you must talk forward, (though it be without sense, so it be without blushing,) 'tis most court-like and well.

SOG. But shall I not use tobacco at all?

MACI. O, by no means; 'twill but make your breath suspected, and that you use it only to confound the rankness of that.

SOG. Nay, I'll be advised, sir, by my friends.

MACI. Od's my life, see where sir Puntarvolo's dog is.

GROOM. I would the gentleman would return for his follower here, I'll leave him to his fortunes else.

MACI. 'Twere the only true jest in the world to poison him now; ha! by this hand I'll do it, if I could but get him of the fellow. [ASIDE.]

Signior Sogliardo, walk aside, and think upon some device to entertain the lady with.

SOG. So I do, sir.

[WALKS OFF IN A MEDITATING POSTURE.

MACI. How now, mine honest friend! whose dog-keeper art thou?

GROOM. Dog-keeper, sir! I hope I scorn that, i'faith.

MACI. Why, dost thou not keep a dog?

GROOM. Sir, now I do, and now I do not: [THROWS OFF THE DOG.] I think this be sweet and short. Make me his dog-keeper!

[EXIT.

MACI. This is excellent, above expectation! nay, stay, sir; [SEIZING THE DOG.] you'd be travelling; but I'll give you a dram shall shorten your voyage, here. [GIVES HIM POISON.] So, sir, I'll be bold to take my leave of you. Now to the Turk's court in the devil's name, for you shall never go o' G.o.d's name. [KICKS HIM OUT.] -- Sogliardo, come.

SOG. I have it i'faith now, will sting it.

MACI. Take heed you leese it not signior, ere you come there; preserve it.

[EXEUNT.