Every Man out of His Humour Part 15

FAL. Ah, the sweet grace of a courtier!

MACI. Well, would my father had left me but a good face for my portion yet! though I had shared the unfortunate with that goes with it, I had not cared; I might have pa.s.sed for somewhat in the world then.

FAST. Why, a.s.sure you, signior, rich apparel has strange virtues: it makes him that hath it without means, esteemed for an excellent wit: he that enjoys it with means, puts the world in remembrance of his means: it helps the deformities of nature, and gives l.u.s.tre to her beauties; makes continual holiday where it shines; sets the wits of ladies at work, that otherwise would be idle; furnisheth your two-shilling ordinary; takes possession of your stage at your new play; and enricheth your oars, as scorning to go with your scull.

MACI. Pray you, sir, add this; it gives respect to your fools, makes many thieves, as many strumpets, and no fewer bankrupts.

FAL. Out, out! unworthy to speak where he breatheth.

FAST. What's he, signior?

DELI. A friend of mine, sir.

FAST. By heaven I wonder at you citizens, what kind of creatures you are!

DELI. Why, sir?

FAST. That you can consort yourselves with such poor seam-rent fellows.

FAL. He says true.

DELI. Sir, I will a.s.sure you, however you esteem of him, he's a man worthy of regard.

FAST. Why, what has he in him of such virtue to be regarded, ha?

DELI. Marry, he is a scholar, sir.

FAST. Nothing else!

DELI. And he is well travell'd.

FAST. He should get him clothes; I would cherish those good parts of travel in him, and prefer him to some n.o.bleman of good place.

DELI. Sir, such a benefit should bine me to you for ever, in my friend's right; and I doubt not, but his desert shall more than answer my praise.

FAST. Why, an he had good clothes, I'd carry him to court with me to-morrow.

DELI. He shall not want for those, sir, if gold and the whole city will furnish him.

FAST. You say well, sir: faith, signior Deliro, I am come to have you play the alchemist with me, and change the species of my land into that metal you talk of.

DELI. With all my heart, sir; what sum will serve you?

FAST. Faith, some three or four hundred.

DELI. Troth, sir, I have promised to meet a gentleman this morning in Paul's, but upon my return I'll dispatch you.

FAST. I'll accompany you thither.

DELI. As you please, sir; but I go not thither directly.

FAST. 'Tis no matter, I have no other designment in hand, and therefore as good go along.

DELI. I were as good have a quartain fever follow me now, for I shall ne'er be rid of him. Bring me a cloak there, one. Still, upon his grace at court, I am sure to be visited; I was a beast to give him any hope.

Well, would I were in, that I am out with him once, and -- Come, signior Macilente, I must confer with you, as we go. Nay, dear wife, I beseech thee, forsake these moods: look not like winter thus. Here, take my keys, open my counting-houses, spread all my wealth before thee, choose any object that delights thee: if thou wilt eat the spirit of gold, and drink dissolved pearl in wine, 'tis for thee.

FAL. So, sir!

DELI. Nay, my sweet wife.

FAL. Good lord, how you are perfumed in your terms and all! pray you leave us.

DELI. Come, gentlemen.

FAST. Adieu, sweet lady.

[EXEUNT ALL BUT FALLACE.

FAL. Ay, ay! let thy words ever sound in mine ears, and thy graces disperse contentment through all my senses! O, how happy is that lady above other ladies, that enjoys so absolute a gentleman to her servant! "A countess gives him her hand to kiss": ah, foolish countess! he's a man worthy, if a woman may speak of a man's worth, to kiss the lips of an empress.

RE-ENTER FUNGOSO, WITH HIS TAILOR.

FUNG. What's master Fastidious gone, sister?

FAL. Ay, brother. -- He has a face like a cherubin!

[ASIDE.

FUNG. 'Ods me, what luck's this? I have fetch'd my tailor and all: which way went he, sister, can you tell?

FAL. Not I, in good faith -- and he has a body like an angel!

[ASIDE.

FUNG. How long is't since he went?

FAL. Why, but e'en now; did you not meet him? -- and a tongue able to ravish any woman in the earth.

[ASIDE.

FUNG. O, for G.o.d's sake -- I'll please you for your pains, [TO HIS TAILOR.] -- But e'en now, say you? Come, good sir: 'slid, I had forgot it too: if any body ask for mine uncle Sogliardo, they shall have him at the herald's office yonder, by Paul's [EXIT WITH HIS TAILOR.

FAL. Well, I will not altogether despair: I have heard of a citizen's wife has been beloved of a courtier; and why not I? heigh, ho! well, I will into my private chamber, lock the door to me, and think over all his good parts one after another.

[EXIT.

MIT. Well, I doubt, this last scene will endure some grievous torture.

COR. How? you fear 'twill be rack'd by some hard construction?

MIT. Do not you?

COR. No, in good faith: unless mine eyes could light me beyond sense. I see no reason why this should be more liable to the rack than the rest: you'll say, perhaps, the city will not take it well that the merchant is made here to doat so perfectly upon his wife; and she again to be so 'Fastidiously' affected as she is.

MIT. You have utter'd my thought, sir, indeed.