Every Man out of His Humour Part 10

GENT. No, sir, he is from home, but his lady is within.

PUNT. His lady! what, is she fair, splendidious, and amiable?

GENT. O, Lord, sir.

PUNT. Prithee, dear nymph, intreat her beauties to shine on this side of the building.

[EXIT WAITING-GENTLEWOMAN FROM THE WINDOW.

CAR. That he may erect a new dial of compliment, with his gnomons and his puntilios.

FAST. Nay, thou art such another cynic now, a man had need walk uprightly before thee.

CAR. Heart, can any man walk more upright than he does? Look, look; as if he went in a frame, or had a suit of wainscot on: and the dog watching him, lest he should leap out on't.

FAST. O, villain!

CAR. Well, an e'er I meet him in the city, I'll have him jointed, I'll p.a.w.n him in Eastcheap, among the butchers, else.

FAST. Peace; who be these, Carlo?

ENTER SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO.

SORD. Yonder's your G.o.dfather; do your duty to him, son.

SOG. This, sir? a poor elder brother of mine, sir, a yeoman, may dispend some seven or eight hundred a year; that's his son, my nephew, there.

PUNT. You are not ill come, neighbour Sordido, though I have not yet said, well-come; what, my G.o.dson is grown a great proficient by this.

SORD. I hope he will grow great one day, sir.

FAST. What does he study? the law?

SOG. Ay, sir, he is a gentleman, though his father be but a yeoman.

CAR. What call you your nephew, signior?

SOG. Marry, his name is Fungoso.

CAR. Fungoso! O, he look'd somewhat like a sponge in that pink'd yellow doublet, methought; well, make much of him; I see he was never born to ride upon a mule.

GENT. [REAPPEARS AT THE WINDOW.] My lady will come presently, sir.

SOG. O, now, now!

PUNT. Stand by, retire yourselves a s.p.a.ce; nay, pray you, forget not the use of your hat; the air is piercing.

[SORDIDO AND FUNGOSO WITHDRAW.

FAST. What! will not their presence prevail against the current of his humour?

CAR. O, no; it's a mere flood, a torrent carries all afore it.

[LADY PUNTARVOLO APPEARS AT THE WINDOW.

PUNT. What more than heavenly pulchritude is this.

What magazine, or treasury of bliss?

Dazzle, you organs to my optic sense, To view a creature of such eminence: O, I am planet-struck, and in yon sphere A brighter star than Venus doth appear!

FAST. How! in verse!

CAR. An extacy, an extacy, man.

LADY P. [ABOVE] is your desire to speak with me, sir knight?

CAR. He will tell you that anon; neither his brain nor his body are yet moulded for an answer.

PUNT. Most debonair, and luculent lady, I decline me as low as the basis of your alt.i.tude.

COR. He makes congies to his wife in geometrical proportions.

MIT. Is it possible there should be any such humorist?

COR. Very easily possible, sir, you see there is.

PUNT. I have scarce collected my spirits, but lately scattered in the administration of your form; to which, if the bounties of your mind be any way responsible, I doubt not but my desires shall find a smooth and secure pa.s.sage. I am a poor knight-errant, lady, that hunting in the adjacent forest, was, by adventure, in the pursuit of a hart, brought to this place; which hart, dear madam, escaped by enchantment: the evening approaching myself and servant wearied, my suit is, to enter your fair castle and refresh me.

LADY. Sir knight, albeit it be not usual with me, chiefly in the absence of a husband, to admit any entrance to strangers, yet in the true regard of those innated virtues, and fair parts, which so strive to express themselves, in you; I am resolved to entertain you to the best of my unworthy power; which I acknowledge to be nothing, valued with what so worthy a person may deserve. Please you but stay while I descend.

[EXIT FROM THE WINDOW.

PUNT. Most admired lady, you astonish me.

[WALKS ASIDE WITH SORDIDO AND HIS SON.

CAR. What! with speaking a speech of your own penning?

FAST. Nay, look: prithee, peace.

CAR. Pox on't! I am impatient of such foppery.

FAST. O let us hear the rest.

CAR. What! a tedious chapter of courtship, after sir Lancelot and queen Guenever? Away! I marle in what dull cold nook he found this lady out; that, being a woman, she was blest with no more copy of wit but to serve his humour thus. 'Slud, I think he feeds her with porridge, I: she could never have such a thick brain else.

SOG. Why, is porridge so hurtful, signior?

CAR. O, nothing under heaven more prejudicial to those ascending subtle powers, or doth sooner abate that which we call 'ac.u.men ingenii', than your gross fare: Why, I'll make you an instance; your city-wives, but observe 'em, you have not more perfect true fools in the world bred than they are generally; and yet you see, by the fineness and delicacy of their diet, diving into the fat capons, drinking your rich wines, feeding on larks, sparrows, potato-pies, and such good unctuous meats, how their wits are refined and rarified; and sometimes a very quintessence of conceit flows from them, able to drown a weak apprehension.

ENTER LADY PUNTARVOLO AND HER WAITING-WOMAN.

FAST. Peace, here comes the lady..

LADY. Gad's me, here's company! turn in again.

[EXIT WITH HER WOMAN.