Every Man in His Humour Part 22

PIS. Most true, sir.

THO. Thanks, gentle Piso: where is Cob? now: Cob?

[EXIT Th.o.r.eLLO.]

BIA. He's ever calling for Cob, I wonder how he employs Cob so.

PROS. Indeed, sister, to ask how he employs Cob is a necessary question for you that are his wife, and a thing not very easy for you to be satisfied in: but this I'll a.s.sure you, Cob's wife is an excellent bawd indeed, and oftentimes your husband haunts her house, marry, to what end I cannot altogether accuse him, imagine you what you think convenient: but I have known fair hides have foul hearts ere now, I can tell you.

BIA. Never said you truer than that, brother! Piso, fetch your cloke, and go with me, I'll after him presently: I would to Christ I could take him there, i'faith.

[EXEUNT PISO AND BIANCHA.]

PROS. So let them go: this may make sport anon, now, my fair sister Hesperida: ah, that you knew how happy a thing it were to be fair and beautiful!

HES. That toucheth not me, brother.

PROS. That's true: that's even the fault of it, for indeed beauty stands a woman in no stead, unless it procure her touching: but, sister, whether it touch you or no, it touches your beauties, and I am sure they will abide the touch, as they do not, a plague of all ceruse, say I! and it touches me too in part, though not in thee. Well, there's a dear and respected friend of mine, sister, stands very strongly affected towards you, and hath vowed to inflame whole bonfires of zeal in his heart, in honour of your perfections. I have already engaged my promise to bring you where you shall hear him confirm much more than I am able to lay down for him: Signior Lorenzo is the man: what say you, sister; shall I intreat so much favour of you for my friend, as to direct and attend you to his meeting? upon my soul, he loves you extremely, approve it, sweet Hesperida, will you?

HES. Faith, I had very little confidence in mine own constancy, if I durst not meet a man: but, brother Prospero, this motion of yours savours of an old knight adventurer's servant, methinks.

PROS. What's that, sister?

HES. Marry, of the squire.

PROS. No matter, Hesperida, if it did, I would be such an one for my friend, but say, will you go?

HES. Brother, I will, and bless my happy stars.

[ENTER CLEMENT AND Th.o.r.eLLO.]

CLEM. Why, what villainy is this? my man gone on a false message, and run away when he has done, why, what trick is there in it, trow! 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.

THO. How! is my wife gone forth, where is she, sister!

HES. She's gone abroad with Piso.

THO. Abroad with Piso? Oh, that villain dors me, He hath discovered all unto my wife, Beast that I was to trust him: whither went she?

HES. I know not, sir.

PROS. I'll tell you, brother, whither I suspect she's gone.

THO. Whither, for G.o.d's sake!

PROS. To Cob's house, I believe: but keep my counsel.

THO. I will, I will, to Cob's house! doth she haunt Cob's?

She's gone a purpose now to cuckold me, With that lewd rascal, who to win her favour, Hath told her all.

[EXIT.]

CLEM. But did your mistress see my man bring him a message?

PROS. That we did, master Doctor.

CLEM. And whither went the knave?

PROS. To the tavern, I think, sir.

CLEM. What, did Th.o.r.ello give him any thing to spend for the message he brought him? if he did I should commend my man's wit exceedingly if he would make himself drunk with the joy of it, farewell, lady, keep good rule, you two, I beseech you now: by G.o.d's --; marry, my man makes me laugh.

[EXIT.]

PROS. What a mad doctor is this! come, sister, let's away.

[EXEUNT.]

[ENTER MATHEO AND BOBADILLA.]

MAT. I wonder, Signior, what they will say of my going away, ha?

BOB. Why, what should they say? but as of a discreet gentleman.

Quick, wary, respectful of natures, Fair lineaments, and that's all.

MAT. Why so, but what can they say of your beating?

BOB. A rude part, a touch with soft wood, a kind of gross battery used, laid on strongly: borne most patiently, and that's all.

MAT. Ay, but would any man have offered it in Venice?

BOB. Tut, I a.s.sure you no: you shall have there your n.o.bilis, your Gentilezza, come in bravely upon your reverse, stand you close, stand you firm, stand you fair, save your retricato with his left leg, come to the a.s.saulto with the right, thrust with brave steel, defy your base wood. But wherefore do I awake this remembrance? I was bewitch'd, by Jesu: but I will be revenged.

MAT. Do you hear, is't not best to get a warrant and have him arrested, and brought before Doctor Clement?

BOB. It were not amiss, would we had it.

[ENTER MUSCO.]

MAT. Why, here comes his man, let's speak to him.

BOB. Agreed, do you speak.

MAT. G.o.d save you, sir.

MUS. With all my heart, sir.

MAT. Sir, there is one Giuliano hath abused this gentleman and me, and we determine to make our amends by law, now if you would do us the favour to procure us a warrant, for his arrest, of your master, you shall be well considered, I a.s.sure i'faith, sir.