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"Do you know how many times a day you blush?" His dimple made an appearance.
I ducked my head in mock chagrin. "Yes," I mumbled, but I couldn't help returning his smile. "I can feel it."
"It's s.e.xy as h.e.l.l."
"Uh ... um," I stuttered, my cheeks even warmer. "Thank you? I think?"
He shrugged, like it was no big deal. Inside, I was dancing.
"Sooo back to the topic at hand," I said, when my voice was steady. "You ... you sang in musicals? I'm not sure I can picture that."
"Yeah, well, I wasn't some flamboyant Broadway wannabe. I was shy and young. Mr. Chaplin was always trying to build confidence in kids, not that I recognized that at the time. He was so pa.s.sionate about getting the kids you least expected and putting them in these parts that built character and confidence and respect from our cla.s.smates. I look back on that and realize what he did for me. In fact, what that school in general did for me."
"Wait," I said, doing the math and watching Jack carefully. "You said you left England when you were nine, so how come you were in boarding school at such a young age? How long were you there?"
Who put their kids in a boarding school in second or third grade ... or younger? My heart squeezed. There was such a slight tightening of his jaw I almost missed it.
He left the wall and stretched his body back doing a couple of strokes into the middle of the pool. "Oh well, it was just what some people did in England back then, and I wanted to go. We had some family friends whose son was there and loved it. He raved about it one summer, and I begged to go." He shrugged as if that's all there was to it and slipped under the water again. Something didn't ring true about that last part, but I decided to let it go.
I waited until he emerged and circled back away from that line of questioning. "So, this princ.i.p.al of yours, Mr. Chaplin, must be proud of you. Does he know how much he inspired you?"
What an amazing gift to give a teacher, to know how you changed a kid's life, and even more that the child had grown up to become world famous. I shook my head with wonder. I couldn't remember any teacher having such an impact on me, although I'd liked my English and art teacher in high school. But it was mostly Nana who had inspired my love for the written word and allowed my creativity to flourish. She and I, with all of the art projects we would work on all summer long, and look what I'd done with it ... a big fat nothing. Yet. My heart squeezed as I thought of Nana. I missed her so much. I wondered what she would think of Jack. If she would approve.
"Mr. Chaplin, as far as I know, has no idea."
"He must know, I mean surely you are as famous over there as you are here." In fact, the Erath saga was a global phenomenon. There was no way he wasn't recognized the world over.
I was obviously straying into dangerous territory again. I hadn't meant to. Jack turned without answering and broke into a powerful stroke. Though we'd only known each other a few days, I was already picking up cues for when he was uncomfortable. When he turned at the other end, I quickly moved to the edge of the pool where he was headed and slipped my feet into the water.
"I'm sorry," I said as he came up in front of me. "It's none of my business. I'm not trying to pry, I was just curious about you. What makes you ... you. But, as I said, it's none of my business. I'll stop." I smiled. "Sooo, how about this fall weather we're having? Hmm?" I waggled my eyebrows trying to lighten the mood.
"Yeah," he said, going along with it for a moment. "Gorgeous."
I waited. He seemed like he might say more.
He did. "My life in England is not something I talk about. Ever. I'm sorry. I will tell you, though," he took a deep breath and looked up at me, "that the reason Mr. Chaplin doesn't know who I am is because I wasn't Jack Eversea back then. My mother and I changed our names when we came here. In fact, she doesn't go by Eversea anymore either since she remarried. So, for the most part, no one bothers her, which is how we both like it."
My vivid imagination could only grapple with the kind of reasons a mother would first put her young child in a boarding school, and then flee to another country and change their names. My stomach churned at his words, and my heart hurt. He must have seen my reaction, because he came forward and put a hand on each knee. My pulse sped up.
"Don't, Keri Ann. Don't feel sorry for me. It's not something I want to talk about, but suffice it to say that for some reason, you know more than anyone. It's not that bad. If it was, I would never have put myself in such a public position." I wanted to feel warm and fuzzy that he had confided in me just a little, but knowing the little bit was torture. "Okay?" he asked.
"I wish you hadn't told me anything," I said quietly. I saw a flash of something in his eyes, and just as quickly, it was gone. I realized my words could have sounded callous, I hadn't meant them that way.
"Me too." He made to move away, but I grabbed his arm.
"Wait," I said, in case he had been about to shut me out, or swim away. "That didn't come out right. I didn't mean you couldn't tell me, or that I ... well ... "
He shook his head. "It's fine, Keri Ann."
"It's not fine. I just want you to know, I wished you hadn't told me because ... I care about you. I'm not pitying you, I care about you." I paused. I really did care about him-as crazy as that could be after only knowing someone a few days. And I didn't mean in the way you care about another human, just because you're human. But I'd keep that tidbit to myself until my grave.
I decided to forge ahead. "When you care about someone, you don't like to think of them hurting whether now or way in the past. Especially when you can't fix it. That's all I meant by saying that. In reality, I want to know everything about you, but I understand your boundaries." I took a deep breath and shrugged. "I have them, too."
He didn't say anything for a moment, and then suddenly I was squealing as he grabbed my waist and pulled me down into the water with a huge ungraceful splash. As soon as I surfaced, I smacked a wave of water at his face. This was a skill I had perfected defending myself from an older brother.
"Hey," he yelled and returned the gesture. I quickly slid down under the water and swam away.
When I popped up at the other end of the pool laughing, Jack was still where I'd left him leaning against the wall watching me. Even without the safety of my sungla.s.ses on, I was unable to hide the fact my eyes wanted to take in every mound, curve, and ridge of his muscled body. It was truly a work of art. It wasn't that steroid-fueled over-worked body builder type, but he was tall and obviously packed with strength. I swallowed my nerves as I let my eyes slide down his abs to the vee his hips made as they disappeared into his shorts.
"You'd better stop that," he said, his voice husky.
I didn't want to stop. I wanted to kiss him again, but I didn't want to be so forward. So I shook my head.
"No?" he asked.
"No."
I leaned back and rested my elbows behind me on the ledge, mimicking his stance. A challenge. I almost didn't recognize this new me.
His eyes narrowed as if he was trying to suss me out. I realized my position had thrust my bikini-clad chest forward, but it was too late to suddenly get shy.
"Come here," he commanded, quietly.
I held his eyes. "You come here," I countered.
His dimple reappeared as he shook his head slightly with a small lopsided and bemused smile, and then he swam four strong freestyle strokes to stand in front of me.
Breathe, Keri Ann, breathe, I reminded myself for the second time that day. I stayed perfectly still as he held my eyes. His wet skin and hair made his eyes startling. Then he stepped forward between my legs, pushing my feet apart. My pulse tripped over itself.
"This is a good spot," he murmured, echoing my unformed thoughts exactly. His hands came to my bare waist, the water allowing his skin to slide across mine. It was exquisite, and despite the warmth of the sun, goose b.u.mps formed all over me as the fine hairs of my body reacted to the sensation. I wondered briefly what it would feel like to be fully naked and pressed against his skin.
"What was that?" Jack asked with a grin.
"What?"
"That thing you do when you suddenly bite your lip and you blush furiously."
"Um ..."
"You did it when I was giving you a tour of the house the other day and a few other times."
There was no way I was telling him the truth. "Uh... it's just when I'm feeling nervous," I offered, staring at his mouth. I sounded way too breathy. Ugh, it was like some bad movie. Except Jack was starring in it, so I was riveted to the spot.
"I thought you became b.i.t.c.hy when you were nervous," he answered, his face inching closer to mine. "I think you were thinking about something ..." his lips came closer still "... else."
I shook my head slightly.
"Liar," he whispered.
"Arrogant a.s.s," I whispered back.
"Ahhh, there she is." He chuckled slightly, his eyes never leaving my mouth. Then one hand left my waist and trailed down my hip and thigh just as warm fingers from his other hand drifted to my belly and trailed up between my b.r.e.a.s.t.s to splay on my chest.
My breathing hitched as it got shallower and more rapid. I was sure he could probably feel my heart about to pound out of my chest.
His hand continued its journey up to my throat and around to cup the back of my neck at the same time as he pulled my thigh up against his body and pressed against me.
I let out a whimper as sensation jolted through me, leaving a hot, molten and needy ache at my center. Holy s.h.i.t, I thought. And then any coherent follow up was lost as his lips crashed into mine.
If I had thought the fire he had ignited in me during our first kiss had been intense, it was nothing compared to the inferno now billowing through me.
It was like all of me, all of my childish yearning and wanting, all the emotional trauma and denying myself feelings like this, every single moment of every single book and movie that had made me quietly wish for more, while studiously avoiding anything that would bring it to me, was swept up and out of me in a tidal wave of longing. And yes, I thought, yes to it all.
Jack's hands roamed along my skin leaving a scorching trail before his fingers worked the knot at my nape. His hot mouth left mine and trailed kisses down under my ear. A really sensitive spot, I'd discovered.
I moaned and rocked against him without thinking and heard his sharp intake of breath as his fingers fumbled and he cursed. I wanted to do it again, to relieve some of what I was feeling. But I wasn't so innocent I didn't know what that might entail.
"G.o.d, Keri Ann," he rasped, and his mouth claimed mine again, his tongue sliding against my own. I kissed him back with everything I was feeling, wrapping myself around him.
He pulled his mouth from mine a few moments later as my bikini straps came loose in his hand and slid down my chest. We were both breathing hard. His eyes looked glazed, I'm sure mine must have too.
I was solely and completely aware of him and of every single part of my body that was in contact with his.
"We have to slow down," he whispered roughly, as his gaze involuntarily dropped to where the small white triangles covering my b.r.e.a.s.t.s were a second away from revealing me to him.
"I have to slow down," he said again but instead kissed my lips slowly, his tongue sliding along my lower lip in a way that did nothing to make me want to stop. In fact, I swear I thought I felt it in other parts of my body. I wanted his hands on me. But he took my bikini straps and pulled them back behind my neck fastening them as he pressed small chaste kisses along my face and cheeks.
Oh no. Don't stop.
He was right, of course. Twice in the same day and the first time I had ever kissed anyone like this, and I was ready to throw caution to the wind. Strangely enough, I wasn't as horrified with myself as I had been this morning, but I also knew I wasn't ready. I already knew, despite my inexperience, that anything more happening with Jack would push my precarious heart over the edge. And he still had unfinished business with his ex. That should be a deal breaker-but at that moment, with every part of my body throbbing, I had trouble remembering why it should be so important.
The distant chime of the doorbell broke through our haze.
Jack tensed, and pulling away from me, turned to the edge of the pool. After several moments of mumbling something that sounded suspiciously like "dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies", he lifted himself out.
I raised my eyebrows, and he winked at me with a grin before reaching for his shirt.
S E V E N T E E N.
Jack pulled his shirt on and went to check if it was his antic.i.p.ated delivery from his a.s.sistant in California.
I offered to sign for it, but he said he'd arranged for deliveries to be dropped at his door.
After he left, I toweled off and lay back on the lounger to catch my breath. Checking my phone, I found a text from Jazz.
Jazz: Leaving campus now, back in 30. Headed to you. So excited ... SQUEEE!
I checked the time and quickly tapped a text back to her before she got to my place.
Me: not home, at his, come here ...
I wondered if I should ask Jack first, then I decided if Jazz knew about Jack, she may as well know where I was, too. I sent her the address just as another phone beeped from the other chair. Jack's phone.
Instinctively, I reached for it, then froze. I wanted to look at it so badly. At the very least I thought I should probably take it to him ... and if I happened to see his text on the way? What if it was from Audrey? It was none of my business, except that the Audrey angle really affected me ... I struggled with the temptation to grab his phone and realized I was staring at it like it was a coiled up Copperhead snake.
I needed to talk to Jack about what his plans were with Audrey. I knew he had contractual appearances with her and stuff, but surely the rest of their relationship was over. Jack had intimated as much, and surely now ... I banged my head back on my lounger as I realized how naive that last thought was. A few kisses and handholding did not a boyfriend make.
I wondered if Jack had even spoken to Audrey since he'd gotten here. Probably. And here I was acting like we were 'going steady' just because we'd both acknowledged our mutual attraction and shared a couple of kisses. G.o.d, I really was acting young.
I needed to remind myself that whatever this was with Jack, it was temporary, it had to be. Firstly, he would be leaving, and secondly, I had no business opening my heart up to any more agony. It was going to be hard enough to say goodbye when the time came. Throw in a few more kisses and feelings, or worse ... ending up in his bed, and I may never get out of my bed again.
Just then I heard voices. The sound of Jack's deep and amused voice as well as the lilt of my best friend's laugh.
d.a.m.n, but I really should have been there to witness Jazz meeting Jack Eversea for the first time.
I couldn't help grinning as I stood and threw on my cover-up. Grabbing our towels and seeing Jack's phone again, I finally gave in and picked it up, careful not to look at the screen. My eyes caught Audrey's name though, and I glanced down again despite myself. I literally couldn't help it; it was like a magnet. Words like "fix this," and ... "thank you," and ... "I love you too," swam in front of me not making sense. Too?
Either I was having a head rush from standing too quickly, or it was the words I was reading, but suddenly my vision blurred around the edges and I felt sharply nauseous.
The issue wasn't helped by the fact that Jack chose that exact moment to come out of the patio door above me. He was in mid-sentence when he saw me with his phone.
I quickly held it out, swallowing the bile that threatened to come up.
His face, that had initially flashed with concern, probably due to the fact I looked like I'd seen a ghost, went carefully and swiftly blank. He came down the stairs and slowly took the phone from my hand.
I needed to leave and think about what I'd just read. Glancing at Jazz, I saw her smile fade, her eyes snapping back and forth between Jack and me in confusion.
"Uh, Jazz. I was just getting ready to go." I looked at her pointedly, hoping she would go along with this and not point out I had literally just told her to come over. "And ... uh ... " I searched blindly for something that was important enough, when Jack stepped in.
"Yeah, I got a bunch of scripts I need to read through," he said, his tone polite, but agonizingly cool. "It was nice to meet you, Jazz. I'll walk you guys out."
I tried to catch his eyes, but they skated over mine as he headed back the way they had come. Oh my G.o.d, he totally thought I'd been looking through his phone on purpose. I guess he interpreted my reaction as getting caught with my hand in the cookie jar.
Well, I hadn't meant to snoop. I wasn't going to feel guilty about that. I thought maybe I should apologize anyway, but the other part of me was rationally saying he wouldn't be mad if he had nothing to hide. Then again, this was Jack Eversea, who had to keep everything in his life hidden and private due to the nature of his work. I had a small twinge of understanding for him before my thoughts landed back on the text. He should be feeling guilty right now, and I had every right to feel the way I did.
We got inside and I headed straight for the front door, pausing only to grab my backpack and shove my feet into my sneakers. My clothes in the laundry room would have to stay. I definitely wasn't coming back for them. My hands shook. This needed to be over.
I shouldn't have been so surprised, but it turned out I had fallen hard and fast for Jack, and that one text had totally punched me in the gut. I was definitely not cut out for this. It would be tough, but I had to end this now. Regardless of Audrey Lane, I would never fit into his life so there was just no point in trying to save this situation. I shouldn't have let it get this far. It was my own fault. It had been me who closed the distance and crossed the line.
As I grabbed the bag and swung it onto my shoulder, I turned to him, and my stomach dipped. "I wasn't snooping, Jack. I was bringing you your phone, but I couldn't help read the text since it was right in front of my face. I apologize for whatever breach of privacy you think that violates. Clearly, I wasn't aware of my boundaries as they pertain to you and your girlfriend while you're trying to patch things up." My heart squeezed as I made it over those last words. I went on, "So, I apologize for this morning."
Jack c.o.c.ked his head to the side.
"In the laundry room," I clarified, in case he didn't get exactly what I meant. "And in the pool," I added, and saw his eyes narrow and his jaw tighten.
Jazz cleared her throat. "I ... uh ... um, Keri Ann, I'll wait for you outside. Nice to meet you again, Jack," she said to him and turned for the door.
"No, it's okay, Jazz, I'm on my way out, too." And I swung around to follow her. I half expected or hoped Jack would argue with me, but he didn't.