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He glanced over his shoulder at me, and then at my outfit and shook his head.
"What?" I asked, self-consciously.
"Nothing. You hungry?" he said still shaking his head with what looked like a rueful smile.
I nodded.
He made no move to go anywhere though, he just turned and leaned back against the machine, his arms folded across his chest. His eyes slid slowly down my entire body.
My belly flip-flopped with enough waves to make a sailor sick. If he could just stop looking at me like that.
"It's not fair," I whispered, deciding it was time to address the issue.
"What's not fair?"
"What you're asking of me." Wow. I had really just said that, I was going to take this bull by the horns.
"Do you want to spell it out for me? What is it you think I'm asking of you?"
I stared at him, incredulous.
"Are you serious? You can't be that obtuse. Look at you. I was already half in love with you before I even met you because of the character you played, and you are totally taking advantage of that right now. I guess that makes me an easy target, but I'm out of my depth, Jack." I steeled my nerves, my voice shaking slightly. But I was right to do this. I couldn't be on tenterhooks the whole time with these almost kissing moments. It might kill me.
"I'm just a normal girl, and I'm definitely not sophisticated enough to deal with you wandering off back to your girlfriend and your Hollywood life when you are done here."
"So you are only attracted to me because of Max? I mean, you mentioned it last night, and I kind of hoped you were joking."
"It's not because of Max." I owed him the truth, and in that moment I knew even if it had been the initial reason-it wasn't anymore.
He nodded, a cynical look in his eyes. "Yeah, right."
"Well, it's the truth. Not that it changes anything." I thought I sounded bitter. Well, so what if I did? I was basically admitting I was attracted to him, and he was asking for permission to break my heart. Way to go, Keri Ann.
"Of course it does. It changes everything." He pushed away and stood right in front of me, too close but not close enough. He seemed to struggle a moment, as if he couldn't articulate what he was thinking.
"G.o.d," he finally said, his tone exasperated. "Do you think it's normal for people to feel this," he motioned between us, "whatever this is that happens when we are in the same room with each other? Maybe you have no idea, but I do. It. Doesn't. Happen. At least not to me." He stopped, seemingly surprised by his admission.
I was too. I held my breath, my heart thudding.
He sighed and went on, "I can't make you the promises you probably want, Keri Ann, I'll only break them. But I can promise you I'll always tell you the truth."
Great. How could the perfect man come along and tell you he was feeling all the same feelings you were, but you couldn't keep him?
"The truth? And what is that exactly?"
He was quiet so long, I thought he wasn't going to answer. Then he raised his eyes to mine. "The truth is ... you're right. It's not fair what I am asking of you. I want you."
Time slowed down as his words floated around me. He wanted me. I didn't know people said that to each other in real life. Now, Jack Eversea 'wanted' me. My pulse ticked in my clogged throat.
He went on, his eyes never leaving me. "I have never wanted to kiss someone as badly as I want to kiss you right now. Ever. But I am going to leave here. I have to. I have to go back to Audrey. It's a pretty messed up situation, but I'm not going to lie to you and say my relationship with her wasn't real because it was, for a long time. But it has also been over for a very long time." He took a breath and ran a hand through his hair. "Or should have been. s.h.i.t, I shouldn't even be having this conversation with you. You are absolutely right to tell me no."
But G.o.d, I wanted to say yes. I wanted to make a move, badly. It was like being strung out over an abyss. Whether I made a move or not wouldn't make a difference in whether I would make it across, but only how fast I would hit the bottom. And hit the bottom I would, as soon as he left, but I would be okay. I would survive it. He was just a boy, at the end of the day.
If I couldn't handle these almost moments, then I decided I should just turn them into moments. If I was going down, I might as well go down hard. I stepped a little closer.
Our bodies skimmed against each other, and the light contact created arcs of snapping current. I felt it from my head to my toes and everywhere between. Jack's breathing turned irregular at my boldness, his expression unreadable, like he was trying hard not to react.
My b.r.e.a.s.t.s, which now felt full and achy and unfamiliar, pressed against his chest, and I raised my face to his. "I don't want to tell you no." My admission hung in the air, accompanied by the steady thunk, thunk, thunk of my wet clothes tossing in the drum behind him, lending a throbbing cadence to the already heavy atmosphere between us.
His green eyes turned dark and hooded as he lowered his head. There was that smell of pine and waterfalls again, now mixed with salty southern sea air.
His face was inches from mine, and a flush crossed his cheekbones. "So tell me yes," he whispered, his warm breath fanning across my mouth. Then his hands were at my sides, his searing fingers curling into my hips and pressing me hard against his body. As I felt how turned on he was, arousal flared through me, making me feel light-headed. I gulped nervously, but steeled my resolve.
It was just a kiss. That was all I wanted. I don't know how I knew Jack would never push me beyond what I was ready for, but I did. And what I was ready for was his mouth on mine.
"Yes," I said, simply.
I could almost see his pupils dilate. One of his hands came up and curled into my hair at my nape, tugging my head back. He hesitated just once, and then his mouth-his warm, delicious mouth-covered mine.
His lips were amazing-hard and soft at the same time. They coaxed and moved over mine until I let out a small sigh-relief of finally having his lips on me. It was like finding water at the end of a long, hot trek. His unshaven jaw was rough and exquisite on my skin and all I could think, as I clutched his shoulders and wound a hand up into his soft, damp, hair, our lips moving together, was that I wanted more. I wanted to taste more. I needed more of him. More. More.
Tendrils of warmth ignited through me. We both moved at the same time, and my hand tightened on his neck as he pulled me harder against him. And then his tongue slid into my mouth. I whimpered as the soft warmth burst into a flare of searing heat deep inside me.
He tasted of salt and coffee and mint.
He tasted of Jack.
My tongue returned his thrust as I became parched and desperate for him. My reaction caused a low rumble through Jack's chest. I had no idea it could feel this way. Even my skin was on fire, like every nerve in my body could feel what he was doing to me with his mouth. I wanted to do this forever.
Suddenly, I found myself turned and pressed back against the dryer, and then Jack was lifting me and stepping between my legs.
"Cold!" I gasped against his mouth as the icy metal of the appliance met the heat of my thighs.
Jack chuckled. "Sorry." And then the heat of his kiss took over again.
After a few drugging and decadent moments, his mouth moved away from mine and slid to my throat and up to my ear, his hot breath and moist lips causing me to shudder.
My hands roamed over the smooth skin of his back. I was completely lost. His mouth came back and captured mine again. In my new position, I pressed myself even more firmly against his body, straining to ease the aching void that had somehow sprung up inside me, causing him to make a small sound in the back of his throat.
All I wanted was Jack.
He must have had a moment of rational thought, because he gave me one last drugging kiss and pulled his mouth from mine, putting a small piece of s.p.a.ce between our bodies. His ragged breathing mingled with my own, and he dropped his forehead against mine.
My mouth reached for his again of it's own volition.
He nipped at my lips and backed away again, his face flushed, his eyes dark and glazed.
"G.o.d," he said, between breaths. "If that's what you kiss like with no experience ... "
I smiled and threaded one hand through his gorgeous soft hair. He pressed his mouth into the crook of my neck as I tipped my head back, and I couldn't help moan as his teeth nipped and sucked at my skin. I rocked against him again. His erection, rather than making me nervous, ignited some primal part of my womanhood. Could it really be me that made him feel this way?
His voice breathed into my neck. "You have to stop, we have to stop ... or I won't be able to."
What was I doing? I couldn't believe I could lose complete control this fast. I didn't want to stop. It was wanton, as my Nana would say. My G.o.d, he was right. We had to stop. I couldn't believe I had let a simple kiss get so out of hand. I was terrified to realize that if Jack hadn't stopped, I would have let him take my virginity right there in the laundry room. In fact, I'd never wanted anything more. He stepped back, and we both struggled to get our breathing under control. The more we settled back to earth, the more horrified I was at my behavior.
"I'm sorry," I muttered, a little mortified by the way I had thrown myself at him.
He smiled, but his brow furrowed. "What for?"
"I can't believe I just did that, and that I ... let it ... get so ... um ..."
"Out of control? Well, there were two of us there, sweetheart."
"Don't call me that. It makes me feel young ... and naive."
"Well, you are young. But after that kiss, I wouldn't call you naive." He chuckled.
I pressed my lips together in indignation and punched him right on his tattoo.
He laughed louder. "You're cute."
"Stop it. I'm not cute."
"Okay." He reached out and brushed a piece of hair off my cheek. Even that sweet simple gesture had me sizzling.
"I've just ... uh ... I've never felt anything like that before," I offered, honestly.
He sighed. "Me either, Keri Ann. So I guess that makes two of us."
S I X T E E N.
I couldn't remember the last time I had spent a day not working on something to do with the house. At about two o'clock -exactly two hours and fifteen minutes after Jack and I had kissed in the laundry room-I was clutching my sides with laughter at stories he was telling me about some of his first auditions. He had almost landed on the proverbial 'casting couch' and also once mistakenly ended up at a p.o.r.n movie audition.
We were lying on the sun loungers by the pool, and periodically we would trade quotes from The Princess Bride trying to one up each other. I was taking my cover up off when he quoted that there was "a shortage of perfect b.r.e.a.s.t.s in the world". That shut me up. I wasn't going to win that one.
I was getting a very tanned front because I was too nervous to ask Jack to put sunscreen on my back. Despite that, I couldn't believe how comfortable I suddenly was with him. I still felt like I was plugged into an electrical outlet in the sense that my nerves were aware of him at any given moment, but somehow having kissed him, and even though I wanted to do it again, as soon as possible, I felt like a small pressure valve had been tapped. Slightly.
"So why doesn't Keri Ann Butler have a boyfriend?" Jack's sudden question caught me by surprise. I looked over at him. He looked genuinely interested.
"Who's to say she doesn't?" I threw back at him, to cover my nerves.
"Your history of kissing, or lack thereof, for one."
"Maybe I just have a hand-holding boyfriend." I smirked.
"Sweetheart, I'm not sure what kind of men they make around here, but they'd have to be made of stone to settle for just holding your hand." My insides flipped. He continued, "So do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Have a hand-holding boyfriend?"
"No." I sighed. "I haven't been that interested in anyone. Plus no one's really asked, but that could also be because I have a protective older brother who I recently found out threatened anyone who might."
"Seriously? Wow, what did he say when you told him about me?"
"He said, 'Be careful.' He could have been referring to me, or in fact, you." I grinned.
Jack laughed, and then reached out and took my hand. It shocked me into silence. I looked at him.
He just closed his eyes, a dimple still showing, and turned his face back up to the sun.
I swallowed the large lump in my throat. What was he doing?
"So why did you want to act?" I asked to cover my reaction to his gesture. I was sure this was a cla.s.sic interview question, but I was curious, and the silence was way too heavy with my hand in his.
He looked at me like it was the first time it had been asked.
"What?" I said, defensively. "And no, I don't already know the answer to that question either."
"It's not that." He shook his head. "I've never answered it honestly."
"Really? Why?"
Jack let go of my hand abruptly, got up from the lounger, and stepped off the edge of the pool into the deep end. I flexed my hand, missing him terribly already. He propped himself up on his elbows as he seemed to consider my question.
"It's just that I don't want other people to be bothered. It's the same reason I keep my mum out of the spotlight. They-other people in my life-didn't make a decision to become a public figure like I did. Not that I really thought about becoming this famous when I started out. I just wanted to act. I loved it. I love it," he corrected.
I nodded. It made sense to me. I actually found it kind of honorable that he would try to keep the insanity of his life away from others he cared about.
"So who are the others, apart from your mom?"
"Well, to answer your first question, the person who totally inspired me to pursue this, probably more than I realized at the time, was the headmaster at the school I was at in England. I guess you call them princ.i.p.als here." He ran a hand idly across the surface of the water. "But Mr. Chaplin was the headmaster at the boarding school I was at. He taught math-or 'maths' as we called it-and he also put on these elaborate productions at school that people had to audition for and rehea.r.s.e for months. We would perform six or seven times for all the parents who wanted to see it at the end of the year. It was usually sold out. They were musicals, mostly." He grinned at my raised eyebrows. "Yeah, I can sing."
"Wait, you used to sing in musicals? How come the tabloids haven't tracked down any of those pictures? Or maybe they have ... Jazz would know."
"Why would Jazz know?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. She is your biggest fan. She almost fainted when she found out about you this morning."
A shadow pa.s.sed over his face again.
I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, you don't know her, but trust me, she's been my best friend since almost the first day I moved here, she'll keep it to herself. Besides," I added, "if she tells anyone, she'll have to share you." I suddenly remembered Jazz was going to come looking for me at my place that afternoon. "On that note, I told her she could meet you, is that okay?"
He slunk down and dunked his head under the surface. When he popped back up, with water streaming down his face and body, I had to quickly look away before I embarra.s.sed myself by drooling or something. He flicked the water from his dark, glossy hair with a quick shake of his head and leaned forward on his forearms again.
"Uh, yeah, I guess so." He fixed me with a dark look. "But that means I have to share you. That's not fair."
Wow. I gulped.