Her. Part 6

"And of all people," Chris said. Or maybe it was Jake.

Daniel showed him his middle finger again. Chris didn't realize this until Jake had disappeared.

"Why do you keep doing that to me?" Chris asked.

"I'm Daniel," he began, ignoring Chris. "I am in Group Two. Our group goal is to be nice to Ms. Mosley, and we have to be respectful and stuff. My personal goal for today is to be more positive when it comes to talking about my future. I have to say better things about myself and not call myself a loser or whatever."

"That is an excellent goal, Daniel," Dr. Finch complimented. "That's real and it's reachable."

Everyone stayed silent. Daniel was picking at his shoelaces. It seemed like he could see me staring at him from the corner of his eye. He looked up at me. I turned away quickly. When I looked back at him, he was looking down and messing with his shoelaces again.

There was another person there, who wasn't afraid to speak up. He shared after Daniel. He was in Group One, and had scars all over his arms and face. He explained that his scars had come from him being burned in a house fire. He didn't seem nervous talking to all of the people that he didn't even know. He was very open, and it seemed like he actually wanted everyone to listen to him.

Josh, the little one who had mouthed off to Janine, was also in Group One. He was in Bent Creek because he refused to eat. He was mean to Ms. Mosley when she tried to help him set a goal for himself. He said that he'd rather they keep the portable feeding tube in him because he wasn't going to put anything in his mouth. I could tell that they really didn't know what to do with that kid, so they gave up on him in Goals Group.

After everyone else had a chance to speak, Dr. Finch dismissed us from Group. Ms. Mosley ordered everyone to get ready for breakfast. Tai and Janine, along with everyone else, jumped up and darted out of the room. Janine left me, but I didn't care. It seemed like she'd been scheming on me in Goals Group with Tai, anyway. They probably didn't like me, I thought. Daniel was still messing with his shoelaces. I looked over at him.

"I really think your goal was good," I heard myself say.

Daniel looked up at me with a shocked look on his face. It was almost as if he had forgotten where he was.

"Oh," he said. "Thanks.'

"Excuse me," a voice said from above me. I looked up and Dr. Finch was standing over me. "Daniel and I have a session now. Would you leave us?" He was nice about it. I nodded and left the room, closing the door behind me.

I wished that Dr. Cuvo were there already. Bent Creek did not seem like the place where I belonged. Sure, I was depressed for a little while. However, I didn't want to be locked up with Bulimics, Multiple Personalities, and Psychos. I just wanted to go home.

CHAPTER 7.

During breakfast, Janine filled me in on the way things worked at Bent Creek. She told me that our doctors could come day or night, but we were required to see them every single day that we were here. Then, a rumor started that Lenni was able to go home because she'd had a family session the day before and it had gone well. I figured a family session was a good thing in this place. Today, though, I would dread having to face anyone in my family other than my mother.

The day felt like it had actually begun after breakfast. The first group we attended was Anger Management. It didn't matter if you were an angry person or not. If your group was scheduled for it, then you had to go. Ms. Mosley, head counselor of Group Two, put me in her group. I was somewhat relieved to be in the same group as Janine. Dr. Bent, who seemed like a laid-back person, moderated anger Management. She didn't care if the kids swore or even horsed around a little bit before the session began. She talked with some of the kids as they entered the room, and as we waited for everyone to settle into chairs. She seemed cool because she put up really well with Tai and Janine's constant noise.

"Take a few minutes," Dr. Bent began, "and think of a situation that happened that made you very angry. Now, I don't want you to pick something major, like what landed you in here, but something that could happen to anyone, on any day. You know, just something normal that you figure could make anyone angry."

Tai rolled her eyes. She grunted to Dr. Bent, "I don't think I understand what you mean."

"What's so confusing about this exercise, Tai?" Dr. Bent asked.

Tai flared her big nostrils at Dr. Bent.

She said, "I need to know what you mean by 'normal'. Do you mean something normal like someone making you angry because they cut you off in traffic, or do mean something normal like your step-mother beating the h.e.l.l out of you for hugging your own father because she is a jealous, old hag who's nothing but a mooching, gold-digger? Is that what you mean by 'normal,' Dr. Bent? Are both of those things something that could happen to just anyone? Or are we just some kind of special group of people where the 'normal' things are just 'normal' things that can happen to anyone kind of things, and the 'really major' things are what we get for not having the 'normal' things happen to us, like it could happen to anyone else? Because if you are asking me to say which is normal for me, and you say that the one I choose is not normal, then I think that's just screwed up, and I don't deserve it, and none of us do."

It took me a minute to swallow all of that. Dr. Bent seemed to be right on basis with Tai. Dr. Bent leaned forward, still making eye contact with Tai. Tai turned her head slightly and looked away from her. Tai had tears in her eyes and she was trying not to let them fall. I watched as Janine scooted away from Tai. Dr. Bent was so calm. She kept her eyes on Tai, even though Tai wouldn't look at her.

She said, "Which one of those two things you mentioned is normal for you, Tai?"

Tai was breathing heavily. She turned back to Dr. Bent with a sharp gaze and wet cheeks.

"Screw you!" she yelled at Dr. Bent.

I thought for sure that Dr. Bent was going to throw her out. Everyone stared at Tai. There were about ten seconds of shocked silence until Dr. Bent opened her mouth and said, "Yeah! Screw me! Screw you! You know what? Screw this! Screw everyone in here! Screw the whole world! Isn't that right, Tai? It works that way in this stupid world! Just screw everything. That's why it's okay to take a knife and slide it across our skin! That's why it's okay to take drugs, drink, and smoke our lives away! That's why it's okay to run away from home, steal, and become junkies! That is why it's okay to kill ourselves, and try to take the rest of the world with us, everyone who cares about us, and everyone who doesn't! Yeah, that's why it's okay, because everything is screwed."

Everyone kept quiet. We stared at Dr. Bent. I never imagined Anger Management to be full of so many angry people. Even the doctor was angry.

Tai had even more tears coming out of her now. She was pouring like a fountain. She sat back in the chair with her arms folded across her chest. She, like the rest of us, was looking right at Dr. Bent. Janine was very far away from Tai. It was as if she didn't even want to be near her. Janine kept looking back and forth from Dr. Bent to Tai.

Dr. Bent finally said, in a much calmer tone, "Everything got screwed up by someone saying 'screw it'. They just give up. It makes it harder on others who haven't. The messed up things in this world are all around us. It's up to us if we are going to give up too, or learn to deal and make it better for ourselves. Tai, one day when you learn to not let your temper get the best of you, and you stay silent, listen, learn, and put it all together in your mind, you'll know the difference between the 'normal' things and what's just 'screwed up'."

Tai wiped her face and didn't say a word. Janine looked at her with a strange expression that I couldn't understand. Tai's face grew dark.

Tai looked at Dr. Bent and said, "Let's leave my lectures in my private therapy sessions, please."

I could tell she was trying to show off.

Janine smiled at Tai for her smart remark and smooth comeback to Dr. Bent. She seemed embarra.s.sed, perhaps because she'd cried in front of everyone.

Dr. Bent remained calm and said, "That's fine, Tai. However, know that I will get deep when you get deep with me. I am going to answer that question if you ask it, whether it's in here or in your private sessions with me. To answer the question you asked me, none of those things that hurt us are normal. You were right, none of us deserves to be hurt by people we are supposed to trust, nor should we be cut off in traffic by rude people, but these things happen. How do we manage to cope and how do we manage our anger when these things do happen? That is what we're here to learn."

Tai stared down at the floor. She didn't respond.

"Okay," Dr. Bent said. "Daniel, you want to go next?"

"Sure," he said after clearing his throat. "I remember walking in the grocery store with my mom and my grandmother. My paternal grandmother was with us, and she is Black. Well, my mom is White. Anyways, there was a man, and he had said some racist stuff to us. My mom," Daniel paused and shook his head, "she didn't say anything. We walked away from the guy. It made me so mad. I could have just-" Daniel balled up his left fist and punched his right hand hard. I watched as his right hand turned deep red.

Dr. Bent leaned on the arm of her chair and asked Daniel, "What did you do?"

"I stayed quiet too. I just walked out with my mom and tried to keep her calm." He said it as if he regretted it.

"You said you were there with your father's mother and your mother. Where was your father?" Dr. Bent asked.

Daniel answered, "He was in jail at the time."

"What was he in jail for?"

"He was in jail for beating some guy into a coma at a bar for making a pa.s.s at my mom." Daniel hid his face from us by looking down at the floor. He started messing with his shoelaces again.

"A lesson within itself. Isn't that right Daniel?" Dr. Bent said.

"Yeah, but I still wish I could have done something." Daniel untied and retied his shoes. His face was red like his hand had been.

"You would feel that way," Dr. Bent said. "And you are allowed to feel that way. It was something that caused you to feel angry."

"This is Anger Management, right?" Tai commented.

"What about Screwed Up Life, Management?" laughed one of the other kids.

Dr. Bent laughed and said, "That's a different kind of group."

"What time is that group, Dr. Bent?" Daniel said as he laughed with everyone else.

His eyes squinted slightly when he laughed. When he squinted, it made his eyes glow between his lashes. It was amazing to look at. Those eyes made me smile.

"I don't know, but I think we should all go," Dr. Bent said as the laughter subsided. "Okay, everyone, calm down. Who wants to go next?"

There was silence, and everyone looked around the room at each other. Tai was in better spirits and she kept messing around with Janine. She grabbed Janine's arm and tried to make her raise it in the air.

Dr. Bent ignored them and looked at Cadence. "How about you, Cadence?"

Cadence slid close to Daniel, and Daniel scooted away from her. She licked her lips and nodded at Dr. Bent. Dr. Bent smiled and we all waited, but the weirdo didn't say anything. She just stared at Daniel, smiling.

Daniel finally said, "What's your problem?"

He got up and sat in an empty chair next to me. I shuddered and tried not to look at him. Cadence was staring at me again. This time she looked like she wanted to kill me. I looked down at my shoes. My shoelaces were untied. I started tying my shoes. I zoned out and tuned out everything around me. I didn't know that Dr. Bent was trying to get my attention until I felt someone tap me, which startled me so badly that I jumped, and it made Daniel jump, because he was the one that had tapped me.

"Ouch," Daniel said as he jerked back. "Your shirt's got static. You shocked me."

"Sorry," I whispered, not sure if he heard me. I kept my head down as I tied my shoes.

"Dr. Bent's talking to you," I heard Daniel say. "Are you sleeping?"

I looked up and everyone was staring at me. Cadence wasn't in the room anymore. Dr. Bent must have kicked her out. Dr. Bent asked me my name. I told her that my name was Kristen. She wanted me to go next, but Janine stopped me.

She said, "Dr. Bent, this is her first day. Maybe it would be better for her to listen until she is more comfortable. You remember how I was at first."

Dr. Bent nodded. She asked me if I wanted to listen for now and maybe talk later on. I nodded and looked back down at my shoes. Janine gave me a playful nudge, and I rocked slightly. Dr. Bent made Janine share because she had saved me. Janine started going on about a woman who'd cut her off in traffic while she'd been taking her driver's license exam. She confessed that her response had been yelling out and calling the old woman an "old, stank bag wench". Which Dr. Bent told her was probably the reason she failed her test, not because it was the old woman's fault. She said it was a negative consequence to a negative action.

Daniel laughed when Janine said that she had called the lady an "old, stank bag wench".

Daniel said, "That was definitely not the right way to react, Janine."

"Shut up," she said as she playfully stuck her tongue out at him. "I get to try again next week."

"If you are out of here," Tai said.

I didn't really believe Janine's story. She elbowed Tai in her side and made a silly face at her. Daniel laughed along with them. Everyone seemed connected. I felt out of place.

CHAPTER 8.

"Nick? Where are you?"

I felt my chest rise in pain with each breath I took. It was almost as if my heart was trying to escape from my chest. Tears were streaming from my eyes. I was moving in slow motion. Nick was lying on the floor, naked. It was too dark to see him clearly. It was late in the night. I was tired. I'd wanted a drink of water, so I headed for the kitchen. I'd been pa.s.sing by Nick's bedroom when suddenly I'd stopped.

"Nickyroo? Why are you on the floor?"

I slowly peeked through the door. I could almost see in.

"NICK!"

I suddenly opened my eyes. I looked around, and I saw Janine laughing with Tai on the sofa. I had fallen asleep on the floor in the living room. Cadence was watching television with her doll and Chris, along with a few other kids. Everyone was in his or her place with other people. I was alone in my place. I looked up from under my arm and I saw Daniel coming towards me. I smiled. He sat down on the floor next to me. I tried to sit up and listen to him as he started talking, but as soon as he got out two words that sounded like, "What are-" Dr. Cuvo appeared out of nowhere. I was actually glad to see him.

"Are you ready, Kristen?" he asked me.

I jumped up off the floor and followed him to one of the empty rooms used for group therapy. Before he closed the door completely behind us, I started to give him a piece of my mind.

"I want to go home," I said.

Dr. Cuvo sat down quietly in a chair and opened my chart.

"Come on and sit down, Kristen"

I sat down, impatient and a little upset.

"Please, Dr. Cuvo. I really don't belong here."

"Yes, I heard you, Kristen. I can't do anything about you wanting to go home. You have to stay here until it is safe for you to go home. You have not even been here twenty-four hours yet. The first twenty-four hours are for observation. You haven't even gotten into your therapy."

"What is my therapy? Morning medication? Anger Management? Sessions with you? More of everyone-" I made myself shut up.

"More of everyone doing what?"

"No, Dr. Cuvo." I felt dumb again. I couldn't get out what was locked in my mind. Mr. Sharp was pressing in on me. He was close by; I could feel him creeping in on me.

Dr. Cuvo pressed in on me too.

"What are you feeling, Kristen? What do you feel that everyone in here is doing?"

"Everyone: Janine, Tai, Cadence. They are all talking about me. They are calling me ugly when I am not looking, and they are laughing at me. I hear them, and I can't just go to that place. I can't just go in my room and get away from them. I don't belong here. Can I just go home?"

Warm tears started running down my face. I felt stupid. Maybe they weren't talking about me, or maybe they were, because I'd seen them laughing.

"Let me tell you something, Kristen," Dr. Cuvo began. "I know that kids can be cruel. I know that, in your experience with your peers, a lot people have been very mean to you. If you feel that anyone in here is talking about you, you should go to that person and ask them what their problem is. I can bet that the problem that they tell you is not you. You are probably the furthest from any of these kids' minds. Also, I don't think that any of them have any reason to laugh at you because they are no better than you while you all are in here."

"Why do I keep feeling like they are laughing at me?" I asked him.

"I think it is because you are used to that happening from when you were in school. Understand, this is not school. Bent Creek is not a place where you have the cool clique and the rejects. This is a place where everyone is equal. Everyone has imperfections and feels insecure. There's no hiding it. So, instead of taking the laughter that you hear and using it against yourself, why don't you take it as an invitation to laugh with them? Share yourself the way they are trying to share with you. I think it will help you to see what's really going on."