Epicoene; Or, The Silent Woman - novelonlinefull.com
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TRUE: He has got some body's old two-hand sword, to mow you off at the knees; and that sword hath sp.a.w.n'd such a dagger!--But then he is so hung with pikes, halberds, petronels, calivers and muskets, that he looks like a justice of peace's hall: a man of two thousand a-year, is not cess'd at so many weapons as he has on.
There was never fencer challenged at so many several foils. You would think he meant to murder all Saint Pulchre parish. If he could but victual himself for half a year in his breeches, he is sufficiently arm'd to over-run a country.
DAW: Good lord! what means he, sir? I pray you, master Truewit, be you a mediator.
TRUE: Well, I 'll try if he will be appeased with a leg or an arm; if not you must die once.
DAW: I would be loth to lose my right arm, for writing madrigals.
TRUE: Why, if he will be satisfied with a thumb or a little finger, all's one to me. You must think, I will do my best.
[SHUTS HIM UP AGAIN.]
DAW: Good sir, do.
[CLERIMONT AND DAUPHINE COME FORWARD.]
CLER: What hast thou done?
TRUE: He will let me do nothing, he does all afore; he offers his left arm.
CLER: His left wing for a Jack Daw.
DAUP: Take it, by all means.
TRUE: How! maim a man for ever, for a jest? What a conscience hast thou!
DAUP: 'Tis no loss to him; he has no employment for his arms, but to eat spoon-meat. Beside, as good maim his body as his reputation.
TRUE: He is a scholar, and a wit, and yet he does not think so.
But he loses no reputation with us; for we all resolved him an a.s.s before. To your places again.
CLER: I pray thee, let me be in at the other a little.
TRUE: Look, you'll spoil all: these be ever your tricks.
CLER: No, but I could hit of some things that thou wilt miss, and thou wilt say are good ones.
TRUE: I warrant you. I pray forbear, I will leave it off, else.
DAUP: Come away, Clerimont.
[DAUP. AND CLER. WITHDRAW AS BEFORE.]
[ENTER LA-FOOLE.]
TRUE: Sir Amorous!
LA-F: Master Truewit.
TRUE: Whither were you going?
LA-F: Down into the court to make water.
TRUE: By no means, sir; you shall rather tempt your breeches.
LA-F: Why, sir?
TRUE: Enter here, if you love your life.
[OPENING THE DOOR OF THE OTHER STUDY.]
LA-F: Why? why?
TRUE: Question till you throat be cut, do: dally till the enraged soul find you.
LA-F: Who is that?
TRUE: Daw it is: will you in?
LA-F: Ay, ay, I will in: what's the matter?
TRUE: Nay, if he had been cool enough to tell us that, there had been some hope to atone you, but he seems so implacably enraged!
LA-F: 'Slight, let him rage! I'll hide myself.
TRUE: Do, good sir. But what have you done to him within, that should provoke him thus? You have broke some jest upon him, afore the ladies.
LA-F: Not I, never in my life, broke jest upon any man. The bride was praising sir Dauphine, and he went away in snuff, and I followed him, unless he took offence at me in his drink erewhile, that I would not pledge all the horse full.
TRUE: By my faith, and that may be, you remember well: but he walks the round up and down, through every room o' the house, with a towel in his hand, crying, Where's La-Foole? Who saw La-Foole?
and when Dauphine and I demanded the cause, we can force no answer from him, but--O revenge, how sweet art thou! I will strangle him in this towel--which leads us to conjecture that the main cause of his fury is, for bringing your meat to-day, with a towel about you, to his discredit.
LA-F: Like enough. Why, if he be angry for that, I'll stay here till his anger be blown over.
TRUE: A good becoming resolution, sir; if you can put it on o'
the sudden.
LA-F: Yes, I can put it on: or, I'll away into the country presently.
TRUE: How will you get out of the house, sir? he knows you are in the house, and he will watch you this se'ennight, but he'll have you. He'll outwait a serjeant for you.
LA-F: Why, then I'll stay here.
TRUE: You must think how to victual yourself in time then.
LA-F: Why, sweet master Truewit, will you entreat my cousin Otter to send me a cold venison pasty, a bottle or two of wine, and a chamber-pot?
TRUE: A stool were better, sir, of sir Ajax his invention.
