Epicoene; Or, The Silent Woman Part 23

TRUE: No, I'll stay here. Drive them out of your company, 'tis all I ask; which cannot be any way better done, than by extolling Dauphine, whom they have so slighted.

EPI: I warrant you; you shall expect one of them presently.

[EXIT.]

CLER: What a cast of kestrils are these, to hawk after ladies, thus!

TRUE: Ay, and strike at such an eagle as Dauphine.

CLER: He will be mad when we tell him. Here he comes.

[RE-ENTER DAUPHINE.]

CLER: O sir, you are welcome.

TRUE: Where's thine uncle?

DAUP: Run out of doors in his night-caps, to talk with a casuist about his divorce. It works admirably.

TRUE: Thou wouldst have said so, if thou hadst been here! The ladies have laugh'd at thee most comically, since thou went'st, Dauphine.

CLER: And ask'd, if thou wert thine uncle's keeper.

TRUE: And the brace of baboons answer'd, Yes; and said thou wert a pitiful poor fellow, and didst live upon posts: and hadst nothing but three suits of apparel, and some few benevolences that lords gave thee to fool to them, and swagger.

DAUP: Let me not live, I will beat them: I'll bind them both to grand-madam's bed-posts, and have them baited with monkies.

TRUE: Thou shalt not need, they shall be beaten to thy hand, Dauphine. I have an execution to serve upon them, I warrant thee, shall serve; trust my plot.

DAUP: Ay, you have many plots! so you had one to make all the wenches in love with me.

TRUE: Why, if I do not yet afore night, as near as 'tis; and that they do not every one invite thee, and be ready to scratch for thee, take the mortgage of my wit.

CLER: 'Fore G.o.d, I'll be his witness thou shalt have it, Dauphine: thou shalt be his fool for ever, if thou doest not.

TRUE: Agreed. Perhaps 'twill be the better estate. Do you observe this gallery, or rather lobby, indeed? Here are a couple of studies, at each end one: here will I act such a tragi-comedy between the Guelphs and the Ghibellines, Daw and La-Foole--which of them comes out first, will I seize on:--you two shall be the chorus behind the arras, and whip out between the acts and speak--If I do not make them keep the peace for this remnant of the day, if not of the year, I have failed once--I hear Daw coming: hide, [THEY WITHDRAW]

and do not laugh, for G.o.d's sake.

[RE-ENTER DAW.]

DAW: Which is the way into the garden trow?

TRUE: O, Jack Daw! I am glad I have met with you. In good faith, I must have this matter go no further between you. I must have it taken up.

DAW: What matter, sir? between whom?

TRUE: Come, you disguise it: sir Amorous and you. If you love me, Jack, you shall make use of your philosophy now, for this once, and deliver me your sword. This is not the wedding the Centaurs were at, though there be a she one here.

[TAKES HIS SWORD.]

The bride has entreated me I will see no blood shed at her bridal, you saw her whisper me erewhile.

DAW: As I hope to finish Tacitus, I intend no murder.

TRUE: Do you not wait for sir Amorous?

DAW: Not I, by my knighthood.

TRUE: And your scholarship too?

DAW: And my scholarship too.

TRUE: Go to, then I return you your sword, and ask you mercy; but put it not up, for you will be a.s.saulted. I understood that you had apprehended it, and walked here to brave him: and that you had held your life contemptible, in regard of your honour.

DAW: No, no; no such thing, I a.s.sure you. He and I parted now, as good friends as could be.

TRUE: Trust not you to that visor. I saw him since dinner with another face: I have known many men in my time vex'd with losses, with deaths, and with abuses; but so offended a wight as sir Amorous, did I never see, or read of. For taking away his guests, sir, to-day, that's the cause: and he declares it behind your back with such threatenings and contempts--He said to Dauphine, you were the arrant'st a.s.s--

DAW: Ay, he may say his pleasure.

TRUE: And swears you are so protested a coward, that he knows you will never do him any manly or single right, and therefore he will take his course.

DAW: I'll give him any satisfaction, sir--but fighting.

TRUE: Ay, sir: but who knows what satisfaction he'll take? blood he thirsts for, and blood he will have: and whereabouts on you he will have it, who knows but himself?

DAW: I pray you, master Truewit, be you a mediator.

TRUE: Well, sir, conceal yourself then in this study till I return.

[PUTS HIM INTO THE STUDY.]

Nay, you must be content to be lock'd in: for, for mine own reputation, I would not have you seen to receive a public disgrace, while I have the matter in managing. Ods so, here he comes; keep your breath close, that he do not hear you sigh.

In good faith, sir Amorous, he is not this way; I pray you be merciful, do not murder him; he is a Christian, as good as you: you are arm'd as if you sought revenge on all his race. Good Dauphine, get him away from this place. I never knew a man's choler so high, but he would speak to his friends, he would hear reason.--Jack Daw, Jack! asleep!

DAW [within]: Is he gone, master Truewit?

TRUE: Ay; did you hear him?

DAW: O lord! yes.

TRUE: What a quick ear fear has!

DAW [COMES OUT OF THE CLOSET.]: But is he so arm'd, as you say?

TRUE: Arm'd? did you ever see a fellow set out to take possession?

DAW: Ay, sir.

TRUE: That may give you some light to conceive of him: but 'tis nothing to the princ.i.p.al. Some false brother in the house has furnish'd him strangely; or, if it were out of the house, it was Tom Otter.

DAW: Indeed he's a captain, and his wife is his kinswoman.