Emily The Strange_ The Lost Days Part 7

ME:.

Not a daytime person.

S:.

I see. [Then we walked in silence to LeStrande Comprehensive. Once we were there, though, I kind of freaked out.]

ME:.

Listen, Schneider. I really don't know what to tell these people. I found myself here six days ago with total amnesia. I don't even know my name.

S:.

You're kidding. Why haven't you asked the police for help?

ME:.

[No comment.]

S:.

Right. Never mind. OK, look, I'll do the talking.

And he was actually pretty good. He told them my name was Earwig Dungeon; Raven Dungeon was my mother; I'd just moved here from Wichita, Kansas; and I'd had a hard time recently and didn't want to talk about myself. And that was that.

Later BLOGYAM!!! Have got to get out of here. Am writing this in the teachers' bathroom. Had to sneak in here since the regular bathroom is guarded. This place is insane. More later.

ABOUT TWENTY MILLION YEARS LATER.

Have been released and am on my way back to the El Dungeon. Stopped off at the minipark because I am not ready to face human beings. Am completely traumatized. Was not able to write all day due to tyranny of maniac teachers. They were not happy with me. To say the least. Apparently, I even BREATHE the wrong way, in addition to every other little thing about me being WRONG and STRANGE. Will gnaw off a limb before I go back to that place.

I was mistaken about Schneider helping me out. Telling them my name was Earwig Dungeon pretty much killed my chances of escaping notice. As soon as he left, my first teacher told me I would never be known as Earwig in her cla.s.sroom and that my new name was Charlene. Charlene Ellsbree.

TEACHER:.

Charlene, would you like to stand at the chalkboard and tell the cla.s.s about yourself?

ME:.

No thanks. My name is Earwig.

T:.

Charlene, would you like to stay an hour after school sc.r.a.ping gum off desks?

[I stood at the chalkboard and told them all about myself.]

ME:.

My name is Earwig Dungeon. I come from Wichita, Kansas. My mom and I used to own a restaurant where we served human flesh. It was very popular. We were millionaires. I had a pony and a yacht. Now we are on the run from the FBI...

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Received double detention for smart mouth.

It went on like this all day, with each teacher giving me a new name, threatening me with hard labor, forcing me to reinvent the story of my life, making good on their threats of hard labor, etc. Luckily there were only five teachers, and they each picked a different type of hard labor, so I'll have variety. Not that I am serving a minute of their detentions, because once I get to my fridge box, I am never coming out of it again.

Later They have destroyed my fridge box. This town and I are finished.

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Later Am sitting on the bus to Wichita, Kansas. umlaut gave me the money. Probably to impress Raven with his gallant manners. He's not that bad, if you overlook his cologne, and everything else about him, except for the fact that he gave me the money.

Am soooooooooooo glad to be rid of that ridiculous town, their floods of junk mail, their tickets and detentions.

Later-finally evening on the longest day of my life Still on the bus. Bored out of my mind. Just now I was actually wishing for a little extra shot of amnesia so I could play hangman with myself. GUH!

An incredibly long time later I don't think I like the segment of the population that rides the Red Rabbit bus line from town to town. Let me give you just a little sample of the conversational highlights so far: "So I sez to her I sez, just you hand over that Slim Jim, and THEN maybe I'll give the baby back."

"Yeah so I ended up runnin' away from the army, but I kept the rifle, cuz hey, nice rifle."

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"You * *@!%ing kids shut up back there or I'll %&*ing * *&%! your @&%$ to kingdom come or my name isn't Sofronia Peabody Chucklebottom."

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"Well, so Cousin Loretta tole me she's gonna have a Mickey Mousethemed wedding. I mean she's gonna have a little Minnie and Mickey on her wedding cake and everything. So I axed her, 'Well, Cousin Loretta, are you and LeJim gonna wear Mickey Mouse ears at the ceremony too?' And she said, 'Aw, Cousin Jill, come on. I am NOT that EXTREME!'"

Have been giving evil death glares to anyone that pa.s.ses my seat, but unfortunately for me I now have a talkative seat-neighbor, this middle-aged normal guy with that middle-aged, normal, serial-killer look to him. I did my best to cut off conversation early.

NORMAL G GUY:.

[Finally wrapping up a long explanation of his business in Wichita.] So, what are you doing, riding the Red Rabbit all by yourself?

ME:.

Sorry, I don't speak English.

NG:.

What? You sound like you speak English.

ME:.

Nope. I don't speak a word of English, and also, I have a speech defect, so if you don't mind, I'm going to sleep now.

Later Bus Dream: I'm locked in the Blackrock jail. All the police are standing around laughing, eating doughnuts, polishing their guns, polishing their guns with half-eaten doughnuts, you know, police stuff. I keep asking why I'm locked up and no one hears me. I realize they are too stupid to build a jail cell that I can't break out of, so even though they can see everything I'm doing, I start looking over the whole cell inch by inch to find the way out. It takes forever. I inspect the door and windows 923 times, but there is no way I can jimmy them. I keep looking...every inch of floor, walls, I even crawl upside down over the ceiling...FINALLY I get to the toilet. Super-yuk, but I see something hidden down in it...I ask one of the officers for his shirt. He is dumb enough to take it off and hand it to me through the bars. I wrap it around my hand and reach down, down, down into dark water and there I feel a little switch...I push it, the gate opens, and I walk out. No one even looks at me, not even the officer who gave me the shirt.

Pretty good dream, but even that didn't cheer me up.

Later. So...Much...Later Things to do when I get to Wichita: 1. Look for posters with my face on them.

2. Walk around aimlessly and hope someone recognizes me.