Elder Isles - Madouc Part 74

"Put them aside for the moment; there will be a short delay and the onions should not overcook."

"Just so, Your Honour."

"You may pour the elderberry wine which our guests have demanded for the slaking of their thirsts."

"By no means!" said Madouc. "We would never think to impose upon your generosity! Sir Pom-Pom, set out your golden vessel. I will drink mead."

Sir Pom-Pom arranged the vessel and from the first spout poured mead for Madouc.

Travante said: "I believe that I will drink good red wine to day."

Sir Pom-Pom poured full Travante's goblet from the appropriate spout. "As for myself, I will drink some fine cracking ale!"

From the last spout Sir Pom-Pom poured foaming ale into his own goblet. Throop's three heads watched the operation in wonder, then all muttered into each other's ears. Pasm said aloud: "That is an excellent vessel!"

"So it is!" said Sir Pom-Pom. "And while we are on the subject, what do you know of the Holy Grail?"

All three heads instantly bent forward to stare at Sir Pom-Pom. "What is this?" demanded Pism. "Did you put a question?"

"No!" cried Madouc. "Of course not! Never! Not by so much as a breath! Nor an iota! You mis-heard Sir Pom-Pom! He said that better than all else he enjoyed his ale!"

"Hmf. Too bad!" said Pasm.

"Information is valuable," said Posm. "We hold it dear!"

Pism said: "Since you have been allowed free and liberal use of the goblets, perhaps you would allow us to taste the product of that remarkable vessel!"

"Certainly!" said Madouc. "It is only good manners! How do your tastes incline?"

"I will drink mead," said Pism.

"I will drink wine," said Pasm.

"I will taste that smashing ale," said Posm.

Naupt brought goblets which Sir Pom-Pom filled from the vessel. Naupt then served to each of the heads its specified tipple.

"Excellent!" declared Pism.

"Tasty and of high quality!" said Pasm.

"Batasta!" cried Posm. "I have not tasted such ale for many a year!"

Madouc said: "Perhaps we should now offer our host-gifts. Then you may offer your guest-gifts in return and we will resume our journey."

"Bah batasta!" growled Pasm. "This talk of guest-gifts scratches harshly on my ear."

Pism once again winked a great white eye. "Have you forgotten our little joke?"

Posm said: "No matter! We must not cause our guests to wonder. Princess Madouc, so tender and sweet! What of your host-gift?"

"My offering is valuable; it is recent news of your beloved brother, the ogre Higlauf! Last month he defeated a troop of sixteen strong knights under the Cliffs of Kholensk. The king of Muscovy intends to reward him with a carriage drawn by six white bears, with a flanking escort of twelve Persian peac.o.c.ks. Higlauf wears a new cloak of red-fox fur and tall fur hats on all his heads. He is well, save for a fistula on his middle neck; his leg is also a trifle sore from the bite of a mad dog. He sends his fraternal regards and invites your visit to his castle at High Tromsk on the Udovna River. And this news, which I hope will bring you joy, is my host-gift."

All three heads blinked and sniffed in disparagement. "Ah, bah," said Posm. "The gift is of little value; I do not care a fig whether Higlauf's leg hurts or not, nor do I envy him his bears."

"I have done my best," said Madouc. "What of my guest-gift?"

"It shall be an item of equal worth, and not an owl's whisker more."

"As you like. You might give me news of my friend Sir Pelinore of Aquitaine, who pa.s.sed this way some years ago."

"Sir Pellinore of Aquitaine?" The three heads ruminated, and consulted among themselves. "Pism, do you recall Sir Pellinore?"

"I am confusing him with Sir Priddelot, from Lombardy, who was so very tough. Posm, what of you?"

"I do not place the name. What were his arms?"

"Three red roses on a blue field."

"I recall neither the name nor the arms. Many if not most, or even all, of the visitors to Castle Doldil lack all morality, and think either to steal or commit acts of treachery. These criminals are one and all punished and boiled into a nourishing soup, which is, in most cases, the most notable achievement of their otherwise futile lives. Their arms hang along the walls. Look, freely and without obligation: do you see the three red roses of your friend Sir Pellinore?"

"No," said Madouc. "Nothing of the sort is evident."

Posm called: "Naupt, where are you?"

"Here, Your Honour!"

"Look into the great register! Discover if we have entertained a certain 'Sir Pellinore of Aquitaine.'

Naupt hopped from the hall, returning a few moments later. "No such name is listed, either in the index, or in the memoranda of recipes. Sir Pellinore is not known to us."

"Then that is the answer I must give, and it fully discharges the requirement. Now then, Travante the Sage: what have you brought as host-gift?"

"It is an article of enormous value if used correctly; indeed, I have given my whole life to its acquisition! Sir Throop, for my host-gift, I present you with my hard-won senility, my old age and the veneration which is its due. It is truly a valuable gift."

Throop's three heads grimaced, and the great arms pulled at the three beards, one after the other. Posm said: "How can you freely bestow a gift so valuable?"

"I do so out of regard for you, my host, in the hope that it brings you the same profit it has brought me. As for my guest- gift, you can restore to me the callow and insipid condition of youth, since I lost my own somewhere along the way. If by chance my lost youth is stored in one of your attics, I will once again take it in charge, and it will serve well enough."

Pism called out: "Naupt, hither!"

"Yes, Your Honour?"

"You heard Travante's requirements; do we keep anything of that description stored among the castle lumber?"

"I am certain not, sir."

Throop turned his three heads back upon Travante. "In that case, you must keep your gift of senility, since I can make no responsive guest-gift, and that shall be an end to the transaction. Now then, Sir Pom-Pom: what have you to offer?"