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In the morning, I hadn't touched my homework. I hadn't studied for the math test or researched for my language arts author's life report or answered the social studies questions.
I figured Franklin could help, but I couldn't listen to more than a minute of his advice for the math test on the bus ride.
"a then you isolate the variable using inverse operationsa""
"Speak English, dorkwad."
"That is English. What's the matter? You're half asleep."
"I had weird dreams all night."
"What did you dream about?"
"Going to school and no one could see me. Being at home and no one could see me."
"I've never had dreams like that."
When Franklin has bad dreams, they must be about living in a world without things to measure with.
When we got to school, Amanda squashed my lunch. I got zeros on most of my homework. I was pretty sure I failed the math test.
The worst thing happened between sixth and seventh periods. I stopped at Franklin's locker with him, and when he opened it a bunch of Star Wars action figures tumbled all over the floor.
A boy named Jason picked up Chewbacca and pretended that he was attacking his friend. Then he threw Chewbacca at Franklin, who was kneeling to collect his toys. Jason and other kids laughed. "I didn't know we had kindergarten in this building."
I glared at Jason. He lifted his hands in the air and said, "He's your friend."
Despite all that, Franklin decided to keep Chewbacca sticking out of his pocket. It was impossible to forget the whole thing, sitting in Spanish with Chewbacca peering out at me.
On the walk home from the bus I trudged silently next to Franklin. We live in opposite directions, so we started off as if heading to my house, because that was the direction my feet went in automatically.
"Want to come over?" Franklin asked. "I got new movies about the Apollo s.p.a.ce missions."
"No thanks."
"You're no fun anymore."
"You're a baby. You don't understand." I threw insults at Franklin all the time these days, but this one came out differently. I spoke softly, barely above a whisper, in a voice that said I meant it.
For the first time, he looked hurt.
"Fine. I'll learn about the s.p.a.ce program by myself."
"I don't care about the s.p.a.ce program!" I yelled. "And you obviously don't care about me, so go home and watch your stupid movies."
Franklin stared at me like I had hit him. Then he held back the water in his eyes, turned around, and headed home.
I stormed to my own house. This was all Franklin's fault.
a a a The next day was even worse.
Because I hadn't done my homework again, I was in even more trouble. Franklin wasn't speaking to me. Okay, he was speaking to me, but not like a friend would. He sat with Diana at lunch. I walked by and overheard her talking about how she watched her gerbil push out a bunch of babies last night. Yeck. I picked a different table. Which was fine, really, because even though you aren't allowed to bring work to lunch, I had snuck in my social studies book and was going to try to finish the questions from yesterday.
I put my heading on the paper and set the book on my lap under the table so it was pretty hidden. I tapped the eraser of my pencil on the pages as I read. I was never going to finish the reading, let alone get to the questions. It was hopeless. Like me.
"There's a better way to do that, you know," a voice said. The voice wasn't mean. It sounded kind.
I looked up to see that Caroline had sat next to me.
"What?"
"You're doing it wrong. There's a better way." She gently took the book and turned to the end of the section. "Read the question first so you know what's important to look for, then skim the text until you find the answer. The answer to the next question will be after it, so go in order. If you sit there and read it, you won't remember the answers, and you'll have to look for them all again anyway."
"Thanks. You're really smart, Caroline."
She shook her head.
"You are," I insisted.
"No, I'm annoying. No one likes it."
She meant her stupid friends didn't like it. "No, it's good to be smart."
"Sometime I wish I weren't." Caroline was quiet, chewing her bologna and cheese sandwich while I wrote down the answer to question one. "Are you okay?" she asked when I was done.
"What do you mean?"
"You seem a I don't know, upset or something. And you aren't with Franklin."
"Yeah a I have a lot going on," I said.
"What on earth could you have going on? Playdates?" Amanda was standing across the table from us. Caroline and I just sat. I don't think Amanda expected us to answer her. She looked at Caroline. "Brennan invited us to sit with his friends. You're coming?"
Caroline shrugged. "I'll see you later, Elise, okay? You need to finish that anyway."
"Bye," I said.
"Why are you talking to her?" Amanda asked as they walked away. Caroline didn't respond.
She was so different from Amanda. How had they become friends in the first place?
I finished most of the questions, so I'd be able to hand in something. But I didn't have time to eat. Not that pulverized peanut b.u.t.ter and jelly is that appetizing.
a a a "Cricket?" Uncle Hugh pushed open the door to my room. I had my science book open, but I was staring at my long list of late homework. I would never finish it. "It's time for another soda."
I followed him to the kitchen, where he had drinks ready. I opened mine.
"One of your teachers called."
"Oh goody." I couldn't meet his eye.
"It seems like you haven't been doing any work lately."
"That's not true. I did some. I've been trying."
Uncle Hugh twisted the bottle in his hand and started to peel off the label. "I got a call from Franklin's mother, too. Apparently, Franklin is all upset that you hate him and he doesn't know why."
"The worm," I said. "He should know why."
"You hate him?"
"No, I don't hate him. He just made me mad."
"So as far as I can tell, you're getting to school, right?"
"Yes."
"But things don't really seem to be any better."
"Why would they be any better?" I asked quietly. "Nothing's changed."
"Well, sometimes things don't change on their own. Sometimes we have to change them."
"I don't know what to do."
"Try little things, like we talked about before. Homework first. Be patient with Franklin; he's still the same friend to you he's always been. What else is going on?"
"Nothing."
"Then start with the homework and Franklin. And spend more time with us, too. You haven't been in the kitchen with Bessie much lately. Get to know Annie and Ava. We all love you already; you don't have to prove anything to us."
I nodded. I hadn't been hanging out with Aunt Bessie because I could never get her to myself. I didn't want to spend extra time with Annie and Ava. Especially not since Annie had been talking with Bessie about working for her catering company. Would I get any time with Aunt Bessie if that happened?
"Did I see you with a big list of homework before I interrupted you?"
"Yes."
"Go get it. And all your books and stuff, too. We'll set you up here in the kitchen. It'll be easier. We'll be here."
That night, I stayed up wondering about what Uncle Hugh had said about how things don't change on their own. I'd been waiting to be twelve like I would miraculously be different. But I wasn't.
Then I thought about Dad's letter. He'd written something kind of like what Uncle Hugh had said. I got the letter and found the spot again: "in great part we mold ourselves."
Then I was stuck on something else: on the words "discover and unlock."
Unlock, unlock, unlock, unlock a All of a sudden I remembered ita"the key in Uncle Hugh's workshop.
Was that what Dad meant by unlock? I would literally unlock something?
But what? What was locked?
As I got sleepier, I pictured things that were locked with keys. Houses. Old trunks. Cars. Padlocks. Doors.
I sat up in bed, suddenly awake.
There were eight locked doors upstairs in the barn. Eight of them!
Could those be for me?
But the feeling of excitement disappeared almost as quickly as it had come.
Those doors were off-limits. They always had been.
I checked Dad's letter again: "discover and unlock when you are ready."
Maybe I just hadn't been ready.
But now I was ready for something to be different. For anything to be different.
Tomorrow I'd take a chance and see what that key opened up.
It had my name on it, after all.
Part II.
The First Little, Secret Room.
After a night of not much sleeping, I woke up, raced through the world's shortest shower, and found just what I wanted to find: Uncle Hugh and Aunt Bessie having morning coffee in the kitchen.
"You already have your backpack on, ready to go!" Aunt Bessie seemed very surprised to see me. She and Uncle Hugh were still in bathrobes. Even on days when neither of them is going to leave the house, they both insist on getting dressed before eight a.m.
"Yeah," I said, swinging my wet ponytail over my shoulder as I grabbed a scone from a plateful on the table. "You know a I'm trying not to be late anymore."
"Good for you, Cricket," Uncle Hugh said.
"Well, bye!"
"Well, bye," echoed Uncle Hugh. I headed out the front door.
I had time to visit the barn without worrying that Uncle Hugh would be working there or that Aunt Bessie would be out loading up the van or watering her flowers.