Duty, And Other Irish Comedies Part 13

that I strayed into a house like this to-day. Yet I don't think 'tis a bit fair for me to be wearin' your fine coat and you wearin' mine. You don't look a bit comfortable in it.

LOGAN I feel comfortable, and far more comfortable than you can imagine; and after all that's what matters. Every eye forms its own beauty, and when the heart is young, it doesn't matter how old you are.

FALVEY That's true! That's true! But 'tis the dacent man you are, nevertheless, and 'tisn't the likes of you that a poor man like myself meets every day.

LOGAN No, and it may be a long time again before you will meet another like me. But be that as it may, I must be going now, so here's a shillin' for you and go to the barber's next door and have a shave before startin'

to look for work. (_Hands shilling_) Good-by.

FALVEY Good-by, G.o.d bless you and long life to you.

[_Exit Logan. Enter an old friend._

GARRET DEVLIN (_walks slowly and takes the newspaper from the table, looks at the clock_) Only half-past ten, and d.a.m.n the bit to do. Ah, me! ah, me! One b.l.o.o.d.y day like another!

[_Sits on the chair and yawns. Knocks for the publican.

Enter Driscoll._

DRISCOLL Good mornin', Garret. Anythin' new to-day?

DEVLIN Yes, I have good news this mornin'.

DRISCOLL An' what is it?

DEVLIN Oh, not much, only that a grand-uncle of mine is after dyin' in America and leavin' me a fortune of a hundred thousand pounds.

DRISCOLL (_sceptically_) That's a terrible responsibility for a poor man to have thrust upon him. What are you going to do with it at all?

DEVLIN Well, I was thinkin' of buyin' a new suit of clothes and dividin' what's left between the poor of the town, the Sisters of Charity, and the Salvation Army.

DRISCOLL Wisha, I'm sick and tired of hearin' old yarns like that. I suppose 'tis the way that you want a half a gla.s.s of whiskey and haven't the price of it.

DEVLIN How dare you insinuate such a thing. (_Places a sovereign on the table_) Give me a half a whiskey and no more old talk out of you.

DRISCOLL And where did you get all that money?

DEVLIN That's my business. I got it from the captain in the Salvation Army when I told him how much money I was goin' to give him by and by.

DRISCOLL Well, that's the first and last donation you'll ever get from the Salvation Army. Sure, if you got all the money that was to be left to you since I knew you first, you'd be buildin' libraries all over the world like Carnegie to advertise your vanity.

DEVLIN 'Tis nothin' to you whether I will build libraries or public houses for the poor when I'll get all the money that's comin' to me.

DRISCOLL Ah, wisha, I'm about sick and tired of hearin' all the things you're going to do.

DEVLIN (_crossly_) I don't give a d.a.m.n whether you are or not. Go and get me the whiskey, or I'll get it elsewhere.

DRISCOLL (_plausibly_) Very well, very well! I'll get you the whiskey.

[_Exit._

DEVLIN (_to Falvey, who is still eating his loaf of bread_) Good mornin', stranger.

FALVEY Good mornin' and good luck, sir.

DEVLIN 'Tis a fine mornin'.

FALVEY A glorious mornin', thank G.o.d.

DEVLIN Is that your breakfast that you're eatin'?

FALVEY Indeed it is, stranger, and maybe my dinner and supper too.

DEVLIN 'Tis the h.e.l.l of a thing to be poor.

FALVEY Sure 'tis myself that knows it.

DEVLIN And 'tis as bad to be rich and not to be able to get any of your money like myself.

FALVEY There's trouble in everythin', but no respect for the poor.

DEVLIN None whatever! none whatever! And no greater misfortune could befall a man than to be poor and honest at the same time. But all the same I'll be a millionaire when my money comes from America.

FALVEY America must be a great country. One man is as good as another there, I believe.

DEVLIN So they say, when both of them have nothin'. (_Looking hard at the stranger_) Tell me, haven't I seen you somewhere before? What's that your name is?

FALVEY My name is Bernard Falvey, and I come from Ballinore.

DEVLIN Well, well, to be sure, and I'm Garret Devlin, your mother's first cousin! Who'd ever think of meetin'

you here. The world is a small place after all!

FALVEY It must be fifteen or more years since last we met.

DEVLIN Every day of it. And what have you been doing since? I'd hardly know you at all, the way you have changed.

FALVEY Workin' when I wasn't idle and idle when I wasn't workin', but in trouble all the time.

DEVLIN You're like myself. I too only exchange one kind of trouble for another. When I got married I had to live with the wife's mother for two years, and when she died, I had to support my widowed sister-in-law's three children. And when they were rared and fit to be earnin' for themselves and be a help to me, they got drowned. Then my poor wife lost her senses, and I haven't had peace or ease ever since. She thinks that she is the Queen of England, and that I'm the King.

FAVLEY An' have you no children?

DEVLIN One boy.

FALVEY An' what does he do for a livin'?

DEVLIN He's a private in the militia, and his mother thinks he's the Prince of Wales.

FALVEY G.o.d help us all, but 'tis the queer things that happen to the poor.

DEVLIN An' what are you doin' in these parts?