Duplicity. Part 9

"That's the great part, Star. I start next Monday. G.o.d knows what Daddy dearest'll think, but I don't really care to be honest. This job sounds like something I can really get my teeth into, and after seeing what my dad did to those poor people at Inveresk today, I can't think of a better way to stick two fingers up at him."

I had seen the story on the news and seen briefly the type of man Campbell Hunter was. It was clear Fin was nothing like him, and that was a huge sense of relief. I couldn't help but laugh at his overzealous manner.

I'd never heard him so psyched, so enthused, and I liked it. "I think we should celebrate."

"Yeah? And how would we do that?" His voice dropped to a deep, husky whisper, and I could almost hear the cogs in his brain whirring over the airwaves. My insides turned to jelly and I pressed my thighs together at the mere thought of what he wasn't saying but we both knew he was inferring.

Gather your wits, Star. Gather them right on up. "I was thinking we could go singing."

He huffed. "Seriously? Wouldn't you rather go for a romantic meal somewhere and then back to my place, maybe?" My silence must have spoken volumes as he cleared his throat and carried on. "Not that I mean anything other than we should spend a nice evening together, you understand. I know I'm still on your s.h.i.t list and I don't blame you. I just-"

"Fin. Shut up. You're no longer on my s.h.i.t list, okay? I just...I need to not rush into this. Let's just have a fun night out as friends, okay?"

"Yeah. Sounds great." I could sense the disappointment in his voice, regardless of the words he had spoken, but I had to stick to my guns this time. Or at least, I had to try.

Wednesday rolled around, and as we had agreed, Fin arrived on my doorstep at eight sharp. I opened the door and swallowed hard when I took in his appearance. It was as if I was seeing him for the first time all over again. A fitted black T-shirt with A Perfect Circle emblazoned on the front showcased the toned planes of his chest, and I trailed my eyes down toward his jeans. Oh my G.o.d. I'm staring at his crotch! I immediately snapped my eyes back up to his, which were now sparkling playfully. His dirty-blonde hair was getting s.h.a.ggier, and he was looking less like a lawyer and more like a lead singer in a rock band which, obviously, made him even s.e.xier. I was kinda glad he hadn't shaved off his beard. There was something just so d.a.m.ned...manly about him. Okay, so that's crazy talk seeing as he is a man and all, but wow...no man had ever filled me with such l.u.s.t without even speaking a word.

"Hi. I was just in the neighbourhood and thought I'd stop by and, you know, see if you fancy going for a wee singalong? I know this great karaoke bar." He had purposefully broadened his accent playfully, and as he winked, I fought the urge to giggle like a schoolgirl and play with my hair or throw myself into his arms.

Joining in on his little skit, I tilted my head to one side, putting on a little bit of a Southern Belle accent. "Oh, I don't know. I do declare I'll have to check my diary. I may have other plans."

He rubbed his chin and shook his head. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. s.e.xy girl like you with that accent. You must be fighting them off."

I rolled my eyes and couldn't fight the giggle any longer. "Oh, purlease...I'm from nowhere near the South. I'm a Northern gal and don't you forget it. Come on, let's go before my head gets any bigger and we have to wheel my ego in a cart."

He held out his elbow for me and I linked my arm through his.

"So...Wednesday is a happening night, is it?" he asked after we had walked in silence for a while.

"Oh, absolutely. All the sophisticated folks go to karaoke on a Wednesday. How did you not know this?"

He chuckled. "Well, they do say you learn something new every day."

"They sure do." We walked along a while longer in silence, and every time I glanced at him in my peripheral vision, he was staring at me. I tucked my hair behind my ear, suddenly very self-conscious. "What?"

He gave a small, nonchalant shrug. "I was just admiring the view."

"Well, Edinburgh is rather a beautiful city." I chewed on my lip.

He shook his head, nudged me, and smiled a lopsided smile that made my heart do a dance. "I was talking about you and you know it. G.o.d, you're so self-deprecating. It's endearing that you just don't get how s.e.xy you are."

I scrunched my brow. What the h.e.l.l did I say to that? I figured it best to stay silent or change the subject. Luckily, we arrived at the door to the club and made our way inside. It was busy which was a relief after I had insisted on going there. We grabbed a table and sat as someone murdered "Alive" by Pearl Jam on stage. Eddie Vedder would have had something to say to the poor guy, that's for sure.

Fin leaned in and spoke directly into my ear. "So, are we doing a duet then?" Thankfully, he dragged my focus away from the guy on stage now everyone was booing him. Have you ever had that situation where your insides knot through embarra.s.sment for someone else? Yeah, well that was me.

I opened my mouth and my response came out with a little too much pa.s.sion. "What? No way!"

He laughed. "So you can't sing?"

"I choose not to sing. That's for the likes of those who are talented in that area, like you."

He covered his heart with his hand and dramatically replied, "Ah, the lady doth flatter me."

"Nope. The lady doth not wanna get on that stage and make a total a.s.seth hatteth of herself."

Shaking his head and smiling, he stood and walked over to the bar without further response. As I watched him walk away, focusing my attention on his more than fine a.s.s, I had to remind myself I was taking things slow.

After a while I was beginning to think he had run out on me, and I was peering around the dimly lit bar, searching for him. Thankfully, I caught his gaze and his eyes locked on mine. Eventually he arrived back at the table and placed a bottle of beer down before me. He was grinning from ear to ear.

"What are you looking so pleased about?"

He chewed on his lip for a moment. "Oh, I was...um...putting my name down to sing in a while."

I was shocked he had chosen to do this when he was sober. The last time I had seen him sing he had been a little worse for wear, and so I was suddenly filled with admiration for the handsome, shy man.

Intrigued, I pried for more information. "What song did you choose?" He simply tapped his nose and shook his head. So, we're playing a guessing game, huh? "Oh, okay. I'll just wait and see then."

"So how's life at the coffee shop these days?"

I snorted. "Oh, G.o.d. You're not going to want to talk about the weather too, are you?"

His gaze dropped and he picked at the label on his beer bottle. "s.h.i.t, sorry. I'm not so great at small talk, I guess. I'm actually kind of shy, you know."

Guilt needled at me and I reached over and squeezed his arm, hoping I hadn't just pushed the emerging conversationalist back into his coc.o.o.n. "Hey, I'm sorry. Things are good. Although it was always more fun when my day started with a visit from my favourite blonde-haired, blue-eyed Scotsman."

He lifted his gaze and a sweet, coy smile played on his lips. "Would that be me, by any chance?"

I pulled a silly face. "Um...duh! Of course it was you. I used to look forward to seeing you every morning. Well, that is until the day you told me you were getting married. You seemed a little different on that day. Changed somehow."

He faked a shiver. "Urgh. Well, now I know that kind of change is not good, I'll be sticking with my usual routine from Monday, so you can expect me at the usual time."

I scrunched my brow. "But...won't that mean you take a detour each morning? McKendrick's building is way across the city."

He reached out and took my hand. Shrugging, he looked directly into my eyes, searing me with his intense blue gaze. "It'll be worth it."

My insides disintegrated to mush.

Fin I sat there feeling like a total p.r.i.c.k. I had just said the soppiest thing imaginable to the girl who had stolen my heart. Some bulls.h.i.t about it being worth it to make a detour to go buy coffee from her on a morning when I started my new job the following Monday. I was on the verge of taking it all back and making some inane joke when a sweet smile slowly stretched across her kissable lips. I hesitated.

She squeezed my hand. "Oh, Fin. That's probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." f.u.c.k, really? "Just to know that you would even suggest it...I can't tell you how...ugh...words fail me."

I heaved a relieved sigh. "Thank f.u.c.k. I was sure you were going to tell me I'm a pathetic wuss and you'd go off to vomit."

She shook her head. If it hadn't been for the dim lighting, I felt sure I would have seen a pink tinge to her cheeks.

She laughed. "Not at all. It's really sweet. But you don't have to do that. Cut all the way across town. I mean, I don't expect-"

"No, I will be calling. I've already made up my mind. Every day. Now, I don't want to be having to wheel your ego home in a cart again but...well, you do make the best coffee in Edinburgh. Even if you don't drink the stuff yourself."

She fluttered her eyelashes dramatically. "Well, now the gentleman doth flatter the lady."

I chuckled at her response as she threw my own playfulness back at me. "The gentleman doth speak the truth." A gruff voice came over the P.A. system and announced it was my turn to sing.

s.h.i.t. What had I done? "Ah. I think it's time for the gentleman to get on stage and maketh a t.i.tteth of himself." I stood and gazed down at her mirth-filled eyes as she laughed. She had the best b.l.o.o.d.y laugh I'd ever heard.

Just saying.

I made my way to the stage, my heart pounding at my ribs, and my throat suddenly as arid as a desert floor. Would I even get through a song without alcohol? I wasn't sure at that point. The MC handed me a cordless mic and I took my place centre stage. The opening bars of Soundgarden's "Superunknown" began to play, and I swallowed, willing some moisture to appear from somewhere so that the notes would make it past my voice box. Nervously, I peered out at the audience silhouetted by the bright lights boring into me from overhead. I knew where Star was seated but I couldn't make her out, which, I surmised, was probably a good thing. I may have walked off the stage and done a runner if I'd caught her gaze right then.

As the intro finished, I closed my eyes as the lyrics spilled from my lips almost of their own accord. I immediately relaxed and my grip on the mic loosened a little. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared out at the crowd as the music vibrated through my bones, building, ready to carry me away. As if in some kind of trance, my feet moved and that was it...I was gone.

I had changed.

The stage persona had thrust his way to the front of my psyche, and I strutted around the stage like some f.u.c.king rock star. It was amazing. The adrenaline coursing through my veins, as I pushed the screeching notes out into the room with ease was the best natural high I'd experienced. Well, after spending time with Star, that is.

The crowd began to move around and clap along with the beat as I sang. I stomped around to the drum beat and even got the crowd singing on the chorus. Although they were someone else's words, they really spoke to me, liberating me from what had been a straitjacket of other people's control for so long. I didn't have to be what they wanted. I didn't have to see things how they did. I was my own person. I was in charge of my own destiny. I had no clue what had made me choose the song, but there I was on stage, fulfilling a childhood dream and literally stepping out into the Superunknown.

Star Once again, I watched in awe as Fin's alter ego took up residence on the stage. He simply owned it. There was no doubt about it; the man could certainly sing. And seeing that transformation from shy sweet Fin to rock G.o.d was like nothing on earth. Gooseb.u.mps covered my skin as I watched his mouth form every single word. It was as if he really believed every one of Chris Cornell's lyrics as he belted out the song. My heart skipped a beat as I watched proudly. I knew he couldn't really see me; the lights were pretty darn bright up there. But at one point, he pointed right at me, and a shiver tickled its way down my spine like he had physically touched me.

He. Was. Amazing.

The song ended and Fin stood there, head back, arms out at his sides, chest heaving, and sweat trickling down his gorgeous face. If there hadn't been such a large, loud audience, I would have been up there ripping the clothes from his damp skin. The crowd erupted, and the raucous noise was almost ear-splitting. They certainly appreciated him. There was no doubt about it. But as if waking from a trance, he dropped his face to the crowd and a look of alarm spread across his features. His eyes widened as whoops and cheers were shouted from every corner.

Lifting the mic to his mouth once more, he muttered, "Th-thank you," before sliding the mic in the stand and hurrying off. He didn't come back right away, and I worried again he had taken off, considering the rabbit-in-headlights look on his face as he took the stairs down from the stage.

After around ten minutes, he plonked himself down beside me and heaved a huge sigh. "Well, that was fun." The words were what I expected, but the tone seemed rather sarcastic.

I turned to face him. "You don't sound convinced."

"I couldn't get back to you. People wouldn't let me by. b.l.o.o.d.y women shoving phone numbers in my hand and guys I've never met before slapping me on the back. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l." He shook his head. "I'm only me. And this is only a karaoke club, not the b.l.o.o.d.y O2 Arena."

"Well, yes. It was a little self-indulgent, to be honest," I teased. "I mean...anyone would think you were Chris Cornell strutting around up there."

He pouted sulkily. "Hey, I take offence at that."

I rolled my eyes and slapped his arm playfully. "I'm kidding around, you jerk. You were amazing. There's no wonder people have that reaction to you. You look so...I don't know...right up there. All rock G.o.d-ish."

His face scrunched. "I...I don't mean to look like that. I just...it's like something takes over me."

"Yeah. You're a regular Jekyll and Hyde, that's for sure."

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Funnily enough, you're not the first to say that."

"Come on. It's not an insult. Jeez, lighten up, Fin."

"No, I mean it. I don't go up there to be all showy. I get some kind of rush. Like a release. But it's not an ego thing."

"Every performer has an ego. Even if it's an alter-ego." I snorted and regretted it immediately. A crease appeared between his brows and his shoulders sagged a little. I wished at that moment that my mouth had a rewind b.u.t.ton.

He clenched his jaw. "I'll show you I can be serious. Just you wait." Before I could try and a.s.sure him I was actually complementing him, he stormed off once again, and I was worried he had just dumped me.

Fin I sat there feeling like a total p.r.i.c.k. I had just said the soppiest thing imaginable to the girl who had stolen my heart. Some bulls.h.i.t about it being worth it to make a detour to go buy coffee from her on a morning when I started my new job the following Monday. I was on the verge of taking it all back and making some inane joke when a sweet smile slowly stretched across her kissable lips. I hesitated.

She squeezed my hand. "Oh, Fin. That's probably the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me." f.u.c.k, really? "Just to know that you would even suggest it...I can't tell you how...ugh...words fail me."

I heaved a relieved sigh. "Thank f.u.c.k. I was sure you were going to tell me I'm a pathetic wuss and you'd go off to vomit."

She shook her head. If it hadn't been for the dim lighting, I felt sure I would have seen a pink tinge to her cheeks.

She laughed. "Not at all. It's really sweet. But you don't have to do that. Cut all the way across town. I mean, I don't expect-"

"No, I will be calling. I've already made up my mind. Every day. Now, I don't want to be having to wheel your ego home in a cart again but...well, you do make the best coffee in Edinburgh. Even if you don't drink the stuff yourself."

She fluttered her eyelashes dramatically. "Well, now the gentleman doth flatter the lady."

I chuckled at her response as she threw my own playfulness back at me. "The gentleman doth speak the truth." A gruff voice came over the P.A. system and announced it was my turn to sing.

s.h.i.t. What had I done? "Ah. I think it's time for the gentleman to get on stage and maketh a t.i.tteth of himself." I stood and gazed down at her mirth-filled eyes as she laughed. She had the best b.l.o.o.d.y laugh I'd ever heard.

Just saying.

I made my way to the stage, my heart pounding at my ribs, and my throat suddenly as arid as a desert floor. Would I even get through a song without alcohol? I wasn't sure at that point. The MC handed me a cordless mic and I took my place centre stage. The opening bars of Soundgarden's "Superunknown" began to play, and I swallowed, willing some moisture to appear from somewhere so that the notes would make it past my voice box. Nervously, I peered out at the audience silhouetted by the bright lights boring into me from overhead. I knew where Star was seated but I couldn't make her out, which, I surmised, was probably a good thing. I may have walked off the stage and done a runner if I'd caught her gaze right then.

As the intro finished, I closed my eyes as the lyrics spilled from my lips almost of their own accord. I immediately relaxed and my grip on the mic loosened a little. Slowly, I opened my eyes and stared out at the crowd as the music vibrated through my bones, building, ready to carry me away. As if in some kind of trance, my feet moved and that was it...I was gone.

I had changed.

The stage persona had thrust his way to the front of my psyche, and I strutted around the stage like some f.u.c.king rock star. It was amazing. The adrenaline coursing through my veins, as I pushed the screeching notes out into the room with ease was the best natural high I'd experienced. Well, after spending time with Star, that is.

The crowd began to move around and clap along with the beat as I sang. I stomped around to the drum beat and even got the crowd singing on the chorus. Although they were someone else's words, they really spoke to me, liberating me from what had been a straitjacket of other people's control for so long. I didn't have to be what they wanted. I didn't have to see things how they did. I was my own person. I was in charge of my own destiny. I had no clue what had made me choose the song, but there I was on stage, fulfilling a childhood dream and literally stepping out into the Superunknown.

Star Once again, I watched in awe as Fin's alter ego took up residence on the stage. He simply owned it. There was no doubt about it; the man could certainly sing. And seeing that transformation from shy sweet Fin to rock G.o.d was like nothing on earth. Gooseb.u.mps covered my skin as I watched his mouth form every single word. It was as if he really believed every one of Chris Cornell's lyrics as he belted out the song. My heart skipped a beat as I watched proudly. I knew he couldn't really see me; the lights were pretty darn bright up there. But at one point, he pointed right at me, and a shiver tickled its way down my spine like he had physically touched me.

He. Was. Amazing.

The song ended and Fin stood there, head back, arms out at his sides, chest heaving, and sweat trickling down his gorgeous face. If there hadn't been such a large, loud audience, I would have been up there ripping the clothes from his damp skin. The crowd erupted, and the raucous noise was almost ear-splitting. They certainly appreciated him. There was no doubt about it. But as if waking from a trance, he dropped his face to the crowd and a look of alarm spread across his features. His eyes widened as whoops and cheers were shouted from every corner.

Lifting the mic to his mouth once more, he muttered, "Th-thank you," before sliding the mic in the stand and hurrying off. He didn't come back right away, and I worried again he had taken off, considering the rabbit-in-headlights look on his face as he took the stairs down from the stage.

After around ten minutes, he plonked himself down beside me and heaved a huge sigh. "Well, that was fun." The words were what I expected, but the tone seemed rather sarcastic.

I turned to face him. "You don't sound convinced."

"I couldn't get back to you. People wouldn't let me by. b.l.o.o.d.y women shoving phone numbers in my hand and guys I've never met before slapping me on the back. b.l.o.o.d.y h.e.l.l." He shook his head. "I'm only me. And this is only a karaoke club, not the b.l.o.o.d.y O2 Arena."

"Well, yes. It was a little self-indulgent, to be honest," I teased. "I mean...anyone would think you were Chris Cornell strutting around up there."