Duplicity. Part 6

Instead, he shook his head and smiled genuinely. "Wow. That's b.l.o.o.d.y awesome, Fin. Good on you, mate."

I shook my head as I took another gulp and swallowed. "Nope. It's not in the slightest bit awesome because I totally f.u.c.ked it up, Tom."

"I don't get you."

I took another swig of my drink, buying a little more time before I confirmed that I was, in fact, a giant a.r.s.ehole. "I asked her out for a drink one night when I was at the karaoke club. That night when you were busy and I went anyway. We...um...we ended up at my place and..." I waved my hand around, unable to finish the sentence.

"Oooohooo. So you got your jollies off, mate. Good on you. I still don't get the problem." Typical Tom.

Dragging my hands roughly through my hair, I tugged at the roots, annoyed with myself all over again. "I really liked her, Tom. But the next morning...after we'd...um...again, I kind of fobbed her off by saying something really f.u.c.king lame about having too much s.h.i.t going on in my life and that she seemed like a really nice girl-"

His eyes widened in horror. "You f.u.c.king didn't?" He'd just confirmed my worst fears in those three words. "What did she say after she slapped you?"

Cheers for your support, mate. "She didn't slap me, actually. But she pretty much told me to get stuffed. Can't blame her really."

"Awww, mate. I get the feeling you regret that now?"

I shrugged. "Yeah. I don't know, it sounds a bit mental, but I felt...I don't know... something. Like a...like a connection or some s.h.i.t. But that probably sounds insane. I don't know. I don't know what it's like to choose my own woman, for goodness sake. How the h.e.l.l do I know what I'm talking about?"

Tom laughed, reached across the table, and punched me lightly on the arm. "Fin, I think if you like someone and she makes you feel good then you've pretty much got your answer. When you're spouting off c.r.a.p about making connections with her, take it from me, it sounds like it has the potential to be something. You just need to call her, mate. Take the f.u.c.king plunge. What have you got to lose?"

Heat rose in my cheeks. "That's the problem, though. I don't have her number."

He raised his hands in the air in exasperation. "Awww, you p.r.i.c.k! How could you not get her number? Do you know where she lives? Where she works?"

I knew where she worked but I wasn't sure if I could pluck up the courage to show up there. She would no doubt blow me off after the way I had treated her. "I don't know where she lives but she works at McVey's Coffee House in the city."

"Bingo! Just go and apologise. Ask her out on an official date. Sorted." He clapped imaginary dust off his hands.

It did sound simple, and no doubt to Tom, it was. But he hadn't seen the look on her face as she had walked away from me. The hurt in her eyes in spite of her words. She had listened to my problems and given herself to me intimately, but I had acted like a total w.a.n.ker. Could a large enough portion of humble pie exist for one so b.l.o.o.d.y stupid?

Later on, when I arrived home to my empty apartment, a sense of melancholy descended over me once again, like a dark cloud unwilling to free me from its path. I switched on my stereo and stuck in a Stone Sour CD and lay on my couch, thoughts whirring through my head of a pink-haired girl with the most beautiful brown eyes I had ever seen. If only I could go back and change how I'd reacted. It had all been so sudden and overwhelming. Having such strong feelings for a stranger wasn't normal, surely?

But she had clearly felt it too.

The next thing I knew, I was standing outside the coffee shop in a torrential downpour, looking in through the steamed up gla.s.s, watching Star smile brightly and make small talk with the customers in the shop. I rubbed on the pane to defog a s.p.a.ce so I could see her more clearly. G.o.d, she really was stunning. Quirky yes. But beautiful all the same. Suddenly, she lifted her gaze and locked eyes with me. My heart leapt and I tried to raise my hand in a wave, but a look of disdain washed over her features and she shook her head with a sneer, her feelings for me evident in her closed-off body language. I tried to call out but my voice became trapped in my throat, and suddenly it was difficult to breathe. It was like someone had stolen the air from my lungs and I grasped at the window, trying in vain to catch her attention. Trying to scream her name.

But...nothing.

I awoke with a start to the irony of Stone Sour's "Through Gla.s.s" playing in the background. Perhaps the lyrics had spoken to my conscience as I slept. I huffed and shook my head before rubbing my hands roughly over my sore eyes. The look on Star's face as I peered at her in my dream wouldn't leave my mind. How could I try to make amends now? I was pretty sure this was how she'd react. Perhaps the premonition had saved me from making an even bigger fool of myself?

Star The following Sat.u.r.day, after my 'encounter' with Mr McYummy-who, for the record, I renamed Mr Mcd.i.c.khead-took far too long to arrive. I had the day off which was on the insistence of Alec, who said I was souring the milk thanks to my newly acquired perma-scowl. I appreciated the fact that I would get to sleep in. Although, as usual, I was wide awake at seven a.m. just like always.

When I gave up trying to get back to sleep, I went into the kitchen and found a note from Alec.

Good morning, Twinkle Toes, I've gone for a wee jog before opening up the shop so I'll see you tonight. Text me later and tell me what you want for dinner and I'll grab something from the Chinese takeaway on my way back. I fancy something spicy but I'll go out on the pull another night ;-) Loves ya, Al I giggled and yawned simultaneously which made my ears pop. Try it. It's not easy. You're trying it, aren't you? Anyway, I made myself an herbal tea and sank into the welcoming comfort of the raggy old couch that had seen better days. I put my feet up and carefully sipped the steaming liquid. The knock on the door that came next made me jump and I almost scalded myself. Dumba.s.s Alec no doubt forgot his keys...again. I seriously worried about how forgetful he was becoming. After wiping the bottom of the mug on my fluffy robe, I placed it on the coffee table while cussing him under my breath.

As I unlocked the door, I shouted at him through it. "I'm gonna get you one of those chains so you can keep the d.a.m.n things around your neck." I yanked the door open and gasped.

"f.u.c.k! You're gonna chop my b.a.l.l.s off so I can hang them on a chain around my neck? Do I really deserve that?" Fin stood there with an expression of mock horror and a glint in his eyes.

I fisted my hands on my hips, trying not to be amused. "What are you doing here?"

He cringed as his cheeks flared bright red and he held out a huge bouquet of the sweetest smelling flowers. "Well, I kind of made a rash decision to turn up on your doorstep in the hope that you'd forgive me. I was a complete a.r.s.e. I know that now. And...I'd really like to take you out for breakfast. Like I should have after we...you know...after."

I scowled and tilted my head as I defensively folded my arms over my chest. "After you slept with me twice and then decided I wasn't good enough for you?"

His brow creased. "Hey, I never said that. Nor did I think it. I'm not a sn.o.b, Star. I'm just an a.r.s.ehole."

I tried not to laugh, and pursed my lips before speaking with a stern expression and a sarcastic tone. "Oh, well that's okay then."

He rolled his eyes and then looked up at the ceiling. "f.u.c.k. You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?"

"Make what easy? You made things perfectly clear-"

Before I could finish my snarky retort, he stepped forward, slipped his hand into my hair, and crushed his mouth to mine. At first, I shoved on his chest. How dare he presume he can kiss me and make things okay? But after a few seconds of fighting it, I gave into him. In fact, I melted into him. The fact that we were half in and half out of my doorway didn't bother me until I heard the voice of one of the neighbours.

"Good morning, Scarlet." I jerked away from Fin's lips and flicked my head in the direction of the lecherous middle-aged man who had never gotten my name right. Ever.

"Oh...um...good morning, Sidney." I couldn't be bothered to correct him yet again, and so I grabbed Fin's jacket and yanked him inside. I shoved him up against the wall, almost squishing the flowers he still clutched. Anger and l.u.s.t bubbled up from deep within, in almost equal measures. "What the f.u.c.k are you doing? You treat me like s.h.i.t then show up on my doorstep with flowers and some lame-a.s.s apology and expect me to be okay with you a.s.saulting me?"

He laughed and that p.i.s.sed me off. "a.s.saulting you? You kissed me back, Scarlet." He sn.i.g.g.e.red and I wanted to slap the stupid expression from his handsome, gorgeous, face, with its luscious lips, and eyes as blue as the... Oh, f.u.c.k. I've got it so, so bad.

"That guy never gets my name right. And anyway...yeah...well...you..." I fumbled around my kiss-fogged head, but couldn't find any more angry words to yell at him.

He smirked again and nodded. "Yes, that's a very strong argument you're making there, Star. Ever thought about being a lawyer?" The glint in his eyes trapped me and I forgot why I was arguing with him.

A worrying thought crossed my mind. "How did you find out where I live?"

"I did mention that I'm a former lawyer, didn't I?"

"That's not much of an explanation, stalker man."

"Let's just say I wanted to find you so badly that I resorted to underhanded tactics that included the misuse of my connections." He pulled me against his firm chest and kissed me again. His tongue slipped into my mouth and caressed mine in a delicious, pa.s.sionate dance. I squeezed my thighs together as my body betrayed me, just as I knew it would. d.a.m.n hunky Scotsman. He pulled away and my eyelids fluttered open to find his gaze fixed on me. "So...can I take you for breakfast now?" he whispered.

I narrowed my eyes suspiciously. "Take me for breakfast, or take me for breakfast?"

He reached up and tapped his chin as he pursed his lips. "Hmm. I'm not entirely sure what you're getting at, Star, but if that's an invite..." I slapped his arm and he chuckled. "Look, I'm hungry. For food."

The sigh that left me was supposed to sound like exasperation, but instead made me sound like some loved-up, swoony teenager. "Gimme five minutes to change."

Fin I watched as she disappeared through a door to my left and fought the urge to fist b.u.mp the air. She had agreed to go for breakfast. It was a start. I couldn't have been any happier if she'd danced naked before me. Oh, wait. Yeah, that would've been good. Anyway, I digress. I placed the bouquet of partly crushed flowers on the coffee table and glanced around the living room. The photo prints on her walls looked really familiar and I stepped further into the room to get a closer look.

Sure enough, the prints had the initials S.A.M in the corner, and my excitement rose. Maybe this was another thing she and I had in common. We both liked the same photographer's work. How spooky was that? I made a mental note to chat to her about that. Next, I thumbed through her CD collection. It made me smile that she too had row upon row of discs. My fingers landed upon a particular case and I pulled it out to examine it closer. My face stretched in a wide grin.

"Oh, you found my Afghan Whigs CD." I jumped and almost dropped the case. How had she sneaked up on me so quietly?

I turned to face her, holding the CD aloft, and we both spoke simultaneously. "s.e.xiest band ever."

She burst out laughing, hands across her stomach. Her laugh was musical. Such a lovely sound. "Wow. Who would've thought, huh?"

I couldn't help the wide smile that took over my face in response. She was truly fascinating, and I wanted to dig further. "So, what's your favourite song of theirs?"

She pursed her lips and looked to the ceiling. "Hmmm. That's a tough one. I guess it would be a tie between 'Miles iz Ded' and 'Gentlemen'."

I nodded my agreement. My admiration for this s.e.xy American was growing by the second. "Wow. You've got great taste."

"Oh, I know," she answered playfully. "So, where are you taking me for breakfast?"

I placed the CD back on the shelf. "There's a little place on Rose Street I think you might like."

Her responding smile was encouraging to say the least. "I think I know the place you mean." We walked toward the door and she grabbed a camera bag from the hall table.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and couldn't keep the inquisitive tone from my voice. "You're taking your camera?"

She shrugged. "It goes almost everywhere with me."

Intriguing.

We left her apartment and I followed her down the stairs to the foyer. She'd pinned her hair up and my gaze was drawn to the intricate ink work on the back of her neck. She was like a walking masterpiece, and I loved that about her. I loved her individuality. Her s.p.u.n.k. But I loved the way she'd caved into me when I kissed her. Although I knew I had a long way to go to get her to completely forgive me, I felt like I was possibly on the right track.

We walked through the doors of Patisserie Valerie on Rose Street, and took a table by the window. After we had perused the menu, I ordered us eggs Florentine and a pot of breakfast tea.

Whilst we waited for our food to arrive, I decided to try again with the apology. "Look, Star. I really am sorry about the way things ended last time. As soon as you walked away from me when I'd returned your phone, I felt like s.h.i.t. I just...I wanted to call into the coffee shop and apologise but I felt sure you'd tell me where to go."

She folded her hands on the table before her and looked directly into my eyes. "You would have been right." A heavy sigh followed. "I felt used, Fin. I don't do the one night stand thing, and after you and I slept together and it turned out to be just that, I realised I'd made a huge mistake. I'm not cut out for that kind of non-relationship."

s.h.i.t. I really had done a number on her. "I was the same. Believe it or not, I don't sleep around, Star. That wasn't me either. But...G.o.d, this is going to sound so f.u.c.king corny..." I let my head fall back and I closed my eyes for a moment.

"Go on. I happen to like corny."

When I lowered my gaze to meet hers again, a sweet smile played on her lips. For a moment, I forgot to speak. "Oh, yeah...I was going to say that it didn't feel like a one night stand. It felt...I felt something more than that." My face heated at the admission, and I worried she was going to laugh and tell me to f.u.c.k off for being too full on.

Instead, her smile widened and her cheeks blushed pink. "I thought that too," she almost whispered. But then her sweet smile disappeared. "Look, we're both from completely different backgrounds and we lead totally different lives, Fin. I just don't see-"

"Opposites attract," I offered urgently, desperate to not lose the tenuous connection we had going on.

I was relieved when she smiled again. "Apparently so."

Leaning toward her, I took her hand in mine across the table. "Can we maybe just see where this goes? Spend some time getting to know one another, perhaps?"

She silently stared at me for a few moments before nodding. "I'd like that."

Relief flooded my veins and my heart leapt. I was getting a second chance with my feisty American girl.

Well, she wasn't mine...yet.

Our food arrived and our conversation stopped for a short while whilst we tucked into our breakfast. After a few delicious mouthfuls of the creamy eggs and spinach, I figured there was no time like the present on the getting-to-know-Star front. "So, the photographs on your wall. You like S.A.M too? Or do they belong to your flatmate?"

She paused for a moment, took a gulp of her tea and placed the cup back in its saucer. "Oh...my flatmate mostly. Are...are you a fan?"

"Oh G.o.d, yes. The biggest. I bought my first piece a few years ago now and I'm always on the lookout for more but they're harder to find than rocking horse s.h.i.t!" I laughed and shook my head. "It's the way he captures light and shade and just gives everything this...oh, I don't know...kind of ethereal glow...if you know what I mean."

She smiled and c.o.c.ked her head to one side. "What makes you think S.A.M is a man?"

Huh. What did make me think that? I huffed out a long breath as I pondered. "I don't know. I guess I just presumed."

She pulled her lips into her mouth and placed her cutlery down. Her gaze fell to her lap. "I can inform you that S.A.M is-in actual fact-female."

f.u.c.k! She knows her! On a scale from one to a hundred of intrigue, I was at around a billion. "Oh?"

She nodded slowly. "She is. And I can confirm this...because...because I'm her."

I sat there open-mouthed, just staring-gaping-at the beautiful, talented woman before me, and I think I fell in love at that very second.

Star I lifted my gaze to meet Fin's, only to find him staring at me with his mouth open. I wasn't sure what to make of it. I'd just admitted a huge secret to him. Something I just didn't tell people. Lord only knows why I felt it necessary to tell him that little snippet of information about me, but I'd felt compelled to tell someone. The only person who knew already, apart from my parents, was Alec. I'd never been one for bragging about my skills as a photographer. My friends just considered me 'snap happy' and I'd never bothered to correct their a.s.sumptions. But now someone knew. This someone knew. And I wished I could've sucked the words back in somehow.

The longer he stared at me, the worse I felt. I wiped my clammy palms on my jeans and waited for him to speak. When he didn't, I had to break the silence. "I'm only kidding around." I laughed, nervously brushing a stray hair out of my eyes.

He slowly shook his head from side to side. "No. No, you're not kidding. You're S.A.M. You are, aren't you? Of course you are. Star Anahi Mendoza...S.A.M. Of course."

Rolling my eyes, I rubbed my palms over my face. "I should've kept my mouth shut."

I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down and the open gawk was replaced by a wide grin. "f.u.c.k me, you're amazing. Absolutely b.l.o.o.d.y amazing. Your pictures...honestly, nothing two dimensional has ever been able to make me feel such...such a range of emotions, Star. Oh, G.o.d. Now I sound like a f.u.c.king groupie. Forgive me. I'm just...I'm blown away. I love your work."

Tingles ran the length of my spine as I listened to him enthuse about my pictures. I'd never particularly felt proud of something before, but the way Fin spoke had me straightening my back a little more and holding my head up. "Really?"

"The image of Edinburgh castle at night with the silhouette of the lovers. Wow...just...wow. I get gooseb.u.mps whenever I stand in my living room looking at it."

I scrunched my brow in confusion. "I don't remember seeing it when I was there."

"No. Most of my artwork was in boxes when I left my old apartment. I finished putting things on the wall this last week. f.u.c.k. I can't get my head around the fact that it's you. I love that it's you." His voice trailed off and I met his penetrating gaze that told me there was more behind what he was saying.

b.u.t.terflies took flight in my stomach and hope flourished inside of me. "Well, thank you. It's good to know my work is appreciated."

"Do you ever do exhibitions or anything like that?" he asked, with obvious enthusiasm.

"Oh, no. I have my work in a few small outlets, but no. No plans to exhibit. I do it for myself mainly. Because I love producing images. And anyway, I don't think anyone would be interested."

His responding wide-eyed stare of incredulity shocked me. "You're wrong. So wrong, Star. I love your photographs, and I can guarantee others would too. You should consider it. In fact..."

Narrowing my eyes again, I wondered what was going through his mind. "In fact what?"

He waved a dismissive hand. "Oh, nothing. Forget it. But I would love to see more of your work. If you'd like to show it to me."

I couldn't help giggling like a teenager. "Hmm, maybe I should invite you up to see my etchings."

He laughed, throwing his head back, and I could've o.r.g.a.s.med on the spot. That voice, that laugh, that smile.