Duplicity. Part 19

My heart beat so hard at my ribs and I swallowed, trying to dislodge the ball of pain and emotion in my throat. "I... I love you too dad."

I heard a sob, and Star yanked herself free from me and ran. In my trance like stupor, I watched her go.

What just happened?

Star I pulled the stupid high-heeled shoes from my feet and began to sprint. The cold evening air chilled my skin as I ran, but I didn't care. I just had to get away. Fin had more or less just agreed to letting me go so he could be a p.a.w.n in his father's game all over again. All he'd had to do was tell his father he loved him and I would be forgotten. I had almost thrown up when I'd heard him say the words. I knew he loved his parents in spite of their ridiculous manipulation. They were his parents. But oh how it hurt the way his father had used the words 'I love you' like a weapon of ma.s.s destruction. And Fin had been the one with his finger on the b.u.t.ton. As easily and quickly as that, I had been cast aside.

My vision was blurred by the relentless tears streaming down my face. I stopped briefly to wipe my eyes on the hem of my dress and then began to run again. Once I reached a place that was far enough away from the Balmoral that I could be sure no one would have followed me, I stopped and pulled out my cell phone. With shaking hands, I hit the speed dial for my best friend in the hope that he would answer quickly.

Thankfully, he did. "Twinkle, sweetie. How's the big night going? What are you doing ringing me? Shouldn't you be dancing and drinking champers?"

I could hear someone in the background murdering an old Bon Jovi track and knew he was at DeBas.e.m.e.nt.

I tried to calm my breathing. "Alec," I sobbed. "Alec, I need you. It was... it was awful. I feel such an idiot. It's over. We're over."

"f.u.c.k. Where are you? I'm coming to get you."

I sniffled and swiped at the moisture around my eyes. "Princes Street. Walking toward the monument."

"Okay. Stay out of sight. It's b.l.o.o.d.y busy in town tonight, and you don't need drunken yobs trying to help you. I'll get there as soon as I can."

He hung up, and I walked along to the Scott Monument and sat on one of the steps in the shadows of the arches where I could avoid being seen by the revellers of the city.

Fin's wide-eyed stare tortured me over and over. Why didn't he tell his dad he loved me? Why didn't he say he wasn't prepared to let me go? He told me he loved me so why couldn't he tell them he wasn't going to abandon me for them that way? How could he let them talk about me like that and just give in? He had agreed to their terms simply by saying those three words to the man who had belittled and hurt him over and over. And just like that, I was betrayed. My heart shattered into a million pieces as I curled my knees up to my chest and rested my head down, letting the salt-water flow freely all over the beautiful, expensive fabric of my dress.

The harshness of the words uttered by Fin's parents stabbed at my insides, and I almost threw up. How could someone think so lowly of a person they didn't know? How could they think so poorly of someone who made their son happy? Why couldn't they at least give me a chance? And why hadn't he asked them that?

My cell phone vibrated, and I lifted my head to peer at the screen. Fin's smiling face gazed up at me beneath his caller ID, but I hit the end call b.u.t.ton. Several seconds later, it buzzed again. Once again, I rejected the call. How could I speak to him now? After he stood there and let his parents speak about me like I was sc.u.m. After he had accepted the vilest ultimatum. "If you love us, Finlay, just say the words and all this can be forgotten. We'll be a family again. We'll move past this nonsense. All the silly ideas about tattooed girls and singing. We can put it down to experience and move forward with all that in the past." His father's words and Fin's response rattled around my brain and twisted at my insides. No. It was over. I had to get used to it. I clearly wasn't important enough to him. And to answer his call to listen to some lame a.s.s apology and him wishing me well for the future would finish me off. I didn't need to hear him say it. I didn't need to hear him ask for forgiveness for letting me go. I wasn't going to forgive the betrayal. I should never have given him a chance after the first time he hurt me so this was all on me. I was stupid and blinded by love. But I wouldn't let him drive the final blow home. I had to at least try to keep some dignity intact.

For the next ten minutes, my phone kept on ringing, and I kept on hanging up in the hope that he would get the message eventually. I stopped looking at the screen when it lit up. It hurt too much to see his smile. The smile that lit up his face and was so filled with love.

After around twenty minutes, I heard a familiar voice. "Star? Star is that you?" My heart leapt, and I scrambled to my feet and stepped out from my hiding place. Alec scooped me up in his arms and held me tight. It felt good to be surrounded in his warmth, and I shivered.

He slipped his jacket off and wrapped it around my shoulders. "Come on. Let's get you home."

We walked to the nearest taxi rank, and Alec flagged down a cab. He opened the door for me, and I clambered in. A kind of numbness had set in. I closed my eyes as Alec pulled me into his chest. He smelled of fresh linen, and I was thankful that it was nothing like how Fin smelled. I didn't need reminding of him. Not when things were so painfully raw.

The look of disdain on his mom's face flashed in my mind's eye, and I clenched my eyes tight, hoping to rid myself of the image. But it was simply replaced with an echo of his father's words. "You can do much better than a scruffy, tattooed coffee server." Each time the words replayed, a wave of nausea washed over me and I covered my mouth.

We finally pulled up outside the apartment block, and Alec paid the driver. As if I was some drunken idiot, Alec helped me from the car and up the stairs to our door. I stood there staring blankly as he unlocked it and then walked through to the living room and slumped onto the couch.

Alec disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a tumbler of amber coloured liquid. He handed it to me, and I held it between my hands as I stared into the gla.s.s. I caught the strong smell in my nostrils. Brandy.

He crouched before me. "What happened, Star? I've never seen you like this. Come on, sweetheart. Tell me. You're worrying me."

I closed my eyes. "Not tonight. Please don't ask me to tell you tonight. All I want to do is take a bath and sleep. I can't go through it again now." My voice was unrecognisable as my own.

He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "Okay, darlin'. Whenever you're ready."

I took a gulp of the brandy, and it burned my throat as it made its way to my empty stomach. We didn't even make it to the meal, and the champagne had just made me dizzy.

I handed the gla.s.s back to Alec and slowly made my way to my bedroom. Once inside with the door closed, I collapsed onto my bed and began to sob once more.

I awoke, face down on my bed, still in the black evening gown. So much for having a bath. I could hear raised voices coming from the living room and recognised them immediately.

"Just let me talk to her, Alec. I need to explain. She got it wrong. It wasn't how it f.u.c.king looked."

"Fin, please just go home, okay? You look like s.h.i.t, and I think you need to sleep. Just go. She doesn't want to see you."

"How the f.u.c.k do you know, eh? She needs to hear my side!" His accent strengthened, and my insides clenched as my body reacted to his voice.

"I'm not letting you in, so you may as well just go home." Alec's tone was filled with anger, although it sounded like he was trying hard to control it.

I heard a slam on the wall. "Please, Alec. I'm begging you. Just let me speak to her."

"Watch where you're punching, a.r.s.ehole. I'm getting p.i.s.sed off with you now. This is the last time I will say this. f.u.c.k off home. I. Am. Not. Letting. You. In." His determined staccato speech showed just how much his anger had increased. Alec didn't get angry easily, and the times I had witnessed it, it hadn't been pretty.

"Star, sweetheart, if you can hear me, please know that I'm sorry. I didn't mean for things to end that way. I meant what I said to you. Please forgive me!"

His words tore at my heart and I wanted to go to him. Although, deep down I knew that if he couldn't set his parents straight about me at the ball when the verbal daggers were flying then we had no future. Seeing him now would only prolong the inevitable.

The door slammed and I almost jumped out of my skin. I realised tears were leaving damp trails down my cheeks, and I dragged myself from the bed. I peeled myself out of the beautiful dress and dropped it the floor. The s.e.xy boned corset and hold-up stockings were next to go. A pained sob left my throat as I removed them, and a deep sadness washed over me. The underwear was meant as a surprise for Fin, for when we got back to his place after the ball. I had chosen them especially, but he would never get to see them.

Not after his betrayal. Because that's what his admission of love to his father after the ultimatum had felt like.

When I caught sight of my face in the mirror, I almost laughed. But only almost. My black eye make-up was running down my face and turning me into a very poor Alice Cooper tribute. My hair was in wild disarray, with strands sticking out of the previously lovely style, and the parts of my eyes that weren't black were red-rimmed and puffy.

I took some comfort from the fact that Alec had told Fin he looked like s.h.i.t.

He deserved to.

I didn't.

Star The opening night of my debut exhibition was going well. I was astounded at the feedback I'd been getting for my work, and I was so glad I had stepped out of my comfort zone. But the Fin-shaped hole in my heart was still aching. The fact that I didn't fit into his world had initially made me more determined to make a go of things. I'm no quitter. Clearly, the same couldn't be said for him. I was hoping my photography could help take my mind off my sadness at losing him. It had always helped in the past when I'd been down. I could quite easily lose myself in a spectacular view for hours.

The gallery walls were adorned with some of the most exquisite works of art I had ever seen, and it still amazed me that my work-photographs I had taken-were being viewed as just as influential and important. The images I had taken of Fin's on-stage persona were some of my best work. The fact that he was stunning probably helped. And my G.o.d, he was stunning.

The duplicity of his character had always fascinated me. The way he changed when he stepped out into that spotlight and dominated the stage like he owned the place aroused me beyond belief. The growl to his voice and the pa.s.sion in his eyes had me believing every single word he sang. Even lyrics written by others were believable as his own. And some of the songs he chose to perform had me on an emotional rollercoaster. Angst, loathing, adoration, pain. You name it, he expressed it beautifully.

The photos on display at my exhibition showed each side of his character, and it was so clear to me which song he had been performing just by looking into the azure eyes staring out at me from the canvases.

"Miss Mendoza?" The deep, masculine, American-accented voice shook me from my reverie as I stood at the back of the room, watching people saunter around the exhibition, smiling and chatting about my artwork.

Frowning, I turned to face whoever had distracted me. "Yes?"

The tall, handsome man of around mid-fifties, with salt and pepper grey hair, held out his hand. "Marshall Davies. I'm the director of The Napier Gallery in New York. I have to say, I'm very impressed with your photographs."

I felt heat rise in my cheeks. I just couldn't get used to all the compliments. "Oh. Thank you."

"Tell me, is it true that you've had no formal training?"

I shrugged. "Correct. It's all me. Y-you can probably tell." My stutter and nervous laugh told of the feeling of inferiority I was fighting yet again. Still. Fin's words echoed in my mind. "Don't keep putting yourself down, Star. You're so very talented, sweetheart."

"Quite the contrary, Miss Mendoza. I find it startling that someone could have such a natural eye for composition. I especially like the singer. Is he a friend of yours? I'll bet he'll be getting a lot of attention following on from the exhibition. Modelling contracts, perhaps." He raised his eyebrows and I forced a smile. In all honesty, I had no clue what was going on with Fin anymore. In the weeks that had pa.s.sed since the ball, the calls he made to me had gotten less and less until I'm guessing he'd decided to give up. I hadn't received a call in almost five days, and although my heart hurt at the fact, I knew it was for the best.

"He's...um...he's someone I used to know." I dropped my gaze to the floor as my eyes began to sting.

"Ah." His tone told me he understood what I wasn't saying. "Well, they say that the most creative people draw from heartache. Look, I don't want to keep you as I'm sure you'll be getting many more offers like mine."

I pulled my gaze up from the floor to meet the man's smiling eyes again. Confused at his choice of words, I shook my head. "Offers?"

"Miss Mendoza, I'll cut to the chase. I want your work for my gallery. In fact, I would like to bring you out there to work for a while. I know you were born in the USA, and I feel that back home, you and your obvious talents would be appreciated so much more. I'm willing to pay you an advance. And to find and fund you a place to stay until you're established. Now, I know this is a lot to take in, but I had to get in first with my offer. Name your price. Whatever it takes, Miss Mendoza. I want you and your work in New York. And I want you to produce more of it. I will do whatever it takes to facilitate that."

I swallowed hard as my heart tried to escape through my ribcage. He wanted my work? s.h.i.t! I opened my mouth and tried to speak, but no sound would come. This was an amazing opportunity for me. But...

Words, Star. Use your words. "I...um...I..." I shook my head to try and rid myself of the fog that had descended to rob me of all cognisant thought processing.

Marshall placed a hand on my shoulder and patted. "It's okay. Take some time to think things through. I'll be in Edinburgh for the next couple of days. If you decide to take me up on my offer then just give me a call. I'm staying at the Balmoral Hotel in the city. Here's my card."

I took the card from him and stared at it as if answers would miraculously appear there for me. When they didn't, I cleared my throat. "Th-thank you, Mr Davies."

"Please, call me Marshall. And if it's okay by you, I'll call you Star?"

I bobbed my head, feeling like one of those dumb nodding dogs that old ladies have in their cars. "Uh-huh. Sure."

He smiled, patted my shoulder once more, and walked away. Before I could process what had just happened, I was grabbed from behind and swivelled around.

"Who was the silver fox, Twinkle?"

I rolled my eyes and made an un-ladylike noise. "Urggh. Some dude from a sw.a.n.k gallery in New York. He wants to hire me and give me a place to live or something. I don't know... I made a complete fool out of myself."

Alec's eyes widened in shock, and he dragged me through a large oak door into an empty hallway. "You've been snapped up by a New York gallery? Oh, my f.u.c.king gee, Twinks! That's amazing!" He pulled me into his arms and swung me around.

I laughed humourlessly. "Alec, I can't...I can't go."

He plonked me rather abruptly on my feet and grabbed me by the arms. "What the f.u.c.k are you talking about? Of course you can go. This is an amaz-"

"Zing opportunity. Yeah, I know that, Al, but..." I dropped my gaze to the floor that had apparently fascinated me earlier too.

He huffed and stepped back, folding his arms defiantly over his chest. "Is this about Fin Hunter?"

Once again, I did my dumb impersonation of the nodding dog as my bottom lip trembled.

Suddenly I was engulfed in Alec's arms. "Oh, Twinkle. You need to let him go, darling. He's let you go. You need to move on with your life, and maybe this is the way forward, eh?" He pulled away and tilted my chin up with his finger. I gazed up into the compa.s.sion-filled eyes of my best friend.

The tears that had been threatening only moments before spilled over. "I can't forget him, Alec. I know I should. But I...I just can't."

He didn't speak again. Instead, he pulled me back into his chest and held me.

Fin I watched from a distance, not wanting to be seen, but with a heart so full of the pride I felt for her that I was sure I'd burst. She almost floated around the room in the black, figure-hugging dress that caressed her sensual curves. Curves I'd known very well, albeit it not for long. She looked every bit the cla.s.sy, gracious host. The artist. My G.o.d, and she thought she didn't fit into my world. I'd thought she didn't fit into my f.u.c.king world. Crazy. She was my world. How could I have been so f.u.c.king stupid?

Seeing images of myself adorning the walls made me feel a little too conspicuous. I was sure I'd be spotted, and so I kept to the sidelines and watched my girl - my former girl - as she chatted to eager attendees, her arms gesturing wildly as they did when she was enthusiastic. Seeing her in her element warmed my heart. But even though her beautiful smile was fixed in place, I could tell her heart wasn't feeling it. I was responsible for that. I felt like s.h.i.t, but what could I do now? There was no way she'd take me back. No way she would accept any kind of apology from me after how I'd treated her.

When she had run out of the ball that night, I had been so confused. But then, when I realised what my father had done-how he had shocked me with his admission of love for me- I realised I had inadvertently appeared to be agreeing to letting Star go. How could I have been so d.a.m.ned stupid? How could I have let him manipulate me again? He'd known exactly how to twist the knife and I'd fallen for it, hook line and sinker. f.u.c.king idiot!

I'd left so many voicemails apologising for my stupidity that I'd lost count. h.e.l.l, I'd even written letters. Although I hadn't posted them, as I'd remembered about that a.r.s.ehole in America who'd dumped her that way. Either she had deleted the voice messages before listening to them or she had listened and deleted them anyway. Whichever it was, my calls had been unreturned and my appearances at her apartment had been met with threats of police intervention for stalking by Alec.

And so in true stalker fashion, I turned up at the gallery, hiding in the shadows. The urge to go to her. To talk to her. h.e.l.l, just to be close enough to catch the scent of her perfume was almost overwhelming. She stopped at the back of the gallery and sipped her champagne as her eyes flitted nervously over the crowd of people who were all in awe of her work. Was she looking for me? The stone pillar before me shielded me well as I tried my d.a.m.nedest to pluck up the courage to go and congratulate her. To say how proud I was to have known her, and to have called her my friend. To tell her how stupid I was, and that I hadn't intended for things to happen how they did; that I'd been caught off guard.

But I wasn't supposed to be there, so my words would remain as prisoners, along with my heart. I watched her with a group of friends. She laughed and threw her head back, and my mind was suddenly flooded with memories of her laughing with me, of her lying naked in my arms. Of her chocolate brown gaze fixed on my every word as I sang. Of how I loved her then. The feeling of her beneath me as I worshipped her body was almost tangible, and I closed my eyes, inhaling a deep and calming breath.

Resting my head on the cool stone for a moment, I realised I had to do it. I had to talk to her. It was now or never. Even if it was only to tell her how proud I was. It had been far too long since I'd heard her voice. With my resolve set firm, I opened my eyes again and lifted my gaze in her direction once more. A tall guy with silvery black hair was standing beside her. f.u.c.k. I watched with interest as the man smiled at my Star. She peered up at him, open-mouthed and with a crease between her brows. What was he saying to her? She looked shocked, incredulous even, at whatever it was. I hoped he was being kind. Not harming her with his words as my parents had done. She didn't deserve that. The man continued to talk and I could sense my opportunity to speak to her slipping away. I had to make a decision whether to go and interrupt, and I had to be quick. My stomach twisted, and anxiety reached my heart, making it hammer almost in time with the music playing over the sound system.

I clenched my jaw as I continued to watch the stranger with my girl. An air of self-importance oozed from him, and I was jealous. Who was he? And what was he saying to her that had her so mesmerised? A waiter pa.s.sed me by, and I placed my empty gla.s.s on his tray. My nostrils flared and my fists clenched.

Come on, Hunter. It's now or never.

"I think you should go, Fin." Alec's voice startled me, and I swung my head to meet his piercing eyes.

Speaking through my clenched jaw, I told him, "I'm staying put, Alec. I've got to talk to her. She needs to know-"

"She needs to forget, Fin. Don't be cruel. You made it clear she doesn't fit into your world. Now leave her alone, okay? Do her that one small grace." His eyes pleaded with me, but there was no malice there. What I saw was pity.

I pulled my lips into my mouth and bit down hard. I told myself that my eyes were watering because I'd almost drawn blood, but deep down I knew it was because he was telling me something I didn't want to hear.

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "She's come this far, Fin. If you go and talk to her now, she'll be back to square one. Don't do that to her. If you care for her at all, you'll walk away. I love that girl like a sister. I can't watch you break her heart all over again. Please, Fin. Just leave."

He was right. I closed my eyes for a moment again and tried to get a handle on my emotions. I hated that he was right. f.u.c.king hated it.

Once I had opened my eyes and met his determined gaze again, I nodded. "Okay. You're right. But will you at least tell her I asked you to pa.s.s on a message? Just...tell her that...this is wonderful." I gestured around the room. "That she's done an amazing job and that her photographs are stunning. Tell her I'm so sorry I hurt her. It kills me to know I did that, and I regret it more than she can ever know. She didn't deserve to be treated so callously." My eyes stung, and I cleared my throat before I continued. "Tell her I wish her all the success in the world, Alec. I wish her every bit of happiness that I couldn't give her. She deserves this. And...and I didn't deserve her." My voice broke, and with a heaviness in my heart, I turned and walked away.

I knew there was absolutely no chance he would pa.s.s the message on. But at least I'd told him.

At least he knew how I felt about her.

That would have to do.

Star I fell back to reality with a b.u.mp on the day following the exhibition. The coffee shop had been busy on and off, but my concentration levels were worse than normal. Alec was in the shop for once, and he had ordered me to grab an iced tea and go take a break. I took my cup out to one of the bistro tables on the precinct just outside the door and sat there in a daze. People strolled by with their bags and briefcases, going about their usual routines, and there I was with the words of Marshall Davies rolling around my head.

"Whatever it takes... I want your work for my gallery... name your price..."

I was in a world of my own when I felt the table dip. I looked up and inhaled sharply.

"h.e.l.lo, Star." The way Isobel Hunter said my name in that well-to-do, husky voice of hers spoke clearly of the utter disdain she felt for my very existence.

I straightened my back. "Mrs Hunter. Why are you here?"