Down South Part 14

"That's the place; and it is just the right distance!" exclaimed Owen.

"We will go to Mandarin. By the way, you must have a lunch on board about twelve."

"All this is quite practicable."

"And why can't you take the steamer up to the pier at Mrs. Mitch.e.l.l's place?" demanded my pa.s.senger.

"Because the bottom is too near the top of the water," I replied, laughing at the puzzled expression on my cousin's face.

"Couldn't you have the bottom put farther down for this occasion?" he inquired very seriously.

"Certainly, if you are willing to pay the bills and to wait long enough for the work to be done."

"I don't object to the bills, but we can't wait."

"I see that you have become quite an American traveller; you don't dispute any bills, and you can't wait."

"I can't wait to have a channel dredged out up to that pier, for very likely it would take all day to do it."

"It would take you Britishers three months to do it; Americans would do it in a week."

"I think my uncle, your father, is a Britisher. But I have no time to quarrel with you about that matter now; it will keep. We will be landed at the pier in boats, since you are not willing to accommodate us in any other manner."

"I will arrange the landing so that it shall be satisfactory," I added, thinking of a large barge I had seen at the boat-wharf.

"Then we are all right for to-morrow, are we, Alick?" asked my facetious cousin.

"All right. Whenever you tell me what you want, it shall be done."

"But just now you objected to taking your steamer up to that pier."

"I should have qualified the declaration----"

"Merciful Hotandsplosh!"

"Is that man your idol?"

"You take my breath away with your stunning long words!"

"I won't take your breath away, for you will want it all. I will do all you want when I can," I added.

"How much prettier that sounds than 'qualified the declaration.'"

"I see that I must write out all my speeches in words of not more than four letters, so as to bring them down to the dull brain of a Briton."

"The dull brain of a Briton is good."

"So your friend Hotandsplosh would say."

"I will introduce him to you some time."

"I don't want to know him; he is too slow for me."

"Come, come, Alick; we are quarrelling when we have business to do,"

said Owen, shaking his shoulders like a vexed child.

"You are quarrelling; I am not. You pick me up on my language as though you were my schoolmaster, and then complain that I am impeding the business of the conference."

"Cut it short! 'Impeding the business of the conference!' That jaw of yours will need to be patched up by a dentist, man!"

"Your jaw does all the mischief; and you are at it again, with your pedagogical----"

"Cut it short! What a word! A young man of high aims ought not to use such a word; and anybody else ought to be hung for it!"

"Still at it!"

"I wish to say something about the run up the river," continued Owen, who was very fond of criticising my language, and would even neglect important business to do it.

"Say it, then."

"Where do we go?"

"Wherever you say."

"Merciful Hotandsplosh! Am I to study up the geography of this State, so as to tell you where to go?" demanded my pa.s.senger.

"I will select a route, in consultation----"

"Oh dear!" gasped Owen, throwing himself at full length on a sofa, with his legs hanging over one end of it, as though he were in utter despair.

"I will talk with K-u-r-n-e-l, Colonel, S-h-e-p-a-r-d, Shepard, a-bout the r-o-u-t-e, route."

"Good! Shove it off on the Colonel!" exclaimed Owen. "I know what you say now; and I feel better."

"Perhaps you would like to know where it is possible for us to go," I continued, taking Cornwood's paper from my pocket as Owen sprang to his feet. "Here are some suggestions in regard to where we may go; it was made up by our guide;" and I handed him the paper, which he opened to the fold of the sheet, and turned it over and over.

"Merciful Grand Panjandrum!"

"Another friend of yours!"

"I got him out of an American book; and that accounts for it! Am I to read all this? _Tempus fugit_. _Let it fugit_! I should have to be buried in the blue sands of Florida if I read all this;" and he turned it over several times more.

"You would have to be buried in thought for a short time if you read it."

"Let me see, what did you call what's in this paper? Suggestions, was it? If these are only suggestions, what must the real thing be! No, no, Alick! Go where you please; but don't ask me to read that paper. Only give us some shooting and fishing. Don't bother me with any more suggestions."

"You sent for me, and I came."

"I know you did. You are a young lamb, Alick. Now go and put it to the Colonel and Tiffany."