Doublecrossed Part 3

Something about Marina's explanation seemed forced, even rehea.r.s.ed, and it dawned on Callie that she had probably written the points down and gone over her speech on the long flight. How could she get through to Marina? How could she show her the damage she'd done? The pain she'd caused? But it was so hard to reach that part of her. Did she have to take her as she was? Or could they both learn something from this? It was so tiring. Relationships were so d.a.m.n much work.

She sat there, half listening to Marina prattle on. Marina seemed to be telling the truth. But she'd believed her before and was paying for it now. Her heart hurt. It felt physically bruised, as though she'd been kicked in the chest. Hearing Marina's version of what happened seemed a waste of time, and actually made the pain worse. Angela's name was an acid in her stomach every time she heard it. But no matter what Marina said, Angela was not the problem-Marina was. She wanted to cut to the chase and work out a plan of attack that would prevent Marina from getting into the same situation ever again. That was their only hope.

Since it was a lovely day, they went to the park next to their apartment and sat on a bench in the sun, people watching. They didn't speak much, and didn't talk about the cheating at all, silently agreeing to discuss that particular topic at home.

The wind picked up and Callie shivered against Marina who suggested they go get tacos.

"I didn't bring my wallet."

"My treat." She smiled that seductive smile and Callie found herself echoing it. They walked to one of their favorite restaurants and Callie ordered a frozen margarita, an appetizer and an entree, something she never did when she was paying. It was small recompense for what Marina had put her through, but it was something.

They got home around nine, and Marina started up again. "If you met her you'd be very surprised that I hooked up with her. She's not my type at all."

"I don't want to meet her. Ever. She's not the problem. You and I had the agreement, and you're the one who broke it. I want you to tell me how you're going to make sure you don't do it again."

"It was because of work," Marina insisted for the fifth time. "I thought she might turn against me if I refused."

"You're always going to have a job. What will you do next time?"

Marina's eyes lit up and Callie could almost see an idea pop into her head. "I'm going to steer clear of women. I don't ever want to sleep with a man again, so that should take care of it."

How could Marina be so dense? It wasn't possible to ignore women. What she had to ignore were the first signs of s.e.xual attraction. Everyone felt them. Committed adults put a stop to them and avoided that person. But Marina didn't seem to see that at all. A fog of depression settled on Callie. It was enervating to have to explain something to a woman who had no idea what you were talking about. "I think we've beaten this topic to death. I don't know about you, but I'm worn out. Let's go to bed early. I think we'll both feel better when we get some rest."

When Callie came out of her bathroom, she saw Marina waiting, a bright-eyed look of antic.i.p.ation on her face. She recognized what that look meant, but lovemaking wasn't going to happen. Marina had a lot of work to do to make her feel safe again. And until she had some confidence that Marina would honor their agreement, she wasn't going to be intimate with her. Not again. But rather than refuse an overture, something she'd never done, she made clear what she needed. Snuggling up to Marina's side she draped both an arm and a leg across her body. "I missed you. I missed having you hold me and feeling your warmth when I wake up in the middle of the night. Can we start there and work our way back into being intimate?"

"Okay," Marina said without hesitation. "Sure. I'll do anything you want to get back to where we were."

Callie tilted her head and kissed Marina, making sure the kiss was devoid of s.e.xual suggestion. "Maybe we can do even better than that."

If they couldn't, there wasn't much point in continuing.

The next afternoon Callie returned a phone call from her dad. "Hi, Dad. Thanks for calling to check up on me."

"I've been worried about you, Chicklet. What's going on?"

"Well, Marina came back from her trip and I guess we're gonna try to start over. She seems very contrite, so we'll see."

"Hmm, you don't sound very upbeat. Are you sure you want to give her another chance?"

"Yeah, I guess so." She paused a moment, then added with a short laugh, "That didn't sound too emphatic, did it."

"No, it didn't." He sounded tentative when he asked, "Is Marina pressuring you?"

"Yeah, I suppose so. But not in a bad way. She's been very remorseful. Much more than I thought she'd be. That's been the key."

"Well, as a guy who's been in her position, I'm glad you're giving her another chance. I'd have given anything to get one."

"I know that," Callie said quietly. "And, even though I know Mom had every right to do what she did, that's been in the back of my mind."

"Now, don't try to compare apples and oranges here. To be honest, what I did was worse."

"Worse? You've gotta be kidding."

"I wish I was. But the way I see it, Marina just stepped out of line. I broke out of line and ran, knowing I could lose everything if I got caught. I think that's a h.e.l.l of a lot worse."

Callie didn't reply for a few moments. She considered the accuracy of her dad's statement. He had been playing with four lives when he cheated, and the repercussions had sent shock waves that still reverberated. When compared with that, Marina really hadn't done anything very serious. All they had to do was wipe the slate clean and get back to a position of trust. Maybe her dad was right. All Marina had done was have s.e.x with someone she shouldn't have. There were worse things a person could do.

Chapter Four.

Marina was in Dallas for the entire week, and by the end of it she and Callie were, at least on the surface, back to normal. They still hadn't made love, but Callie knew that Marina would be receptive if she gave her any indication that she was ready.

Callie was on the phone with her friend Pam when Marina walked in the door that night. She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Marina's face, and quickly made an excuse to hang up. "What's wrong? You look like you've seen a ghost." She rushed to get to her quickly.

"I think I did." Marina dropped her briefcase and let Callie ease her coat off. By the time Callie hung it up Marina was sitting on the sofa, leaning forward with her hands hanging loosely between her knees, her lapis lazuli ring perfectly matching the blue slacks she wore. Glancing down she saw that Marina was still wearing her heels, something she never did on the off-white carpet.

"Tell me what's wrong." Callie sat down but didn't touch her, clearly able to read the hands-off message that Marina's affect was transmitting.

"Angela called me when I was driving home."

Callie tensed at the mere mention of the name, but somehow knew this wasn't about Angela.

"She told her girlfriend about what happened and now they're going to break up."

Starting to relax, Callie spent a moment trying to figure out why this was such bad news. Then it hit her. "Are you worried she'll want to be with you again?"

A quick look of supreme annoyance flashed across Marina's features. "That's ridiculous. I'm worried that Angela will blame me. And if she blames me, she's not going to want to have me sitting in the same room when they have their weekly regional managers meeting."

Following the tangent rather than the main point, Callie said, "You'd have to go to Boston every week if you get promoted?"

Clearly more annoyed, Marina got up as though she needed to distance herself from such stupidity. "No. They do the meetings by teleconference. I was referring to the fact that she won't vote in my favor when my promotion comes up. And her vote is worth twice anyone else's. She's the big cheese's favorite." She went to the antique wooden cabinet that she used for a bar. Opening the door, she pulled out a bottle of single malt and poured a dram or two. She stood there, posture erect, looking like she was ready to take over the world. One hand pushed her jacket back to rest on her hip, the other held the gla.s.s in a loose grasp, her heavy silver watch dangling from her thin wrist.

Callie found her incredibly attractive when she stood like this. She looked like she was thinking of something complex-and that she was capable of figuring out whatever the problem was. Marina had always been in sales, but her posture often let Callie fantasize that she was in some branch of the military or law enforcement. She loved to imagine her in a crisp uniform, making some life or death decision without showing even a spark of fear.

Marina's gaze was fixed on the middle distance, her eyes slightly narrowed, making them look even more intelligent and cunning. Her golden brown hair sparkled with highlights as the setting sun painted it with light. For the first time all week, Callie felt a spark of s.e.xual interest, but she tamped it down, knowing it was her libido talking. That primal pull that Marina exerted was in full force, but Callie wasn't going to be dragged along with it. Not until she felt safe.

Her instinct was to offer sympathy and hugs, but that never worked with Marina. So she tried to think like Marina would and get to the problem, not the emotion. "What can you do?"

"That's the question, isn't it?"

Callie had obviously shown that she understood the severity of the issue, because Marina walked back to the sofa and sat down. She placed herself into her seat so gracefully that Callie felt her v.u.l.v.a tingle. She fantasized momentarily of taking the Scotch from Marina's hand, putting it on the table and falling on top of her. But, even if she felt safe doing that, Marina would never respond to such an obvious overture. Making the first move was her job alone. Focusing, Callie said, "I'm sure you have some ideas. What are they?"

Marina settled down more deeply into the cushion. She tossed her head from side to side, sending her hair cascading across her shoulder. Just a hint of her perfume floated over to tickle Callie's nose, making her heart beat a little faster. She reminded herself that her v.u.l.v.a didn't control her actions. Desire didn't have to result in s.e.x. A lesson Marina had yet to learn.

Marina set her gla.s.s down and ticked off options on her recently manicured fingertips. "One-I can try to convince Angela that she's better off without such a controlling girlfriend."

Callie didn't think that was the best idea, knowing that being opposed to cheating wasn't overly controlling in the real world. But she didn't comment, knowing Marina was on a roll.

"Two-I can try to switch to group sales. They need a regional manager in the Southeast."

She didn't care for that option, either. Marina would want to move to Florida, but she wasn't a fan of heat or humidity.

"Three-I can try to get Angela to let me talk to the girlfriend. I might be able to convince her that it was all my fault."

"Would you really do that?"

Marina gave her a look that ranked in severity between angry parent and sentencing judge. "I'd do anything to make sure my stupidity doesn't ruin my career."

"Let me talk to her."

Marina's head turned quickly, her interest registering in her eyes. "What's your thinking?"

"My thinking is that you're the last person I'd want to hear from if you were cheating with my girlfriend. I'd be much more interested in hearing from someone who was more in my position."

"But you're not in her position. Angela was supposed to be one hundred percent monogamous."

"I a.s.sumed that. That is the norm, you know."

Marina shrugged, then waved a hand in the air as she often did when she was being dismissive. "It shouldn't be. It doesn't work for hardly anyone."

"That's open for debate," Callie said, not interested in bringing up the oft discussed topic. "I wouldn't lead with that fact. I'd try to get her to tell me how she was feeling and I'd tell her that I was very confident you and Angela won't be seeing each other again."

"That's true, you know. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo on my upper thigh that says adon't s.h.i.t where you eat.'" She showed her first smile of the evening.

"Cla.s.sy." Callie reached over and squeezed her knee.

"I'd use a really nice font. You've showed me how design can make a huge difference in a message."

"If you're going to do it, do it in Latin. I'm sure the Romans had an equivalent expression. So, what do you think of my offer?"

"I'm going to go to the gym and spend an hour on the rowing machine. If I still think it's a good idea when I'm finished, I'll propose it."

"Then I'm going to call Pam and go out for a few drinks."

"I'll pay for a guest pa.s.s if you want to go with me." There was an unusual tone in her voice. If Callie hadn't known better, she would have thought that Marina didn't want to be alone.

"You know the only indoor exercise I like is bending my arm."

Marina smiled fondly and tweaked Callie's cheek. "You and your beer."

"I like beer, and I like bars, and I like playing pool. I should have known I was a lesbian years ago." Marina held up her hand and Callie slapped it. Somehow they'd gotten onto the same team. They were working through a problem together. Something that was always empowering. This was what lovers did.

"I'll see you when you get home. Say hi to Pam for me."

"Will do," Callie said, even though she was fairly sure they'd never met.

Sat.u.r.day morning found Callie rehearsing what she was going to say to Angela's girlfriend, Regan. She'd told Marina the points she wanted to cover, and now they were hashing them out. For a change she bristled at Marina's micromanaging. "You can go to the gym or into your office or go run around the block, but you can't be near me when I call."

"Come on!" Marina leapt to her feet, her face showing her outrage. "I won't interfere."

"I don't think that's a promise you can keep. I won't sound natural if you're listening to me, and I think it's important that I try to make some form of connection with this woman. She won't listen to me if it sounds like I'm reading a list of talking points."

Marina stood there for a moment, looking like she'd explode. But her eyes darted around the room for a few moments, her intelligence showing in their depths. "I'm not happy," she said, "but I'll walk around the block. Just promise to call me the second you hang up."

"I will. Now get going so I can concentrate." That had felt good. She had to take charge more often. Marina could rule the bedroom, but she had to push back in the rest of their lives. Maybe there was a glimmer of hope that she could make lemonade out of these lemons. She waited until the front door opened and closed, then she dialed the number. On the third ring a pleasant, business-like voice answered, "Scituate Inn."

"Hi, I'm looking for Regan Manning."

"Yes?"

"This is Callie Emerson, Marina Bolton's girlfriend. I think Angela mentioned I was going to call?"

There was long silence on the other end, then Callie heard a door close. "Yeah. Hi. This is Regan."

Callie cringed a little when she heard her p.r.o.nounce her name. She p.r.o.nounced it with a long e. Ree-gan, rather than Ray-gun, as Callie had said it. "Is this a good time to talk?"

"It's not bad. I'm at work, but there aren't many people here this morning. I should have some privacy."

"Just let me know if you need to go and I can call you back at a better time."

"I will."

Now that Callie had the floor she felt tongue-tied. "How've you been?"

After another pause, Regan said, "I've been better. This is the first time anyone's cheated on me."

"That you know of." Callie was amazed that sentence had come out of her mouth. A lot of people believed monogamy was possible, and it didn't seem right to throw reality into their faces.

Regan seemed to share the sentiment. Her voice turned very frosty. "If it happened before I never learned about it."

"That was a stupid thing for me to say. I guess my cynicism about people comes through sometimes."

"I'm not very cynical, and I don't want to be. I need to trust my friends and lovers, and when I can't trust them anymore I don't forgive easily...if at all."

Callie laughed softly. "I used to be like that myself, but I changed. Now I tend to a.s.sume that people will screw up, and I'm more likely to forgive them."

"I don't really want to change, thank you."

Callie could hear Regan shuffling papers or moving something around, and was fairly sure she was losing her. She found herself revealing more than she'd planned. Her voice was soft and thoughtful when she said, "I didn't plan on changing, but...over time I realized that most people can't be monogamous. It just made sense to change the rules. If you can't beat 'em..."

It was Regan's turn to talk but there was nothing but silence.. Finally, Regan said, "So you a.s.sume your girlfriend will cheat and it's not an issue if she does?"

"No, it's not like that. Marina and I worked out a way to have some freedom. We're lovers. Partners. The other stuff is just s.e.x." She was surprised to hear herself call Marina her partner. That was a term she never used. Were they partners? That sounded awfully-permanent.