Dog Training The American Male Part 36

"Earlier what?"

Cyril winked. "He's a little buzzed."

"Jacob, are you drinking? I need you on your 'A' game-I invited a booking agent from The Tonight Show."

"Honey, that's so exciting." Cyril leaned in and kissed Jacob on the lips.

From across the crowded stateroom, Nancy spotted her boyfriend seconds before a man in a white tuxedo jacket kissed him pa.s.sionately. What the h.e.l.l?

"Cyril, I need to speak with Jacob . . . in private." Ruby grabbed Jacob by the wrist and dragged the giddy man through the galley and down the grand stairwell that led to the lower deck sleeping quarters.

Nancy pushed through the crowd after them-only to be intercepted by Olivia Cabot.

"Dr. Beach, I'm so glad you made it." She fake-kissed Nancy, cheek to cheek. "Come with me, I want to introduce you to a dear friend of mine who can get you syndicated in New York and L.A."

Olivia worked her way aft through the crowded stateroom.

Nancy hesitated, glancing toward the stairs. Screw him. I'm not going to allow another man to cheat on me and ruin my career.

Squeezing through the crowd, she followed her boss to the stern.

RUBY LED JACOB down the carpeted stairwell to a foyer that flowed into a starboard study. A forward corridor separated two V.I.P. suites, the aft corridor leading to three smaller staterooms and the crews' quarters.

She opened the cabin door to the suite on the starboard side, flipping on the lights. The chamber was decorated in the same cherry wood motif as the rest of the yacht. A king-size bed faced a large flat screen LCD television. The starboard wall was a tinted oval window looking out to sea. A connecting door led to the master bath-all marble, with wood trim.

"Must be enough cherry wood on-board this ship to fill a Pennsylvania forest." Jacob said, lying back on the bed, his dress pants stretching beneath his hard-on. "Speaking of wood." Unbuckling his belt, he pulled his trousers down to his knees, exposing his Sponge-Bob Square Pants boxer shorts, which were now animating.

"Jacob, what are you doing?"

"What do you think?"

"Jacob, I didn't bring you down here to have s.e.x-did you forget our conversation this morning?"

"No. Yeah. Is it getting brighter in here?"

"I brought you down here to talk. Your brother got the test results back from my pap smear."

"Are you pregnant?"

"What? No." Her eyes welled-up with tears. "I have uterine cancer."

"Oh, s.h.i.t." Jacob sat up, his suddenly flaccid p.e.n.i.s flopping inside his shorts. "How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad."

NANCY FOLLOWED OLIVIA through the stateroom and outside to the aft deck bar. Seated on a sofa shaped like a giant lifesaver was a couple in their late thirties. The man was Venezuelan, possessing an athletic physique beneath his ivory suit, his dark hair slicked back into a pony-tail. The woman was his equal, her long platinum-blonde hair pulled into a stylistic weave atop her head, exposing her well-defined shoulders and upper back.

"Dr. Beach, I want you to meet Mercedes Duggan, the producer I told you about, and this is her fiance, Sebastian Bastidas."

"Nancy?"

Nancy's eyes widened in the dim light. "Sebastian?"

Mercedes smiled nervously. "Darling, do you know this woman?"

"You might say that," Nancy interjected. "Your fiance and I were engaged two years ago when I found out he was f.u.c.king my roommate."

Instead of reacting, the platinum blonde playfully tugged on Sebastian's earlobe. "You are such a b.a.s.t.a.r.d, aren't you?"

"Guilty as charged."

Nancy's blood boiled. "Yeah? Well he not only f.u.c.ked her, he got her pregnant!"

"Really?" Olivia said. "Boy or girl?"

"A boy. Little b.a.s.t.a.r.d has my eyes."

Sebastian's sheepish grin poured gasoline on the fire flowing through Nancy's veins. "Let's hope he doesn't have your d.i.c.k!"

"Dr. Beach-"

"No, I'm sorry Olivia, but this creep ruined my life. a.s.shole!"

"Is your life really ruined?" Mercedes asked.

"Yes. No. Not anymore."

"Would it have been better if you had married Sebastian?"

"No. Definitely not."

"Then his cheating with your roommate turned out to be a blessing . . . yes?"

Nancy felt her cheeks flush. "I suppose."

Sebastian nodded. "You're welcome."

Nancy stomped on his right shoe as hard as she could, the heel of her pump crushing his big toe through the Italian leather.

JACOB HUGGED RUBY, his skin tingling against hers. "When's the surgery?"

"Monday morning. I'm scared, Jacob."

"Listen to me. You know how it seems like everyone has that one thing they do very well. Surgery is what my brother does really well. The guy was on-track to become a great brain surgeon when he switched to women's plumbing after Helen's mother died of breast cancer. But she didn't have a surgeon as good as Vince. So don't be scared, okay?"

"Okay."

He ma.s.saged her shoulders, his hands becoming two spider-like creatures, working their way toward Ruby's- "Sweetie, what are you doing?"

"Feeling fig newtonie."

"What?"

"Remember that old commercial jingle? Ewwie gooey, rich and chewy inside. Golden flaky-bakey on the outside . . ."

Ruby pushed him away. "That little s.h.i.t, Cyril-I bet he slipped something in your drink."

"I need to suck on something. Can I suck on your lips? They look eewie-gooey." Jacob tried to kiss her, only Ruby ducked away. She didn't get far Jacob's watch catching on her strapless dress, causing her left breast to flop out-just as the cabin door opened.

Nancy covered her mouth. "Oh my G.o.d."

Jacob smiled stupidly. "Nancy, hi. This is Ruby and this is Ruby's t.i.t. We had an itty bitty t.i.tty of a wardrobe malfunction."

Disgusted, Nancy backed away, slamming the door shut.

"Your girlfriend?"

"She was."

Ruby repositioned her breast, and then slapped Jacob hard across his face. "Sober yet?"

"No, but my face hurts . . . ow."

"Go after her!"

"And say what?"

"Apologize, Jacob."

"For what? Never mind." Jacob ran out of the stateroom- ZAP!.

He collapsed in a heap, his legs twitching.

Olivia helped him up. "Darling, are you all right?"

"What happened?"

"You must have tripped. Come with me, your head is bleeding." She led him across the pa.s.sage to the portside master stateroom-a gaudy bedroom with ropes around the bedposts and s.e.xual devices adorning the walls.

Olivia hit a switch, causing music to play, the cabin darkening with mood lighting.

The music pulsated in Jacob's veins, the lights melding into pools of colors in his eyes. "I . . . I should go."

Olivia shut the door, the dress slipping off her shoulders.

Jacob glanced out the tinted window. He saw Nancy by the guard rail, hailing a water taxi. "I have to go-" He struggled to rise off the bed . . .

ZAP! He went down again, the colors in his vision sizzling like fireworks.

Olivia straddled him. "Cyril thinks he's so clever-I knew you weren't gay."

Jacob flung her off his waist onto the floor. He made it to the door when . . .

ZAP! He was suddenly on the floor, his legs rubber.

"Stud-m.u.f.fin, I'm gonna ride you until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard."

The cabin door was forcibly opened, smashing him in the head.

It was Truman.

"Another rabbit, caught in your trap, eh Olivia?" Reaching down, he grabbed Jacob by his jacket collar and dragged him to his feet. "Go find your girlfriend before you lose her."

Jacob nodded, then rushed out of the cabin and up the stairs-in time to see Nancy speed away in a water taxi. Distraught, he glanced across the dark waterway.

They were back in the Intracoastal, cruising at ten knots past the private docks and yards of luxury homes-land a good hundred yards away across a forbidding, dark chop.

Cyril joined him, holding an inflatable life vest. "Sorry about the ecstasy, but you'll need it to overcome your fear."

"You think I'm swimming at night? In that?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on how much you like the girl."

Still a bit high, Jacob removed his tux jacket, his heart pounding as he slipped his arms through the vest, securing it around his waist.

Cyril yanked on the cord, inflating the vest. He leaned in, pursing his lips. "For luck."

Jacob punched him in the mouth. "Thanks for a wonderful evening." Climbing over the rail, he jumped from the moving vessel.

He sank into thundering blackness. For a frightening moment he was caught in the suction of the pa.s.sing yacht, dragged deep underwater.

Somewhere in this maelstrom of panic his consciousness latched onto a memory.

"Fears actually create what we're afraid of. It's always the guy who's afraid of amputees that runs into a VA hospital. The people who are afraid of flying-those are the ones who always find themselves on the planes experiencing turbulence. Fear manifests a negative energy field that brings the actual situation to life. When you panic you've shut yourself off from G.o.d. Instead of drowning in fear, focus your mind on swimming to the solution."

Swim a.s.shole!

Jacob kicked and paddled against the current-his head breaking the surface in time to be washed over by the yacht's wake. He gagged and fought his way to another breath even as he looked around frantically to make sure there were no other boats bearing down on him.

Sharks . . .Olivia said my head was bleeding!

Shut-up and swim!