Doctor Who_ The Myth Makers Part 4

The Doctor improvized... 'Why I shall er I shall strike him with a thunderbolt from Heaven! That'll teach him!'

'Oh, very spectacular!' approved Odysseus. 'Well, we shall see. Our weather is so unpredictable. And tomorrow, if there is no thunder on the plain, I have a sword will serve for two, as well as one.'

As if to confirm his doubts, the next day dawned to a heavy drizzle. But you can't beat a good public execution for box-office; and in spite of the rain, quite a crowd of those concerned a.s.sembled to enjoy the spectacle.

The two princ.i.p.als, Steven and the Doctor, were there, of course. And both Agamemnon and Odysseus were in close support, together with a motley a.s.semblage of the brutal and licentious, come to see the fun.

But Achilles wasn't there he was sulking in his tent again, having had his triumph postponed in favour of the major attraction.

And Menelaus wasn't he had a hangover.

And one other essential item was missing: not a temple of Zeus was to be seen anywhere!

Overnight the TARDIS had vanished.

9.

Temple Fugit At first, the Doctor and Steven took the panic-stricken a.s.sumption that Vicki had somehow dematerialized the TARDIS, by sitting down on the control panel, or something; but, in fact, she had done nothing of the sort and just as well for everybody.

No, at that very moment, the poor child was being shaken about like a ticket in a tombola, as Prince Paris and a patrol of Trojans trundled the time-machine into Troy, as spoils of war!

Somehow they had contrived to get the thing up onto rollers, and were b.u.mping it along in a way that boded no good to its already erratic mechanism or to Vicki's either, come to that.

But, of course, we weren't to know that at the time, and the Doctor looked as foolish as a conjuror, who, about to produce the promised rabbit, discovers he's left it in his other hat!

'It should be somewhere here,' he temporized. 'Or perhaps further to the left... it's extremely hard to say. These sand-hills are so much alike...'

'Or, perhaps, Father Zeus, the weight of centuries has made you absent-minded?' suggested Odysseus, nastily. 'You're quite sure, now, that you ever had a temple?'

'Of course I had, you must have seen it yourself! Every G.o.d has a temple, has to have, or people stop believing in you in no time...'

'Precisely my point. And what I saw yesterday didn't strike me as being particularly ecclesiastical. More like a sort of rabbit-hutch,' he explained to the others.

'Nothing of the sort! Ask Achilles, if you don't believe me; he saw it materialize.'

'So he said. But then, Achilles will say anything to be the centre of attention. In any case, unfortunately for you, he's not here. No doubt he felt he'd championed a losing cause and held it tactful to be absent.'

The skies had blown clear by now, but not before the rains had softened the ground, and Agamemnon was casting about for tracks, like an over-weight boar-hound. ' Something Something has been here,' he admitted, indicating the furrows in the mud, left by the TARDIS, 'Look...' has been here,' he admitted, indicating the furrows in the mud, left by the TARDIS, 'Look...'

'Aye, and someone, too,' agreed Odysseus, 'some several tracks which lead across to Troy! Enough of this foolishness!

Your friends in the city have doubtless thought your ruse successful, and reclaimed their own.'

'They've captured it, you mean,' contradicted the Doctor, 'you must help me to get it back and at once.'

'And walk into a trap, of course? Yes, you'd like that I'm sure. Admit your fault. Lord Agamemnon, these men are both both spies.' spies.'

'So it would begin to seem,' said the general, reluctantly.

'Very well, bring forward the prisoner. Now, Father Zeus, you have but one chance left to prove yourself. Kill this Trojan, as you promised.'

Odysseus tapped a sandal impatiently. 'Yes, fling a thunderbolt or do something to rise to the occasion.'

The Doctor was beginning to run out of steam. 'But I tell you, the sacrifice can only be performed within within the temple. the temple.

Didn't I mention that?'

'Yes, yes, yes... which temple is now in Troy, and therefore will we give you leave to go there? Just so. Well, I, for one, have heard enough. Perhaps Lord Agamemnon here will still believe... until he reads your war memoirs.'

The game was obviously up, and the Doctor knew it. He looked at the vicious circle of angry, disbelieving faces and he smiled sadly. 'Yes, quite so. There is no need to labour the point.

I am not Zeus, of course, and this man is my friend. But I ask you to believe that neither of us is a Trojan.'

Brave of him, I thought, but his honesty proved useless.

'I care not who you are,' roared Agamemnon. 'Seize him! It is enough that you have trifled with my credulity, and made me look a fool, in front of my captains.'

'Oh, don't say that,' soothed Odysseus, pouring oil on troubled flames. 'Rest a.s.sured we shall never hold it against you.

A song or two, perhaps, about the fire, telling how Agamemnon dined with Zeus, and begged a Trojan prisoner for advice. But nothing detrimental!'

Agamemnon controlled himself with the difficulty he always experienced. 'Well very well, Odysseus, enjoy your little joke. I shall not forget your part in this you brought them both to camp, remember! Now, finish the business, and be brief. And do not bring their bodies back. Let them rot here, disembowelled and unburied, as a gift to the blow-flies and a warning to their fellows...'

'Aye, in a very little while, O great commander. But first, Lord of men, since we have two Trojans all alive, may I not question them? Just a formality, of course, unimportant trifles, like their army's present strength and future plans.'

'As you wish. Drag what information you can from them, and as painfully as possible. Then report to me and don't delay. The sun is up; patrols are out, and, much as I might welcome it myself, we can't afford to lose you at the moment!'

'You are very kind,' smiled Odysseus, with a mocking bow; and Agamemnon splashed angrily off through the mud, at the head of his sn.i.g.g.e.ring soldiers.

Odysseus watched them go. Then, turning to his two terrified prisoners, he drew his great bronze sword, and wiped it thoughtfully on his sleeve.

They watched the manoeuvre with fascinated horror. He plucked a hair from his beard, and tested it appraisingly on the blade's edge. It fell in two, without a detectable struggle. They closed their eyes and waited for the end.

'It's all right,' said Odysseus, 'I was only going to lean on it.'

He did so, folding his tattooed arms on the ornate hilt.

They opened their eyes, wondering if perhaps there was a future to face after all. 'And now then, mannikins, first of all, tell me who you really really are!' are!'

I told you he was different from all the other Greeks, didn't I? You never knew where where you were with Odysseus. you were with Odysseus.

10.

The Doctor Draws a Graph 'But I thought you'd already made up your mind who we are,'

said Steven, after a surprised pause. 'Trojan spies, I think you said?'

Odysseus laughed, in that sabre-toothed, ceramic-shattering way of his. 'Aye and so at first I thought. And so, later, I was content to have that fool, Agamemnon, believe.'

'Well, I'm glad you've revised your opinion,' said the Doctor. 'So who do you think we are now?'

'I do not know. Your costume is not Trojan, and your posturing as Zeus was so absurd, I do not think Trojan wit could sink so low.'

'I did not posture. How dare you! I merely met Achilles, and...'

'He thrust the role upon you? This I can believe. That musclebound body-building Narcissus fears his shadow in the sunshine, will not so much as comb his hair until he reads the new day's auguries. He is so G.o.d-fearing that he sees them everywhere and trembles at 'em all. But I am not Achilles...

No, and you are not a Trojan. So, I ask again, who are you?'

'I think we'd better tell him, Doctor,' said Steven.

'A doctor now? Hippocrates are you? Have a care...'

'Nothing of the sort I am a doctor of science not medicine.'

'A doctor of what?' enquired Odysseus, puzzled.

'Oh, dear me, this is obviously going to take some time. I mean, if I have to keep defining my terms.'

'Define what you like but remember the terms are mine not yours! And I shall be patient. Only this time, if you value your lives, do not lie to me.'

So the Doctor began to explain about the TARDIS. A difficult task, obviously, because how do you describe a time-machine to a man who has never even heardof Euclid, never mind Einstein? Of course, up till then, I'd never heard of them myself, but I must say I found the whole concept fascinating.

Odysseus however seemed to be labouring somewhere between incredulity and incomprehension, and only brightened up when they came to the stories about their previous adventures which he naturally would, being something of an adventurer himself.

Nevertheless a longship isn't a TARDIS by any means, and personally I wouldn't have bet much on their chances of being believed, or of getting away with their skins in the sort of condition they would wish. I think the Doctor realized this, and eventually ground to a somewhat stammering standstill, leaving Steven to wind things up: '... and so really, we arrived in your time, Odysseus, quite by accident. Just another miscalculation of the Doctor, here.'

'I wouldn't call it a miscalculation, my boy! In fact, with all eternity to choose from, I think a margin of error of a century or so is quite understandable. No, I think I've done rather well to get us to Earth at all!'

'I'm glad you're so pleased with yourself! I suppose I should be grateful for being about to have my throat cut?'

Odysseus turned from a s.p.a.ce-time graph which the Doctor had drawn in the sand, and erased it scornfully with his foot.

'Now, now, no one has mentioned cutting throats!'

'Of course they haven't,' said the Doctor, seizing on the vital point.

'No,' continued Odysseus, rea.s.suringly, 'I had something rather more painful in mind painful and lingering for the both of you.' He scowled. 'As it is, however, I haven't quite decided.'

If the Doctor had a fault, it was that he never knew when to leave well alone. Interested in everything, he was. 'Some form of ritual death, no doubt? That is quite customary, I believe, among primitive peoples. Fascinating.'

'Doctor, will you please be quiet? I'm afraid I don't share your admirable scientific detachment! Listen, Odysseus; my friend didn't mean to imply that you were primitive.'

The hero roused himself from his reverie. 'Didn't he? Oh, but I am extremely primitive! I have none of the urban sophistication of my friend, Agamemnon. In fact, some people have gone so far as to call me an uncouth, barbarian pirate!

They haven't lived long afterwards, mark you, but they've said it.

And they were quite right. That, perhaps, is why I am tempted to believe you.'

'Well, I really don't see why you shouldn't,' said the Doctor, 'it's all quite true.'

'Possibly it is. I have travelled far in my life upon what you would probably call deplorable adventures. And they have brought me into contact with a great many deplorable persons who have told me various outrageous stories of myths and monsters. But not one of them has had the effrontery to strain my credulity as you have done. Therefore, I think your story is probably probably true otherwise you could not have dared to tell it. And so, I propose to release you.' true otherwise you could not have dared to tell it. And so, I propose to release you.'

'Well,' said Steven, relieved, 'I think that's very nice of you.'

'Oh, no, it isn't! You haven't heard what I have in mind for you yet. There are, you see, certain conditions.'

'Conditions, indeed!' said the Doctor, 'And what, pray are they?'

'Why, that you use this almost supernatural power of yours to devise a scheme for the capture of Troy!'

'But I'm afraid I can't do that! Oh, no I make it a rule never to meddle in the affairs of others!'

'Then I would advise you to break it on this occasion.'

'So would I,' gulped Steven.