Discworld - The Fifth Elephant Part 45

The floorboards in the room below creaked into a new position. For many months now they'd been walked on around the clock, because the main office never had fewer than half a dozen people in it. Chairs, too, accustomed to being warmed continuously by a relay of bottoms, groaned gently as they cooled.

There was only one thought buzzing around Fred Colon's head now.

Mr. Vimes is going to go completely bursar. He's going to go totally Librarian-poo.

His hand went down to the desk and came back automatically, while he looked straight ahead.

There was the crunch crunch of a sugar lump being eaten. of a sugar lump being eaten.

Snow was falling again. The watchman that Vimes had named Colonesque was leaning in his box by the hubward gate of Bonk. He'd perfected the art, and it was was an art form, of going to sleep upright with his eyes open. It was one of the things you learned, on endless nights. an art form, of going to sleep upright with his eyes open. It was one of the things you learned, on endless nights.

A female voice by his ear said, "Now, there are two ways this could go."

His position didn't change. He continued to stare straight ahead.

"You haven't seen anything. That's the truth, isn't it? Just nod."

He nodded, once.

"Good man. You didn't hear me arrive, did you? Just nod."

Nod.

"So you won't know when I've gone, am I right? Just nod."

Nod.

"You don't want any trouble. Just nod."

Nod.

"They don't pay you enough for this. Just nod."

This time the nod was quite emphatic.

"You get more than your fair share of night watches as it is, anyway."

Colonesque's jaw dropped. Whoever was standing in the shadows was clearly reading his mind.

"Good man. You just stand here, then, and make sure no one steals the gate..."

Colonesque took care to continue to stare straight ahead. He heard the thud and creak of the gate being opened and closed.

It occurred to him that the speaker had not in fact mentioned what the other other way was, and he was quite relieved about that. way was, and he was quite relieved about that.

"What was the other way?" said Vimes, as they hurried through the snow.

"We'd go and look for another way in," said Angua.

There were few people on the streets, which were whitening with the new snow again except where wisps of steam escaped from the occasional grating. In Uberwald, it seemed, sunset made its own curfew. This was just as well, because Gavin was growling continuously under his breath.

Carrot came back from the next corner.

"There's dwarfs on guard all around the emba.s.sy," he said. "They don't look open to negotiation, sir."

Vimes looked down. They were standing on a grating.

Captain Tantony of the Bonk Watch was not happy with this duty.

He'd been at the opera last night, and later on he'd thought he saw things happening in a way which, the burgermaster had instructed him, hadn't happened. Of course, the thing to do was obey orders. You were safe if you obeyed orders. Everyone in the Watch knew that. But these didn't feel like safe orders.

He'd heard they did things differently in Ankh-Morpork. Milord Vimes would arrest anyone, they said.

Tantony had set up a desk in the emba.s.sy's hall, so that he could keep an eye on the main doors. He'd taken some pains to position his men around the inside of building; he didn't trust the dwarfs on guard outside. They'd said they'd gotten orders to kill Vimes on sight, and that didn't make any sense. There had to be some some sort of a trial, didn't there? sort of a trial, didn't there?

There was a faint noise from upstairs. He stood up carefully and reached for his crossbow.

"Corporal Svetlz?"

There was another little sound.

Tantony went to the bottom of the stairs.

Vimes appeared at the top of them. There was blood on his shirt, and crusted on the side of his face. To the captain's horror, he began to walk down the steps.

"I will will shoot you!" shoot you!"

"That's the order, is it?" said Vimes.

"Yes! Stop there!"

"But I'm going to be shot anyway anyway, there's no point in in stopping, is there?" said Vimes. stopping, is there?" said Vimes.

"I don't think you're the kind to do that, Captain. You've got a brain." Vimes steadied himself on the banister rail. "Shouldn't you have called for the rest of the guards by now, by the way?"

"I tell you to stop stop!"

"You know who I am. If you're going to fire that d.a.m.n thing, do it now. But first, I suggest it would be a really good good career move to tug the bellpull over there. What's the worst that would happen? You've still got the bow pointed at me. There's something you really ought to know." career move to tug the bellpull over there. What's the worst that would happen? You've still got the bow pointed at me. There's something you really ought to know."

Tantony gave him a suspicious look, but took a few steps sideways and tugged the rope.

Igor stepped out from behind a pillar.

"Yeth, marthter?"

"Tell this young man where he is, will you?"

"He'th in Ankh-Morpork, marthter," said Igor calmly.

"See?" said Vimes. "And don't glare at Igor like that. I missed it when he welcomed me here, but it's true. This is an emba.s.sy emba.s.sy, my son," he went on, walking forward again, "and that means it's officially on the soil of the home country. Welcome to Ankh-Morpork. There's thousands of Uberwald people living in our city. You don't want to go starting a war war, do you?"

"But...but...they said...my orders...you are a criminal!"

"The word is accused accused, Captain. We don't kill people in Ankh-Morpork just because they're accused. accused. Well, not on purpose. And not because someone tells us to." Well, not on purpose. And not because someone tells us to."

Vimes took the crossbow out of his unresisting hands, and fired it into the ceiling.

"Now send your men away," he said.

"I'm in Ankh-Morpork Ankh-Morpork?" said the captain.

Even in his current state, Vimes thought he recognized the harmonics.

"That's right right," he said, putting an arm around him. "A city which, incidentally, always has a job in the Watch for a young man of ability-"

Tantony's body stiffened. He pushed Vimes's arm away.

"You insult me, milord. This is my country!"

"Ah." Vimes was aware of Carrot and Angua watching from the landing.

"But...I will not see it it dishonored, either," said the captain. "This isn't right. I dishonored, either," said the captain. "This isn't right. I saw saw what happened last night. You swept up the king and your troll what happened last night. You swept up the king and your troll caught caught the chandelier! And then they said you'd tried to kill the king and you'd killed dwarfs when you escaped..." the chandelier! And then they said you'd tried to kill the king and you'd killed dwarfs when you escaped..."

"Are you in charge of the Watch here?"

"No. That's the job of the burgermaster."

"And who gives him his his orders?" orders?"

"Everyone," said Tantony bitterly. Vimes nodded. Been there, he thought. Been there, done that, bought the doublet...

"Are you going to stop me taking my people out of here?"

"How can you do that? The dwarfs surround us!"

"We're going to use...diplomatic channels. Just show me where everyone is, and we'll be off. If it's any help, I can hit you over the head and tie you up..."

"That will not be required. The dwarf and the troll are in the cellar. Her Ladyship is...I a.s.sume she's wherever the baron took her..."

Vimes felt the little trickle of superheated ice down his spine.

"Took her?" he said hoa.r.s.ely.

"Well...yes." Tantony stepped back from Vimes's expression. "She knew the baroness, sir! She said they were old friends! She said they could sort it all out! And then..." Tantony's voice became a mumble, seared into silence by the look on Vimes's face.

When Vimes spoke, it was in a monotone as threatening as a spear.

"You are standing there in your shiny breastplate and your silly helmet and your sword without a single notch in the blade and your stupid trousers and you you are telling are telling me me that you let my that you let my wife wife be taken away by be taken away by werewolves werewolves?"

Tantony took a step backward.

"It was the baron-"

"And you don't argue with barons. Right. You don't argue with anyone. Do you know what? I'm ashamed, ashamed ashamed to think that something like you is called a watchman. Now give me those keys." to think that something like you is called a watchman. Now give me those keys."

The man had gone red.

"You've obeyed many orders," said Vimes. "Don't...even...think...about...disobeying...that...one."

Carrot reached the bottom of the stairs and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Steady, Mister Vimes."

Tantony looked from one to the other and made a life decision.

"I hope you...find your lady, milord." He produced a bunch of keys and handed them over. "I really do."

Vimes, still fighting for breath, wordlessly pa.s.sed the keys to Carrot.

"Let them out," he said.

"Are you going to the werewolves' castle?" Tantony panted.

"Yes."

"You won't stand a chance, milord. They do as they please."

"Then they've got to be stopped."

"You can't. The old one understood the rules, but Wolfgang...he doesn't obey anything!"

"All the more reason to stop him, then. Ah, Detritus." The troll saluted. "You've got your bow, I see. Treated you well, did they?"

"Dey called me a ficko troll," said Detritus, darkly. "One of dem kicked me inna rocks."

"Was it this one?"

"No."

"But he is their captain," said Vimes, stepping away from Tantony. "Sergeant, I order you: Shoot him down."