Disastrous: Cautious Part 20

Jimmie quickly turned and aimed his gun at my approach. His mouth dropped opened in relief at the sight of me. Tears swelled in his bloodshot eyes, and breathing heavily, he stared at me, ready to break. "I'm so sorry. I tried, but I . . . f.u.c.k! I f.u.c.kin' tried . . ." Immediately, he turned his attention back to the person before him. "Come on, don't do this to me." With b.l.o.o.d.y hands, he pressed against the wound as he grunted. My body shuddered, terrified as I leaned over his shoulder to have a closer look.

My heart was ripped out of my chest as I gasped. My mind was screaming and yelling, but I stood mute. I collapsed beside Jimmie, and the gun I held dropped onto the cement floor, making a distant clinking noise. Forcing Jimmie aside, I looked down and witnessed the one person that I loved more than anything in the world covered in blood. I couldn't breathe as my beloved was gasping for a last breath. I watched as the face of my truelove turned slightly blue while she continued to gulp for air, and then her eyes locked with mine before her lids shut closed and her jaw spread open.

Traumatized by what I was witnessing, my throat collapsed as fear coursed through my veins. Reaching down, I gathered up her body and pulled it into mine. With a shaky hand, I tried to locate the gunshot wound.

I shook my head viciously. This could not be happening. This had to be another nightmare. I'm not going to lose you. Come on, wake up. Come on, wake up! My eyes blurred with tears, and I blinked them away as I brought that face against my chest. "Come on, baby . . . Come on, you need to get up." With b.l.o.o.d.y hands, I caressed her soft, perfect skin. I tried to wipe the blood off, but it continued to smear along her perfect cheek bones.

I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs as I rocked back and forth, trying to keep myself from breaking down. I wanted so badly to be strong. There wasn't much I could do, but I needed to do something as I pressed my fingers along her soft eyelids. "Come on, baby, open your eyes. Just wake up for me." AHHH! I needed to do something. I was useless! The love of my life was motionless and helpless, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I felt a hand press firmly against my shoulder, pulling me away, telling me that help was close by.

But help wasn't there at that moment. Something needed to be done now! "No, I have to do something. I have to at least try." Still rocking, I pressed my lips against the frigid lips that I had kissed a thousand times before, those perfect lips that used to make all my worry and stress disappear once they touched mine.

In between small gentle kisses, I began CPR. "Come on, baby, don't leave me. I need you."

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX.

MARCUS.

"Sir, we need you to step aside." A paramedic shoved at my shoulder as he and his partner hurried to Mia.

With hefty breathing, I stayed kneeling beside Mia as I watched them quickly work on her. They both lifted her body onto a stretcher. One held a hand at the wound while the other placed an oxygen tube against her face. Everything was happening fast as they rushed out of the building. I quickly followed behind as I heard them discussing medical terminology that I couldn't understand. "Hemothorax" and "chest tubes" were mentioned. What the f.u.c.k was going on?

In the ambulance, the female paramedic quickly lifted Mia's shirt and swiped a cloth along her rib to clean the blood. Then she cut small incisions along the fourth and fifth ribs. The male paramedic handed his partner a couple of tubes. He placed the first tube in one incision and the other tube in the second. Blood drained quickly from one of the tubes. "W-what are you doing?"

The female nodded at her partner, who hopped into the driver's seat. "Sir, I need you to come in or stay back. We have to get to the ER now."

I quickly jumped in and took a seat along the bench. The sirens went on and the ambulance moved at a rapid speed. Mia gasped for air as her chest expanded. My chest expanded along with hers in a sigh of relief. "Is she going to be okay?"

"I don't know, sir. It's hard to determine how severe the injury is at the moment. She's lost a lot of blood. The gunshot appears to have pierced her lung. The tubes right now are helping her breathe. They are removing the blood that filled her lungs as well as pumping in air that she cannot breathe on her own."

"B-but she'll be okay, right?" I couldn't help the desperation in my tone. I just needed to know she'd be okay. I needed to know that she'd wake up in a few hours and I could hold her again. I needed to know that I was not losing her.

I just needed . . . her.

Before I knew it, the ambulance came to a complete stop, the back doors opened wide, and they pulled the stretcher out, rushing her into the hospital. I hurried behind them, but I didn't have a chance to look at her one last time. They were too quick for me as they hurried out the doors. I stood there, breathless, as my entire world came crumbling down.

As the minutes ticked by, my desperation increased. My clothes were splattered in blood, and I wasn't sure whose it was anymore. I sat in the waiting room with other families surrounding me, waiting to hear the news about someone they loved as well. Despite all of the hustle and bustle, the only sound I heard was the clock ticking, second by second, minute by minute.

My legs bounced in place. I ripped my nails apart as I chewed at them savagely. The waiting game was excruciating, and I couldn't take it anymore. I was going f.u.c.king insane. I plopped my head back against the wall and let out another groan in frustration. It had only been ten minutes since I last asked for an update, but it felt like hours ago. When I thought to ask again, the doors burst open. Glancing over, I saw my mother and Jimmie rush through them.

I stood in place and waited as my mother with teary eyes ran over to me. She threw her arms around me. As she trembled in my arms and sobbed, I tried to keep myself from breaking down. I exhaled deeply and held tightly on to her. I needed to comfort her, to keep myself from joining her in her meltdown. "It's going to be okay, Mom," I whispered.

She pulled back with wide green eyes and sniffed. "She's going to be okay? You've heard from the doctors?" I shut my eyes and breathed slowly and steadily as I shook my head.

"Oh, Marcus . . ." She leaned in and wrapped her arms around me again.

Jimmie approached us. "Any news?" After I shook my head again, he gently nodded to express his understanding, and sat down in one of chairs.

"You must be hungry, baby." My mother pulled away and reached into her purse. After she pulled out a tissue from her bag, she swiped it along her cheekbones. "I'll grab you guys something to eat." She went to turn.

"Mom, please, food is the last thing on my mind. I'm not hungry."

Her eyes saddened. "Marcus, I need to do something. Let me feed my boys." That was her way of keeping her mind occupied, a way to try and soothe the wrong. I nodded, and just like that, she quickly dashed through the doors.

"Vinnie is p.i.s.sed the h.e.l.l off." Jimmie said in a harsh whisper as he looked around the room. I sat beside him and ran a frustrating hand down my face.

"The last thing I give two f.u.c.ks about right now is Vinnie and his f.u.c.kin' crew."

"Yeah, well, how are they going to explain a dead f.u.c.kin' Lou in the hidden street behind the club? When the surveillance video shows you running after him out of the building and then coming back minutes later with blood all over you?"

I shut my eyes, and through clenched teeth, I spat, "Well, if I recall, brother, you were the one that insisted I f.u.c.kin' go after him. What did you expect? For us to come back holding hands singing 'k.u.mbaya'?"

"This is f.u.c.kin' serious, Marcus." He leaned over his thighs, placing his elbows on his knees, shoving his hands over his head. "All of it was worthless. We're f.u.c.kin' screwed either way!"

"I'll take care of it."

His head snapped up with wide eyes. "Oh yeah? And how do you expect to do that? By spending the rest of your life locked up?"

"If that's what it takes."

"Jesus, Marcus, what's gotten into you?"

"What's gotten into me, Jimmie? Out of all people, I would think YOU would know what I'm going through right now. After what you went through with Cynthia? My mind is racing thinking that the doctor will come out and tell me that I lost the one person I've ever loved. My heart is shattered at the thought that I may never touch or feel her again. My body is swamped with guilt because, if I'd just told her from the beginning what we were doing, she would have never shown up to the bust, and we would not be here right now. So spare me a f.u.c.kin' lecture, Vinnie, about what all the FBI agents or even you think I should have done differently. I'm trying hard as h.e.l.l to control everything and hold it all in and not break down right now. I'm trying to be strong for her, and if she gets out of this alive, I'm trying to find a way to beg her to forgive me for all that I've done, because in the end she was always too good for me. In the end, I never deserved her. She never deserved any of this. That's what's gotten into me."

I stood and walked away, and even though he was calling after me, I kept on going. I needed air. It was hot, and the humidity in the waiting room was suffocating.

An hour later, Jeremy, Megan, and Mia's mother had showed up. They asked what happened over and over again. Jimmie explained to them what had occurred and exactly what was reported on the news-everything that had happened, except that we were involved. Apparently, we were actually at the club for f.u.c.kin' inventory and walked into the bust. After Jimmie snapped a bit at Jeremy, who was suspicious about the entire incident, there was dead silence.

Just then, all of us jerked our heads at the sound of doors opening. The surgeon walked over to us. "Mia Sullivan's family?" We all nodded. Those who were seated stood, antic.i.p.ating the results. I had been against the wall but was now by the doctor's side.

"Is she going to be okay?" Sara questioned, with concern haunting her tone.

The doctor nodded. "Yes, she's going to be fine."

My chest expanded as the air of relief filled my lungs. "What happened during surgery?" Megan asked eagerly.

The doctor placed the clipboard under his arm and began using his hands to gesture as he spoke. "In this case, it was a hemothorax. This happens with an open pneumothorax."

"What? English please." Jeremy expressed.

The doctor nodded in apology, "It means that there was an acc.u.mulation of blood in the lungs due to the gunshot wound. This caused severe respiratory distress, and the patient presented shallow rapid breathing and oxygen desaturation. We placed a large bore needle in the interpleural s.p.a.ce and removed an excess of air and blood. A Heimlich valve was also inserted to evacuate the air from the lung. There was a lot of blood lost, but it was not severe enough to cause hypovolemic shock. So that was a good thing."

"Can we see her?" Jeremy asked.

"Not all of you at the moment. One can stay with her for now, but other than that, we want to keep a close eye on her for the next twenty-four hours. She was sedated, so she won't be awake for another few hours, maybe not even until the morning."

All heads turned to me. "Can I go in and stay with her?" I finally spoke.

"Are you the husband?"

"Fiance."

"Yes, follow me." He nodded as everyone thanked him.

"Give her a kiss for me." Sara said as she quickly hugged me.

"For us too." Megan added as she reached and grabbed Jeremy's hand. I nodded at them and followed behind the surgeon.

A chill rushed through me as I walked quickly behind him through the cold hospital hallway. We stopped by a door numbered 1020. "She's in here. Please remember she won't wake up anytime soon because she's heavily sedated. Also, be careful with the tubes in her chest."

I nodded. He turned and walked down the hall. I took in a few deep breaths before going through the doors. Not certain what to expect as I entered, my heart clenched as I saw her lying on a small hospital bed, pale and fragile. She looked peaceful but pained as she lay there with her hair disheveled on the pillow.

The sound of the machines beeping forced me back to reality. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I carried myself to her.

After I had reached her side and had seen all the wires and tubes going through her, my entire body winced. I held back the urge to pull her into me. My poor baby. I reached my hand out and grazed my fingers along her pale cheek, down her gentle jawline, and across her soft plump lips. I couldn't hold it in any longer. How much stronger could I be? I stood there and watched the one person who had trusted me with everything, even her life, and I had betrayed her. Collapsing, I kneeled down beside her and cradled her hand along the side of my face.

"I'm so sorry, baby." I whispered through a cracked tone. I pulled her hand around and placed her palm along my lips. I patted gentle kisses along her skin and stared at her closed eyes, wishing she'd flash them open and forgive me. I rocked back and forth desperately trying not to break, but as I continued to stare at the only woman I'd ever loved, images of her gasping for her last breath invaded my mind, and I broke down.

I broke down in a way I didn't know a man ever could.

I broke down and cradled her in my arms and kissed her hands, her fingers, her face, her lips, her eyelids, and her jawline. And with each kiss, I begged and prayed for her to wake up and forgive me.

I broke down, and I didn't care how much less of a man it made me, because I wasn't a man at all without her in my life. She made me more of a man than I could ever be. She was the reason that I wanted to start over again and become a better man.

"Marcus, honey." At the sound of my mother's voice, I lifted my head from the crook of my arm. I looked around and realized that I was still in the hospital room. My eyes scanned to my side and found that Mia was still asleep. I must have drifted off sometime in the early morning. Yawning, I ran a hand down my face and squeezed my eyes shut. The pounding headache and burning eyes were killing me.

"What time is it?"

"Just past noon. I went home and brought you some things so that you can change out of those b.l.o.o.d.y clothes."

I looked down at my wardrobe and realized that I was still wearing the same clothing. I hadn't noticed anything that had gone on for the past twenty-four hours. I had been focusing entirely on making sure that Mia was alright before stopping to worry about myself.

"I need coffee." I mumbled.

"I have that too." She lifted her right hand, which held a cup. "Won't you go into the bathroom, freshen up, and come back out and have a good old strong cup?" She nodded. "I even brought you a toothbrush and toothpaste." Hesitant to leave Mia's side, I glanced over at her. "Marcus, she'll be fine. I'll watch her. You'll only be a few feet away."

Taking her advice, I stood from the chair that I had spent the entire night in, lifted Mia's hand that I hadn't let go of yet, and brushed my lips along her knuckles. Then I gently placed her arm back down on the bed. I grabbed the bag my mother had brought for me and entered the bathroom.

I switched the light on and dumped the bag on top of a small table by the sink. Glancing into the mirror, I looked at the man staring back at me. f.u.c.k. He looked like he had been run over by a train and then smashed into a concrete wall.

He looked like s.h.i.t.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN.

MIA.

As I breathed in through my lungs, the air burned against the sensitive muscle. The pain was excruciating, which caused my eyes to flash open and me to wince. Through blurry vision, I glanced around my surroundings. I was in a hospital room. My throat was completely dry. I tried to swallow, but it was a scorching discomfort. The beeping from the machines became clearer as my mind struggled to register it all. After a few seconds, I remembered the reason why I was there and who I was looking for at the time it had all occurred.

Marcus.

Gasping, I forced my body to sit up, but every muscle ached, and my own body fought against every urge to do so. h.e.l.l, it hurt to move an inch. Maybe I should start off slowly. I carefully lifted my left hand and saw an IV p.r.i.c.ked through a vein. Weakly, my hand dropped back down on the bed; it was difficult to do anything. But I needed to know where Marcus was. I needed to get to him. If anything had happened to him, I'd be lost.

A familiar soft face hovered over me as she gasped, "Oh my, Mia, you're awake. How are you feeling, honey?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing would come out. A slight squeak was all that came out as my voice cracked. Frustrated, I slammed my head back against the pillow. Theresa continued to stare at me with concern filling her eyes. I wanted to ask about Marcus. I wanted to know if he was alright or if he was hurt too. When I tried to ask again, the sound of a door creaking open forced me to tilt my head.

There he was, safe and sound. Our eyes locked, and every emotion p.r.i.c.kled through me as my heart swelled with relief that he was still here, still with me. His eyes clouded over as he slowly stepped closer toward me. Theresa was in the background mumbling something about going to tell a nurse that I was awake. I may have nodded. I wasn't sure. My focus was solely on Marcus.

The last time I saw him was the night at Club21 when we left on unsettled terms. I remembered going home that night and regretted not pulling him in and holding him tight. I regretted not kissing him or telling him that I loved him before we went our separate ways. I never imagined that the next day could have been my last and I would've never had the chance to hold or kiss him one last time. An overwhelming ache coursed through me. Breaking down, I burst into sobs. He was by my side instantly. Pressing his hand along my cheek, he hushed me. "Don't cry, baby. I'm here." I closed my eyes and leaned my face into his hand. The feeling of his warm touch felt like home as he wiped away my hot tears.

Even though he tried to soothe the pain away, the comfort of having him so close and the thought of ever losing him forced me into a trembling teary frenzy. My body shook uncontrollably. Marcus leaned down and wrapped his arms around me. He was careful not to pull me in too tightly, but the embrace allowed me to go weak in his arms. "I'm so sorry, baby. I will never be able to take away the pain of what you went through, but if you let me, I will try every single day." He whispered into my hair.

Still unable to speak, I nodded into the crook of his neck and continued to allow hot tears to stream down my face.

He held me close until the nurse appeared, and even then, I didn't want to pull away from him. She waited patiently until we were done. Marcus held my hand the entire time as she asked me a few questions and checked my vitals. After she scribbled a few things down, she smiled and informed me that the doctor would be in shortly.

After the nurse had left me alone with Marcus, he pulled a chair up beside me and framed my face. "Do you need me to get you anything? I can stop by your apartment. I can grab you food or water or anything you like." There was nothing I needed but him at that moment. Gently tightening my grip on his hand, I shook my head. "Your throat is sore, huh?" I nodded in response. "Want some ice? Maybe it'll soothe your throat?" I thought it might be a good idea, so I nodded, and he was out the door and back instantly with a cup of ice.

It felt like when I had a terrible sore throat and I tried cough medicine, hot tea, or water to soothe the itching, burning, and rawness. But this was ten times worse. The ice chip helped soothe the pain for about a second until it came back. After a few minutes, I was able to clear my throat and actually speak.

"Better?"

"A little." My voice was barely above a whisper. "It hurts when I breathe."

"Oh, baby, it's going hurt for a while. The bullet grazed your lung."

Wincing at the memory, I leaned back into the pillow. "What happened afterwards?"

"Some people died; some were arrested."