Dick Merriwell's Pranks Part 6

She hastily slipped them into her mouth, while Mowbry Fitts began to kick and shout.

"Let me get up!" he called, in a m.u.f.fled voice.

"Be quiet," said Miss Ketchum, "until I have arranged my toilet."

Her head was almost entirely devoid of hair.

"Perhaps this may a.s.sist you," said d.i.c.k, discovering her wig and handing it to her.

"Help!" called the husky voice of Professor Gunn. "I'm smothering! I can't breathe!"

"You don't deserve to breathe," said Miss Ketchum, calmly adjusting the wig. "You are two indecent creatures, and I am sure you have disgraced me forever."

Major Fitts was becoming frantic.

"I'm dying!" he groaned.

"I'm dead!" came faintly from Professor Gunn.

By this time scores of guests had reached the spot and stood asking questions. Others were coming. The whole house had been aroused.

"d.i.c.k," said Brad, "I do believe the professor is smothering! She's sitting on his head, and his struggles are growing weaker."

"Lift her, Brad," said Merriwell.

They caught hold of her and stood her on her feet.

"Water!" gasped the professor.

"Whisky!" wheezed the major.

They lay on their backs, having managed to roll over, gasping for breath.

Miss Ketchum looked down at them with an air of contempt.

"I hope," she said, "that the proprietor has you both locked up as lunatics! You are the worst old fools I ever saw! So there!"

Then, declining a.s.sistance, she hurried up the stairs.

CHAPTER IV-THE CHALLENGE

The final words of Sarah Ann ere she pranced up the stairs did much to revive the professor and the major. They sat up and looked at each other. The expression on their faces was comical in the extreme.

"She meant you, sir!" rasped Gunn.

"She meant yo', suh!" snapped Fitts.

"I think she plainly included both of you," said d.i.c.k; "and I fancy it is the opinion of all present that she hit the nail on the head."

"I don't know about the nail," groaned Zenas; "but I'm sure something hit me on the head. And that woman-that heartless jade-sat on me! She nearly finished me!"

"Had she completed the job," declared the major, "it would have been a blessing, suh. It would have disposed of a pestiferous, weak-minded, addle-pated, goggle-eyed--"

"Hold on! Stop right there!" cried Zenas. "That will do! You have reached the limit, sir-the limit!"

"Yo' may think so, suh; but yo'll find this is far from the limit. I am a man of honor, and I demand satisfaction. I demand blood!"

"He's a butcher!" chuckled Brad.

"You have it already," said Zenas. "Your nose is bleeding, sir."

"You know what I mean. I demand that you meet me in mortal combat. You escaped me once, but you shall not escape again. I caught you sneaking around the door of Miss Ketchum's room and--"

"I caught you there, you fabricator!" flung back the professor.

At this point the proprietor of the hotel appeared on the scene and promptly announced that he would not have such things in his house. He threatened to eject them both, whereupon d.i.c.k hastened to a.s.sure the angry man that he would take care of the professor and see that there was no further disturbance.

Then d.i.c.k and Brad lifted Zenas to his feet and started him up the stairs, one on either side.

"You shall hear from me again!" cried the major, in defiance of those who had raised him and were dragging him away.

"Bah, sir!" Zenas flung over his shoulder.

"Boo, suh!" Fitts hurled back.

"Slowly, slowly, boys!" groaned the old pedagogue. "I feel as if all my joints were dislocated and half my bones were broken. It's a wonder my head is not mashed flat, for that woman-that creature-sat on it! Then she called me an old fool!"

"But," said d.i.c.k, "you know you could spend your life at her feet, listening to the musical murmur of her heavenly voice."

"Her voice sounds like tearing a rag!" sneered Zenas. "She's all skin and bones, and--"

"Why, professor!" interrupted Brad. "I heard you a.s.sert that her form had the grace of a gazelle."

"Never-never said it! She's a hatchet-faced old--"

"Tut! tut!" chided d.i.c.k. "You know you admired her the first time you beheld her intellectual and cla.s.sic countenance."

"Now stop it, boys! Did you see her glare at me with those fishy eyes?"

"Awful!" exclaimed d.i.c.k. "You called her eyes limpid lakes."

"I deny it! I deny it! And she has false teeth, for I heard her mumble that she lost them when she fell."

"You distinctly stated," reminded Buckhart, "that her teeth were pearls beyond price."