Dead, Actually Part 8

Was he going to kiss me? Why? Oh G.o.d. My heart stopped. I swear.

'Okay, what have you two sorted out? Maceys voice startled me. I pulled back like Id been burned, but Seth just carelessly fell back on his lounge. Oh G.o.d. I felt like I was five years old and just got caught sneaking an extra cookie.

I swivelled to see her stepping out through the French doors carrying some bottles and chips on a tray. Unable to look back at Seth, I watched her walk across to us. Trying to act cool and innocent wasnt so easy, especially when my face felt like it was on fire. But it only took one covert glance at Seth to build that to a raging inferno. Because he wasnt having any trouble looking cool and innocent; he was cool and innocent. And then I knew. He hadnt been going to kiss me!

It was just my imagination. A projection of my fantasies.

I closed my eyes. Oh G.o.d . . . What if Id leaned in? Could a person die of embarra.s.sment? I had a feeling I was about to find out.

'Willow? My eyes snapped open and level with Maceys and hers werent shooting ice or d.a.m.ning me to h.e.l.l. And I knew that if, in fact, I was about to die, thered be the consolation that my best friend had decided she wasnt p.i.s.sed with me. 'I think you should tell him.

I began to shake my head, but Seth jumped in. 'Tell me what?

'About seeing JoJo and the fact that JoJo is trapped in her house. Shes been nearly hysterical, you know. Willow, I mean, not JoJo. At first I was kind of worried, Macey explained casually as she dragged over another lounge and curled up like a contented cat, pulling her black satin robe over her bare legs.

'What? His eyes were now sharp and they held me in their sights; his voice steady, firm. Trust me, this was nothing like the look that had held mine just minutes before, which confused me even more. 'You saw JoJo? Where? Shes not dead?

Macey sighed and did the answering. 'Of course shes dead! Why am I the only one who keeps remembering that? Dead as in cold and withering away.

'So, what are you talking about?

I barely swallowed the groan. It seemed my torture wasnt ending any time soon and it occurred to me that I could successfully publish a list of Ten ways to make your secret crush run far and fast in the other direction. Start with mistakenly thinking hes going to kiss you and follow closely with proof of your insanity. And if my success rate continued there was a good chance Id accomplish eight more sure-fire methods to complete the list before the night was over. I cleared my throat, wishing I didnt have to do this. Didnt have to have him look at me in a few minutes like Id lost my mind. 'Its um a bit complicated.

'Here, have a beer, you might need it, Macey said as she held the icy bottle towards him. 'Trust me, this is one wild story.

Seth put up a hand to ward off the beer. 'Willow?

It took some prompting but the whole story spilled out. JoJo, the phone the lot. Once finished, I sat and stared at him. Waiting. Holding my breath certain that item number two had been successfully accomplished as predicted.

He said nothing for a long time. Finally he twisted so he was knee to knee with me again, his eyes staring straight into mine, his forehead creased into a deep frown; his voice that throaty whisper that always skittered down my spine like a flurry of feathers. 'Wills? Youre saying you think shes dead but shes not gone?

I couldnt maintain eye contact. I mean, hed been gentle but come on I could read between the lines. Paraphrased, hed just asked if I had a preferred mental asylum just in case I lucked out and got a choice. I didnt need to see it in his eyes as well.

'Theres no "think" about it, Seth. Were talking facts here, Macey snapped. 'Besides, have you got a better answer?

He lifted his hands as if to put forward an argument, but then I sensed him stall, and they fell back onto his legs. I didnt have to be looking directly at him to know that I was the reason hed stalled.

I also didnt have to be looking at him directly to feel and hear the sigh. 'Okay, so JoJos at Willows place. So why isnt she here? What can she do? These questions were not asked in the tone or spirit of a true believer.

Obviously Macey picked that up as well. 'Well, I dont think shes available for a date, she drawled.

'Dead people cant post messages on Facebook either but that hasnt stopped JoJo so far! Patience exhausted, he turned and looked right at his sister. 'So, what the h.e.l.ls going on?

'Ma.s.s hysteria. Ding dong the witch is dead, and you guys have whipped yourselves into a frenzy! Youre all buying into this story about her communicating from the grave. And maybe she is but not in the way you all think. Want a clue? Start looking at probability rather than possibility.

His mouth tightened into a thin line. 'And you think its probable that JoJos ghost is haunting Willow?

'No, Einstein. JoJos ghost is fact, I keep telling you that. But shes not the one sending messages! She cant! So what does that leave you with? The probability that its one of you!

He didnt answer; simply stared.

'The ghost thing is a side issue, she continued. 'The problem of the phone is a human one. Someone else is having fun with you all.

'Fun? Are you kidding? He grabbed the beer and slammed it back down again. 'Youve got no idea whats going on, Mace! This is freaking serious stuff!

'Like what? My words spun him towards me, and for the first time in all the years Id known him, Seth Pentecost looked lost. Totally lost.

A burring noise stopped us all, but before he could grab it, Macey casually reached for Seths phone and flipped it open, arching one eyebrow and pursing her lips as she read the words. 'Its for you, bro another message from the grave.

I dont know what I expected, but I felt myself go very still, my eyes searching for Seths, snagging and holding his gaze.

When neither of us moved, Macey shrugged. 'Its only short. Just five little words. She paused, building a moment that didnt really need any more tension thrown into it. '"I KNOW WHAT YOU DID . . ."

'What? Whether it was a culmination of all the c.r.a.p that had gone down so far, or whether it was Maceys dramatic delivery, was irrelevant. For me, something snapped; game over. I wanted answers. A chill shuddered through me, one that for a change had nothing to do with JoJo or maybe it did. I got up from my own lounge, folding my arms more in frustration than anything else, and stared down at Seth. 'So, what the h.e.l.l did you do?

For a long moment I didnt think he was going to say anything. He finally moved to a nearby table and flopped into one of the thickly padded chairs. His elbows landed on the gla.s.s tabletop with enough force to break it and I actually winced when he dropped his head into his hands. Thank G.o.d the gla.s.s was industrial strength. I so do not do blood.

'Seth? I prompted.

His sigh was deep as he looked up to meet my eyes. 'I shouldnt be telling you this . . . He dropped his gaze to the pool. 'Man, this is only going to bring down heaps more s.h.i.t.

Maceys sigh was pure impatience. 'Oh for G.o.ds sake did you kill someone? At his look of shock she continued. 'Then just spill.

When he didnt immediately do that, I began to understand. The thing is, Seth is one of the most loyal people I know; hes always there for you. You know? Hes honest unless he thinks the answer will really hurt you and one of the things I love most about him is that when hes your friend, it counts. So, when he sat there, staring at the pool, dilemma clouding his eyes, I knew . . .

His voice, when it came, was low, ragged. 'This could get people into a lot of trouble. Weve never told anyone thats why Im so p.i.s.sed that JoJo found out. He sucked in air again. Long and slow. 'Okay, heres the deal, and it stays between us, right? At my nod he continued. 'Last year, one of the guys applied to get into the Sports Inst.i.tute in Canberra just prelim stuff at this stage. But, like, he had to give a pee sample. They just sprung it on him, you know? He had twenty-four hours to front up and pee in a cup.

'And the point is?

'Easy on him, Mace. Seths doing what Seth does. Protecting people. Turning back to him I offered my own sigh. 'I think hes trying to tell us that his urine is cooling off in a fridge in Canberra problem is, its got someone elses name on the jar, right? Someone like Davo?

'Yeah. Seths eyebrows went up like twin question marks, but he answered without any real surprise. Well, duh Dave Kochetti was the only athlete of that calibre in the school.

Despite having guessed right, I was still surprised. 'What I dont get is why Davo would even think about taking drugs if he wants to be a top athlete! Isnt that a bit like playing chicken with a speeding train?

'Thats the thing. He doesnt. Thats why it was such a freaking mess. He stood and leaned around to snag a white hoodie off a chair sitting back in the shadows and pulled it on. 'Wed been to this party the night before, out at Teahnas, and he wiped himself out, which was just weird because he was in training and he only had one drink. Thats it! The rest of the time he drank water!

'Maybe he had more and you didnt know, I suggested.

'Hey look, Im not his babysitter, but I was with the guy all night and I saw what he was drinking. Apart from that, he was driving! Stopping short, he held up both hands. 'I dont even know why Im giving you all these reasons because the fact is Davo doesnt need them! Hes serious about his training and his prospects. Hes always said its too much b.l.o.o.d.y hard work to risk it all on booze or drugs.

'So, youre saying, I said incredulously, 'that Davos drink was spiked? That someone knew he was up for the test?

'Yes to question one, he answered on a sigh, 'and who knows to the second. I mean if Davo didnt know, then who else could have?

Macey was sitting straight, her eyes alert. 'How bad would it be for Davo, and for you, if they ever find out what you did?

'Probably the end for him. Hed be barred from the Academy, and everything he and his parents have worked for would be wrecked. He shrugged. 'And me? Well, I know wed both be in deep trouble. Wed probably have criminal records, to say nothing of all the c.r.a.p that would pour down on us. Right on top of the exams and uni entrance, we dont need that. We might even be banned from sitting for the d.a.m.ned finals.

'Sheeeeesh. I knew you were protecting someone. My head was doing the moral rumba. I mean, poor Davo, that was a true b.u.mmer, and yay Seth for trying to help even if it was a little misguided; but I was also furious with him for taking such a stupid risk! The rumba ended with me hitting a figurative wall. 'But what I still dont get is what this has to do with JoJo?

Seths voice was stark; incredulous. 'Come on, Willow youre smarter than that. Surely youve worked out by now that it was blackmail. The b.i.t.c.h was blackmailing me.

Blackmail! I flopped back and pulled my knees up under my chin and dragged the towel closer around me. Call me thick, but I still wasnt getting it. 'Blackmail? For what? Money? Why would JoJo need money? She had everything she ever wanted and more.

'Blackmail? Maceys bottle hit the slate with a crack, her voice cold. 'That scheming, saline-enhanced s.k.a.n.k! She had your b.a.l.l.s in her freaking Birkin bag?

For once Maceys scathing humour didnt have the usual effect. This was serious. Ignoring his sister, Seth pulled back in his chair, his eyes hidden in the shadows; his voice miserable. 'She didnt want money. JoJo wanted power. She just made sure that I was always there whenever she wanted me.

'Wanted you? Was that my pathetic whiney voice?

'Christ, Willow! Was it very bad to find joy in the disgust in his voice? 'Not in that way! Yeah okay, we hung out together for a while way back probably Year 9. Didnt last long. We didnt do anything. She tri- He shook his head. 'It doesnt matter. I guess even back then I didnt like the way she used people, manipulated them to do what she wanted.

I suddenly felt heavy, like I was catching each of his words, and each had a different emotion attached. Sure, there was relief, but I wasnt sure JoJo deserved his discretion, and that frustrated me, saddened me. And then there was the confusion. 'But what was all that adoration stuff and the whole pallbearer-at-the-funeral thing?

'Playing the game. Seth sighed. 'In return for her silence, I sometimes had to pretend to be hot for her if she was trying to make someone jealous, or cover for her. Do homework. Heaps of stuff. Most of it stupid and pointless. I hated it, but the s.h.i.t that would pour down on Davo, if I didnt, would be worse. I just couldnt do that to him. And then when she died, well well, I guess I was so relieved it was over that it was easier just to play out the game. I figured thered be fewer questions that way. Last thing we expected was that shed keep the pressure on from the grave.

'Correction, brother dearest from the comfort of Willows bedroom.

'No, I began with a frown. 'No, JoJo isnt behind this. She started it but someone else is pulling the strings now. The question is, who? But even as I said the words, a niggle of memory was tiptoeing into the spotlight only to frustratingly disappear before I could capture it.

Seth nodded. 'Ive been trying to figure it all out. What I want to know is how other people guessed she knew about Davo and me. Because why else would they want her phone? Are they trying to find out what we did?

'What? I swear my eyes did a three-sixty in their sockets. And for ten seconds I actually wondered if I should rea.s.sess my infatuation with Seth Pentecost. I mean, could I really be in love with a guy who was so clueless? Okay, call me shallow, but as my eyes travelled over him head in his hands, looking so vulnerable I decided the answer was 'yes. 'Have you even been living on the same planet as the rest of us for the past week? I shot back. And yes, despite my lovesick state, my voice was a tad sharp. His head snapped up like it was on a string and I was controlling it.

'Your point being . . . ? His voice might have been calm, but the tone left me in no doubt that he wasnt feelin the love at that moment.

Too bad. I wasnt letting him off the hook that easily. 'Surprise, surprise, pretty boy. This isnt about you. You think that whole performance tonight was about you and Davo? Throwing perfectly good drinks at a screen? You and Davo? Oh puleese . . . I saw his mouth open but I cut him off. 'Okay, okay, I admit I didnt see it clearly till now, but its obvious! Its what JoJo meant when she told me to look for the phone. She said Id find plenty of clues. Oh come on Seth; think about it. Everyone wants it because JoJo was blackmailing all of you! Or most of you, anyway.

'Incredible . . .

I ignored Macey and focussed on Seth. Its funny watching someone elses mind work, and scary if it doesnt work as fast as youd expect. 'But, he said, frowning, 'none of the others have said anything.

'Oh duh. Like they were going to? Come on, Seth, who did you tell about you and Davo? Whos going to admit to the dirty thing if they dont have to? That was the whole basis of JoJos success! No one was game to tell anyone so she had a whole scheme happening. She could play you all off against each other.

'That is so wild, muttered Macey. 'So wild Im almost envious. She was a master puppeteer. Im thinking I should have given her more respect.

'So youre saying, Seth began slowly, 'that everyone is looking for JoJos phone because they need to kill their own secret. Thats why everyone is so uptight?

I nodded.

Macey opened a bottle of mineral water. 'Makes sense. And thats why everyones been crawling all over Willow. They all think because she was the last person to see JoJo that she has the phone. Pete too.

Her words were matter-of-fact; her shrug was brief, cut short when her head tipped back for a long swig. Those words should have been innocent, supportive. But they hit like an arrow. My head swung to Seth who was looking just as clueless as before until his eyes narrowed. No, it couldnt be, could it? Was that why Seth suddenly seemed interested in me? Was he just scamming to get the phone like everyone else?

OMG, it suddenly made too much sense. Why after all these years would Seths feelings change? And why had I thought he was different to the others? Better? Suddenly it was like I couldnt cope with the chilly night air anymore. My body felt frozen. Freezing from the inside out. 'You know what? I, um I have to leave. I jumped up, shivering even in Seths jacket, which was now itching me like it was some kind of poisonous thing and I was allergic. I tossed it and strode to the French doors.

Behind me, bottles skittled and I sensed movement.

'Willow? It was Seths voice I heard first, and his bare feet slapping across the slate behind me.

The rustle of silk told me Macey wasnt far behind him, but I couldnt stop; couldnt turn around. I had to get out of there and think. Get out of there before I totally shattered into a million pieces.

Chapter Eight.

Coward. Wimp. Needy. Drama queen. All those words could have been used to describe me and there was no way I was going to dodge them, because they were true.

We could throw in selfish as well, because thats another emotion I was feeling as I kissed Gran goodbye the next morning. She hadnt raised an eyebrow when Id crashed at her place the night before; hadnt asked questions, just let me skulk off to bed like the pathetic fool I am.

She was used to it, and this morning her eyes told me she understood, as did her smile and hug. But there was no way I could tell her that, this time, she was wrong. This time was way beyond needing time out; this time was about hiding and licking my wounds.

Now it was time to face the monsters head on.

Climbing back into Maceys car, I checked my messages before heading off. Nineteen in total. Eleven were from Macey and most said the same thing. Inbox me immediately!

Six were from Seth. I hauled in a deep breath to skim those. They started with variations of, Whats going on? and ranged to We need to talk!, and ended with, Picking you up at ten.

As soon as I read message eighteen, Seths last text was no longer cryptic. Eighteen was an e-vite. Demi was inviting me onto her family yacht to celebrate what? Sunday? Middle of the holidays? Our new bosom-buddy friendship?

Yeah, right . . .

Message nineteen was the only one I read without my heart racing. And that spoke volumes about my mental state, because it was a message from my dentist to remind me I was due for a check-up. And Im a complete dentophobe!

Typically, there were none from my parents.

At home I headed straight for the kitchen. I hoped Suzy would have some coffee brewing, but instead I stumbled into my own warped version of the Brady Bunch. Surprise number one.

'Hey, w.i.l.l.y-Babe! Hot java on the way! Did you have a good night? Suzy made great Spanish omelettes you want some? Dad got up from the table to grab an extra plate and shove a mug under the coffee-machine spout.

Mimi cradled her own mug, and she was actually smiling. Steam wafted from the huge fluffy omelettes, spilling over with cheese and vegetables, that filled a platter in the centre of the table. The aroma was heavenly and my stomach growled, but it was the other hunger that took precedence. How many times had I wished for just this simple, family scene?

It was amazing. Everything as Id pictured it in my mind. The kitchen was really clean. Thursdays burned cheese was finally sc.r.a.ped off the stove, and everything else looked shiny. Go Suzy! Make that ditto for Carlos. Out through the huge gla.s.s doors, the pool was no longer green it actually sparkled, and I could call off Sea World who were coming to trawl for lurking crocodiles . . .

It was great, but it also revived all the old resentments. What was wrong with me? Why couldnt I just accept the good things every now and then? Why did I always let them get to me? Because they did.

Which highlighted surprise number two, which, if I thought about it, was anything but a surprise. And also the major flaw in this cosy scene: there were no police sitting there taking notes and holding Mimis hand. Id been out all night and I hadnt let them know. And for one wild moment Id actually thought they might have been worried. 'So the sniffer dogs and choppers are on the way?

What can I say? It had been a wasted wild moment. Mimi blinked at me, then her eyes shifted to Dad who shook his head in confusion. The old emptiness welled up inside me and again I tried not to let the loneliness of being the odd one out get to me. But you know? It did. Youd think after seventeen years Id be used to it, but I wasnt. In fact, I thought it was getting harder. Maybe I knew more now, and maybe that knowledge just brought more pain.

I mean, I am a product of the two of them. Part of each one. Youd think that would forge some kind of connection, right? Youd think. But it didnt, and I just could never get my head around why they were so connected to each other and yet there was such a total disconnection with me.