De Turkey and De Law Part 3

LIGE Pull off wid yo' king.

(Lum plays the king of spades. All the others play.) Look at ole low pardner. Ah knowed ah wuz gointer ketch him! Come right back at 'em.

LUM (stands up and slams down the ace) Pack up, pardner. Ahm playin' mah knots, now all play now. Ho! Ho! Dere goes de queen'. De Jack's a gentleman! (Lige takes the Jack and sticks it up on his forehead in braggadocia.) Here comes de ten spot, pardner, ahm dumpin to yuh!

LIGE (as he plays the Jack) Everybody git up off it and dump. High, low, Jack, game and gone from de first four.

WALTER Gimme dem cards! Y'all carried de cub to us dat time. (riffles the cards elaborately) but de deal is in de high, tall house now. Dis is Booker T Washington spreadin his mess. (offers cards to Lige) Cut?

LIGE Yeah, cut 'em and shoot 'em. I'd cut behind mah ma. (He cuts and Walter deals.)

WALTER Well, whut sayin'?

LUM I'm beggin.

WALTER Get up off yo' knees. Youse dat one.

LIGE Walter, you sho stacked dese cards.

WALTER Aw, stop cryin' and play, man. Youse too old to be hollerin'

t.i.tty-mama.

LUM Dis ain't no hand, dis is a foot. What you want me to play for you partner?

LIGE Play yo' own hand partner--I ain't n.o.body. Lead yo' bosses. (He leads the ace of clubs. Play goes round to dealer and Walter takes the card off the deck and slams it down.)

WALTER Get up ol' deuce of diamonds and gallop off wid yo' load. Pardner, how many times you seen de deck?

DAVE (Two times--(they make signals.)

WALTER Watch dis ol' queen. Less go! (He begins to sing--Dave joins in.) When yo' card gits lucky, oh pardner, you oughter be in a rollin' game. (He speaks.) Ha! Ha! Wash day and no soap! (He sticks the Jack upon his forehead. He stands up and sings again.) Ahm goin' to de 'Bama Lawd.

Pardner don't want no change. (He collects that trick and plays again.

Dave also stands.)

DAVE Here come de man from de White House--ol' king of diamonds. (Sings, all join.) Ahm goin' back to de Bama, Lawd. Pardner won't be worried wid you. (He collects the trick.) Never had no trouble, Lour pardner, till I stopped by here.

(They all stand hilariously slam down their cards.

WALTER Aw, wese just too hard for you boys--we eats our dinner out de blacksmith shop. Y'all can't bully dis game. (He solemnly reaches over and takes Dave's hand.)

DAVE (to Walter) Mr. Hoover, you sho is a n.o.ble president. We done stuck dese shad-moufs full of cobs. They skeered to play us any mo'.

LIGE Who skeered? Y'all jus' playin ketch up nohow. Git back down and lemme wrap uh five-up round yo' neck.

DAVE (looking off right) Squat dat rabbit an' less jump another one. Here come Daisy.

WALTER Aw Lord, you ain't no mo' good now. But Ah don't blame you, Dave, she looks warm.

(Enter Daisy right with a scarlet hibiscus over each ear and smiling broadly.)

LIGE (jumps down and takes Daisy by the arm) Come on up here, Daisy and ease Dave's pain. He's so crazy 'bout you his heart 'bout to burn a hole in his shirt. (She steps up on the porch)

DAVE (Bashfully) Aw, y'all gwan. Ah kin talk.

DAISY (Arms akimbo, impudently) Oh kin you? (She gets up close to Dave)

DAVE (Pleased) You better git way from me fore Jim come long.

DAISY (Coquettishly) Ain't you man enough to cover de ground you stand on?

DAVE Oh, Ah can back my c.r.a.p! Don't worry 'bout me. Where you headed for?

DAISY Where _you_ goin? (Audaciously)

DAVE Out by de cypress swamp to kill us uh turkey. Its uh great big ole gobbler--been slurring me fer six months. Ahm gointer git him today for you, and yo' mama gointer cook him.

DAISY Ah sho would love the ham of turkey.

DAVE (Patting his gun barrel) Well me an' ole Hannah sho gointer git you one. Look here, Daisy, will you choose uh bag of ground peas?

DAISY I jus love goobers

DAVE (Sticking out his right elbow) You lak chicken?

DAISY Yeah

DAVE Take uh wing. (She locks arms with him and they strut inside the store.)

LIGE Ah blieve dat fool is got some gumption. Jim Weston better watch out.

WALTER Oh I ain't never figgered Dave was no fool. He's uh bottom fish. Jim talks all de time but Dave will run him uh hot--here he come now.

(Looks off left. All look the same way.)

LUM Lawd, don't he look mean? (She chuckles) Ah bet he know Daisy's here wid Dave. Ah wouldn't take nothin' for dis.

(Enter Jim Weston left with a guitar looking very glum. He stops beside the step for a moment. Takes off his hat and fans with it.)

JIM Howdy do, folks.

ALL Howdy do, Jim.

JIM Don't do all they say. (He sees the gun leaning against the rail) Who gun dat? (Points at the gun)

LIGE You know so well whose gun dat is. Ah jus' heard him say he's goin out to git his gal uh ham of a turkey gobbler out round de cypress swamp.

He's inside now treatin her to penders and candy. (He winks at the others and they wink back)

WALTER (Turns and calls into the store) Say, Dave! Don't try to keep Daisy in dere all day. Her feller out here waitin to scorch her home.