De Turkey and De Law Part 14

SIMMS Brother Mayor, how come you let dese people run they mouf lak uh pa.s.sle uh cow-bells? Ain't I got de floor? I ain't no breath-and-britches. I was _people_ in Middle Georgy befo' I ever come to Floridy. Whut kind of Chairman is you, nohow?

CLARKE (angrily) Heah! Heah! Don't you come tryin' show yo'self round me! I G.o.d, I don't keer whut you wuz in Georgy. I G.o.d, I kin eat fried chicken when you [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ces] caint git rain water tuh drink. Hurry up an' say dat mess you got in yo' craw an' set down.

We needs yo' s.p.a.ce more than we needs yo' comp'ny.

NIXON Don't let him skeer you, Elder Sims. You got plenty shoulders tuh back yo' fallin.

HAMBO Well, each an' every shoulder kin hit de ground an' I'll git wid 'em.

Don't like it dontcher take, here my collar come an' shake it.

WALTER Hambo, everybody in Orange County knows you love tuh fight. But dis is uh law hearin'--not no wra.s.sle.

HAMBO Oh you Methdis' n.i.g.g.e.rs wants tuh fight bad enough, but youse skeered.

Youse jus' as hot as Tucker when de mule kicked his mammy. But you know you got plenty coolers.

SISTER TAYLOR Aw, taint n.o.body skeered uh you half-pint Baptists. G.o.d knows Ahm ready an' willin'. (She glares at Mrs. Lewis.)

(Sister Lewis jumps to her feet but is pulled back into her seat.

Mayor Clarke raps for order and the room gets quiet.)

CLARKE Aw right now, Simms. I G.o.d, git through.

SIMMS (pompously) Now, y'all done up an' took dis po' boy an' had him locked up in uh barn ever since Sat'day night an' done got him 'coused uh a.s.sault an' stealing uh turkey an' I don't know whut all an' you ain't got no business wid yo' hands on him stell. He ain't done no crime, an' if y'all knowed anything 'bout law, I wouldn't have tuh tell you so.

CLARKE I G.o.d, he is done uh crime and he's gointer ketch it, too.

SIMMS But not by law, Brother Mayor. You tryin' tuh lay uh hearin' on dis boy an' you can't do it cause he ain't broke no law--I don't keer whut he done so long as he don't break no law you can't tetch him.

SINGLETARY He committed a.s.sault, didn't he? Dat sho is breakin' de law.

SIMMS Naw, he ain't committed no 'sault. He jus' lammed Dave over de head an' took his own turkey an' come on home, dat's all. (triumphantly) Yuh see y'll don't knoww whut you talkin' 'bout. Now, I done set in de court house an' heard de white folks law from mornin' till night. (He flips his Bible shut.) I done read dis book from lid tuh lid an' I knows de law. You got tuh have uh weepon tuh commit uh 'sault. An'

taint in no white folks law an taint in dis Bible dat no mule bone is no weapon. I

CLARKE (after a moment of dead silence) I G.o.d, whut's dat you say?

SIMMS (sitting down and crossing his legs and folding his hands upon his Bible) You heard me. I say you ain't got no case 'ginst dis boy an'

you got tuh turn him go.

SINGLETARY (jumping up) Brother Chairman--

CLARKE (raps once and nods recognition) You got de floor.

SINGLETARY I ain't book-learnt an' I ain't rubbed de hair offen my head agin no college wall, but I know when uh 'sault been committed. I says Jim Weston did 'sault Davie. (He points at Dave's head.) An' steal his turkey. Everybody knows Jim can't hunt wid Dave. An' he 'saulted Dave too.

SIMMS (arrogantly) Prove it!

(Singletary stands there silent and puzzled. The Methodist side breaks into a triumphant shout of "Oh Mary, don't you weep, don't you moan, Pharaoh's army got drownded." Singletary sinks into his seat. When they have shouted out three choruses, Simms arises to speak.)

I move dat we sing doxology and bring dis meetin' to uh close. We'se all workin' people, Brother Mayor. Dismiss us so we kin gwan back to our work. De sun is two hours high yet. (looks towards the Methodist side) I move dat we adjourn.

WALTER I second de motion.

SINGLETARY (arising slowly) Hold on there uh minute wid dat motion. Dis ain't no lodge meetin'. Dis is uh court an' bofe sides got uh right tuh talk.

(motions towards Simms' Bible) Youse uh letter learnt man but I kin read dat Bible some too. Lemme take it uh minute.

SIMMS I ain't gointer do it. Any preacher dat amounts to uh hill uh beans would have his own Bible.

CLARKE I G.o.d, Singletary, you right here in yo' own church. Come on up here an' read out yo' pulpit Bible. I G.o.d, don't mind me being up here.

Come on up.

(A great buzzing breaks out all over the church as Singletary mounts the pulpit. Clarke raps for order. Simms begins to turn the leaves of the Bible.)

SIMMS Brother Mayor, you oughter let us outa here. You ain't got no case 'ginst dis boy. Don't waste our time for nothin'. Leave us go home.

CLARKE Aw, dry up, Simms. You done talked yo' talk. I G.o.d, leave Singletary talk his. (to Singletary) Step on out when you ready, Rev.

REV. SINGLETARY (Reading) It says here in Judges 18:18 dat Samson slewed three thousand [Note: corrected missing s.p.a.ce] Philistines wid de jawbone of an a.s.s.

SIMMS (on his feet) Yeah, but dis wasn't no a.s.s. Dis was uh mule, Brother Mayor. Dismiss dis meetin' and less all go home.

SINGLETARY Yeah, but he was half-a.s.s. A a.s.s is uh mule's daddy and he's biggern uh a.s.s, too. (emphatic gestures) Everybody knows dat--even de lil chillun.

SIMMS (standing) Yeah, but we didn't come here to talk about no a.s.ses, neither no half a.s.ses, nor no mule daddies. (laughter from de Methodists) We come to law uh boy for 'sault an' larceny.

SINGLETARY (very patiently) We'se comin' to dat pint now. Dat's de second claw uh de sentence wese expoundin'. I say Jim Weston did have uh weepon in his hand when he 'saulted Dave. Cause y'all knows if de daddy is dangerous, den de son is dangerous too. An' y'all knows dat de further back you gits on uh mule de more dangerous he gits an' if de jawbone slewed three thousand people, by de time you gits back tuh his hocks, its pizen enough tuh kill ten thousand. Taint no gun in de world ever kilt dat many mens. Taint no knives nor no razors ever kilt no three thousand people. Now, folkses, I ast y'all whut kin be mo' dangarous dan uh mule bone? (to Clarke) Brother Mayor, Jim didn't jes' lam Dave an walk off. (very emphatic) He 'saulted him wid de deadliest weepon there is in de world an' while he was layin' unconscious, he stole his turkey an' went. Brother Mayor, he's uh criminal an' oughter be run outa dis peaceful town.

(Great chorus of approval from Baptist Clarke begins to rap for order.)

SIMMS (attending) Brother Mayor, I object. I have studied jury and I know what I'm talkin' about.

CLARKE Aw dry up, Simms. Youse entirely out of order. You may be slick, but you kin stand another greasing. Rev. Singletary is right. I G.o.d, I knows de law when I hear it. Stand up dere, Jim.

(Jim rises very slowly. Simms rises also.)

CLARKE Set down, Simms. I G.o.d, I know where to find you when I want you.

(Simms sits.) Jim, I find you guilty as charged an' I wants you to git outa my town and stay gone for two years. (to Lum) Brother Marshall, you see dat he gits outa town befo' dark. An' you folks dats so anxious to fight, git on off dis church grounds befo' you start. And don't use no knives and no guns and no mule bones. Court's dismissed.

_CURTAIN_

ACT III

Scene I

SETTING: Curtain goes up on a stretch of railroad track with a luxurious Florida forest on the backdrop. Entrances left and right. It is near sundown.