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"What shall I do? I thought he had left me to myself, till that night in the library."
She held down her head in silence. Then she said, slowly, in a tone of agony:
"I am a slave, body and soul.--Hugh!" she added, pa.s.sionately, and looking up in his face, "do you think there is a G.o.d?"
Her eyes glimmered with the faint reflex from gathered tears, that silently overflowed.
And now Hugh's own poverty struck him with grief and humiliation.
Here was a soul seeking G.o.d, and he had no right to say that there was a G.o.d, for he knew nothing about him. He had been told so; but what could that far-off witness do for the need of a desolate heart?
She had been told so a million of times. He could not say that he knew it. That was what she wanted and needed.
He was honest, and so replied:
"I do not know. I hope so."
He felt that she was already beyond him; for she had begun to cry into the vague, seemingly heartless void, and say:
"Is there a G.o.d somewhere to hear me when I cry?"
And with all the teaching he had had, he had no word of comfort to give. Yes, he had: he had known David Elginbrod.
Before he had shaped his thought, she said:
"I think, if there were a G.o.d, he would help me; for I am nothing but a poor slave now. I have hardly a will of my own."
The sigh she heaved told of a hopeless oppression.
"The best man, and the wisest, and the n.o.blest I ever knew," said Hugh, "believed in G.o.d with his whole heart and soul and strength and mind. In fact, he cared for nothing but G.o.d; or rather, he cared for everything because it belonged to G.o.d. He was never afraid of anything, never vexed at anything, never troubled about anything.
He was a good man."
Hugh was surprised at the light which broke upon the character of David, as he held it before his mind's eye, in order to describe it to Euphra. He seemed never to have understood him before.
"Ah! I wish I knew him. I would go to that man, and ask him to save me. Where does he live?"
"Alas! I do not know whether he is alive or dead--the more to my shame. But he lives, if he lives, far away in the north of Scotland."
She paused.
"No. I could not go there. I will write to him."
Hugh could not discourage her, though he doubted whether a real communication could be established between them.
"I will write down his address for you, when I go in," said he. "But what can he save you from?"
"From no G.o.d," she answered, solemnly. "If there is no G.o.d, then I am sure that there is a devil, and that he has got me in his power."
Hugh felt her shudder, for she was leaning on his arm, she was still so lame. She continued:
"Oh! if I had a G.o.d, he would right me, I know."
Hugh could not reply. A pause followed.
"Good-bye. I feel pretty sure we shall meet again. My presentiments are generally true," said Euphra, at length.
Hugh kissed her hand with far more real devotion than he had ever kissed it with before.
She left him, and hastened to the house 'with feeble speed.' He was sorry she was gone. He walked up and down for some time, meditating on the strange girl and her strange words; till, hearing the dinner bell, he too must hasten in to dress.
Euphra met him at the dinner-table without any change of her late manner. Mr. Arnold wished him good night more kindly than usual.
When he went up to his room, he found that Harry had already cried himself to sleep.
CHAPTER x.x.xII.
DEPARTURE.
I fancy deemed fit guide to lead my way, And as I deemed I did pursue her track; Wit lost his aim, and will was fancy's prey; The rebel won, the ruler went to wrack.
But now sith fancy did with folly end, Wit, bought with loss--will, taught by wit, will mend.
SOUTHWELL.--David's Peccavi.
After dinner, Hugh wandered over the well-known places, to bid them good-bye. Then he went up to his room, and, with the vanity of a young author, took his poems out of the fatal old desk; wrote: "Take them, please, such as they are. Let me be your friend;" inclosed them with the writing, and addressed them to Euphra. By the time he saw them again, they were so much waste paper in his eyes.
But what were his plans for the future?
First of all, he would go to London. There he would do many things.
He would try to find Funkelstein. He would write. He would make acquaintance with London life; for had he not plenty of money in his pocket? And who could live more thriftily than he?--During his last session at Aberdeen, he had given some private lessons, and so contrived to eke out his small means. These were wretchedly paid for, namely, not quite at the rate of sevenpence-halfpenny a lesson!
but still that was something, where more could not be had.--Now he would try to do the same in London, where he would be much better paid. Or perhaps he might get a situation in a school for a short time, if he were driven to ultimate necessity. At all events, he would see London, and look about him for a little while, before he settled to anything definite.
With this hopeful prospect before him, he next morning bade adieu to Arnstead. I will not describe the parting with poor Harry. The boy seemed ready to break his heart, and Hugh himself had enough to do to refrain from tears. One of the grooms drove him to the railway in the dog-cart. As they came near the station, Hugh gave him half-a-crown. Enlivened by the gift, the man began to talk.
"He's a rum customer, that ere gemman with the foring name. The colour of his puss I couldn't swear to now. Never saw sixpence o'
his'n. My opinion is, master had better look arter his spoons. And for missus--well, it's a pity! He's a rum un, as I say, anyhow."
The man here nodded several times, half compa.s.sionately, half importantly.
Hugh did not choose to inquire what he meant. They reached the station, and in a few minutes he was shooting along towards London, that social vortex, which draws everything towards its central tumult.
But there is a central repose beyond the motions of the world; and through the turmoil of London, Hugh was journeying towards that wide stillness--that silence of the soul, which is not desolate, but rich with unutterable harmonies.
END OF THE SECOND BOOK.