Darkness Before Dawn Part 4

"Blake," he repeats with a smile as he shakes my hand, "let's go to my clinic."

I follow him to the back of his house. Dean is behind me and has his hand on the small of my back. I turn around and glare at him before I slap his hand off. He chuckles softly and shakes his head.

When we get to the room, Dr. Kellogg opens the door and ushers me in. "Now Blake," he says, handing me a robe, "I need you to undress and put this on."

I reach out and clutch the robe to my chest. "Thank you." I raise an eyebrow at Dean. "I'm not undressing in front of you two," I say flatly.

"Of course not. We'll step outside and give you privacy," Dr. Kellogg says.

"She's not staying here alone," Dean counters.

"Dean, I'm not going anywhere. This room doesn't even have windows," I snap.

"What if you try to kill yourself with one of his tools?" he asks as he waves his hand at some scalpels and other things on a table.

"Are you serious?" I say, gritting my teeth. "You think what you guys are doing to me is worth me killing myself over?"

Dean's eyes are blazing and his jaw is clenched. He takes a deep breath and runs his hands through his unruly brown hair. I know he's trying to rein in his temper while Dr. Kellogg is silent, just watching us.

"Dean, step outside with me," the doctor says again, and this time, he goes.

When I'm done putting on the robe, I sit on the exam table and wrap my arms in front of my chest in an attempt to warm up.

Doctor Kellogg walks back in by himself and begins asking me questions as he listens to my chest.

"When was your last period?" he asks as he presses down on my lower abdomen.

"Umm..." I don't know how to answer that because I don't know how long I've been gone. I contemplate asking him what date it is, telling him what my situation is, but the sinking feeling in my stomach reminds me that Dean brought me here for a reason. I wonder how many women he's had to bring here. Dr. Kellogg stops examining me and looks at me expectedly.

"I'm not pregnant, if that's why you're asking. I'm on birth control, or at least I was on birth control before..." I answer quietly. I was supposed to refill my prescription, but never got around to it, obviously.

Cole and I were always careful, wearing condoms, pulling out, even though, a couple of times he didn't pull out, which p.i.s.sed me off. Cole seemed to think it would be okay if I got pregnant, but told me it wouldn't happen anyway and alas, he was right.

"Well, let's have you take a test anyway, just in case."

"Sure," I say with a shrug as I take the little see-through cup from his hands and head to the bathroom.

When I come back, I place it on the table and go back to the exam table.

"Sore throat?" he asks and jots something down when I nod in agreement. Every time I try to swallow, it hurts.

"Nausea?"

"Hmmm...not really. Well, lately yes, but my throat hurts so much and anytime I try to eat anything it's just...yuck."

He nods. "That's understandable, stick to soups and liquids until you start to feel better." He gets up and takes the urine sample and puts a stick in it, then takes it out and places it on the table.

"You can get dressed while this gives us a result. I'll step out and give you some privacy," he says with a smile.

I get dressed and sit back down until I hear him knock lightly again. He comes in, sits down beside me, and we continue to small talk about his wife, where I went to school, what I studied. He's telling me about a nephew of his who had gone to law school and dropped out as he gets up to look at the test. I breathe a sigh of relief at the look on his face, even though I knew I had nothing to worry about.

He jots something down and looks up at me smiling. "The test is positive," he says softly, still smiling.

My stomach drops. "What? Like positive I'm not pregnant? Or positive..." I ask numbly, expecting him to tell me this is some kind of sick joke.

His smile falters and he gives me a confused look. "You're pregnant."

I gape at him as my hands fly over my mouth. "I can't be pregnant," I say in a m.u.f.fled voice. I'm stunned silent, watching him, waiting for him to tell me it's some type of sick joke they're playing on me. When I see his unchanging expression, I think of Cole and how happy he'd be if he were here with me. I start to sob quietly into my hands. Doctor Kellogg puts a hand on my shoulder and gives me a sympathetic look.

"I'll have to do an ultrasound. My machine is in the bas.e.m.e.nt. Do you think you'll be okay to walk down there?" he asks softly.

I nod my head as unwanted tears spill down my face. Oh my G.o.d. I'm really pregnant? I wipe my tears and walk out of the room clutching my robe closed. Dean is sitting right outside the door, but stands up quickly when he sees me.

"Are you okay?"

"No," I answer hoa.r.s.ely. "I'm not okay, at all."

"What's wrong with her?" he demands as he looks at the doctor.

"I can't say, kid," Doctor Kellogg replies with a shake of his head.

"Blake, what's wrong with you?" Dean asks as he holds my shoulders firmly.

A sob escapes me as I look into his worried eyes, and I start to cry again. Dean pulls me in and holds me while I sob.

"Oh my G.o.d. I can't. I can't," I say through my sobs. When I calm down, I take a deep breath and inhale his cigarette and cinnamon smell. "I'm pregnant," I whisper brokenly against his chest.

I feel him stiffen. "What?" Shocked, he lifts my chin to look at him. "How can you be pregnant?"

I push off his chest and give him a "how the f.u.c.k do you think?" look.

"Is it Cole's?" he asks, his expression hardening.

I refuse to comment and continue to walk toward Kellogg and follow him downstairs to his bas.e.m.e.nt, leaving a shocked Dean behind. Kellogg explains to me that it has to be a v.a.g.i.n.al ultrasound, and shows me a d.i.l.d.o with a condom over it.

"You're kidding, right?" I ask, horrified as I look at the instrument.

He laughs. "No, it'll be painless, trust me."

I hear stomping footsteps coming downstairs and tense.

"Dean! I don't want you here, this is uncomfortable enough," I yell.

"I don't give a f.u.c.k. I wanna be here. You don't got nothing I haven't seen before, trust me," he yells back as he walks toward us.

I let my head hit the cushion under me and exhale. Dean takes a seat next to me, and looks at me with an expression on his face that I don't understand. More guilt, I guess. Good.

I gasp and bite down on my lip when I feel the d.i.l.d.o thing sliding inside me slowly.

"Relax," the doctor tells me.

I take a deep breath and try to do as I'm told. Dean grabs on to the hand closest to his and holds it in both of his. I can only stare at him as he stares back and suddenly this feels way too intimate. All my thoughts vanish when I hear ruffling on the monitor beside me and see a little peanut pop on the screen me.

"There's your baby," the doctor says, pointing at it.

"It's so...tiny," I muse, in awe despite myself, as tears well in my eyes again.

Dr. Kellogg laughs. "You're still early in the pregnancy."

When Dean squeezes my hand, I start to cry again.

"I can't do this," I whimper as Dean soothes me by caressing my hair. I want to tell him to stop. Demand him to stop. But I can't. Instead, I lean into him and let him comfort me as I close my eyes and pretend it's Cole. But it's not, and it won't be, and I hate it. I hate that they've not only taken me from him, but also robbed us of this moment together. He should be the one sitting beside me watching our baby with me.

On the ride back home, I'm still sniffling back tears and distantly staring at the houses we're driving by. The last thing I expected to hear today was that I was pregnant. What am I supposed to do now?

"Alex used to go out with your mom," Dean says suddenly, snapping me out of my daydream.

"What?" I ask, turning my head slowly to look at him.

"That's what I heard. That's what I know. He hadn't seen her in a while before he went to your house that night...when you were little," he says, giving me a sad smile. "She wouldn't return his phone calls, and he showed up there. But I don't know what happened after that. n.o.body will talk about it. I just know things went horribly wrong that night."

"That's an understatement," I scoff.

"Sorry, chick. You've been through a lot."

I nod, contradicting my thoughts. A lot doesn't even begin to cover it.

Cole and I went to get an ultrasound done today. We were able to see our baby boy moving around on the screen. I've never seen Cole so happy before, he keeps smiling and kissing my b.u.mp as he talks to the baby about baseball games he's going to take him to. The sparkle in his green eyes is so beautiful-it almost makes me forget all of the heartache we've been through. This moment makes it all worth it. My heart melts when he runs his hand lightly down my arm and smiles at me, showing me that dimple that I love. Yes, this moment definitely makes it all worth it.

"Blake, I brought you food," he says slowly, at a distance, breaking my gaze away from the beautiful smile before me. "Blake! Wake up."

"No! No! No!" I shout as tears trickle down my face. It was just a dream? Just a dream.

"Hey, it's okay, you're okay," Dean says quietly.

I sit up quickly and glare at him. "I am not okay! I am not okay!" I shriek before taking deep breaths and wiping my face. "Don't tell me that. Ever. I'm not f.u.c.king okay. I need to get out of here!"

"Blake," he says with a sigh as he looks at me sadly, "let's go upstairs so you can eat."

"Right now?" I ask as I wipe the tears from my face.

"Yes, right now." He takes a deep breath and runs his fingers through his unruly hair. "I just don't know what the f.u.c.k Alex is thinking. He's f.u.c.king crazy. And Benny..." Dean says his name as if it leaves a bad taste in his mouth, which is precisely the way I feel about Benny.

I get up and follow him upstairs. They've been letting me come upstairs every day now. I guess they figured out that I really wouldn't run. Not with the threats they hold over my head about Cole and Aubry. When we round the corner, I'm surprised to see a guy with short blond hair sitting on a stool around the kitchen island. His back is facing us and he turns in his seat when he hears us approach. Both of our eyes widen when we look at each other, and I force myself to look away quickly, biting the inside of my lip before my jaw hits the floor.

"The f.u.c.k are you doing here, Con?" Dean asks from behind me.

"Grace asked me to wait for her while she showers," he replies with a shrug, not taking his eyes off me.

"Huh. When did you start dating?" Dean asks curiously, as I look between the two of them, wondering who the h.e.l.l Grace is.

"Not long ago," the guy replies vaguely before returning his attention to me. His eyes travel my body, but something about the way he does it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable. When he looks back into my eyes his forehead wrinkles together, and he shakes his head in disbelief.

"How long?" he asks, turning around to face Dean.

"Soon. f.u.c.king Fort Knox, you know."

"Yeah, dude, but...s.h.i.t's gonna hit the fan soon. Rumors are going around and-f.u.c.k. You hear Jamie talked to my grandpa?" he asks.

Dean formally introduces me to Connor, who shakes my hand firmly and holds it in his grasp for a little too long.

For the next fifteen or twenty minutes I just sit there, quietly eating the pasta that Dean plated for me, while he and Connor speak in code. It's worse than listening to a conversation between Cole, Aubry, and Greg. I can tell these two have known each other for a long time. I don't know what shocks me more-the fact that they're such good friends, or the fact that Connor Benson, Mark's former client, that looks like he could be his own son, is sitting inches away from me and I can't say anything to him.

When I'm done eating, Dean takes my plate and waits for me to get up. The Grace girl never came down, so I guess I won't get to see her. Dean and Connor say goodbye to each other with a handshake and shoulder pat. I wave to Connor, but he strides over to me and wraps his arms around me, making me stiffen. His embrace reminds me of Cole's, and even though the thought of that makes me sad, something about it soothes me.

"I'm going to get you out of here," he whispers against my head before letting me go. He winks at me and turns around, leaving me gaping at his retreating figure.

Confusion clouds my head as I walk down the stairs, through the commercial kitchen of illegal s.h.i.t, and into my room. I continue my dazed walk to the bathroom and think about Connor and his familiar face. Flashbacks of seeing him on the news with Mark at some point earlier this year invade my thoughts. He obviously knows who I am and the possibilities of what he could've been discussing with Dean make my heart flutter. When I walk back in the room, I see Dean sitting in the corner, playing with his phone. The phone I've dreamed of s.n.a.t.c.hing away from him countless times so that I could use it to call somebody for help. The logical thing to do would be to call the police if I ever get a phone in my hands, but I'm too scared of what the consequences may be if I did that. I push my phone jacking thoughts aside and lay in bed quietly as I listen to him ramble about Alex and Jamie. I drift off into sleep and am awakened by the vibrating of his phone. I blink my eyes open, shifting in the bed to face Dean in the dark room, the only light coming from the phone held at his ear.

"Hey," he murmurs quietly. The softness in his voice sparks my interest; he never picks up the phone around me. "Nah, I'm still at Alex's. Yeah. You need anything? Call me if you do. And if he comes back you call the cops and call me next."

"Who was that? And why didn't you turn the light on?" I rasp as I sit up on the mattress. It is now pitch black in here and I can't see anything at all.

"My sister and I didn't wanna wake you up after I bored you to sleep giving you information about your kidnappers," he replies sarcastically.

I exhale harshly. "Sorry, I'm just so sleepy." I've never been this tired before in my life, so I chalk it up to the pregnancy. Dean has been giving me prenatal vitamins every day; he won't leave them here because he says it's not safe for anybody to know my situation. Because that's what it is, growing a child inside of one's body when you're being held hostage-a situation.

"I didn't know you had a sister."

He chuckles. "There's a lot you don't know about me, chick."

His words clink around in my head until they wedge themselves into my curiosity folder, and I'm thankful that he can't see my gaping face in the darkness.

I clear my throat. "You're right, so tell me. How old is your sister?"

I hear him exhale and shift off of the floor and I think he's leaving, until the edge of the mattress dips. My heart begins to beat rapidly, even though he's not close enough to touch me...yet. I squirm, moving myself back a little closer to the wall behind me and away from where I feel he is.

"Relax, chick. My a.s.s was hurting from sitting on the floor. I'm not gonna hurt you." He takes a deep breath before muttering, "What the h.e.l.l do I need to do to get you to understand I don't want to hurt you?"

"Why don't you? Everyone else here seems to not care whether or not I'm hurt."

"Hmm, why not hurt a pretty and innocent pregnant girl locked up? Eh...not my style," he says and I can hear the smile in his voice.

"You're an idiot," I mutter.

"Yeah, you've said," he replies, still smiling.

"So tell me," I push.