Darkness Before Dawn Part 24

"For her safety! She was living with her grandmother! An amazing woman, I might add! I f.u.c.ked up not being able to find her after that, I know I did! I've been paying for that for twenty-five years, dammit!" Liam shouts.

"So have I," I whisper, mostly to myself.

"So has she!" Cole yells back at the same time. "We both have. But you were an adult! You and Camden were adults! We were FOUR!"

I move off to the side closer to the building, yanking on Cole's arm so he can move with me, and Liam follows.

"I can't speak for Camden, his decisions are his. But I'm sorry, I really am. Like you said, you were four. And you were being taken care of by lovely people. I was an adult, I had to...have to live with my decisions every day knowing that I could've done things differently. Knowing I was dealing with a...look what's done is done. I know I can't change that. I know you may never forgive me, but know that I am truly sorry. Truly," he says, looking directly into my eyes so I can feel the weight of his apology.

"Okay," I reply, cutting Cole off before he starts again. "I think I'm finally at a place in my life that I can take your apology and maybe even Alex's and move on."

"Maybe one day we can get together," Liam suggests, making Cole mutter curses under his breath.

I look at him one last time-his smooth skin, brown eyes, dark hair, the lines around his mouth-and steady myself when a gust of wind flows through us, allowing me to smell him...rain. I look down at myself, my still flat but promising stomach and smile sadly. "Maybe one day," I whisper before pulling Cole out of there and continuing our walk into the stores.

"I'm proud of you," Cole says, placing a kiss on my palm.

I respond with a smile and let him lead me into the jewelry store.

I wipe my hands on the ivory gown I'm wearing for the fourth time this morning and take a couple of shaky breaths. Never in a million years would I have thought I would be nervous today. I keep reminding myself that it's just us, and I'm marrying the only man I was meant to be with, but it's not enough. My stomach is still turning, and all I can do is take deep breaths to keep me from wanting to run to the bathroom and vomit. Becky comes up behind me in her navy bridesmaid dress with an ivory sash and smiles brightly. Her red hair is picked up into a sophisticated up-do. She stands closely behind me, pushing her enormous belly into my back, while she ma.s.sages my scalp. My eyes close and and my lips part at the feel.

"Sit," she orders, pushing my head down so that I sit on the chair in front of the mirror. "You look stunning. Calm down. Deep breaths. This is your day!" she says with a smile as she fixes my loose curls to cascade down my back.

"I know! I don't know why I'm so nervous!" I reply, exhaling.

"Well...have you given him his present?" she asks with a raised eyebrow.

I shake my head and sigh, feeling my stomach somersault at the thought. I'd planned on giving it to him before the reception, then after the reception, then I thought I'd just send the box over with Greg and let him record Cole's reaction but I don't want to miss it, so I settled on after. Now I'm wondering if I should just send it over after all. I groan at my own indecisiveness, making Becky giggle.

"Stop worrying! And don't move, I'm going to put this clip on your head now," she says sternly, putting a bobby pin in her mouth to open it with her teeth before putting it in my hair. She repeats the process a couple of times until the front part of my hair is held away from my face. She tightens it, making me flinch and takes out a silver comb I haven't seen before. I turn around, crinkling my eyebrows at it, and give her a questioning look.

"It's your something borrowed," she explains with a shrug.

"Who did you borrow it from?" I ask cautiously. I know it's not hers because she and Greg eloped in Vegas when we were in college and she didn't wear a veil.

"It was in your family box, silly!" she says with an eye roll. "You never sorted through the entire thing, did you?"

I gasp, my eyes widening. "The stuff Aunt Sh.e.l.ley left me?"

"Yeah," she says slowly, looking at me with an uneasy expression. "I thought maybe you'd want to wear something of hers."

I take the comb from her hand and examine it. It's small and silver with diamonds and just the thought that Sh.e.l.ley wore this at her own wedding, to the man she loved until the day she died, regardless of how sad their story was, makes tears sting my eyes.

"You don't have to," Becky whispers, seeing my sad expression.

"No, I want to. Thank you," I whisper.

"She left a note with it," she whispers, handing me a stained, folded paper.

I take it with shaky hands and unfold it. Seeing her handwriting takes my breath away, and I sniffle back tears to read it.

I fold it back up and hold it close to my heart as Becky leans down to hug my shoulders.

"I wish she could've been here. I wish Maggie could've been here," I whisper hoa.r.s.ely.

"Me too, babe. Me too," Becky whispers back, placing a kiss on my head. "Let's get you ready. No more crying on your wedding day!"

I laugh and fan my eyes, taking a couple of breaths to keep my emotions at bay. Aimee comes in wearing her bridesmaid dress as Becky adjusts my veil with the silver comb.

"You look breathtaking," Aimee breathes. "The most beautiful bride ever. My brother is going to die when he sees you."

"Thank you," I smile. "You guys don't look so shabby either!"

"Oh please, I look so fat in this. I can't believe you chose this material knowing how pregnant I am!" Becky exclaims, making us laugh. "Yeah, keep laughing! I'm going to make sure to renew my vows when you're eight months pregnant!"

"You still haven't given it to him, right?" Aimee asks in surprise.

"Nope, not yet," I reply.

"Good. Can you do it in front of us? I'm dying to see his face!" she squeals.

"I know, right?" Becky adds in excitement.

"We'll see," I say with a laugh.

A knock on the door makes us simmer down and check ourselves in the mirror one last time before opening it and letting Aubry come in to get me.

His blue eyes look at me from my feet to my head, and he smiles his huge, show all perfect teeth goofy grin before he walks over to me and embraces me. "You look stunning, Cowboy. Stunning. I got something for you," he says, letting go of me and reaching into his pocket to take out a small box.

I smile up at him. "You're definitely one of the most handsome men here," I reply, opening the little box to find a silver necklace with a cowboy hat on it. I laugh as I run my hands on it and look back up at him. "I love it! Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome. It's from Greg too, he helped pick it out," Aubry responds, shrugging one shoulder. "Are you ready to make Cole the happiest motherf.u.c.ker alive?"

I nod, exhaling a breath and tuck my arm into his, winking at my girls over my shoulder.

"Okay, I gotta go. I promised Sandra I'd help Elijah practice walking WITH the rings on the pillow. G.o.d help us, I hope that kid doesn't lose them," Aimee says with a sigh.

As we walk down the hall I curse at myself and tell Aubry to wait for me while I go back to the room quickly. He helps Becky go down the stairs and I wave off his promise to be back up in time to help me carry the train of my dress. I go back into the room and shuffle through our things in search of my phone, finally finding it beneath my discarded jeans. I click on the screen and find a voice message, which I ignore to type Cole a quick text and smile when I press send. Curiosity gets the best of me and I dial to check the message, my heart dropping to my stomach when I hear the gruff voice on the other end.

"Blake, it's Alex," he starts before clearing his throat. "I heard you were getting married today. Had a long talk with Liam yesterday and just wanted to say sorry again. I want you to know that your mother was the love of my life. I would've done anything for her. Maybe someday you'll forgive me and we can talk. I...I'm so sorry. I can't believe I kidnapped my own daughter. I can't believe I treated you that way after all these years." His gruff voice is full of emotion and trails off before he coughs into the phone and speaks up again. "Maybe you'll never forgive me, but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything. Have a good wedding day. I wish...I wish things could have been different. Maybe someday you can give me a chance to make them better." He exhales. "You're beautiful, just like your mom. I know she's smiling down on you today. If you ever need me...I'm around..."

I take deep shaky breaths, blinking back tears that threaten to heave through my body.

"Hey, what happened?" Aubry asks, making me drop my phone and snap my head up to look at him.

"Nothing," I respond. "I'm ready."

As promised, Aubry helps me with my dress as we walk down the stairs, and in that moment I realize that I have conquered more this past year than I have my entire life. Walking slowly down the flight of stairs, I reminisce on how far I've come and smile at the overwhelming happiness I feel. When we reach the last step, Aubry steps down in front of me and reaches for my hand, pausing to pose for the camera beside us. Aimee and Becky walk toward us and help fix the back of my dress before giving me kisses on the cheek and walking out into the courtyard where the ceremony is about to start.

Aubry holds my hand in his as we stand in front of the closed doors. He shifts his body so we're standing looking at each other, his blue eyes searching mine.

"You sure you're okay?" he probes.

I sigh. "I am. Alex left me a voice message apologizing for things."

"And?" Aubry presses.

"And I don't know. Is it weird that I don't care as much anymore?"

"No, it's not. Maybe you finally realized that the family you have is the one that's important," he replies with a shrug.

"I think so," I whisper with a smile.

He bends down and places a kiss on my cheek before straightening his jacket. "Now let's go get you married."

When Christina Perri's "Arms" begins to play, our cue to begin our walk down the aisle, the gentleman standing beside the doors pushes them open and we step out to the courtyard where our guests are looking on. I take a moment to look around at the faces of our guests: Dean, Connor, Sandra, Mark, and Colleen. I smile at them before turning my eyes to the man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. Waiting for me like he always has been, and when the doors close behind us, I let Aubry lead me to him. All thoughts of who may or may not be my family vanish when I look into his green eyes, because he's my family. My home.

I told myself I wasn't going to cry, that crying was for wimps. But seeing Blake holding my brother's arm as she walks toward me in that beautiful lace form-fitting dress she's wearing makes my heart skip a couple of beats. And when her gray eyes look into mine, I feel the air swoosh out of my body. Aubry drops her hand when they reach me and I lean in to give him a tight hug.

"Congratulations, bro," he whispers against my shoulder.

I want to reply but I'm afraid of what my voice will sound like if the ball closing my throat lets me get the words out. I hold out my hand and Blake places hers in it. I bring it up and kiss the top of it while looking into her eyes. "You look beautiful," I say, my voice sounding hoa.r.s.e in my own ears.

"You do too," she replies in a whisper, making me laugh.

We turn around and face the priest for him to start the ceremony and follow his instructions, but his words are lost on me after we do the sign of the cross. All I can do is stare at this gorgeous woman beside me. She looks more radiant than ever before, if that's even possible, and I can't help but smile at her. I'm snapped out of my reverie when she nods her head toward the priest and goes to stand up, Aimee and Becky rushing to her side to help her. I shoot them a glare, but they both roll their eyes at me as if to dare me to say anything, but what the h.e.l.l, I think I can help my girl get up without their help!

We stand facing each other, holding each other's hands as the priest reads another sermon. He asks us if we have our own vows or would like to recite his and I put my hand up to stop him.

"I have my own," I reply, earning an arched eyebrow and amused smile from Blake.

"I do too," she says, completely flooring me because I wasn't expecting that from her at all. The customized invitation she made me the other day surprised me enough.

The priest signals her to go first, and she crinkles her cute little nose at him before clearing her throat. She takes a step toward the priest to whisper something in his ear that makes his white eyebrows raise high in his forehead before he nods and whispers something back that makes her laugh.

"Okay," Blake starts before licking her lips. "I didn't write this down so bear with me," she says, taking my hands in hers and squeezing. "I can't tell you what love is, I really don't know that there's a concrete definition for it. But I can tell you what love is to me. When I was younger it was the way I got b.u.t.terflies in the pit of my stomach every time your name was mentioned, it was the way my mind only wanted to think of you; daydream of you. The way I yearned for you and laughed louder when I was with you. You made me feel safe, cherished and happy despite my unhappiness. And even now, all these years later, now that the b.u.t.terflies aren't as lively as they once were...don't worry they're still there..." she adds with a chuckle before she sniffles "You make me feel all of those things. Once upon a time I was willing to give up those laughs, those b.u.t.terflies, and the smiles you gave me because I wanted to put your safety first-like I always will-but I realize now that I'd rather keep you safe by my side, because I don't feel safe when I'm not by yours. Love is the feeling of safety you give me, the peace that washes over me when you're around. Love is knowing that one day when I'm old and my body aches, my heart won't, because I'll be with you. Thank you, Cole for teaching me what love feels like. And most of all thank you for never giving up on me even when I was ready to give up on myself."

I take a shaky breath and bite the inside of my cheek, not allowing myself to cry in front of all these people, regardless of the bursting feeling in my heart. I lift her hands to mine and kiss them before wiping the tears from her cheeks with my thumbs.

"I have something for you," she whispers before turning around and getting a dark wooden box with a clasp and handing it to me. I furrow my eyebrows as I look down at the box that reads All You Need is Love and pop the clasp open. I am thoroughly confused when I see the tissue paper and wonder if I should have read the little programs she made for the ceremony after all. I flap the white tissue out of the way and gasp loudly when I see the positive pregnancy stick that stares back at me. I pick it up, looking from the stick to her and back to the stick and hand the box over to Greg behind me. I hold the stick up in victory, a smile taking over my face as the stupid tears that were threatening earlier now roll down my face and I don't give a s.h.i.t.

"WE'RE HAVING A BABY!" I bellow, announcing it to our guests and wedding party, making them erupt in loud cheers.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me, Cowboy!" Aubry shouts from the first seat.

Blake laughs and shrugs her slim shoulders, and I look down at her body before lifting her into a hug and kissing her face and mouth, earning loud warnings from everybody. The priest laughs as he tells me that the kiss is at the end of the ceremony.

"We're having a baby," I repeat quietly as I look into Blake's tear-filled eyes. "I can't believe I didn't know it," I whisper, touching her slightly round lower stomach. "I just thought you were eating a lot because of the Bar."

Blake laughs. "Gee, thanks!"

"Can we continue the ceremony now?" the priest asks. "You should definitely get married before celebrating the baby. Well, you should've gotten married before that but we'll look past it."

I chuckle and wipe my face with the backs of my hands before wiping Blake's again.

"Okay, my turn!" I announce after clearing my throat. "'Though I doubt I can beat that! Blake, I promise that I'll be with you when life gets bad, when it's down, when it's up. I'll be with you when you doubt and when you want to run away I'll be there to hold you close to me. I promise to let you rent those sucky early nineties movies you're obsessed with. I'll even recite lame lines with you. I'll water your plants when you don't feel like doing it because I know how much it kills you when they die on you. I'll be there when you need to talk and hold your hand when you don't want to. I'll be your shoulder when you need one to soak and laugh at your jokes even when they're not as funny as you think they are. I've loved you for half a lifetime, and I'll love you for many more beyond this one. Thank you for making me the happiest man in the world today. Really. The. Happiest. Man. In. The. World. Thank you for accepting to be mine forever, and for accepting me to be yours. I love you and will be with you, fighting for you until the end of the world. I love you for loving me, and I love you for allowing me to love you. I love you to the moon and back. Forever."

She squeezes my hands and wipes her face with the free hand before Becky hands her a tissue to dab her tears with. The priest finishes saying the words he wants to say and asks the crowd if anybody intervenes in our marriage, to which n.o.body replies before asking for the rings. We both thank Elijah for taking good care of them and place the rings on each other's fingers. The priest p.r.o.nounces us husband and wife. When he gives me permission to kiss my bride, I bend my knees and scoop her up giving her a searing kiss, pouring all the love I feel for her, all the happiness I'm flooded with, everything into it. I set her back on her feet as our guests and the other guests of the Bed and Breakfast cheer and clap loudly.

I look down at her and smile proudly. "My wife, my beautiful, pregnant wife. Congratulations, Mrs. Murphy," I whisper before dipping my face to kiss her again.

"Congratulations, Mr. Murphy. My husband. My family," she replies against my lips.

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Twitter: @ClariCon.

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Cole & Blake, thank you for giving me such an interesting story to write. I hope I did it justice!.

Christian: Thank you for telling me what tie goes good with what shirt and suit combination, for answering strange questions like, "is it drive through or drive-thru"? "Do you really have to use those huge cans to make heroin like in Breaking Bad?" Basically, thank you for being my own personal Google. And for accepting me. And loving me. I love you.

Abraham and Moses: Thank you for believing in me so blindly. You don't even know what I do, yet when you see my book somewhere you point, you smile and yell, "THAT'S YOUR BOOK!" That alone pushes me to keep doing this. Because I love it, and I want you both to have something you feel this way about someday.

My fam (mom, Jay, Barbara, Rudy, Dan, Noah): Your undying support means the world to me. Thank you so much. I love you.

My "critical critics": Jessica, Ashley & Sandra (Turtle): Every time you had chunks of this story in your hand, I felt like I couldn't breathe. That, I think, is the sign of a great reader. Thank you for being such amazing readers, critics, not holding back, and helping me throughout this journey.

Barbie Bohrman (my McCartney): Thank you for letting me bounce ideas off you even when I blurted out spoilers (oops! LOL). You're going places and I can't wait to see you shine! Write on.

SL Jennings: For all of your help, listening to my rants, calming me down when I wanted to trash it for a third time. Thank you <>

MJ Abraham & Angie McKeon: I look forward to our chats every day. Thank you for believing in me, pushing me, and talking non-sense with me. Totally off topic, but...lol Lisa Chamberlain: Thank you for pausing your life to write my blurb, read my story, and give me amazing feedback! I'm waiting...

Lori Sabin aka rockstar editor. I am in awe of you and so thankful to have been able to work with you in this incredible journey. Your words mean the world to me. Thank you for everything!

My Fight Club Crew...rule #1...;) LOVE YOU GIRLS!

MY ANGTFT girls: AL Zaun, Karina Halle, Madeline Sheehan, EL Montes, Gail McHugh, LB Simmons, Melissa Brown, Calia Reed, Laura Howard, Katja Millay, Mich.e.l.le Valentine, Trevlyn Tuitt, Nikki D, Nikki N, Elaine Breson, Cindy Brown, Stacy Bentley, Rose Hunter, Lisa Paul, Antoinette Candela, Kendall Grey, Evan Taylor, Janine Olsson, Kahlen Aymes, ...thank you for making this process so much fun. For the laughs, the vents, for just being you. Thank you.

AL Zaun: Thank you for always looking out for me and helping me when you have your own writing and things going on! And for being Cole's biggest fan!

Taryn: My favorite jerk. Thank you for being my cheerleader, making me laugh and cry, for your texts, memos, and snail mail (even if you do send me glitter and things I want to kill you for).

My betas/readers: Trisha (thank you, thank you, thank you for your encouraging words), Mich.e.l.le Finkle, Christine, Natalie, Mari, Justine, Nikki, Sam, Brigitte.

Angela McLaurin (Fictional Formats): For doing this on such short notice and making it look more beautiful than I ever antic.i.p.ated it looking.