Corn Silk Days Part 12

"Anytime you're ready, Pap," he replied.

His thoughts again returned to Lucinda. Even the birds reminded him of their conversation about his wood carvings. He smiled to himself recalling their kiss, the warmth that was there between them. He knew he could not just be friends with Lucinda. The emotion ran much deeper than that. He loved her, as he always had. Trouble was, he had no idea what he could do about it.

Alexander asked, "How is Lucinda? Have you heard?"

He wondered if his grandfather had just read his mind. He chuckled to himself. He was aware that his grandfather was wise, witty, and intelligent and had years of life experiences that gave him an edge on others, but he doubted Alexander had any special ability to know what he was thinking at any given moment.

He answered his grandfather's question. "She came to the jail one day for a short visit. But we decided she shouldn't do that again as a few people followed her to the jail and taunted her."

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah. The Sheriff had his deputy walk her back to Doctor Northland's home," he said. "I think she's doing okay."

"I'm sorry to hear the townsfolk are causing problems. That gets my hackles up."

"Yeah, mine too. And it could get worse when I go to court." He sighed and admitted, "Pap, I don't know what to do."

Alexander puffed on his pipe. He pulled it away from his mouth and set his steely gray eyes on Benjamin. "Well, the first thing is to get a good lawyer. We'll talk to Jonathan Matthews up in Ames. He's one of the best in Iowa. I also hear Judge Patterson keeps his courtroom in order and doesn't put up with foolishness."

Benjamin nodded. "I've heard of Matthews."

"He's good."

"My concern is more for Lucinda, Pap," he admitted. "I hate she has to go through this after what she's already been through."

Alexander nodded slowly. "Sometimes, Benjamin, life throws curves. You just have to trust that everything will be all right."

Benjamin trusted the wisdom of his grandfather but he answered, "Easier said than done, Pap."

Standing at the porch railing of Silas and Elizabeth Jane's home, Lucinda Garrison held tight a cup of hot coffee, hoping to take away the slight chill she was feeling. It was a warm afternoon, almost warm enough to shed a sweater, but yet even with her sweater she felt chilly. She knew she was not sick nor coming down with any illness and that the chill was inside of her, in her mind, as her thoughts centered on what had happened to her. A dread, a nagging dread, was bringing her chill.

And that was why she needed these few minutes alone while Elizabeth Jane bathed Katrina and readied her for a nap. Lucinda gazed across the yard at the farm animals, watching as two young goats playfully b.u.t.ted heads. Their playfulness brought a momentary smile to her.

Although she was grateful for the invitation from Elizabeth Jane to spend a little time here, she wondered if it would have been better to stay in Marshalltown. She had debated with Doctor Northland about closing the school for a few weeks, as he insisted it would be best for her physical and emotional health. He was persistent in his suggestion that she go away for awhile.

The Marshalltown climate was still one of rumors and accusations and she supposed Doc Northland was correct in his thought that it best for her to remove herself for a bit. But she also felt that it might be running away from the problem instead of holding her head high and facing it head-on. When she expressed her concern to the Doc he had a.s.sured her there would be plenty of time for that when the trial began.

The trial. How she dreaded it. She would be relieved when Benjamin was out of jail, but her concern for him would not vanish just because he was out from behind bars. That she knew.

She couldn't help but feel responsible for what happened to Benjamin. And even Thomas Karns. She knew that was crazy after what Thomas did to her, but she would never have wished him dead. So it was a mixed bag of feelings about Thomas. Anger, outrage, humiliation, pain, and yes, even sadness.

She had trusted, as a teacher who observes the actions and personalities of children, that she had a perceptive eye for major problems so was aghast at how far off she had been on judging the Karns boy. Not only had she missed the signs of how angry and troubled Thomas was, she had actually misinterpreted his actions as being fairly innocent and somewhat normal for an adolescent young man coming into adulthood. It was a red flag warning when he began causing problems in cla.s.s with the other children but she never dreamed his actions would end up being so violent and criminal. How had she missed it?

She wondered about the Karns's family dynamics. It appeared John Karns was a stern man and forceful in his dealings with others. Both of Thomas's parents were older than the average parent of a child his age and Thomas was their only child. One could not help but wonder how Thomas's home life affected his defiant behavior.

Before she left Marshalltown she had gone to the schoolhouse to look over Thomas's previous school record. She recalled there had been some behavior problems in his earlier grades. In reviewing the teacher comments it appeared when he was six to eight or so, he was unruly and aggressive but that had apparently rectified in the later years. Or so it seemed.

She also had another concern. James. She had to write her husband a letter and tell him what happened, and she had been putting it off for days. She was now worried he might hear it from someone else, and didn't want that to happen. As understanding as James always was, she feared he would want questions answered such as why Benjamin Storm was at the schoolhouse that day. She knew James would also be very upset that he had not been there to protect her.

She sighed as she recalled his words the first night they were together after telling him about her abusive marriage. No one will ever treat you like that again. Never. Never, ever, he had promised.

When he reads her letter, would he wonder if she let it happen?-that somehow she had encouraged it in some way? Oh, how she prayed that he wouldn't. She knew it was foolish to even think that way. She knew James better than that. Her husband did not have a stupid mentality like some people did in Marshalltown.

But Benjamin might be another matter. Would James accept the notion that Benjamin dropped by to say goodbye when he was leaving town after meeting her at his brother's home?

Would that need any further explanation?

She felt guilty that she had never revealed her relationship with Benjamin to anyone other than her Aunt Maggie. She had been so honest and open with James but for some reason had kept her relationship with Benjamin a secret. She knew secrets could come back to bite. But then again, she also thought Benjamin was a part of her forgotten past and would never walk into her life again.

Forgotten past?

Who am I kidding? Benjamin has always been in my present, whether I wanted him here or not. First love, young love ....

Lucinda's reverie was broken by the opening of the door as Elizabeth Jane stepped out onto the porch. She dropped the smile from her face as she saw Lucinda. With concern, she asked, "Are you okay, Lucinda?"

Lucinda managed a smile. "I'm okay. I was just thinking, I guess."

"What's wrong?"

"A lot to think about. I suppose I'm dreading having to write to James and tell him what happened."

Elizabeth Jane nodded with understanding. "I know. I can imagine how difficult that will be for you."

Lucinda needed comfort and she could not hide that fact. Tears welled up. "Can you, Janie? Do you understand my fear?" She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief.

Elizabeth Jane joined her at the rail and leaned back against it as she studied her sister-in-law's expression. After a moment, Elizabeth Jane replied, "I think I do."

She put her handkerchief in her sweater pocket, then said, "I know it's silly to think that James might not understand."

Elizabeth Jane gave a rea.s.suring smile. "He'll understand."

Lucinda looked away, sipped her coffee and then returned her gaze to Elizabeth Jane. "I hope so. But how do I tell him what happened? He'll be so upset."

"Sure he will. He loves you. Just write him and let him know what happened without a lot of actual detail."

She shivered. "It's going to scare him when he reads the words that I was raped, for G.o.d's sake."

"Let him know first that you are okay but went through a bad ordeal."

Lucinda nodded. "I suppose you're right. I need to break it to him as gently as I can."

"Yes. Don't even use the word rape. Explain it in other ways."

"You're right. I know how upset this will make him."

"If I know my brother as well as I think I do, he'll initially be angry that it happened to you, and will want to throw down his rifle and come home to protect you, but he'll also realize he has a job to do, and will know that you are safe now and surrounded by loving family."

"I guess," Lucinda said. "I hate to put this on him. He doesn't need other things to worry about while fighting a war. But I have to write him before he hears it from others."

"Yes. That'd be a good idea. You know how fast things get around, even with a mail delay. Sometimes I'm amazed at things Silas knows about that have happened at home or even to others in the war. And you know how the gossips are-their rumors travel faster than a stamped letter."

That brought a smile to Lucinda's face. "I know. You'd think those things had wings on them as fast as they fly."

They both shared a laugh.

Elizabeth Jane said, "Supper will be ready soon. Denny is reading. He promised he would stay quiet and not disturb Katrina's nap." She laughed. "Well, we'll see how long that lasts. I guess by now Alexander and Benjamin should be home."

Lucinda asked, "I wonder how he is?"

"Benjamin?"

"Yes."

"I'm sure he's fine. Alexander said tomorrow they'll go to Ames to speak with an attorney."

That news brought tears to Lucinda and she turned away. Elizabeth Jane moved to her side and put her arm around her. "Lucinda, honey, it will be okay."

"Janie, it's all my fault." There was no hiding the distress she was feeling.

"Hey, wait a minute. This was not your fault. What he did to you was criminal. And you can add bank robbery to that. What happened to that boy was an accident. Benjamin didn't mean for the boy to die."

Lucinda could not hold back her sobs. With a cracking voice she quietly said, "I pray to G.o.d Benjamin will not go to prison."

Elizabeth Jane, her voice confident said, "Benjamin will get through this just fine. Don't you worry."

But as rea.s.suring as Elizabeth Jane's words sounded at the moment, Lucinda's invasive thought about the flight of gossip filled her with doubt and sadness. She knew the days ahead would be difficult ones for her and for Benjamin.

And for James. Tonight she would write her husband.

After supper, Elizabeth Jane and Lucinda washed dishes, and shortly thereafter, Lucinda sat at the desk and began to write a letter to her husband.

Elizabeth Jane readied the children for bed, and although she had concern for the task Lucinda had at hand, she left her alone and gave her privacy. After the children fell asleep, Elizabeth Jane returned to the living room to find it empty. She went to the front window and peeked out. Lucinda was sitting in the chair on the porch, her head bent down in her hands.

Elizabeth Jane put on her coat, picked up a lantern and went outside onto the porch.

Lucinda was crying. Elizabeth Jane wondered if she should go back into the house and let Lucinda have her time alone but she decided she would stay. She set the lantern on the planks of the porch floor near Lucinda and sat in a chair close by.

"Lucinda, what is it?"

Lucinda ran her hands under her eyes, attempting to wipe away tears. She looked at Elizabeth, her eyes red and puffy. "It's so hard, Janie. I tried to write to James. I couldn't say ... I don't know what to say to him."

"I know it's hard," Elizabeth Jane said almost in a whisper. But she could only imagine how hard. What if she had been raped? How would she tell Silas? She shivered to think about it. Silas would understand, and she knew that her brother James would also. But to put it on paper, to describe what happened, yes, it would be very hard and she understood Lucinda's distress.

Elizabeth Jane offered, "Maybe I can help you write my brother, if you'd like."

Lucinda sighed deeply. "Thanks, Janie. Maybe later. I can't do it right now."

"Whenever you say." She sat quietly, listening to the chirps of the crickets, not wanting to intrude on whatever Lucinda was feeling.

It was Lucinda who broke their silence. "There is something else bothering me. I don't know who to turn to. I feel bad, Janie, but I need to talk to someone about it. You're my sister-in-law but I feel you're also a friend."

"Of course. I'm both, Lucinda. What is it?"

"I feel like I'm putting this on you and you don't need it, but, uh, there is no one else I feel I can share this with. For now, I want you to keep this to yourself. Will you?"

"Of course, I will."

"Thank you. I don't know where to begin, this is difficult. You know how much I love James."

"Yes, I do."

"It's about Benjamin."

"Benjamin? What about Benjamin?"

In the flicker of the lantern light Elizabeth Jane caught the pain in Lucinda's eyes.

Lucinda slowly chose her words as she said, "Did you know that Benjamin was in Chicago when he was gone those years?"

"No. I don't think he ever told us where he'd gone."

"It was Chicago. I was in Chicago, too."

"Oh?"

"We met there at a dance." She leaned back in her chair, and took a deep breath and said, "We were together-together for five months."

Elizabeth Jane was sure her surprise was showing on her face although she struggled to conceal it.

Lucinda continued, "Janie, we were in love."

Elizabeth Jane could no longer hide her surprise. "In love?"

She nodded. "We were young. But it couldn't work out. It was Benjamin's drinking. I left him and went to Philadelphia. At first, I hoped he would quit drinking and come after me."

"Did he?"

"No."

"You didn't hear from him?"

"We exchanged letters for a short time. Then I met someone and married him. I wrote Benjamin. It was so difficult to write him. It turned out the marriage was a bad mistake. The man was brutal, abusive. I left him and came to Des Moines. Then I met James."

"Does James know about this?"

"Not about Benjamin. Only about my marriage and divorce."

"I see."