Contemporary One-Act Plays Part 76

MOLLIE. [_She has been watching_ ROBERT _and every time he shifts or moves she unconsciously does the same, and finally she breaks out nervously_.] I don't understand this at all! Isn't to-day Tuesday?

BOB. What of it?

MOLLIE. He usually calls up on Wednesdays and comes to see her on Sat.u.r.days.

BOB. And takes her to the theatre on Thursdays and to dances on Sundays.

He's merely extending his line of attack.

[_Another long pause--then Bob begins to experiment to learn whether the plates are still hot. He gingerly touches the edges of the upper plate in two or three places. It seems safe to handle. He takes hold of upper and lower plates boldly, muttering, as he does so, "Cold as--" Drops the plates with a clatter and a smothered oath. Shakes his fingers and blows on them. Meanwhile_ MOLLIE _is sitting very rigid, regarding_ BOB _with a fixed stare and beating a vigorous tattoo on the tablecloth with her fingers. Bob catches her eye and cringes under her gaze. He drains and refills his gla.s.s. He studies the walls and the ceiling of the room, meanwhile still nursing his fingers._ BOB _steals a sidelong glance at_ MOLLIE. _She is still staring at him. He turns to his water goblet.

Picks it up and holds it to the light. He rolls the stem between his fingers, squinting at the light through the water. Reciting slowly as he continues to gaze at the light._

BOB. Starlight! Starbright! Will Hilda talk to him all night!

MOLLIE. [_In utter disgust._] Oh, stop that singing.

[BOB _puts down his gla.s.s, then drinks the water and refills the gla.s.s. He then turns his attention to the silverware and cutlery before him. He examines it critically, then lays a teaspoon carefully on the cloth before him, and attempts the trick of picking it up with the first finger in the bowl and the thumb at the point of the handle. After one or two attempts the spoon shoots on the floor, far behind him._ MOLLIE _jumps at the noise_. BOB _turns slowly and looks at the spoon with an injured air, then turns back to_ MOLLIE _with a silly, vacuous smile. He now lays all the remaining cutlery in a straight row before him._

BOB. [_Slowly counting the cutlery and silver, back and forth._] Eeny, meeny, miney, mo. Catch a--[_Stops suddenly as an idea comes to him.

Gazes thoughtfully at_ MOLLIE _for a moment, then begins to count over again_.] Eeny, meeny, miney, mo; Hilda's talking to her beau. If we holler, she may go. Eeny, mee----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting and exasperated to the verge of tears._] Bob, if you don't stop all that nonsense, I shall scream! [_In a very tense tone._] I believe I'm going to have one of my sick headaches! [_Puts her hand to her forehead._] I know it; I can feel it coming on!

BOB. [_In a soothing tone._] Hunger, my dear, hunger! When you have a good warm meal you'll feel better.

MOLLIE. [_In despair._] What do you suppose I ought to do?

BOB. Go out in the kitchen and fry a couple of eggs.

MOLLIE. Oh! be serious! I'm at my wits' end! Hilda never did anything like this before.

BOB. [_Suddenly quite serious._] What does that fellow do for a living, anyhow?

MOLLIE. How should I know?

BOB. Didn't you ever ask Hilda?

MOLLIE. Certainly not. Hilda doesn't ask me about your business; why should I pry into her affairs?

BOB. [_Taking out his cigarette case and lighting a cigarette._] Mollie, I see you're strong for the Const.i.tution of the United States.

MOLLIE. [_Suspiciously._] What do you mean by that?

BOB. The Const.i.tution says: "Whereas it is a self-evident truth that all men are born equal"--[_With a wave of the hand._] Hilda and you, and the Terrible Swede and I and----

MOLLIE. [_Interrupting._] Bob, you're such a _heathen_! _That's not in the Const.i.tution._ That's in the Bible!

BOB. Well, wherever it is, until this evening I never realized what a personage Hilda is.

MOLLIE. You can make fun of me all you please, but I know what's right!

Your remarks don't influence me in the least--not in the least!

BOB. [_Murmurs thoughtfully and feelingly._] How true! [_Abruptly._] Why don't they get married? Do you know that?

MOLLIE. All I know is that they are waiting until his business is entirely successful, so that Hilda won't have to work.

BOB. Well, the Swedes are pretty careful of their money. The chances are Hilda has a neat little nest-egg laid by.

MOLLIE. [_Hesitating and doubtfully._] That's one thing that worries me a little. I think Hilda puts money--into--into--into the young man's business.

BOB. [_Indignantly._] Do you mean to tell me that this girl gives her money to that fellow and you don't try to find out a thing about him?

Who he is or what he does? I suppose she supports the loafer.

MOLLIE. [_With dignity._] He's not a loafer. I've seen him and I've talked with him, and I know he's a gentleman.

BOB. Mollie, I'm getting tired of all that kind of drivel. I believe nowadays women give a good deal more thought to pleasing their maids than they do to pleasing their husbands.

MOLLIE. [_Demurely._] Well, you know, Bob, your maid can leave you much easier than your husband can--[_pauses thoughtfully_] and I'm sure she's much harder to replace.

BOB. [_Very angry, looking at his watch, throwing his napkin on the table and standing up._] Mollie, our dinner has been interrupted for fifteen minutes while Hilda entertains her [_with sarcasm_] gentleman friend. If you won't stop it, I will.

[_Steps toward the door, centre._

MOLLIE. [_Sternly, pointing to_ BOB'S _chair_.] Robert, sit down!

[BOB _pauses, momentarily, and at the instant_ HILDA _enters, centre, meeting_ BOB, _face to face. Both are startled._ BOB, _in a surly manner, walks back to his place at the table_. HILDA _follows, excited and eager_. BOB _sits down and_ HILDA _stands for a moment at the table, smiling from one to the other and evidently anxious to say something_. BOB _and_ MOLLIE _are severe and unfriendly. They gaze at_ HILDA _coldly. Slowly_ HILDA'S _enthusiasm cools, and she becomes again the impa.s.sive servant_.

HILDA. Aixcuse me, Meeses Aispenhayne, I am very sorry. I bring the dinner right in. [_Hilda exits left._

BOB. It's all nonsense. [_Touches the plates again, but this time even more cautiously than before. This time he finds they are entirely safe to handle._] These plates are stone cold now.

[HILDA _enters, left, with meat platter. Places it before_ BOB. _He serves the meat and_ MOLLIE _starts to serve the vegetables_. HILDA _hands_ MOLLIE _her meat plate_.

MOLLIE. Vegetables? [BOB _is chewing on his meat and does not answer_.

MOLLIE _looks at him inquiringly. But his eyes are on his plate.

Repeating._] Vegetables? [_Still no answer from_ BOB. _Very softly, under her breath._] H'mm.

[MOLLIE _helps herself to vegetables and then dishes out a portion which she hands to_ HILDA, _who in turn places the dish beside_ BOB. _When both are served_ HILDA _stands for a moment back of the table. She clasps and unclasps her hands in a nervous manner, seems about to speak, but as_ BOB _and_ MOLLIE _pay no attention to her she slowly and reluctantly turns, and exits left_. MOLLIE _takes one or two bites of the meat and then gives a quick glance at_ BOB.

_He is busy chewing at his meat, and_ MOLLIE _quietly lays down her knife and fork and turns to the vegetables_.

BOB. [_Chewing desperately on his meat._] Tenderloin, I believe?

MOLLIE. [_Sweetly._] Yes, dear.

BOB. [_Imitating_ MOLLIE _a moment back_.] H'mm! [_He takes one or two more hard bites._] Mollie, I have an idea.

MOLLIE. I'm relieved.

BOB. [_Savagely._] Yes, you will be when you hear it. When we get that builder's name from f.a.n.n.y Russell, we'll tell him that instead of a garage, which we don't need, he can build a special telephone booth off the kitchen. Then while Hilda serves the dinner----