Coming of Age: 1939-1946 Part 5

"Ferro-prussiate or ferro-gallic."

"Eh?"

"D'you want ferro-prussiate or ferro-gallic?"

"What's the difference?"

"Brown lines or white on blue?"

"I think it had better be the ferro-whatsit, white on blue." And he departed, a little wiser and somewhat chastened.

Drafting skills and the a.s.sociated engineering knowledge were not generally appreciated; an Indian corporal, a Company Office clerk, a baboo, looked in one day, viewed the work being done and said with an air of complete confidence in his abilities, "You show me sergeant -- three days I do your job."

The DO was supplied with a bike, an army version, heavy and unwieldy.

Most bikes we were used to in Britain were equipped with two hand brakes but this one had a coaster brake, trying to pedal backwards would apply the brake to the back wheel. Riding a bike in Iraq presented some difficulties, the terrain was a mixture of hard ground and loose sand, not always easy to tell apart, and loose sand would quickly bring you to a halt. One day before the hot weather began I was wearing battledress but not gaiters; I rode off across the desert; almost simultaneously my trouser leg got caught between the chain and the sprocket, the bike found some loose sand and I fell off. Lying on the ground attached to the bike I tried to disentangle myself but with the coaster brake I couldn't reverse the direction. There was nothing for it but to wind my trouser leg right around the sprocket, not an easy task when you're lying on the ground attached to a heavy bike. The trouser leg was not badly damaged, some minor perforations but a lot of black grease.

Usually after that I walked.

DO STAFF No.1BW, SHAIBA, 1944 Jim Parks Jack Walker Jock Pulsford John Village John c.o.x And that bike

As the warmer weather began we had to start sunbathing, for the first couple of days stripped to the waist we spent five minutes in the sun; the time in the sun was gradually increased until we eventually acquired a healthy tan.

Near to our establishment was a prisoner-of-war camp housing Italians who had been captured in the Western Desert battles; when Italy capitulated they became, overnight, co-operators and were allotted billets within our compound. We fraternised and they were allowed to use our facilities but could not buy beer which was rationed, though occasionally a non-drinker's bottle would be surrept.i.tiously diverted.

Over the bar was a sign that read Vietato per soldati Italiani the translation having been provided by one of our cooks who had been a chef in pre-war Italy. Before the war a DO member had started to teach himself Italian and had with him a vocabulary; this we used to bridge the communication gap. We supplemented this by recalling as best we could our schoolday French and subst.i.tuting what we believed to be a corresponding Italian accent got along fairly well.

It was decreed that the mobile cinema showing old films would be replaced by a permanent theatre that would also show old films. It would not be an Odeon but would be a more posh theatre and the design job was given to the DO as we had some architectural experience at hand.

It was to have a sloping earth floor bounded by brick walls with a little enclosure for the projectionist. When the design was completed the actual building task was given, using standard army intelligence, to a pre-war cinema projectionist. The sand was bulldozed up to a wedge shape and then the brick walls were added but instead of the bottom course being laid on horizontal footings and stepped at intervals to obtain the required increase in height the bricks were laid on the sloping floor with the courses following the same angle. How they managed the coins beats me.

With the cinema in full swing the Italians naturally wanted to share in the entertainment and to the army this presented a slight problem for although they were regarded as co-operators complete integration was not yet an official policy, memories of hostilities were still fresh. As a compromise someone thought up a great idea, the cinema would be divided into two parts separated by a rope cordon, the front one third would be for the Italians and the rear two thirds would be for the British. I think the Italians would have accepted this arrangement even though they had been allocated the worst viewing positions had it not been for the actions of a couple of Brits who started a call of "Baa, Baa, Baa." This was soon taken up by the rest of the Brits until the place sounded like a farmyard at shearing time. One by one the Italians got up and walked out and the Brits thought they had scored another victory but two nights later they found that the cinema was still divided by a cordon which this time ran from front to back so that the two groups now sat side by side each having good, intermediate and poor viewing positions. Peace reigned.

As might be expected in the army, government items that should be within the QM stores often found their way into other hands. Authorities found that the easiest way of dealing with this problem was to announce that on a particular time and day a kit inspection would be held, but that on the previous night the QM stores would be open and all illegally held items could be returned with no questions asked. The kit inspection would still be held but it would catch far fewer people and fewer charges would be laid. One fateful day the lieutenant and sergeant appeared at my bed and turned out my kit. "Ah, ha," said the lieutenant as he extracted a steel rule, "government property."

Well he didn't actually say, "Ah, ha," but I gleaned that from the expression on his face. I a.s.sured him that it was my personal property but he would have none of it. I pointed out that it bore no bench mark or other mark identifying it as being government property but he said, "No, -- take his name and charge him, sergeant." They both pa.s.sed on through the hut and later the sergeant came back to take particulars; in the meantime a thought struck me, I went through my wallet and as luck would have it I found what I wanted. I presented the sergeant with a bill of sale from a shop in Aldershot registering the purchase of a steel rule complete with its serial number. He viewed this, mumbled something and disappeared. Did I ever get an apology for being accused of stealing? Pigs might fly.

Due to the very hot sandy dusty conditions in the country we were not supposed to spend more than two summers in Iraq and to ease things for us the army arranged that everyone would, at some time during that period, be sent on a two week compulsory leave to Beirut. Imagine, compulsory leave! The journey was taken in four stages and the transport was a small convoy of army lorries with Indian drivers and co-drivers. We drove only on metalled roads and our first overnight stop was at a place called Wadi Mahomadi where the only signs of habitation were our huts. After a good night's sleep we set off the next morning for Rutbah which lay on an oil pipe line guarded by Military Police but which seemed just as deserted. We stayed there for the night. Our lorries held about eight of us and we lolled around in the back; for comfort it was agreed that our army boots should be removed. Lafferty declined. Ingram, a member of our boxing team insisted. Lafferty's boots came off. At this point as our lorry started weaving we discovered that our co-driver was missing, there was only one man in the cab, the driver, and he was dozing off. Perhaps it had been this way ever since the start of the journey but we weren't very happy about the situation so we made the driver keep whistling; whenever the whistling stopped someone would lean out and reach round into the cab window and poke the driver to bring him round.

We pa.s.sed through Dar'a in what was then called Trans-Jordan and our third night's stop was at Damascus, one of the oldest continuously occupied cities in the world and here things were much more civilised.

On the forth leg we crossed over the mountain range into Beirut. The road was serpentine; when we started out it was quite a hot day and we were in tropical kit, we were told that at the crest, some nine thousand feet up, we would feel the cold; I was a little doubtful about this but at the higher points snow lay on the roadsides and I certainly did.

Mount Hermon was pointed out to us in the distance as we drove.

Descending from the crest Beirut and the curve of the Mediterranean spread out before us, it was a wonderful sight, the beautiful blue sweep of the sea contrasting with the brilliant white of the houses set in the green of the trees. However our attention was soon drawn away from this scene as we realised that instead of changing down to negotiate the winding road our driver either from ignorance or inability stayed in top gear and drove on his brakes, and no amount of shouting or banging on his cab persuaded him to pay any attention to us. We got in to Beirut without any further incident but I guess his drums and linings were in a bit of a state.

Until this time right from the beginning of the war we had never been allowed to wear civilian clothes or go about untidily dressed, there had never been any respite from the feeling of being controlled, but now within the camp we were allowed to spend the day in swimming trunks even when going into the mess tent for meals though of course we dressed to go into the city. What a feeling of relief, we were human again.

It was a wonderful two weeks, thoroughly refreshing; most of the days were spent on the beach swimming and breasting the breakers but we went into the city as well. It is sad to compare the beautiful Beirut of those days, a most civilised place, with the devastated Beirut of the 1980's. Civilised it was but they were also prepared for the influx of rowdy soldiery; in one bar a wide shelf about seven feet off the floor was fronted with chicken wire and on this shelf behind the chicken wire a three piece band played away, protected from missiles hurled by inebriated pongos.

This was the life; we could have got used to it but the day came when we had to board the lorries again and head back to the desert. The trip, otherwise uneventful, was marred by an accident; one of the lorries in the convoy carrying the cooks and their utensils took a corner too fast and overturned. Two Indian cooks were killed.

During the next two years I was twice detached from Shaiba for short periods. First of all I was posted to Baghdad where I was billeted in a camp but by day I was employed in a large private house in Mansoor Street. Military and local civilian staff worked there. It was interesting to see the Arab girls arrive daily in western dress and watch as they left for home in the evening to not very attractive accommodations where they changed into non-western dress. My original task was not very important but as they now had a tame draughtsman on hand other work was found for me and one whole day was taken up with making small prints of some publication or other. This involved taking a print frame out in the sun for very short periods and because I would only be exposed to the sun for seconds at a time I didn't wear my pith helmet. However during the course of the day the time spent in the sun was c.u.mulative and later I had to report sick. Obviously I didn't disclose my foolishness to the MO and so I was diagnosed as having sand-fly fever, that good old stand-by when they didn't know what was really wrong with you and I was sent to hospital. I remember having a temperature of 104F and I vaguely remember going into and coming out of delirium. A few days later I started to improve but then contracted dysentery and so spent another while in hospital. After discharge it was decided to send me away for a couple of weeks convalescence; I hoped it would be to the RAF at Habbaniyah where they had air conditioning but no, I was sent to the YMCA in Baghdad and eventually returned to Shaiba.

The train trip back was interesting. Theoretically I was on my own but there were many other soldiers on that train and in order to keep ourselves supplied with cool drinking water we all had our filled charguls hanging outside the carriage windows using the train's movement for quicker evaporation. After many miles we came across an unusual sight; there had been a derailment and rolling stock was strewed everywhere, blocking the line. A new track had been laid by-pa.s.sing the obstruction; as we slowly made our way along this loop most of the pa.s.sengers moved to the right side of the train to get a good look at the damage. When things returned to normal it was discovered that all the charguls had been removed from the left hand side of the carriages, railside Arabs knew that we would be occupied gawking and took advantage of our distraction; they found charguls useful too.

My second posting was to an army a.s.sembly plant at An Nasiriyah where the main job was the uncrating and a.s.sembly of those vehicles from the USA that were to be forwarded to the fighting areas My task there was insignificant and lasted only about three days. The boss man was a Colonel D'Albuquerque and he had arranged something that I thought novel for the army; he set a daily quota for the output of vehicles and when that target was reached then work finished for the day. A window in his office was fitted with a cuscus tatty, a poor man's air conditioner similar to the units fitted to the ambulances; water had to be sprayed over the unit and whenever his office became a little too warm he would summon an Indian soldier and using the universal mixed language would shout, "Pani, Pani, Pumpee, Pumpee," whereupon the Indian would grin and start pumping.

While I was there a shortage of small springs became apparent and some a.s.semblies were held up; now the crates invariably held every last item required to build the vehicles so a kit inspection was ordered; nothing was found. On further investigation an unusual bed was discovered; the owner had decided to improve his creature comforts and had diverted the springs and linked them together to provide a more luxurious charpoy for himself; his pleasure didn't last very long however, the colonel saw to that. I left before I could find out what punishment he got.

It was generally accepted that in the army a batman, an officer's servant, was a volunteer who wanted a softer life and a little more cash. Not always true. We had an officer who was so unpopular that n.o.body wanted the job and since it was infra-dig for a commissioned man to look after himself one soldier was ordered so to serve. If you doubt this then you should ask the aforementioned Lafferty who did his best to get out of this ch.o.r.e but without success. He tried to refuse to take the cash but was ordered to accept it; he held this job until someone else could be persuaded to take it on. Of course Lafferty should have thrown the money away or else given it to a deserving Arab.

At times we were taken off regular duties and given some military instruction and exercises. Various weapons were discussed, some were demonstrated and others we had to practice with. One which we only saw intrigued me, it was a mortar that went by the name of Blacker Bombard, it had a limited range and fired two types of bombs, smoke and high explosive; what seemed strange to me was that the lethal range of the high explosive bomb was greater than the distance that the bomb could be hurled. We didn't fire that one. We did take our turns at firing a two-inch mortar, both smoke and high explosive and when we all had had a go there were a few bombs left over. The sergeant asked if anyone would like to finish them off and the offer was taken up. There's always one in every crowd and this lad set the mortar as near vertical as he could and dropped in a high explosive bomb. The rest of us didn't wait around but radiated outwards faster than we ever thought possible. Fortunately near vertical was not really vertical and no injuries ensued.

My rifle which in Britain had been extremely accurate was no longer so when I retrieved it in Iraq, perhaps it had had a bad sea trip, got banged around or otherwise warped but it was so much off that I checked the serial number to be sure; it was mine. To complete the course we hurled a few Mills bombs, fired a Bren gun, marched around a bit and behaved as soldiers were supposed to do and then we returned to our more sedentary duties. The commissioned ranks had also to be kept up to scratch and a series of tactical exercises was introduced. An a.s.sorted collection of craftsmen, NCO's, a sergeant-major and a lieutenant was a.s.sembled one day together with their vehicles and other paraphernalia; they set off across the desert to a location that I believe was only a map reference. After two days the lieutenant had to admit that he was completely lost and so were they all. He was somewhat upset and said, "I feel terrible, I ought to shoot myself." and the sergeant-major enquired, "Then why don't you -- Sir?" The suggestion was not taken however and a search party later led the group back to base.

Attempts were made to keep us occupied and clubs were formed. There was the musical appreciation group with its portable gramophone and limited records, the photographic club again with equipment scarcities, a current affairs program that naturally kept clear of politically sensitive subjects, while anyone interested could learn to drive an army lorry. One enterprising officer tried to revive an interest in calculus and actually collected a few members though how long the course lasted is anyone's guess.

Attached to us were some Indian Army troops under British officers; the make-up was a little unusual, many of the soldiers had been temporarily released form prison on the understanding that if they served for the duration of the war they would then become free men. Most of their crimes were of a political nature, some included murder. They seemed to have an intense loyalty towards their officers and I encountered them in the following way; for our sports minded colleagues just kicking a soccer ball around wasn't sufficiently satisfying, they wanted a regulation sized pitch marked out. The hard baked sand didn't take paint very well but discarded engine oil could be used instead. Since I could measure with a steel tape and knew how to construct right angles using the three, four, five principle and could count beyond 50 I was given the pitch proportions and told to get on with it. For help I was put in charge of six Indians who would hack out the narrow shallow channels with their picks along string lines that I had laid out and these they would fill with oil producing very dark lines. There were six of them all armed with picks and only one of me armed with an empty rifle. However I was told that they were quite harmless and could be persuaded to behave under the threat of confiscating their pay books which would have the effect of breaking their contracts resulting in their going back to prison. I had no trouble at all, in fact they were a cheery group quite happy to work.

In the army I came across quite a cross section of humanity, running the whole gamut of characters. I am reminded of a sergeant-major, a peace time regular, who discovered one day that things were missing from the Company Office; he decided to do something about it. In the office there was a large wicker basket used for laundry and into this he contorted himself pulling down the lid nearly shut so he could peep out and identify the thieves. He waited and waited but n.o.body came in because the word had got around; eventually he emerged very stiffly, defeated. Early one morning he had occasion to phone the captain; it was a wall mounted instrument, he took the receiver off its hook and stood rigidly to attention facing the mouthpiece; when the captain answered he snapped a perfectly smart salute and said, "Good morning, Sir -- I am now saluting you." And then he carried on with whatever else he had to say.

I forget exactly how it came about but one time when I was in Baghdad I got roped in for guard duty, this time it was to watch over a prisoner.

The prison was only a tent top surrounded with barbed wire and there was only one prisoner. It was all very informal, we chatted a bit and he didn't seem to be at all concerned with his predicament. I asked him what he was doing there and he said that he was being charged with theft. "Of what?" I asked. "A jeep," he replied.

Apparently he had acquired a jeep and sold it to an Arab. "For how much?" I asked. "Four hundred dinars." he answered. At that time the Iraqi dinar and the British pound were at par. He seemed to be quite happy, perhaps he had the money stashed away somewhere.

A new item was now added to our kit to improve our lot; to alleviate some of the discomfort and soreness around our shirt collars due to perspiration we were issued with scarves puggree, squares of light cloth, khaki coloured. This was the same material that was wound around the crowns of our pith helmets; some lads, fashion conscious, decided not to wear them in the accepted manner and this led to an order being issued to the effect that 'scarves puggree will be worn loosely around the neck and not in a triangular cowboy fashion."

Most of us were cla.s.sified in one of many trades but there were a few who were not tradesmen and they were cla.s.sified as general duties and they could be given any task not requiring any special skill. Three of these were attached to the Company Office where their main duty seemed to be making tea. A vacancy occurred in one of the workshops for a clerical type and I was ordered to take this job on a short term basis, for about three weeks. I didn't jump at the chance, actually I didn't think much of the idea but I went. The work was simple, checking parts in and out of the shop and took in total less than 30 minutes a day and it was boring, boring. The three weeks stretched into six weeks and eventually into ten weeks. I complained several times that the job could be easily done by a general duties type but was constantly fobbed off. After a while I asked to see the colonel and then the bureaucracy slowly slipped into gear, my request went upwards from rank to rank until at last an appointment was made for two weeks hence. The very morning that I was to see the colonel I was told to get back to the DO again. When I approached him after going through the rigmarole of marching in, saluting smartly and agreeing that I was indeed the soldier he thought I was he said,

"You have a complaint?"

"Yessir."

"You want to return to the Drawing Office?"

"Yessir."

"But I see you are back there already."

"Yessir, this morning"

"Then there doesn't seem to be any complaint now does there?"

"No Sir."

"Now don't think that your return has anything to do with your making a complaint, it's purely coincidental."

"No Sir, certainly not, Sir." I lied.

"Dismiss." I did so, inwardly fuming at having to take part in this farce that could have been settled weeks before at a lower level and which would have saved the colonel from looking so foolish.

Opportunities sometimes allowed us to do something out of the ordinary and two of us asked if we could spend our two weeks leave in Teheran, in Iran. Strangely enough permission was granted and we set off in the evening crossing into Iran at Ahwaz. The journey took about 20 hours pa.s.sing through Dizful, Khorramabad, Arak and Qum and countless numbers of tunnels through the mountain ranges before reaching Teheran. It was an interesting trip carried out in upholstered luxury. We were billeted in an army camp but were left to our own devices day and night. After Shaiba Teheran was a lively bustling city; we did some window shopping looking at the Russian made Leica cameras that were much cheaper than but inferior to those made in Germany. There was a plethora of uniforms about of various branches of various forces of various countries not counting the wonderful uniforms of the cinema doormen -- quite confusing; I was saluted several times by Russian soldiers who were probably just as uncertain as I was.