Comedies by Holberg : Jeppe of the Hill, The Political Tinker, Erasmus Montanus Part 23

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. I wish the devil would run off with this burgomastership. Do you want to be burgomaster in my place?

HENRICH. I'd rather be d.a.m.ned. (Aside.) And any one who would want the office deserves to be d.a.m.ned.

HERMAN (tries to sit down and go on writing, but he absent-mindedly picks the wrong place and lands on the floor). Henrich!

HENRICH. Mr. Burgomaster!

HERMAN. I'm lying on the floor.

HENRICH. So I see.

HERMAN. Come help me up.

HENRICH. But the burgomaster has just said I mustn't move from where I stand.

HERMAN. That boy is d.a.m.nable. (Gets up una.s.sisted.) Isn't some one knocking?

HENRICH. Yes. (Goes to the door.) Whom do you want?

CITIZEN (off stage). I am the alderman of the hatters' guild, and I have a complaint to make to the burgomaster.

HENRICH. Here's the alderman of the hatters with some grievances.

HERMAN. Oh, I can't keep more than one thing in my head at a time.

Ask him what it is. (Henrich asks what he wants.)

CITIZEN. It's too long. I must speak to the burgomaster in person.

It can be attended to in an hour, for my complaint consists of only twenty points.

HENRICH. He says he must talk to the burgomaster in person, for his point consists of only twenty complaints.

HERMAN. Oh, G.o.d help me, poor man, I am all jumbled up in my head already. Let him in.

ACT FIFTH

SCENE 5

(Enter the Citizen.)

CITIZEN. Ah, honored Burgomaster, poor man that I am, I have suffered great injustice, which the burgomaster will at once understand when he has heard about it.

HERMAN. You must put it in writing.

CITIZEN. Here it is, all written out, in four sheets.

HERMAN. Henrich! Some one is knocking again.

HENRICH. Whom do you want to talk to?

ANOTHER CITIZEN (off stage). I have a complaint to lodge before the burgomaster against the alderman of the hatters' guild.

HERMAN. Who is that, Henrich?

HENRICH. It is this man's adversary.

Herman. Make him hand you his memorial. Both you good men wait in the anteroom meanwhile.

[Exit the Citizen.

SCENE 6

HERMAN. Henrich!

HENRICH. Yes, sir!

HERMAN. Can't you help me put this to rights? I don't know what to do first. Read aloud that hatter's statement.

HENRICH (falteringly reads). "n.o.ble, learned, stern, and steadfast Burgomaster. As the first-fruits of the worthy company of lawful citizens of this glorious city, I the undersigned, N. N., present myself, unworthy Alderman of the worthy Hatters' Guild; and after having extended congratulations both respectful and hearty on a man so worthy and highly raised on high to so height, in deepest humility submit for your consideration one of the greatest, most dangerous, and abominable abuses which wicked times and still more wicked men have brought into practice in this city, in hope that your Magnificence will afford a remedy. This, then, is the case: The hucksters here in the city, utterly without fear or shame, openly sell and offer for sale whole pieces of a sort of cloth which they cause to be woven of beaver--indeed they even descend to the dismal audacity of having stockings made of it--though it is well known that beaver-hair belongs exclusively to our profession, whereby we poor hatters are unable at any price to obtain the hair necessary for the pursuit of our means of subsistence, especially as good people have got into such a way that few will pay, as they used to do, from ten to twenty rix-dollars for a hat, to the irreparable damage of the reputation and profit of our trade. If it might now please his Magnificence the Burgomaster to consider the appended twenty-four weighty causes and reasons which have led us hat-makers presumably to presume that we alone are ent.i.tled to work in beaver, to wit:

(1) that since ancient times it has been a universal usage and custom of the country, not only this country but over the whole world, to wear beaver hats, as can be proved by manifold citations from history and by legally sworn witnesses, (a) As to history--"

HERMAN. Skip the history.

HENRICH. "(b) As to witnesses, Adrian Nilsen, in the seventy-ninth year of his age, can remember that his father's great-grandfather said--"

HERMAN. Skip what he said, too.

HENRICH. "(2) That it is an immoderate luxury to use such expensive hair for stockings and clothes, a practice at variance with all good order and usage, especially since there are so many expensive cloths imported from England, France, and Holland that one might well be satisified without depriving an honest man of his living--"

HERMAN. Enough, enough! Henrich! I see that the master is right.

HENRICH. But I have heard that an official ought always to hear both sides before he makes his decision. Shall I not read the opponents'

retort also?

HERMAN. To be sure. (He hands him the other memorial.)

HENRICH (reads). "High-born Excellency, highly enlightened and highly statesmanlike Burgomaster. As high as your understanding soars above others', so high soared my joy above others' when I heard that you had become burgomaster; but what I have come for is because the hatters are annoying me and do not want to let me sell fabrics and stockings made of beaver. I understand well enough what they want: they want to have the business in beaver all to themselves and have beaver used for nothing but hats; but they do not understand the situation. It is idiotic to wear beaver hats: men go about with them under their arms, they are neither warm nor useful, and a straw hat would do just as well. On the other hand, beaver stockings and clothing are both warm and soft, and if the burgomaster had only tried them, as he may in time, he would see for himself."

HERMAN. Stop, that is enough; this man is right, too.

HENRICH. But I am sure they can't both be right.