Wholly Undead 29 The Biggest Bluff

In fact, he had already made up his mind. When he got Leslie's business finished, he was going to drag her to his tomb and sleep for a month... Maybe TWO!

To understand why Jack felt this way, let us travel back to the start of his duel with Boss Crag.

*******

Jack followed behind Bishop Johnson, and his undead-at-arms. Jade and her girls followed him.

[Okay. He's one big dude, so like... He must be a fighter right? Warrior? Does he cast spells as well? I remember the books spoke of Mixed Martial Cultivation. So spells and hand to hand?]

Jack was stressing, as Boss Crag and his group followed beside him.

[Look at this guy. He is totally confident. He's got to be at least as powerful as the last guy... c.r.a.p....]

As Bishop Johnson came to a stop well outside the City limits, Jack could see a large open plain. A deserted, rocky, and otherwise, ugly plain.

[Oh gez... Isn't this a great place to get killed and forgotten?] Jack was inwardly shaking his head.

Boss Crag kept walking into the plain, and Jack followed only a step behind.

When Boss Crag stopped Jack did so as well.

"So, what's it going to be witch king? How ya want to play this?" Boss Crag called out.

[It's frigging dark.] Jack was already tired of the monochromatic world of Black and White his night vision granted.

"Let me get some light first." Jack said, as he hummed his hymn, "ZaaaaaaNiiiWoooooHUG!"

Jack formed a large ball of light, based on the first Holy Hymn he learned. He took it and tossed it high in the sky above. Thankfully, it only took a bit of strength to form. He was now down to seventy-four percent of his power.

Boss Crag whistled, "Nice, Light show. You mind, if I can invite you to my son's wedding when he gets. .h.i.tched?" He let out another "Heh" laugh.

Jack shrugged his shoulders, "I don't mind, as long as you attend mine."

[Thinking of which, I need to find me some books on undead weddings... I didn't even know I had to get one... blah...]

"Alright witch king, we all gentlemen here. Let's have a friendly duel. Just you and me, none of the little ones need to get involved. When we feel we have been bested, just shout 'I surrender,' and we stop. Winner gets to pick what we do? You getting this?"

[Friendly duel... Who the c.r.a.p would believe that? I've seen enough anime to know this f.u.c.ker wants to kill me. Got to keep up appearances though...]

"...I agree. Let's start a hundred meters apart, and since I made a suggestion, I think it would be best if you have a subordinate that calls the duel to start. You agree?"

"That's fine by me."

Jack heard Boss Crag call to one of his minions called knowall...

[Who gets named knowall? If he does know all, then I have some wedding questions for him. I wonder if I can get him to arrange a wedding.] Jack was a nervous wreck. He was even thinking of getting the underside of his kingdom to plan his wedding. It was widely known that the consort would have their own planners.

Jack could see that Boss Crag and this "knowall" where whispering to each other. [What are they planning?]

Jack then looked over to where the Jade and the ladies were standing. He then looked back to Boss Crag.

[Their not planning on trying to s.n.a.t.c.h up, Leslie's mum while we are fighting?] Jack thought this, but then after thinking about how there was so many undead-at-arms by Bishop Johnson, he threw this thought to the back of his mind.

Jack watched as they broke up from their huddle, and the one called "Knowall" jogged in between him and Boss Crag.

"Alright, my capo here is going start the countdown. Remember, if I best ya, just call it. I'll do the same. Remember that weapons and spells don't have eyes, so don't get to badly broken up; I'll try my best, as well."

[Confirmed. He's going to try and kill me...]

"...Agreed..."

Jack was searching his mind for all kinds of spells he learned or made for every possibility Boss Crag could do. He was pushing his mind to the limits to a.n.a.lyze and take in every detail he could.

"1... 2... 3... START!" The one named "knowall" ran quickly back over to his people.

After that Jack was thinking so hard, he just stood there ready to take what Boss Crag was going to do. He wanted to strike first, but didn't know exactly what spell to use.

Jack witnessed Boss Crag stopping the Ground, and using a nature spell to throw the broken rocks. These rocks were the size of small boulders.

[c.r.a.p! Shoot!]

"Vii" Jack hummed the simplest and fastest Hymn he could. This was a Consecrated ground Holy Hymn he had come across. He was horribly written, but he cleaned it up and found it to be very flexible.

Large arcs of Lightning arcs off of him, destroying the incoming rocks. The rocks had made it to one meter from him... Jack was convinced a second later he would be in pieces.

"Haha, I was just feeling you out. I'm going to get serious now."

[Just feeling me out? This bro tried to steamroll me with a small mountain, and that's feeling me out... sure.]

"...Alright..."

[Is he chanting...? That's a long a.s.s spell... screw it...]

Jack aimed, and threw his staff right at Boss Crag. It was a good thing Jack was in the javelin club in school. He was really good at the Javelin toss, but after his girlfriend at the time broke up with him, he just didn't feel like going back. Who knows what Jack could have become, if he had stayed with it?

Jack watched as his staff hit Boss Crag dead center in his stomach. [Sweet hit... I should have never left the club.]

Something Jack could never do in his last life, he called to the staff to come back to him. Something he found out while messing with it that morning. He felt there was a strange bond between him and the staff.

Boss Crag recovered a moment later, "Well, well, well... Not pulling any punches, huh."

[I'm trying to not get killed here. This sounded like a much better idea earlier. Think. I got to think of a way out of this.]

As Jack received his staff, he threw it again.

"Roxhiaregim---anahro!"

He landed his blow, in the same spot, but he found that Boss Crag finished his spellwork, regardless.

Jack stood as he watched the ground twist and turn. The stony ground climbed up on to Boss Crag, expanding his physique, until he was a 15 meter monster.

[A golem... How am I supposed to stop a golem? c.r.a.p, c.r.a.p, c.r.a.p! That's a King rank spell!]

Jack finally got the point that was most troubling. The spell Boss Crag utter was an exactly a King rank spell.

Jack's phenomenal saw Boss Crag's hand grip hard, even a clap sound was produced; soon after shiny gnarled diamonds fell from his hand.

[Did... Did he just make diamonds?! Why does he still run a gang...? Couldn't you get rich off diamonds?]

What Jack didn't know is that diamonds were basically dirt in the Underworld. The Overworld wanted them simply because of their scarcity, and looks. Undead didn't care much for them, even gold. It was Glowstone that was the coveted metal. It was light that was the currency.

[Haha! He doesn't have a helm! He's got such a large body, but a small head. Haha!] Jack forgot all about the fact that Verruca looked similar with her large muscular form and normal sized head.

"That's right, witch king. This is my Rock Giant form. Back in the day, many who fought with me and seen this form... all ended up dead." Boss Crag was laughing with loud gaffing sounds.

"...Are you threatening me? Then this isn't a friendly duel?"

[Yeah, I called you on your c.r.a.p... I know what you want to do...]

"Ack...! I'm just saying how powerful I was back in the day. You get that right? I bet I could have taken on those six armies you took out."

"Really?"

[Why is he back pedaling?]

"See, this is what I don't understand. If it was me, I would of made a deal with both Countries they couldn't resist, and if it did come to a battle, I would of smashed one Country, then the next. I wouldn't of waited for them to come to smash me, like you did..."

He inhaling another breath, "It's all about the approach. Like us! We are both high level cultivators. No need to send in the little guys. Just let Us battle to see who wins. We can all be civil, but if they don't be civil, then I crush them under heel. Survival of the Fittest and all that. You getting this?" Boss Crag started monologue, while walking to the witch king showing off his impressive form made of rock.

[Is he really hitting me with the Villain Monologue? Two can play at this game... Wait!]

Jack had come up with the perfect idea! He was going to do the same thing he did in court... Play the Villain. He always put on his Villain mask and played the part... So now he was just going to bluff the rest of the way out!

"See... I'm going to stop you here." Jack raised his left hand to give a halt to Boss Crag.

[He's powering up...]

"A couple of things of note. Where were you, when the Country needed your help? Two, is there a problem with a spider to spin a web to catch his prey, both Countries walked into oblivion. Six armies with one blow. Do you think they would of just walked into my web, if they had known otherwise? Third, there is always a price to pay. No matter the trade off, the bargain, the deal; whatever it is you want to call it. There must be a trade. I traded many years of my... unlife to wipe their armies from the face of this world. Do you think for even a moment, that I care about you and your thoughts? I came here to pick my soon-to-be Mother-in-Law up. If I don't bring her home, then my Consort it going to be upset. Thinking about the tears she's already shed... It makes me frantic, Crag... Do you understand the tears of a woman? A helpless woman, Crag? Like my Mother's tears on her deathbed? Let me tell you this... I'm not happy, Crag... I am very unhappy. You call yourself the Boss of the Crag Families... But you failed to pay respect to the Boss of Bosses... Me."

Jack just said whatever came to mind. He added a bunch of other Villain speeches into his, added some comic references, and finally added in some mafia boss speech to spice.

[Here goes nothing...]

"Rathexifolec."