Citt And Bumpkin (1680) Part 7

_Citt._ Why that was the reason, _b.u.mpkin_, when the _Lords and Commons_ put down _Bishops_, they put down the _Ten Commandments too_; and made _New ones_ of their _Own_. And dost not thou take notice that they put down the _Lords Prayer_ too, because 'twas akinn to the _Popish Pater-Noster_? and then for the _Creed_, they cast it quite out of the _Directory_.

b.u.m. _Now as thou lay'st it down to me, the Case is as clear as Christal. And yet when I'm by my self sometime, I'm so affraid methinks of being_ d.a.m.n'd.

_Citt._ What for, ye Fop you?

b.u.m. _Why for_ Swearing, Lying, Dissembling, Cheating, Betraying, Defaming_, and the like._

The Brethren are only for Profitable Sins.

_Citt._ Put it at worst, do not you know that every man must have his _Dos_ of _Iniquity_? And that what you take out in _One way_ you abate for in _another_, as in _Profaning, Whoring, Drinking_, and so forth.

Suppose you should see P O Y S O N set in Capital Letters, upon _seaven Vials_ in a _Laboratory_; 'twere a madness I know, for any man to venture his Life upon 'um, without a _Taster_. But having before your Eyes so many instances, of men that by drinking of these Poysonous Liquors, out of a _Consumptive, half-starv'd_, and _Heart-broken_ Condition, grow _Merry, Fat_, and _l.u.s.ty_, would not you venture too?

Imagine These _Seven_ _Waters_ to be the _Seven Deadly Sins_, and then make your _Application_.

b.u.m. _Nay, the Case is plain enough, and I cannot see why that should be a_ Poyson _to_ me, _that's a_ Preservative _to_ Another: _Only our Adversaries twit us with Objections of_ Law _forsooth, and_ Religion.

_Citt._ Wherefore the Discipline of the Late Times sav'd a great deal of puzzle. Mr. _Prynn_ sent _His Clients_ to Mr. C_ase_ for _Religion_; and Mr. _Case_, in requital, sent _His_ to Mr. _Pryn_ for _Law_; which kept up a concord among the _Well-affected_. But your Lesson in both these Cases, falls into a very Narrow compa.s.s.

b.u.m. _Pray'e let it be_ Plain _that I may_ understand _it; and_ short _that I may_ Remember _it._

Three Positions.

_Citt._ Keep close only to these _Three Positions: First_, that the _King_ is _One_ of the _Three Estates; Secondly_, that the _Sovereign Power_ is in the _People_; and _Thirdly_, that it is better to obey _G.o.d_, then _Man_. These Fundamentals will serve to guide ye in allmost any dispute upon this Matter, that can occur to you.

b.u.m. _But what becomes of me, if my Adversaries should turn the question another way?_

_Citt._ I'le fortify you there too. And let me tell you that he'l have much ado to keep himself Clear of one of these Two Rocks: Either of Dashing upon the _Plott_, or upon the _Liberty of the Subject_. As for Example,

L'Estrange Confuted.

There's _L'Estrange_; as wary a Dog perhaps, as ever pist; and yet ye shall see how we have hamper'd Him. I writ the thing my self, ye must know, though it comes out in the Name of _the Authour of the Weekly Pacquet of Advice from_ Rome. 'Tis Dedicated to _Both Houses of Parliament_; and Design'd just for the 26th. of _January_: So that if the Parliament had Set, there would have been means us'd to have had him Question'd for't.

b.u.m. _Gad, I know where y'are now. 'Tis in the_ Preface _to the_ History of the d.a.m.nable Popish Plott.

_Citt._ Ay, that's it. I'le give ye First, the _Words_ in't that concern _L'Estrange_, and you shall _Then_ see the _Writings_ of _His_ that I have reflected upon.

b.u.m. _Oh, 'Tis a devilish witty Thing,_ Citt; _I have seen it. Methinks the Rogue, should hang himself out of the way. I'le go to_ Mans Coffee-house _and see how he Looks on't._

_Citt._ No, no, Pox on him; he's an Impudent Curr; nothing less than a Pillory will ever put Him out of Countenance. This Toad was in _Newgate_, I know not how long; and yet he'l take no warning.

b.u.m. _You must consider,_ Citt, _that he writes for_ Money; O my Soul, they say, the Bishops have given him five hundred Guynnyes. _But pre'thee_ Citt; _hast not thou seen_ the Answer to the Appeal, Expounded.

_Citt._ Yes, but I ha' not read it.

b.u.m. _Why then take it from me,_ Citt, _'tis one of the shrewdest_ _Pieces that ever came in Print._ L'Estrange, _you must know, wrote an_ Answer _to the_ Appeal.

_Citt._ We've a sweet Government the while, that any man should dare to fall foul upon _That Appeal_.

b.u.m. _Well, but so it is; and_ Another _has written Notes upon_ Him: _You cann't imagine_ Citt, _how he windes him about's Finger; And calls him_ Fidler, Impudent, Clod-pate; _and proves him to be a_ Jesuite, _and a_ Papist, _as plain as the Nose of a mans Face: he shews ye how he accuses the_ Kings Evidence; _and that he is in_ Both Plots, _in I know not how many places._

_Citt_ drawing up Articles.

_Citt._ I have known the man a great while; and let me tell ye in Private, I am to draw up _Articles_ against him. But I have been so busy about my _Lord Chief Justices Articles_, and _Other Articles_ against _a Great Woman_, that lay upon my hand, that I could not get leisure; and yet I should have met with him long e're This too, for all That, but that the _Committee_ Sits so cursedly Late: And then they have cut me out such a deal of work about the _Succession_. Well I heard a great Lord say, that _That History of his deserv'd to be burnt by the hand of the Common Hang-man_.

b.u.m. _Bravely sayd,_ Citt, _I Faith: who knows but we two may come to be_ Pillars _of the_ Nation? Thou _shalt stand up for the_ City, _and I for the_ Country.

_Enter_ Trueman _out of a Closet._

Enter _Trueman_.

_Citt._ Trepan'd, by the Lord, in our own way.

_Trueman._ Nay hold, my Masters; we'l have no flinching. Sit down, ye had best, without putting me to the Trouble of a Constable.

_Citt._ Why we have said nothing, sir, that we care who hears; but because you seem to be a Civill Gentleman, my Service to you, Sir.

b.u.m. _Ay, Sir; and if you'l be pleased to sit down and Chirp over a Pot of Ale as we do, y're wellcome._

_Citt's_ Faculty and Employment.

_True._ Very-good; And _You_ are the _Representative_ (forsooth) of the City, and _You_, of the _Country. Two_ of the _Pillars_ of the _Nation_, with a Horse-Pox; A man would not let down his Breeches in a House of Office that had but _Two such Supporters_. Do not I know you, _Citt_, to be a little _Grubstreet-Insect_, that but t'other day scribled Handy-dandy for some _Eighteen-pence_ a _Job_, _Pro_ and _Con_, and glad on't too? And now, as it pleases the stars, you are advanc'd from the _Obort_, the _Miscarriage_, I mean, of a _Cause-splitter_, to a _Drawer-up_ of _Articles_: and for your skill in _Counterfeiting hands_, preferr'd to be a _Sollicitor_ for _Fobb'd Pet.i.tions_: You'l do the _Bishops bus'nesse_, and You'l do the _Dukes bus'nesse_; And who but _You_, to tell the _King_ when he shall make _War_, or _Peace_; call _Parliaments_, and _whom_ to _Commit_, and _whom_ to _let go_? And then in your Fuddle, up comes all; what such a Lord told you, and what you told him; and all this Pudder against your Conscience too, even by your own Confession.

_Citt._ Y'are very much Mis-inform'd of Me, Sir.

_True._ Come, I know ye too well to be mistaken in you; and for your part, _b.u.mpkin_, I look upon you only as a simple Fellow drawn in.

_b.u.mpkins_ account of himself.

b.u.m. _Not so_ simple _neither, it may be, as you take me for. I was a_ Justices Clerk _in the_ Countrey, _till the bus'nesse of the_ Pet.i.tions; _and my Master was an Honest Gentleman too, though he's now put out of Commission: And to shew ye that I am none of your_ simple Fellows (_do ye mark_) _if ye have a minde to dispute upon_ Three Points, _I'm for you._ First, _the_ King _is_ One _of the_ Three Estates; Secondly, _the_ Sovereign Power _is in the_ People. _And_ Thirdly, _'Tis better to Obey_ G.o.d _then_ Man.

_Citt._ Always provided, _b.u.mpkin_, that the Gentleman take no advantage of what's spoken in Discourse.

_True._ No, there's my hand I will not; and now let's fall to work. If the King of _England_ be _One_ of the _Three Estates_, then the _Lords_ and _Commons_ are _two Thirds_ of the _King of England_.

_b.u.mpkin's_ way of Argument.

b.u.m. _Oh pox, you've a minde to put a sham upon the Plot, I perceive._

_True._ Nay, if y'are thereabouts:--Well; If the _Soveraignty_ be in the _People_, why does not the _Law_ run In the Name of our _Sovereign Lords_ the People?

b.u.m. _This is a meer_ Jesuitical Trick, _to disparage the_ Kings Witnesses; _for_ They _are part of the_ People. _Now do you take up the Cudgels_, Citt.

_True._ Do so, and we'l make it a short business, and let's have no shifting.

The Composition of the Committees.

Now to shew ye that I gave good heed to your Discourse, I'le run over the Heads of it as you deliver'd them. First, for _Committees_, and _Grand Committees_, what are they compounded of, but _Republicans_, and _Separatists_, a Medly of People disaffected both to _Church_ and _State_? This you cannot deny; and that they would not suffer any man otherwise affected, to mingle with them. Now beside the _scandal_, and _Ill Example_ of such _Irregular Conventions_, whoever considers their _Principles_, may reasonably conclude upon their _Designs_: For they are wiser, I hope, then to lay their Heads together to destroy themselves.