Citt And Bumpkin (1680) Part 2

_Citt._ And that's notably observ'd, _b.u.mkin_; for so we found it here.

The _Presbyterian_ got hands of _His Party_; the _Independent_ of _His_; the _Baptist_ of _His_; the _Fifth-Monarchy_ man of _His_; and so throughout all our Divisions: and we had still the most zealous man in His way, to gather the _Subscriptions_: And when they had completed their _Roll_, they discharg'd themselves as Naturally into the _Grand Committee_, as _Rivers_ into the _Sea_. And then we were sure of all the _Republicans_.

b.u.m. _But after all this_ Care _and_ Industry_, how was it possible for the business to_ Miscarry?

_Citt._ Why I know 'tis laid in our dish, that when we had set the whole Kingdome agogg upon _Pet.i.tioning_, our hearts would not serve us to go through st.i.tch, and so we drew our own necks out of the Collar, and left the Countries in the Lurch.

b.u.m. _Nay that's the Truth on't,_ Citt_; We stood all gaping for_ London _to lead the way_.

_Citt._ The great work that we look't upon was the gaining of a _well-affected Common-Council_; which we secur'd upon the _Election_, with all the skill, and watchfullness imaginable.

b.u.m. _And that was a huge point_ Citt; _but how were ye able to compa.s.se it_?

Tricks to defeat Elections.

_Citt._ Why we had no more to do, then to mark those that we knew were not for our turns, either as _Courtiers_, or _Loose-livers_, or _half-Protestants_, and their business was done.

b.u.m. _We went the same way to work too in the_ Country_, at all our_ Elections; _for it is a Lawfull Policy, you know, to lessen the Reputation of an Enemy_.

_Citt._ Nay we went further still; and set a _Report_ a foot upon the _Exchange_, and all the _Coffee-houses_ and _Publique Houses_ thereabouts, which held from _Change-time_, till the very _Rising_ of the _Common-Councill_, when the _Pet.i.tion_ was _laid aside_; that past so currant, that no mortall doubted the Truth on't.

b.u.m. _But you ha' not told me what that_ Report _was yet_.

_Citt._ It was this, _that the King had sent a Message to the City to let them understand that he took notice how much they stood affected to the_ Pet.i.tion; _that he expected they would proceed upon it; and that his Majesty was ready to give them_ a gracious Answer.

b.u.m. _But was this fair dealing, Brother?_

_Citt._ Did not _Abraham_ say of _Sarah, She's my Sister_?

b.u.m. _Well thou'rt a heavenly man_, Citt! _but come to the Miscarriage it self_.

The Pet.i.tion laid aside in the _Common-Council_.

_Citt._ After as Hopefull a _Choice_ as ever was made, we procur'd a _Common-Councill_: where the _Pet.i.tion_ was put to the _Vote_, and it was carry'd in the _Commons_ by _two Voyces_, for the presenting it, and by _Fourteen_, or _Fifteen Votes_ in the _Court of Aldermen_, on the _Negative_.

b.u.m. _So that_ your d.a.m.n'd Aldermen_, and_ our d.a.m.n'd Justices, _have ruin'd us both in_ City _and_ Country.

_Citt._ Hang'um, they are most of them _Church-Papists_; but we should have dealt well enough with _them_, if it had not been for that confounded _Act_ for _Regulating Corporations_.

b.u.m. _Prethee let me understand that, for I know nothing on't._

The Act for Corporations brake the neck on't.

_Citt._ Take notice then that this Devillish Statute has provided, that _no man shall serve as a_ Common-Councell man, _but upon condition of taking three_ Oaths, _and subscribing_ one Declaration, _therein mention'd; and having taken the_ Sacrament _of the_ Lords Supper, _according to the Rites of the Church of_ England, _within one year next before his Election_. Now it so fell out, that what with this _Act_, and a _Court-Letter_ for putting it in _Execution_, a matter of _thirty_ of our _Friends_ were put _by_, as not duly qualify'd; And upon this Pinch we lost it. Nay let me tell ye as a friend, there were at least _twenty_ or _thirty_ of the rest too, that would hardly have past Muster.

b.u.m. _But is this certain?_

_Citt._ Why I am now in my Element, _b.u.mkin_; for thou know'st my Education has been toward the Law.

b.u.m. _This was a Plaguy jobb_, Citt, _but we must look better to our Hitts next bout_.

_Citt._ Nay my life for thine we'll have another touch for't yet. But tell me in short; how came you off with your _Pet.i.tion_ in the _Country_?

b.u.m. _It went on for a good while prettily well at the_ Quarter-Sessions; _till at last one_ Cross-grain'd Curr _there upon the_ Bench _claw'd us all away to the Devill, and got an Order of Court against it, while you would say what's this_.

_Citt._ But what did he say?

The Pet.i.tion baffled in the Country.

b.u.m. _Oh there was a great deal of stuff on't; the_ King, _and the_ Judges _(he said) had declared it to be_ Seditious, _and so they were to take it. That they sat there to_ keep _the_ Kings Peace, _not to countenance the_ Breaking _of it; and then (says he) these fellows don't know what they would have_. One _Pet.i.tions for_ Chalk, _and_ Another _for_ Cheese; _the Pet.i.tion was at first_ for the meeting of the Parliament; _and then they came to Twit the King with his_ Coronation-Oath, _and then_, Delinquents _must be brought to_ Punishment; _and then the_ Parliament _was to Sit as_ long _as_ they pleas'd, _and at_ last, _every man must be_ mark'd _for a_ Common Enemy _that would not_ Subscribe _it. So that first they would have the_ Parliament Sit; _and then they'd cut 'um out their work; and in fine, it was little other then a_ Pet.i.tion _against_ those _that would_ not Pet.i.tion. _He said there were Ill practices in the getting of hands, and so they threw out the_ Pet.i.tion, _and order'd an_ Enquiry _into the_ Abuses.

_Citt._ Well, there's no remedy but Patience.

b.u.m. _I had need of Patience I'm sure, for they're Examining the Hands allready, as hard as they can drive; You'l see me in the_ Gazette next Thursday, _as sure as a Gun_.

_Citt._ Why then we must play the _Domestique_ against _him, next Fryday_.

b.u.m. _Nay, I'm sure to be trounc'd for't to some tune, if I be_ taken.

_Citt._ Pre'thee what art affraid of? There's no _Treason_ in getting hands to a _Pet.i.tion_ man.

b.u.m. _No, that's true; but I have put in such a Lurry of_ Dog-Rogues; _they cry_ they're defam'd, _with a Pox_, they'le have their remedy; _and they make such a Bawling_.

_Citt._ Come, come, set thy heart at rest: and know that in this City th'art in the very Sanctuary of the _Well-affected_. But 'tis good however to prepare for the _worst_, and the _best_ (as they say) _will help its self_. But art thou really afraid of being _taken_?

b.u.m. _And so would you be too, if you were in my condition, without a_ penny, _or a_ friend _in the world to help ye_.

The blessing of having neither friends nor Mony.

_Citt._ Thou art two great Owls, _b.u.mkin_, in a very few words. _First_, thou hast _great friends_ and do'st not _know on't_, and _Secondly_ thou do'st not understand the _Blessing_, of having neither _Friends_, nor _Money_. In one word, I'll see thee provided for; and in the mean time, give me thy answer to a few questions.

I make no doubt but they that put thee into this _Trust_, and _Employment_ of helping on the _Pet.i.tion_, are men of _Estate_, and men _well-inclin'd_ to the _Publique Cause_.

Methods of _Popularity._

b.u.m. _O, their_ Landlords _and_ Masters _are men of huge Estates; but 'tis the_ Tenants, _and the_ Stewards _that I have to do withall. But then (do you mark me) those people are all in all with their Masters._

_Citt._ I suppose you may be known to the _Landlords_ and _Masters themselves_ too. Do they ever take any notice of you?

b.u.m. _Yes, yes; I go often to their Houses man, and they speak mighty kindly to me; and there's nothing but_ Honest Obadiah, _and_ Good Obadiah _at every turn; and then the Men take me into the Kitchin, or into the Cellar, or so. And let me tell you_ Citt, _if it had not been for them once, I had been plaguyly paid off in the_ Spirituall Court _upon a certain Occasion_.

_Citt._ That's a very good sign of _Affection_ to the _Cause_, as I told thee: and it would be never the worse if they were under a Cloud at _Court_; for _an Honest Revenge_, ye know _goes a great way with a tender Conscience_.

b.u.m. _I have hear'd some Inkling that way, but we'le scatter no words._

_Citt._ They never speak any thing to you in private, do they? As of _Grievances_, (I mean) _Religion, the Liberty of the Subject_, and such like?

b.u.m. _No, no, but they talk as other people do, of the_ Plot, _and the_ Jesuits, _and_ Popery, _and the_ French King, _and so_.

_Citt._ And what is the reason now, do ye think, that you are not receiv'd into their _Bed-Chambers_, their _Closets_, into their _Arms_, and into their very _Hearts_, as well as some other people as we know?