Christy Miller Collection Vol 4 Part 28

They parked in the day use lot, and Todd led Christy down a wide but steep dirt trail to the beach.

"It's a long way down there," Christy said. "Is this the only trail?"

"This is the main path. It's the safest way to go."

They pa.s.sed several people who were walking up, burdened with armloads of beach gear. They all seemed to be huffing and puffing from the climb.

That's going to be us going back! Good thing we're not carrying beach chairs and surfboards.

Todd continued to hold Christy's hand when they reached the bottom of the trail. They climbed over a railroad track and down a sand dune before they were actually on the beach.

The sight that greeted them was worth the hike. Mr. Sun was just beginning to dip his sizzling toes into the cool, blue ocean. The sky all around the sun looked like a huge pastel beach towel lovingly wrapped around him to brace him from the chill of the water.

"It's beautiful," Christy whispered.

Todd wrapped his arm around her. They stood together in silent awe, watching the sunset. All Christy could think of was how this was what she had always wanted, to be held in Todd's arms as well as in his heart.

Just as the last golden drop of sun melted into the ocean, Christy closed her eyes and drew in a deep draught of the sea air.

"Did you know." Todd said softly, "that the setting sun looks so huge from the island of Papua New Guinea that it almost looks like you're on another planet? I've seen pictures."

Then, as had happened with her reflection in her cup of tea and in her disturbing dream. Christy heard those two piercing words. "Let go."

She knew what she had to do. Turning to face Todd, she said, "Pictures aren't enough for you, Todd. You have to go."

"I will. Someday. Lord willing," he said casually.

"Don't you see, Todd? The Lord is willing. This is your *someday.' Your opportunity to go on the mission field is now. You have to go."

Their eyes locked in silent communion.

"G.o.d has been telling me something, Todd. He's been telling me to let you go. I don't want to, but I need to obey Him."

Todd paused. "Maybe I should tell them I can only go for the summer. That way I'll only be gone a few months. A few weeks, really. We'll be back together in the fall."

Christy shook her head. "It can't be like that. Todd. You have to go for as long as G.o.d tells you to go. And as long as I've known you. G.o.d has been telling you to go. His mark is on your life, Todd. It's obvious. You need to obey Him."

"Kilikina," Todd said, grasping Christy by the shoulders, "do you realize what you're saying? If I go, I may never come back."

"I know." Christy's reply was barely a whisper. She reached for the bracelet on her right wrist and released the lock. Then taking Todd's hand, she placed the "Forever" bracelet in his palm and closed his fingers around it.

"Todd," she whispered, forcing the words out, "the Lord bless you and keep you. The Lord make His face to shine upon you and give you His peace. And may you always love Jesus more than anything else. Even more than me."

Todd crumbled to the sand like a man who had been run through with a sword. Burying his face in his hands, he wept.

Christy stood on wobbly legs. What have I done? Oh, Father G.o.d, why do I have to let him go?

Slowly lowering her quivering body to the sand beside Todd, Christy cried until all she could taste was the salty tears on her lips.

They drove the rest of the way home in silence. A thick mantle hung over them, entwining them even in their separation. To Christy it seemed like a bad dream. Someone else had let go of Todd. Not her! He wasn't really going to go.

They pulled into Christy's driveway, and Todd turned off the motor. Without saying anything, he got out of Gus and came around to Christy's side to open the door for her. She stepped down and waited while he grabbed her luggage from the backseat. They walked to the front door.

Todd stopped her under the trellis of wildly fragrant white jasmine. With tears in his eyes, he said in a hoa.r.s.e voice, "I'm keeping this." He lifted his hand to reveal the "Forever" bracelet looped between his fingers. "If G.o.d ever brings us together again in this world, I'm putting this back on your wrist, and that time, my Kilikina, it will stay on forever. "

He stared at her through blurry eyes for a long minute, and then without a hug, a kiss, or even a good-bye, Todd turned to go. He walked away and never looked back.

The next day Christy stayed home from school. Her mom understood and let her have the day to cry alone. That's all she did. The more she cried, the more she hurt and the more utterly exhausted she felt.

At about four o'clock there was a gentle tap on her bedroom door. "Hi," Katie said, poking her head inside. "I heard. Doug called me this morning."

She sat down on the side of Christy's bed and with extra tenderness said, "I'm sorry, Christy."

"I can't believe I did it, Katie. Why did I? I keep going over the whole thing in my mind, and I think I must be crazy."

"Weird," Katie corrected her. "Remember? G.o.d is weird. We are tweaked. Whenever you do something weird, you're becoming a little more G.o.dly. And believe me, what you did was weird!"

Christy reached for a tissue and dabbed her swollen eyes.

"Doug said Todd told him last night that you loved him enough to let him go and that you motivated him to obey G.o.d's call when he was ready to forget it. That's incredible, Christy. That's like that verse about there being no greater love than to lay down your life for your friend. I don't know how you did it. I couldn't have."

"What do you mean? You did. You're the one who broke up with Michael, remember?"

"That was different."

"I don't know, Katie. A broken heart is a broken heart."

"If I hurt so much over Michael, I can't imagine how much you must be hurting over Todd. What can I do?"

"Nothing. Tell me I did the right thing."

Katie let out a laugh. "How can you have any doubts? Of course you did the right thing! You gave n.o.bility a face, Christy."

"n.o.bility a what?" Christy propped herself up on her arm and scrutinized Katie's expression.

Katie smiled. "Can I just say, *yes, Christina Juliet Miller, you did the right thing?' You gave G.o.d a gift: Todd, free and clear. And there's one thing I know for sure. You can never out-give G.o.d. I can't wait to see what G.o.d is going to give you!"

"I wish I could have your optimism, Katie."

"You will. It just takes a little time. What's that bit of wisdom you told me several weeks ago? Oh, yes. The feelings don't come in the same envelope. They'll catch up. Until then, here's Doug's CD. It'll help. My favorite song is number seven. It's a good song to cry along with."

"Thanks. You know, Katie, I keep thinking what I had with Todd wasn't real. It was too perfect. He was too perfect. It was a sort of dream, and now it's time for me to wake up and grow up. I'm a different person now at seventeen than I was when I met him. But I'm still too young to be as serious as I was becoming with him. This is all probably for the best."

"Keep telling yourself stuff like that," Katie said with a knowing smile. "The only part I'll agree with for now is that with G.o.d, things do tend to turn out for the best. Think you'll be back in school tomorrow?"

"Yes, I have a final in Spanish. Thanks for coming over."

Katie gave Christy a hug. "That's what best friends are for. Now listen, I'm going to pick you up for school tomorrow morning. Wear something you really like so you'll feel good about yourself. I'll bring an extra Twinkie for you for lunch."

Katie kept her word, and at lunch she presented Christy with a Twinkie.

"I thought you were done with Twinkies," Christy said.

"Not completely. I have to admit I'm still trying to find a balance between Twinkies and tofu."

Christy laughed.

"Did I tell you that Fred was at church again yesterday?" Katie asked. "He bought himself a Bible, and I saw him carrying it to school today. Isn't that incredible? Who would have ever guessed?"

"Katie." Christy asked cautiously, "are you really, truly over Michael? You seem to be doing so well, but are the feelings really gone?"

Katie turned solemn. "Maybe I'm still working on a balance there too. I don't think the feelings will ever be gone completely. It's still hard when I see him, even though I know I did the right thing. Remember when we talked about being in love? I think what we decided is true. You can be in love with someone and yet never marry him. A little part of that person will always be hidden somewhere in a secret garden deep inside your heart."

As Katie spoke, the tears welled up in Christy's eyes. It still hurt so much.

"The thing is, Christy, I never compromised my standards or morals with Michael, and so in that area, I have no regrets. You should never have any regrets with Todd either. You loved him. Face it, you always will. Now go on with your life. G.o.d is near to the brokenhearted, and it just so happens that you and I both qualify for that position."

Between her tears and her Twinkie, Christy forced a smile.

"And," Katie added, holding her head high. "I just so happen to think that being near to G.o.d is a wonderfully safe place to be."

Christy thought of Katie's words often as she went through the motions of life that week. Nights were the hardest. She lay awake for long hours in the darkness. exhausting her imagination as she hoped her circ.u.mstances would change and fighting off the unanswerable questions. Whenever the phone rang, her heart froze. Each day she checked the mail. But Todd had never written to her before. He wouldn't now. And he wouldn't call either. He was gone for good.

Christy made it through the weekend with Katie's help and even went to church on Sunday. Fred sat with them during the service. Afterward they walked out to the church parking lot together, and Fred followed Christy to her car.

Right in front of her parents and her brother, he said, "Christy, as you know, the senior prom is this Friday. I would be honored if you would go with me."

Christy had to give the guy credit for perseverance. "Thanks for asking me, Fred. I really mean that. I just can't go. Not with you. Not with anyone. You need to find someone fun to go with and have a great time. You deserve it."

Fred hung his head. "I guess I can take a hint." With that, he left.

A short time after they had reached home, Katie called. "Go ahead. Guess," she said.

"Guess what?"

"Guess what I'm doing this Friday?"

"I give up."

"I'm going to the prom. With Fred."

There was complete silence.

"Well?" Katie prodded.

Christy burst out laughing. It was the first time in more than a week that she had laughed, and it felt good.

"I think it's great. You'll have so much fun!"

"At least he's a Christian." Katie said. "That's a step in the right direction for me."

"He'll treat you like a queen," Christy predicted. "I'm glad you're going with him. Fred deserves the best, and that's what you are."

It wasn't until that night that Christy felt the impact of Katie's call. As long as they were both staying home from the prom, it felt okay. The two of them could rent old movies and commiserate. Now Katie had a date, and it was a date with someone who had initially asked Christy.

On Thursday night a phone call came for Christy. It was Doug.

"How are you doing?" he asked tenderly.

"Sometimes okay, other times not so okay."

"Would you be willing to do me a favor?" Doug asked. "Would you let me take you out to dinner tomorrow night? You see, I'm at the airport right now, and Todd just left. I feel like I lost my best friend, and I was wondering if you could cheer me up."

Something inside Christy froze all over again at the news that Todd was gone. All her fantasies of Todd not really leaving disappeared. She felt the bitter sting of reality.

"You would have to wear something nice," Doug was saying. "The restaurant I'd like to go to is kind of fancy. So how about it? Could you do me this one favor?"

"All right," Christy said. That was about the extent of the words she could find.

"Awesome." Doug said. "I'll pick you up at six-thirty, okay?"

"Okay. Bye."

Christy crawled into bed, still numb, and cried herself to sleep.

The next morning she woke up feeling almost relieved. As long as Todd was still in California, she had held on to some thin strand of hope that something would change. Now he was gone. Tonight was the prom, and although she wasn't going, she would be dressing up and having dinner with Doug at a nice restaurant. That wasn't such a bad thing.

She left school at noon and went to Katie's house to help her dress for the prom. Katie seemed so excited. But after Christy finished applying Katie's makeup, Katie turned somber.

"You know," she said, examining her image in the mirror, "I've been wondering if Michael will be there tonight. I really wish I was going with him instead of Fred. I did spend nearly all of my senior year with him. "

Christy cast an understanding smile at Katie's pretty reflection. "I know exactly what you're feeling."

"You wish you were going out with Todd tonight instead of Mr. Counselor-to-All-Brokenhearted-Women, don't you?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"But you have to take what you can get, right?" Katie said.

"Something like that."

Katie turned and faced Christy, examining her through narrowed green eyes. Christy knew Katie was looking for something that couldn't be found on the surface. "Do you think Todd is going to come back? Or do you think he's really gone for good?"

Christy couldn't turn from her friend's intense gaze, so she met it head-on and let Katie see the tears in her eyes. "Yes," Christy said, "I think he's really gone. For good."

Tears welled up in Katie's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Christy."

Forcing a smile, Christy said, "Don't you dare start to cry, Katie! You'll ruin the perfect job I did on your makeup."