Christmas Every Day Part 43

"Your mother's not here, you're not a little kid anymore and I'm not a thing you have to return to its proper place."

Nik tugged on the suitcase. "Humor me." A glint entered his eyes. "Or would you rather I reverted to food metaphors again? "

Sara released the suitcase, raising her hands in surrender. " " Heaven forbid. "

What was the harm? So he'd drive her home. So she'd be alone with him in a small s.p.a.ce for a little while. What was the big deal? She could more than handle herself.

At least, she had before. " " Okay. " She nodded as she began to walk toward the parking lot where they had left his car. " You can take me home. "

How did she always manage to sound like a queen commanding her subjects? "I can die a happy man. My wishes have all come true." With his suitcase beneath his arm and hers in his hand, Nik took Sara by the arm as they walked. In his opinion, it was well worth the juggling act.

It was dark and there weren't that many people around. Sara began to regret her capitulation. "I said okay to a ride, not sarcasm served up hot."

He saw his Mustang and motioned her toward it. "All right, no sarcasm served up hot." He stopped next to his car, setting the suitcases down. His eyes washed over her, making her yearn for last night. "What would you like served up hot?"

You. Sara looked away as he opened the trunk. "Nothing"

Nik deposited the suitcases and shut the trunk. The smile on his face told her that he had read her mind. But at least he had the good grace not to say anything.

Accepting a ride home from him was a big deal. She realized it almost the moment she sat in the car next to him.

Once the car door was closed, the s.p.a.ce between them felt nominal.

Intimate.

She didn't need this, she thought, staring at the road ahead. Her insides felt jittery, as if she were a child antic.i.p.ating her first recital. Exrept that there wasn't going to be a recital. There wasn't going to be anything and she knew it. "Z'he weekend had been an aberration. This was what her life was supposed to be like. Singular.

She had made the choice to spend it alone a long time ago.

She didn't want her mother's sorrow to become her own.

No man was ever going to walk out on her. No man was ever going to break her heart.

That meant no surrendering to longings or desire. Nik represented both.

She'd been much too quiet on the way home. He was afraid to guess what she was thinking. Nik turned down a dark residential Street Streetlights and an occasional porch light illuminated his way. He glanced toward her. "When can I see you again?"

Her fingers knotted together in her lap. She held on so tightly the tips began turning white. "Tomorrow," at work,

I'll be there bright and early, as usual. "

Nik had trouble controlling his anger. They'd come too far to begin playing games again. " " That's not what I meant and you know it: '

She searched for ways to put him off. Her own survival depended on it.

If she allowed herself to get in any deeper, she wouldn't be able to pull herself out. He didn't understand No one did. He was already getting annoyed with her.

It was always like this. Next, the arguments would come.

And then the tears. It was better to be alone. No pain, no gain didn't pertain to relationships.

Sara's voice hardened. "You mean for another tussle in bed? "

Nik's hands grasped the steering wheel hard. He pretended it was her throat. How could she reduce last night to those terms? "Was that what it was to you?"

"Yes." She looked down at her fingers and slowly unknotted them. "

" No. "

When she raised her head again, the look in her eyes was defensive. It wasn't as if she hadn't warned him. He knew what he was getting into.

"Look, I told you I wasn't any good at relationships."

He took another turn, this time to the left. There was contained fury in his voice. " " Why are you trying so hard to prove it? "

"So I won't-so you won't get hurt," she amended quickly, cursing herself for the slip. She slanted a look at him.

They both knew she was afraid of being hurt, but Nik played along. "My hide's a good deal thicker than you think."

"Impossible," she muttered, trying to sound flippant.

"And I won't hurt you." "I'he promise was soft but nonetheless binding.

She smiled ruefully in the dark. "You already are," she said quietly.

By causing fissures in her walls, by making her break her own rules, by making her feel something for him, he was already causing her pain.

She pointed to the left, anxious to get away. "We're here." She unfastened her seat belt and wound the purse strap around her hand.

"You don't have to stop at the house. I can get out right here on the corner."

She was acting like an idiot. "Why don't I just push you out as I drive by and throw your suitcase out after you? That way I won't have to come to a stop at all." He couldn't remember a recipe, no matter how difficult, ever trying his patience the way she was.

He pulled the car up to the curb before her father's house and got out.

Wordlessly, struggling to keep his temper in check, he rounded the back. Unlocking the trunk, Nik took out her suitcase.

There were a hundred different things he wanted to say to her. He wanted to ask why she was jeopardizing their future together. He wanted to lash out at her for her stubbornness and her determination to kill what was flowering between them. He wanted to demand to know what the h.e.l.l she was so afraid of.

But he said nothing. He merely handed her the suitcase.

Nik slammed the trunk closed. "I'll see you in the morning"

She nodded, taking the case. Sara avoided his eyes. "Right." She began to walk away.

Nik stood looking after her. "Love doesn't have to hurt, Sara."

She stopped, her shoulders stiffening. She didn't turn around. "It doesn't have to," she agreed. "But it does."

And then she walked away.

It wasn't until she heard his engine start up again and then fade away that she played back his last words in her head.

Love doesn 't have to hurt.