Christmas Every Day Part 38

Nik blew out a breath. So she had no idea why her father had disappeared. That would explain Sara's hostility toward the man.

"Obviously Sara didn't agree."

"He had no way of knowing that. He did what he thought was best." Kane shrugged, looking at his brother-in-law. "I qoqi't know if that helps you any-"

Nik rose from the sofa. "What do you mean, helps?"

"Nik, I am a detective." Kane's chiseled features softened as he grinned. "And a man. I've been there before qtyself, standing in your shoes, confused as h.e.l.l about a woman because she tied me up in knots inside." He thought of Jennifer, waiting for him in bed. He moved toward the doorway. "Only difference was, I didn't think I was good enough for her." He laid his hand on Nik's shoulder. "That's not your problem. But we've all got hurdles to leap over before we can reach the finish line" He dropped his hand and crossed the threshold. "She's a h.e.l.l of a prize if you can win her. Night."

"Night." Nik nodded vaguely in Kane's direction, his mind already on Sara. "And thanks."

" Don't mention it: '

They parted company in the hall, Kane going to his bedroom and Jennifer, Nik toward his room and restless sleep. As he turned in the hall, he glanced toward his left. There was light coming from the kitchen.

Sara.

Nik debated. Maybe he felt like conducting his own late night raid on the refrigerator. Or on the raider.

He walked into the kitchen and found that she had opened the French doors that led out onto the patio. Julia had told him that it was her favorite place to have breakfast In the distance he could see the lake.

Beams of moonlight strummed long, slender fingers along the black waters, flirting with them.

Sara was sitting at a gla.s.s-top table, twisting the stem of a wine goblet in her fingers. Nik couldn't remember seeing anyone look so sad before.

Sara looked up, sensing his presence a moment before Nik walked out on the patio. "Can't keep away from the kitchen, can you? "

"Occupational habit." He dropped into the seat next to hers.

"Actually-" his voice softened "-it wasn't the kitchen that lured me."

She smiled over the rim of her goblet. "Very s.e.xy line"

He laid his hand over hers. "I don't do lines, Sara. Life's too short for that."

She sighed, closing her eyes. Suddenly she felt very tired. Maybe it was the wine, although she'd only had a few sips. Or maybe it was the tension, finally taking its toll on her.

"Oh, I don't know. Sometimes, when you take it one day at a time, life starts to feel like some sort of an endless ent.i.ty , stretched out before you."

He wanted to understand her. "I thought you had a good time today."

" " I did. " She smiled sadly, catching the moonlight in her gla.s.s. "

"Maybe too good."

Christmas Every Day I 73

Nik sighed, feeling like a man in a foreign country without any maps, any road signs. "I'm back to needing subt.i.tles again."

Sara bit her lower lip. Maybe she owed him an explanation , before he thought she was completely crazy. " " It reminded me a lot of the picnics I went on as a kid. Especially since Brom was there. " A faraway look entered her eyes. " It reminded me of how wonderful I thought life was. "

"It still can be."

His voice was warm, coaxing. Maybe he still believed that, she thought. But she didn't. She shook her head as she qupped the goblet between her hands. "No."

"How can you be so certain of that? "

" I grew up."

Nik leaned forward, searching for answers in her eyes. "What's that supposed to mean?"

She felt her defense mechanism activating, but she couldn't stop it.

"It means that I know good things don't last, no matter how much you think they will or how much you want them to."

Nik refused to accept that. More, he refused to let her accept it.

"Look at Brom and Julia, or Kane and Jennifer" He gestured toward the house impatiently, struggling to keep his voice low. " " It doesn't look as if it's going to end for them, does it? " " " No, but. Her voioe trailed off as she lifted her shoulders and let i6em drop again helplessly. qIe didn't understand, she thought, and she couldn't make him understand. There were times she couldn't completely understand it herself. But she eetildn't shake the feeling that failure waited for most relationships at the end of the road.

So with all this going against it, why did she want to be involveq with Nik? It didn't make any sense. She pressed her hand to her head. She felt as if she was going crazy.

He had to find a way to break down her resistance. "My parents were happy until the day they died." q look on her face was envious. "Mine weren't. I just thought they were."

They were at an impa.s.se, but he wasn't about to surrender' So what are we looking at? " His eyes probed hers. " Never trying to grab at happiness because there's one failure in the way? "

She rose, leaving her goblet on the table. She walked to the edge of the patio and looked out. Her hands curled around the white wrought-iron fence that sunounded it. "You don't understand."

Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment, absorbing his nearness, his scent, wishing she wasn't emotionally shackled the way she was. "How can I when I don't understand it myself? I just know I'm afraid, too afraid to take the step."

"Don't be afraid." Gently he turned her around to face him. His eyes caressed her face, weakening her resolve. "I won't hurt you, Sara."

She shook her head, trying to resist him. Trying to resist herself.

"That's what you say now, but-"

He wouldn't let her finish. "That's what I mean now. They're not just words, Sara." Slowly he trailed his fingers along her bare arms. Needs sprang up within her to mark his path.

She closed her eyes, absorbing his touch. "I know, but-"

He laid his fingers against her lips. "No, there is no " but. " " He d:opped his hand. "Trust me, Sara. Trust yourself"

She shook her head, fear licking red-hot tongues through her as if she was standing in the center of a veritable inferno' You don't know what you're asking me to do. " " "Yes, I do." His voice was soft, gentle, soothing, even as his touch inflamed her. "I'm asking you to take a chance. The same chance I'm taking." He searched her eyes for understanding'I'm not asking you to do anything that I'm not asking myself. "

She tried to pull away, but found she had no strength. "You're confusing me. I can't think."

He smiled. " " Good. Maybe if you stop thinking you'll give yourself a chance to feel. " He took her hand and placed it over his heart. "

What do you feel, Sara? "

"Your heart. It's got a good beat. You're very healthy," she quipped, desperately trying for humor.

He wouldn't let her talk her way out of this. It was too important to both of them.

"There it is, Sara-my heart. In the palm of your hand. What are you going to do about it? Are you just going to walk away from it? From me?"