Chef. Part 15

'Hit me.'

'I have already hit you,' Chef laughed.

It was a wild laugh. White fumes came out of his mouth. His lips were cracked.

'Hit me,' I said.

'I already hit you. Not enough? It hurts real hard where I hit you. Don't you know? Don't you? I hit you with my writing.'

'I am confused,' I said.

'You read read my notebook because my notebook because you you wanted to read it. But I would have given it to you anyways. I, too, wanted you to wanted to read it. But I would have given it to you anyways. I, too, wanted you to read read it.' it.'

'You are joking, Chef?'

'Does it hurt?'

'But, why? Why did you want me to read it?'

'Because . . .'

Before he could respond I felt my anger rising.

'Because otherwise men are strangers to one other,' he said. 'Even if we carry the same wounds, we remain strangers. We can't express ourselves properly. Not even our anger. I was able to write certain things down because I was writing them for you. I was angry at you. Angry at myself. Angry at so many people. But.'

'But, what?'

'I am no longer. I request only one thing. Please don't be angry at me. You are not just one man one man. I have always seen you as two two. You are my beloved, and you are also my witness.'

'Witness?'

'Now I can leave.'

'Where?'

'When I am gone, you must not mourn me.'

It was then he shared with me the plan plan. Standing by the creva.s.se he shared the details in strict confidence. I begged him not to carry it out. I am not going to be a party to this, I said. Listen to me, he said. If your father were alive, he would have done exactly what I am going to do. Exact same action. Listen to me, you Sikh. I was your teacher. When a teacher opens his mouth the student listens. When a teacher asks for dakshina the student must provide the fees. Do you know the Mahabharata? he asked. It is very long, I said. What do you mean long long? You kids don't read it these days, but let me tell you in the Mahabharata most people believe that the main story is brothers fighting brothers over the kingdom. Nothing can be further from the truth. The real story is that of the black boy. The low-caste boy. The boy was born a talented archer and he approached the Brahmin teacher to advance his skill. The Brahmin used to teach archery to the king's sons. He said no to the black boy. So, the boy returned to the jungle, he made a clay figure of the Brahmin, and in the presence of the clay figure and a solitary tree the boy taught himself archery, he became more skilled than the king's sons, as a result they grew jealous and their teacher grew worried, so the Brahmin approached the black boy and demanded his fee. The boy was pleased, the teacher teacher had accepted him finally as his student, he was willing to give anything the guru asked for. One is supposed to offer one's life if the teacher asks for it. The Brahmin did not ask the boy his life, all he wanted was the boy's right thumb. That very instant the had accepted him finally as his student, he was willing to give anything the guru asked for. One is supposed to offer one's life if the teacher asks for it. The Brahmin did not ask the boy his life, all he wanted was the boy's right thumb. That very instant the student student took a sharp knife and cut off his right thumb (which was as black as his face) and offered it to his teacher. He became a cripple, he was never able to practice archery again. Understand? I am not asking you, Kirpal, to offer me your thumb or the fingers of your hand, all I need you to do is this one thing. Be my witness. took a sharp knife and cut off his right thumb (which was as black as his face) and offered it to his teacher. He became a cripple, he was never able to practice archery again. Understand? I am not asking you, Kirpal, to offer me your thumb or the fingers of your hand, all I need you to do is this one thing. Be my witness.

I could not return Chef Kishen's gaze, which penetrated through me. Life is so precious, I said. I know, he said. Will any harm come to General Sahib? I asked him again. No, he a.s.sured me, no harm, not a single hair that belongs to him will be harmed.

By the end of the day Chef was gone gone.

Khatam.

Finished.

20.

Everything is ready. The inspection of two battalions on the glacier is done. The snow-scooter ride is over. There was a fog on Siachen the previous night, I heard. Now the fog has gone, the peaks are visible, K2 is visible, the sun is bright, so bright it brings black dots in front of eyes. The sky is cobalt blue.

The General and the Defense Minister have started eating lunch. The two men are in the Officers' tent. The colonel sends a boy to the kitchen. The Defense Minister would like to have a word with the cook. I look at Chef Kishen. He has done the cooking with his own hands. I look at his four a.s.sistants, then at Chef again. He surveys me with piercing eyes. I notice the determination in them, and that is why I decide to go ahead with the plan plan.

I go bundled to the Officers' tent. There is sushi in front of them. I overhear the General explaining to the Minister the art of growing bonsai trees. I overhear the Minister's question on 'tent windows'. Gen Sahib's response: 'The Swiss have developed new technology, sir. As I mentioned before, from here we are able to see the men outside, but they can't see us . . . Yes, yes, Kip, come in.' I salute. 'Shahbash, Kip! Good food!' I tell Sahib that Chef Kishen did all the cooking. If anyone deserves praise it is him. Not me. Briefly I survey the sushi on the table, and my mouth waters. Cuttlefish. Hamaguri. Sashimi-Salmon Rose. The General asks me to bring along Kishen.

I return to fetch him.

They are ready.

Chef Kishen's four a.s.sistants salute him. They call him Commander Commander. The Commander is in full military dress. His shoes are impeccably polished.

It is minus 49 outside. Useless tears in my eyes.

On the way Commander Kishen stops by the Soldiers' tent, and stands before the red letter-box. From his pocket he pulls out two letters, one addressed to his children, and the other to his wife. He laughs a bit. Like a good man who is forced by circ.u.mstances to commit evil in a Bombay film.

They march to the Officers' tent. I go with them.

Savdhan.

Vishram.

They march over the crunching snow, faces hidden, ap.r.o.ns whipping.

Left. Right. Left. Right.

Dayan. Bayan. Dayan. Bayan.

White plumes come out of our mouths.

We stop outside the Swiss tent.

I enter. The Commander and his a.s.sistants wait outside. Then: 'Sir, Chef Kishen here,' he says. 'Permission to enter?'

'Permission granted,' says the General.

'Sir, my junior staff members are with me. Permission to enter?'

'Permission granted,' says the General.

'Kya naam hai terah?' asks the Defense Minister.

'Chef Kishen, sir.'

'Oh the emba.s.sy-wallahs gave him this name. Kishen was trained there. The chap knows cooking very well, sir.' The General turned to the Defense Minister.

'Good food,' says the Minister. 'Shabash.'

'Thank you, sir.'

'Were you trained at the j.a.panese Emba.s.sy?'

'Years ago, sir.'

'I must say this is one of the finest sushis I have ever had. The fish melted in my mouth right away.'

'Thank you, sir.'

'Kishen, what food do you think is best for this glacier area?'

'Sashimi, for officers, sir.'

'Certainly.'

'To make sashimi, sir, the cut is important. It is the cut, sir, that is most important. Knives are very important.'

'You chaps know it all.'

'Permission to display the knives, sir?'

'Permission granted.'

The table is bright. Strong light filters through the tent window. The Commander's a.s.sistants place the knives one by one on the square of light. The two sahibs examine the shiny knives.

When the knives are returned, the Commander gives a quick nod to his a.s.sistants. They rush towards the General and the Minister and tie them with ropes to the post and seal their lips with a tape. They do exactly the same thing to me. Everything is going according to the plan plan. I am to behave as if I am not with them.

The colonel (standing guard) outside senses something fishy inside the tent. He tries to enter, but is rebuffed. He tries again. 'You a.s.shole. If something happens to the General . . .' One of the Commander's four a.s.sistants says loudly that no harm would come to the General and the Minister and Chef Kirpal. We have three demands, he tells the colonel. Demand one: Gather the two battalions of troops outside the General's tent. Demand two: Commander Kishen will address the troops, and the troops must listen to him in complete silence. Demand three: the media and press must be allowed to witness the address.

The colonel is a rational man. He agrees to the demands.

He sounds the emergency bugles. He a.s.sembles the entire two battalions below the General's tent in twelve minutes. From inside the tent we can hear the sound of boots. .h.i.tting snow and ice. I see a five-three-five troop formation.

Half an hour pa.s.ses by. Still no sign of media.

'Colonel, you a.s.shole . . . don't play games with us.'

'Media is on its way,' he says fast. 'I have radioed them thrice.'

The Commander steps out. One a.s.sistant follows behind him. Inside we hear the metallic click of a rifle's safety being released. But there is no fire. Three a.s.sistants keep an eye on three hostages inside the tent.

Soon a helicopter is hovering in the air. It lands. The flaps of the tent flutter. We hear the rotors come to a stop. TV and paper reporters and photographers have arrived. Sitting so close to me the General and the Minister look like two little rats. I try to free myself. My ropes are not as tight as theirs. Freeing myself is not part of the plan. I feel for once like changing the foolish plan.

Outside, Commander Kishen begins his address. The wind is howling like mad. He begins softly but soon raises his voice. The wind. He begins by thanking all the men who had died defending our country.

Thank you, soldiers of 8th Battalion, 7 Mountain Regiment; and 23rd Battalion, 15 Corps, says the Commander. The army is the soul of our country, he says. But that old tradition of camaraderie and humanity has died out in our regiments. We have officers who have opened big hotels and malls in Delhi and Gurgaon. We have officers who make money out of selling rations, make money out of recruitment. We have men who are involved in coffin scams. More dead Indians at the front means more profits for officers and their friends in Delhi. The question I ask today is: Are we dying for nothing? Did so many of our fellows die for nothing? One big nothing? We feed the army, we work hard, and those at the very top have failed us. I would like you to protest this. I would like you to think hard. Ask what are we doing on this glacier, on these Icefields? Ask why do we want to melt away this glacier? The kerosene and other poisons we discard on the glacier end up flowing in our holy rivers. For a long time we Indians have believed that the G.o.ds live up in the mountains. Why are we now wrecking the home of our G.o.ds? Why do we need Kashmir? Ask. Does Kashmir need us? We s.h.i.t on the glacier, and the s.h.i.t freezes and we have to break it with the rifles. And I say the same thing to the b.a.s.t.a.r.ds on the other side. What are they dying for, the Pakistanis? This ice is no place for human beings. It has wasted the lives of our finest soldiers. We s.h.i.t on . . .

He is trying very hard to explain himself, something that he has been processing for a while. But the soldiers of the two a.s.sembled battalions are not very responsive. Soon more cheetah helicopters start hovering over the glacier. The soldiers boo and whistle and create a racket, and the Cheetah helicopters create a racket, blowing snow in their eyes and creating deafening noise. Minus 55.

The soldiers are unable to hear him properly. Two more helicopters appear. They shake the whole b.l.o.o.d.y glacier.

I am trying to free myself. The rope is coming loose.

The Commander's address has not gone down well. He and his a.s.sistant enter the tent. In the corner there is a jerrycan of kerosene. I try to shout. Words don't come out. The Commander douses himself with kerosene. The other a.s.sistants do the same. Don't do it, I try to beg them, convulsing in my chair. The Commander strikes a match and sets himself and the a.s.sistants on fire. b.l.o.o.d.y b.a.s.t.a.r.ds, I realize: they have changed the plan plan; they were going to untie our ropes and hand themselves in. Fire was not part of the plan. I struggle. I scream. My hands break free. The flames are spreading. I leap towards the captives and untie their ropes. The General runs with the Defense Minister out of the tent. What have you done, Chef? I scream. The storm troopers start shooting. The General shouts: Do not shoot! The troopers enter the tent, followed by the colonel, who tries to drag me out. I resist. The plates fall down. He overpowers me. The last thing I hear is loud barking of a dog.

There is a helicopter waiting. Rotors running. The colonel rushes the General and the Minister and me to the Cheetah helicopter.

From the air we see flames and smoke and troops scattering. The wind is so severe it separates the tent into two. From the air we see two little oranges, one on the Indian side and the other rolling towards the Pakistani side of the glacier.

The smell of burning skin never really leaves you, I say to myself on this train.

21.

Is it possible to cook well when one is completely sad? Or when one is completely happy? I ask myself. In our country where half of the children are malnourished, and cannot even read and write, is it all right for some people to eat well? I close my eyes trying to answer, but all I see are the shadows. The shadow of Chef Kishen in the kitchen, and the shadow of General Sahib on the carpets, and the soldiers on the glacier. My eyes ache when I think about the glacier. The sun is out. The sky is cobalt blue. Blue is too bright for me.

My head is aching. My brain is. Am I already dead?

India keeps pa.s.sing by.

Outside, the land is impoverished, not planted. No river, only a polluted stream. The land is parched and yellow and flat with an occasional rise, then flat again. Flatness is terrifying. An occasional animal flashes by. A defecating man or woman flash by. The town of Pathankot pa.s.ses by. Troops and tanks go by. Now the foothills are visible. Distant mountains, the Pir Panjals, are visible. Now we are far away from the Delhis and Bombays. Far away from the maximum cities, far away from a million people and their miseries, and a hazaar million melancholies. Kashmir is close by. I can smell it. Akhni. Yakhni. The mehek mehek of saffron. The beauty. The sadness of mountains. The disquiet of plane trees. The acc.u.mulation of snow. Large flakes and powder fallen on cobbled streets. In winter all streets look alike, all houses alike. Snow is whirling in the air. Smoke rises from the braziers. Embers in wicker kangris. Beauty, I am coming. I am on my way. I have not forgotten your fragile pastries. The ridges on your leavened bread. Half-eaten pomegranate in General Sahib's fridge. Cherries so big they redden Rubiya's hands, Irem's fingers. Kashmir, you are of saffron. The beauty. The sadness of mountains. The disquiet of plane trees. The acc.u.mulation of snow. Large flakes and powder fallen on cobbled streets. In winter all streets look alike, all houses alike. Snow is whirling in the air. Smoke rises from the braziers. Embers in wicker kangris. Beauty, I am coming. I am on my way. I have not forgotten your fragile pastries. The ridges on your leavened bread. Half-eaten pomegranate in General Sahib's fridge. Cherries so big they redden Rubiya's hands, Irem's fingers. Kashmir, you are real real. You are my half-chilled soup, minced cilantro, my zaman pilaf. Bittersweat chukunder. Rista. Aab gosht. Gurde Kapore. Kidney and t.e.s.t.i.c.l.e curry. Kaleji. Sheermal. Lavasa. Tsot. Maythi paratha. Kabuli chana. Nargissi kebab. Tamatar muli. You are a sudden red mirchi. You give me pleasure and pain, both at once. You are my dream, my desire. My North, my Brain. My pounding headache. You are my weed, my cancer. My egg yolk.

You are colder than death, colder than love.

Kaschemir. Cashmere. Qashmir. Cachemire.

Cushmeer. Casmir. Kerseymere. Koshmar.

I can smell you. Paradise.

Ice.

Paradice.

I can't see a thing.

Did I dream a glacier?

Am I dead?